Dealing with a spouse who isn't into Disney....

[Sundowner2]

This was us, too, after our first trip, because crowds make my husband upset. For various reasons. So, I got the MASSIVE Unofficial Guide to WDW book, and would randomly be like, WOW! I think you would love this!! And woah!! Did you know this place has this to eat? That sounds soo good. A year later, we booked out next one. it DOES help he loves Star Wars. But, also, I think once he's there, seeing your kiddo happy and having a blast will make him enjoy himself more too.

The biggest thing I think I would suggest though, is have a plan. DO a touring plan from Touring Plans app, because not havnig to wait in line, and doing all of the leg work in advance for him, keeps the grumpies at bay!!

 

[Amanda999]

My DH has never been to Disney but we have a trip for August. I've been planning it since last August and he totally doesn't understand my enthusiasm. .... This actually relieved his stress a good bit (he gets stressed out easily in crowds). I also figured out that Raglan Road in Disney Springs sells his favorite Irish beer (Kilkenny) that is almost impossible to find. I plan on taking him there and surprising him with it on our first night to try to set a positive tone on the trip....

Your DH sounds alot like mine. FWIW - which is probably nothing! - I would tell him about Raglan Rd in advance. I know my DH would then research the restaurant, the available beers, and perhaps blather on about it a bit. I read once that the anticipation of a vacation is a good part of it. This way my DH would be able to join in the anticipation.

ETA: I think LongLiveRafiki is a genius. I hadn't put my finger on it until I read his/her above post: when I send DH a link to something he'd be into (often an EasyWDW review of it - Josh is hilarious) and that gets him a bit positive about the trip. But usually he stays home now while I take the 2 DS to WDW.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think the best way to sell Disney to someone who "isn't into it," especially if they are an adult, is the service that Disney provides. It really is second to none in comprehensiveness, and basic stays at Disney resemble concierge service at other resorts.

My fiance isn't crazy into the characters, or rides... but he does love a good meal and a relaxing stay. Disney provides this in spades.

For my Disney reinforcement I remind DH about the magic that Disney spreads. Not necessariy the "big ticket" gifts and upgrades peopple experience, but the little things that make Disney Disney. He has an issue withteh rising costs, and his concern is legitimate IMO, however one little video of our little Nola sent to him several months after the trip, belting out Frozen songs and he is back in. "THe video is worth every penny we spent"

I also tell him about the random acts of kindness that all of our girls have experienced, thing like that. For my family, that is important, and for him, it is one reason to spend our dollars there.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

I'm definitely in an unusual situation. Seems most of the posters here (and in other similar threads I've read) have DH who don't like WDW. Well, in this case I am the DH and I love WDW. Thankfully DW really likes it too. Not sure I'd use the term "love", as given her choice she'd probably rather spend a week in the Bahamas, but she genuinely enjoys WDW for sure. I'm the one more enthused though.

As a DH myself, I'm right there with you. DW has always loved trips to WDW. She visited numerous times as a child, grew up watching Disney movies, and is passing that on to our kids. I, on the other hand, only went on 1-day trips to WDW twice as a child and was never all that crazy about Disney movies while growing up. Now that we're both "adults" (I use that term loosely) with kids I have become a huge fan of WDW, if nothing else, for our kids' sake. Who am I kidding, DW says I turn into her third child as soon as my feet touch Disney property. She says she enjoys our trips there now even more because I have taken the reigns on planning everything. We do enjoy our frequent discussions about upcoming trips and new things we would like to experience there but she has said in no uncertain terms that she just needs to know when our plane takes off and she will be ready and waiting for whatever plans I have made.

 

[kclark9830]

I feel your pain. You've probably had your fill of advice from all the great tips given already...but I'll throw in my two cents too .

We took our first Disney trip in 2011. We stayed off site, and actually only spent a few hours each day in the parks. Hubby did not enjoy it, and he didn't have any desire to go back. In 2014, I wanted to go back. But I wanted to stay onsite and spend more time in the parks and really experience MORE. He was not very happy with me but he grumpily agreed. He did not want to plan with me, or talk about it at all prior to the trip. When we got there, he was not happy and didn't even pretend to TRY to have a good time. It was really a killjoy. But, sometime around the third day of an 8 day trip he began to realize it wasn't so bad. He really liked taking the Disney transportation and not having to drive or navigate (that was one of the things he hated about staying off site the first time). He really liked not needing to carry his wallet, because all he had to do was scan a Magic Band for everything he wanted. There were a couple other things like that which were NOT necessarily Disney related, but convenience related, that he enjoyed. So, when I wanted to go back in 2016, and I reminded him of these things that he liked, he agreed to another trip but with a few stipulations (he said I kept us way too busy on our 2014 trip and he wanted more down time). In spite of my desire to GO GO GO! I scaled things back quite a bit to make him happier, and that was a very nice trip. (I also upgraded from a value to a moderate, which even though he says didn't matter to him I KNOW it did, LOL. He liked the water slide with our daughter.)

Imagine my surprise when this year it was HIS idea to book a Disney trip.

 

[kboo]

I feel your pain. You've probably had your fill of advice from all the great tips given already...but I'll throw in my two cents too .

We took our first Disney trip in 2011. We stayed off site, and actually only spent a few hours each day in the parks. Hubby did not enjoy it, and he didn't have any desire to go back. In 2014, I wanted to go back. But I wanted to stay onsite and spend more time in the parks and really experience MORE. He was not very happy with me but he grumpily agreed. He did not want to plan with me, or talk about it at all prior to the trip. When we got there, he was not happy and didn't even pretend to TRY to have a good time. It was really a killjoy. But, sometime around the third day of an 8 day trip he began to realize it wasn't so bad. He really liked taking the Disney transportation and not having to drive or navigate (that was one of the things he hated about staying off site the first time). He really liked not needing to carry his wallet, because all he had to do was scan a Magic Band for everything he wanted. There were a couple other things like that which were NOT necessarily Disney related, but convenience related, that he enjoyed. So, when I wanted to go back in 2016, and I reminded him of these things that he liked, he agreed to another trip but with a few stipulations (he said I kept us way too busy on our 2014 trip and he wanted more down time). In spite of my desire to GO GO GO! I scaled things back quite a bit to make him happier, and that was a very nice trip. (I also upgraded from a value to a moderate, which even though he says didn't matter to him I KNOW it did, LOL. He liked the water slide with our daughter.)

Imagine my surprise when this year it was HIS idea to book a Disney trip.

this has been my DH over the last few years. I think he's really enjoyed experiencing it with our kids and seeing through their eyes. So much so that in celebrating his big birthday this year, it was HIS idea to take a Disney cruise, and he's been not only on board but rather excited that we bought into DVC! On our first stay onsite, he took some time to play golf, and slept in one day after a tough night where ODD had a meltdown after it was dark and she was running away from him in the park. At the end of that trip, was vowed that we would not return for a few years, at least. We were back 9 months later, and it was such a turning point - I was in Orlando for a work conference, so he spent a few days with ODD alone going to the parks, and they had such a blast. It really created some magical memories for him, I think. I'm sure they did a lot less than I would have with my plans and FPs, but I'm also sure they didn't notice. The pictures they sent me while I sat in a windowless room 3 miles away...!

 

[Julylady]

I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about it. Tell him it bothers you when he's being a "kill joy." He may not even know he's doing it. Give him specific examples. Also, I think you most likely need to cut back on how much you talk about your upcoming trip. Sometimes we may turn people off by talking so much about it and we don't even realize we are doing it. Offer to take your son alone and let him stay home. If he says he wants to come, then let him know that he is making that decision and you expect him to do his part to make the trip fun for all of you. Never put yourself in the position of being responsible to make another adult happy at Walt Disney World. That is just a disaster waiting to happen. People choose to be happy or not. And they can choose to act happy even when they aren't feeling it. In your situation where you are doing some vacations he likes and others that you prefer, I would make it clear that you expect him make the choice to have a good time.

 

[NewmanFamily6]

Add my DH in the not remotely enthused club. The last few trips he only really joined us for meals. Otherwise, he golfed or stayed at the hotel. Oh well his loss because the kids and I had a lot of fun. He says Disney is not relaxing and he is not a fan of all the extra planning/rushing to get to fast passes. I have offered to go without him but he hates that idea more saying it is a family a trip. So I am darned if I do and darned if I don't. I just let him do whatever it is that he feels like doing and we go on about our day.

 

[my2lovedisney]

I have absolutely zero advice b/c I am in the same exact boat as you! I am happy to hear though, that I am not alone with a grumpy non Disney loving Hubby. I have 3 problems. 1. My husband doesn't realize the importance or value in family vacations. As a child he didn't have them b/c his family is poor and could never afford it. 2. He's an accountant. So everything he looks at is with a number. DRIVES ME NUTS. 3. When we took our first trip to Disney in September 2011 we were absolutely spoiled by how low the crowds were. We walked on and off every single ride over and over.

So, with that being said, fast forward to 2015 and 3 trips under our belt..we take a week in September and the crowd levels are insane. I think GA schools were on fall break, there was other things happening, like Food and Wine, the MNSSHP, etc. Lines for rides were insane. The ToT was 105 minutes every single day of our trip. So, this in turn suddenly made my husband hate Disney. You know, apparently he's the only one that can visit it when he's there. However, for me and my kids, 2015 was our best trip to date. We still got to ride what we wanted (fast passes) just not over and over. And, because it was so crowded it sort of forced us to take mid day breaks. So, the kids were able to enjoy the pool at the hotel!

Much to my husband's dismay, we are headed back to The World the last week of August. I told him, he can stay home if he doesn't want to go. I'm not going to miss making awesome memories with my kids because he doesn't want to.

 

[andera42]

My husband isn't into planning the trip, so I plan it all and then he just goes along with the itinerary. He knows how much it means to me and I try to plan some things with him in mind. Overall, we have had great trips and memories at DW.

 

[mnamna]

DF was totally not into Disney vacations until we went in 2015. It was his first trip to WDW, though he had been to DL many years ago. While it isn't his absolute favorite place like it is mine, (he's a beach vacation lover), he is now much happier to go and gets much more excited. Our last trip I pretty much focused on things I knew or thought he would enjoy though. This trip, we are taking DSD (16), and making it more inclusive of everyone's preferences, as well as doing some character dining for autograph collection.

Our "deal" is like yours: for every Disney vacation, we also do a beach vacation. Last spring it was Riviera Maya. Next year we plan to elope at Disney, and then honeymoon in Jamaica after a few days at Disney. DF does look up things independently now when we go to Disney though, and looks forward to it/gets excited about it. Maybe discuss with him that his attitude toward it diminishes your excitement and your DS's excitement, and remind him of things he really enjoyed last trip?

 

[arminnie]

My DH is not all that into Disney. He doesn't hate it, but he'd probably never go back if it was just up to him. But he wants me to be able to things that I enjoy. We usually go a couple of times a year (we're retired). He likes to go to Epcot for special events like Flower and Garden.

Lots of days I go to a park and then meet him for dinner later. We usually stay at a DVC 1 BR so he's not stuck in a single room all day. He has the car so he's not stuck anyway. We often plan a side trip like to visit a friend in Palm Beach.

I like baseball, but probably would not go to the SEC baseball conference every year like my husband likes to do. Some days I don't go to all the games in a single day. But I want him to do things that he likes to do so we go most years. If he wanted to go with his brother and not take me I'd be just fine with that too.

I'd like to think that both spouses put in effort to allow their spouse to do the things that they enjoy.

 

[bladiator]

I'm definitely in an unusual situation. Seems most of the posters here (and in other similar threads I've read) have DH who don't like WDW. Well, in this case I am the DH and I love WDW. Thankfully DW really likes it too. Not sure I'd use the term "love", as given her choice she'd probably rather spend a week in the Bahamas, but she genuinely enjoys WDW for sure. I'm the one more enthused though.

You're not alone! I'm the crazy Disney DH in our family and my wife is the "it's good but why do we only vacation there" DW.

 

[Lupeix]

DH declares he "hates Disney" to everyone that asks. This is probably because our first trip as a family (which he was mildly exited about) was less than stellar. We were going to visit family in Orlando, and decided to do some days in the parks with our then 2.5 yo. It was sort of last minute, we didn't plan much. DH hates heat and crowds. We went over the 4th of July weekend......
The next trip was better, mostly because I decided to leave DH at the resort most of the time. He joined a couple of times and some meals. He admitted last week that even though he tells everyone he hates Disney he did have a good time. DH likes eating at nice restaurants, working out and hanging out by the pool on vacation.
This is how it works for us: We save and splurge for a nice hotel. We do midday breaks as well as full-day breaks. We all need the midday breaks anyway. DH never goes in the morning, we all spend time by the pool together (or nap) and he joins us for a couple of hours in the evening. Just enough to ride a couple of things with the kids (with fastpass and no wait), maybe do a character meal and make some nice memories.
I am planning next year's trip and we are staying on the monorail loop to make going to the parks by myself with the kids easier.

 

[Disneymom8181]

My husband likes but doesn't love Disney. What works for us is him joining us for the last 2-3 days of a week long trip. I bring either my mother or my mother in law to help with the kids in the beginning. Everyone wins. Grandmas get Disney time with the kids. I get a week at Disney. We get family time as well...and no crabbiness.

 

[monorailsilver]

My DH is not a Disney fan but he goes to please me, after all, happy wife, happy life!

The first time he went we were dating and he met me and my cousin for 2 nights as he was in northern FL for work. Then I begged and he and I went, I paid the bill as he cringed at the cost...plus I had money and he did not. The next time I feel like we got engaged there. I convinced him to stay at the Poly, I mean I was paying that expensive nightly rate of $200ish/night!

We went the following year, 3 months before we got married so I could see our 'wedding brick'.

Then we have gone with kids but not yearly. It was every 3 years but now it's every 5. Which I hate but also don't mind. We have been able to increase from an 8 day trip with 5 park days, 2 travel days and 1 non park day to a 10 day with 5 park days and 5 non park (one water park). Next year will be 11 days.

Sorry got OT. As much as my DH hates Disney, it's really for the cost of things, he goes. He has certain meals he likes, certain rides he has to go on too. So as much as he hates it he has a few things that are a must do.

 

[NinaBella]

We have been to Disney many many times... if you ask my kids their favorite vacation, they would not answer Disney. There are so many other family vacation options out there that I recommend switching it up. You son may love Disney but if your DH isn't into it, I don't think you can talk him into it. Why force it on him? Maybe do a mom and son trip to Disney? Or take your friend or relative who has a son the same age as your son? I have taken my kids alone. This summer my husband and son are going on a father and son trip to Texas (San Antonio and Austin) for a convention my son wants to attend while I take my daughter to her favorite summer camp.

 

[halfpintpeggy]

You stated that your husband enjoys outdoorsy type vacations, right? Why not stay in a cabin at Ft. Wilderness, lots of outdoorsy things to do there!

 

[disneylovinmom3]

My husband is the same way. He loves taking us and watching us but for him it's a been there done that. So what we did was talk about what a vacation means to him and what it means to me, for him it's sitting somewhere and doing nothing except relaxing and for me it means go, go, go. We finally decided we'll do rope drop and have a touring plan then do lunch around 11:00. After we are done with lunch he will take our two youngest(DD-4 and DD-) back to the hotel for naps, during which time he can sleep, read, watch TV and just do nothing. While he's doing that me and my DS who is the same way as me will stay in the parks and go shopping or do things that my DH would hate.

 

[kniquy]

Unfortunately you can not change anyone nor change there perception of things. I guess i would see what his interests are -- does he enjoy golfing -- maybe send him off to the golf course while you and son hit the park. Does he enjoy movies -- fit in time to go to Disney springs to catch a movie. I don't know him but some people are too selfish to give to others (that being you and your son). If he is really a buzz kill then give him the option to stay home and take another family member or just a mom/son trip. This way he can not feel as though he is being forced into going. I would try to accommodate some of his interests or likes (maybe certain type of restaurants) but certainly this trip is more for your son than it is about your husband. Once you have kids then the world is no longer about you -- maybe he hasn't figured that out yet. Do i really enjoy sitting at a 2 hour middle school band concert -- not my choice of things to do, but i am happy to be there to support my boys and share in their excitement.

My ex did not enjoy traveling because he did so much traveling for work, so i felt very resentful that if we were planning a trip it was only me planning the trip and he was just along for the ride, but he was more interested in being home working on projects -- so needless to say just one of the reasons he is an ex now.

Just remind him that relationships are give and take and parenthood is pretty much all give and very little take. You son will only be small for a little while, so for now he should try and share in your son's excitement of going to disney.