Don't lknow what to do about my husbands family....vent long!

[FlightlessDuck]

Again, these aren't my siblings.....and we will be going to the weddings.

I'm confused. Didn't you say in the OP you weren't going to the weddings?

Or do you just mean you aren't going to be in the actual wedding parties?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

OK, now I get it. Having never been in a wedding party, I wasn't aware you have to pay for your own dress or tux.

I think your family is being a little hard on you, and that you are entitled to a vacation by yourself.

But at the same time I'm not sure it's fair of you to call the 2nd sister selfish to have a wedding in the same calendar year as the other sister.

 

[imthatgirl]

I'm confused. Didn't you say in the OP you weren't going to the weddings?

Or do you just mean you aren't going to be in the actual wedding parties?

We won't be IN the wedding party.

 

[frkymcky]

I agree with your decision, if you can't be in both then don't be in any. On my BFF's wedding for just me I spent $1700, well worth it, we are practically sisters. It's alot of money and to take on that expense twice in one year, with kids too much. If they don't understand, oh well. You are going to the wedding. Depending on the type of service, maybe you could offer to do a reading at the service or help with favors or centerpieces. (Not paying for them, but help assemblying if necessary).

Gotta love family drama....everyone is always in someone else's business.

 

[imthatgirl]

I think you are 100 % right in your decision and you and your immediate family DH, you, & children have the right to go anwhere you want...just because others were taken with you, or joined you, in the past it shouldn't be a "given"....just one more thing regarding your avatar and my avatar/user ID......what's your kid doing with MY mouse !! ??

ha ha...sorry he's MY Mouse!!

that is actually my favorite picture. This was the very first character my son ever saw....he was sold!

 

[imthatgirl]

OK, now I get it. Having never been in a wedding party, I wasn't aware you have to pay for your own dress or tux.

I think your family is being a little hard on you, and that you are entitled to a vacation by yourself.

But at the same time I'm not sure it's fair of you to call the 2nd sister selfish to have a wedding in the same calendar year as the other sister.

The only reason she is having her wedding the same year is because..and her words..."my little sister should not be married before me". Well the younger one is still getting married first.
And I do think she didn't think about other people. the expense to her parents, the people in the weddings(we weren't the only siblings asked to be in both)....she really didn't think about any of that. She just didn't want to be married in a later year then her younger sister.

 

[2shortpeopleruleme]

Go, have a great time and don't think about anything but your family while you are there. They are big people and will get over it. They have no vote on how you spend your money.

Have a great trip!!

 

[Luvchefmic]

ha ha...sorry he's MY Mouse!!

that is actually my favorite picture. This was the very first character my son ever saw....he was sold!

Okay fair enough you can "borrow" him ...we are a loving group of people here in the Dis board family

 

[anabelle]

It is funny. But this whole thread got me thinking just how ridiculous weddings have become. You mentioned paying to get your hair and makeup done. In my day if you wanted your girls to have up-dos you paid for it, not the bridesmaids. I understand paying for a dress or renting a tux, but some of the other stuff is out of control.

 

[imthatgirl]

It is funny. But this whole thread got me thinking just how ridiculous weddings have become. You mentioned paying to get your hair and makeup done. In my day if you wanted your girls to have up-dos you paid for it, not the bridesmaids. I understand paying for a dress or renting a tux, but some of the other stuff is out of control.

I paid for all my bridesmaids hair, makeup and jewelry. they did buy their own dresses but I chose an $80 dress. This was considered their gift to me.
but I'm older. I'm 36 and got married 12 years ago. Everything is so grand today.

I think thats another issue. I'm 36years old. I'm beyond the days when playing dress up as a bridesmaid was fun. Now it's work....and money.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I have read all of your posts and I agree with you 100% Doing what is right for you and your family. I would much rather spend money on my vacation instead of being in someone's wedding. I think you have handled it well, go and enjoy your vacation.

 

[imthatgirl]

I have read all of your posts and I agree with you 100% Doing what is right for you and your family. I would much rather spend money on my vacation instead of being in someone's wedding. I think you have handled it well, go and enjoy your vacation.

 

[persimmondeb]

I'm in the wedding industry, and every day I deal with bridesmaids who either didn't realize the expenses involved with being in a wedding, or didn't want to disappoint the bride even though they weren't comfortable with the expense. And that's the ones who love the bride and want to make her happy. We're not even going to discuss the people who feel dragged into the whole enterprise.

No bride should ever feel insulted if someone doesn't want to be in her wedding. It's a major commitment of time, effort, and money. It's reasonable for people not to feel up to it, especially if there are children to outfit as well. Not to mention the potential chaos caused by someone who can't easily fulfill his/her role in the wedding.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Can maybe your husband be in one sister's wedding and your child in the other. That way one of your family member participates in each wedding but brings the costs down substantially and keeps family peace.

 

[badblackpug]

I agree that no one has the right to tell you what to do with your money or time, and that you should go on your vacation with your family and enjoy it. That being said, I can understand the others reactions. As for the baby sis...well she is a child and she is disappointed that she can't go. I'm not saying you should take her, I'm just saying I see where she is coming from. She feels left out because you took her in the past.

I can see the sisters point of view. Your reasoning for not being in their wedding is that you didn't have the money to do it, but then booked a trip that probably cost the same amount as participating in their weddings would. They may feel that you just used the money as an excuse and really didn't want to be in the wedding for another reason, or they feel that their wedding is more important than your vacation. (and to them it is)

I'm not saying any of these things are right or wrong, they are just feelings. Maybe you can be in the weddings but in a smaller way. Just your husband or just the kids?

 

[PiperPizzaz]

You have taken her before. She will get over it. Please don't feel guilty or feel like you have to explain yourself. It is very healthy to be able to go on vacation without the extended family.
GL!

 

[imthatgirl]

I agree that no one has the right to tell you what to do with your money or time, and that you should go on your vacation with your family and enjoy it. That being said, I can understand the others reactions. As for the baby sis...well she is a child and she is disappointed that she can't go. I'm not saying you should take her, I'm just saying I see where she is coming from. She feels left out because you took her in the past.

I can see the sisters point of view. Your reasoning for not being in their wedding is that you didn't have the money to do it, but then booked a trip that probably cost the same amount as participating in their weddings would. They may feel that you just used the money as an excuse and really didn't want to be in the wedding for another reason, or they feel that their wedding is more important than your vacation. (and to them it is)

I'm not saying any of these things are right or wrong, they are just feelings. Maybe you can be in the weddings but in a smaller way. Just your husband or just the kids?

I just wanted to clear something up...our reasoning was not that we didn't "have" the money it was that we didn't want to "spend" that much money. Semantics....but not quite.

 

[badblackpug]

I just wanted to clear something up...our reasoning was not that we didn't "have" the money it was that we didn't want to "spend" that much money. Semantics....but not quite.

You know, it may be semantics, but it is a totally different animal. If you told them you didn't want to spend that kind of money on the wedding, then to me, you are in the clear. You made it clear that this is not HOW you choose to spend your money, because, after all, it is your money. I also understand the refusing both weddings, because that would have started the "Well you spent the money on Susie!" thing. Just as an aside...do they know you just booked the trip? Could you say you had it paid for, and it wasn't refundable, so that is why you couldn't afford both weddings, and that you backed out of the initial wedding so as not to show favorites? Not exactly truthful, but may smooth some feathers!

 

[imthatgirl]

You know, it may be semantics, but it is a totally different animal. If you told them you didn't want to spend that kind of money on the wedding, then to me, you are in the clear. You made it clear that this is not HOW you choose to spend your money, because, after all, it is your money. I also understand the refusing both weddings, because that would have started the "Well you spent the money on Susie!" thing. Just as an aside...do they know you just booked the trip? Could you say you had it paid for, and it wasn't refundable, so that is why you couldn't afford both weddings, and that you backed out of the initial wedding so as not to show favorites? Not exactly truthful, but may smooth some feathers!

Yeah they know it was recently booked. All of our vacations are spontaneous because of my husbands line of work. We always know we will go....but never know quite when.

It's just something they will have to get over.

 

[Daisy'sMama]

I am a little in awe that it could cost $2500 just for your family to be "in" the wedding. I did DH & I's wedding for $1500 (not including my dress) and we paid for everything! If they want you to be "in" it, they should pay for it! Take your vaca and enjoy it!