Crazy Mother in Laws

[Turn the Page]

We were all at the hospital when my oldest niece was born. There we are, all in the recovery room, my mom is holding my niece and crying and she grabs my SILs hand and says "thank you for having her!!" I do not recall if she said "thank you for having her for me" or just "thank you for having her" but I remember thinking yikes, that's a little crazy sounding.

 

[Liberty Belle]

DS was on ADD meds and we lived out of state from family. On visit to MIL/FIL's for holiday I'd put DS's meds near his breakfast drink and tell him to take his meds. Later I went to throw something in trash and there were his meds. I asked DS why his meds were in the trash and he told me 'grandma threw them away because she said that I don't need them'. There is other stuff but I've let go and don't let it bother me. My own mother isn't perfect and I can still love her unconditionally and I think after all this time I feel the same way towards MIL. One day they won't be here anymore and I will miss when they were a pain in the butt.

Wow. I think that would be the last time I saw her for a very long time.

 

[luvsJack]

It can signal neurological problems. The point is she had no idea what is normal developmentally and what isn't.

Oh, not saying you don't have a point, just that a lot of kids do walk on their toes. Sometimes there is a huge gap in "kid" knowledge between generations. I have been shocked at things that older mothers/grandmothers have thought was normal or ok that really isn't. But then there are things that really were ok that younger mothers worry about.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

I am a mother of 2 sons and none are married but my oldest is 21 and dating a girl I think he will eventually marry. I don't get her or "love" her and I don't see myself ever treating her like a daughter. She is nice but in my opinion I could see him doing better. I know that sounds harsh. Reading it over makes me sound horrible but it's how I feel. I am sure she will respond to a thread one day titled, "Why my MIL doesn't think I am awesome?". I do know that if he chooses to marry her, I will have to suck up my feelings if I ever want to be close to any grandchildren :-(

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

 

[wilkeliza]

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

I am a mother of 2 sons and none are married but my oldest is 21 and dating a girl I think he will eventually marry. I don't get her or "love" her and I don't see myself ever treating her like a daughter. She is nice but in my opinion I could see him doing better. I know that sounds harsh. Reading it over makes me sound horrible but it's how I feel. I am sure she will respond to a thread one day titled, "Why my MIL doesn't think I am awesome?". I do know that if he chooses to marry her, I will have to suck up my feelings if I ever want to be close to any grandchildren :-(

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

I think that is a lot of problems people have with their in laws. What makes you think "He could have done better?". Love doesn't usually look at things like jobs etc. As long as they aren't drug addicts or convicts what is "better" as long as the relationship is genuine.

 

[Turn the Page]

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

I am a mother of 2 sons and none are married but my oldest is 21 and dating a girl I think he will eventually marry. I don't get her or "love" her and I don't see myself ever treating her like a daughter. She is nice but in my opinion I could see him doing better. I know that sounds harsh. Reading it over makes me sound horrible but it's how I feel. I am sure she will respond to a thread one day titled, "Why my MIL doesn't think I am awesome?". I do know that if he chooses to marry her, I will have to suck up my feelings if I ever want to be close to any grandchildren :-(

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

I'm not criticizing or anything, the bolded line just made me think of something funny. I am still facebook friends with an ex boyfriends mother. A few months ago I saw the two of them chatting and it basically boiled down to him saying at this point he didn't ever think he would get married and she said that was ok because no one would ever be good enough for her boy. I just started laughing my butt off because her perfect boy is 30 years old, got fired from the only good job he has ever had for sexual harassment, hasn't had a drivers licence in about 7 years due to a DUI and that he refuses to pay the fines because he is too busy blowing all his money at the casino, nearly got evicted from his apartment for not paying rent again because he spent too much time at the casino, and has gotten busted for driving without a licence 3 times since I think. I genuinely want to know who she thinks would be worthy of a man child like that.

 

[ashley0139]

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

I am a mother of 2 sons and none are married but my oldest is 21 and dating a girl I think he will eventually marry. I don't get her or "love" her and I don't see myself ever treating her like a daughter. She is nice but in my opinion I could see him doing better. I know that sounds harsh. Reading it over makes me sound horrible but it's how I feel. I am sure she will respond to a thread one day titled, "Why my MIL doesn't think I am awesome?". I do know that if he chooses to marry her, I will have to suck up my feelings if I ever want to be close to any grandchildren :-(

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

Yeah, it does sound pretty horrible. Shouldn't the fact that your son loves her be enough? Your poor future-DIL.

 

[luvsJack]

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

I am a mother of 2 sons and none are married but my oldest is 21 and dating a girl I think he will eventually marry. I don't get her or "love" her and I don't see myself ever treating her like a daughter. She is nice but in my opinion I could see him doing better. I know that sounds harsh. Reading it over makes me sound horrible but it's how I feel. I am sure she will respond to a thread one day titled, "Why my MIL doesn't think I am awesome?". I do know that if he chooses to marry her, I will have to suck up my feelings if I ever want to be close to any grandchildren :-(

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

We probably all are!! LOL.

It was hard when ds was married to his ex. It wasn't that I thought he "could do better", I just didn't think what their relationship was a good one. It was a lot of things and it wasn't just her but the longer they stayed married, the crazier she got. She was terribly jealous of dd (16 years younger than ds). DS had a dog so she had to get a dog, fine their decision. My mom had taken care of ds's dog when he was offshore for a couple of years so she was attached to him. X-dil was JEALOUS of the attention Mom paid that dog over her dog!!

Through it all, I knew we had to accept her and treat her like any other member of the family or risk losing our relationship with ds. My only advise to you, is to remember your son loves this girl and if she is "the one" for him, you need to try to make her feel welcome in to your family. Make sure you are always considering his feelings in this and if he loves her then he will want her to be treated well.

 

[tzolkin]

I think that is a lot of problems people have with their in laws. What makes you think "He could have done better?". Love doesn't usually look at things like jobs etc. As long as they aren't drug addicts or convicts what is "better" as long as the relationship is genuine.

My MIL situation is kind of the opposite. She's not mad that DH "could have done better", but disturbingly upset that he's not a loser.

There's really nothing she doesn't like about me in particular. (I truly believe she would feel/act the same regardless of who DH chose to be with.) Her problem is that she thought (hoped) that he would never get married, move out, go to college, have a career, etc. She's actually disappointed that he's happy and successful. We have been together for almost 17 years, so if there was ever a reason for a little initial disappointment she should have gotten over it by now. Her behavior has escalated to the point that she has not seen her grandchildren in over two years. It's all very sad.

 

[Neesy228]

There is other stuff but I've let go and don't let it bother me. My own mother isn't perfect and I can still love her unconditionally and I think after all this time I feel the same way towards MIL. One day they won't be here anymore and I will miss when they were a pain in the butt.

Just wanted to say that I love this. It's a very worthwhile way to look at the relationship.

I just lost my MIL to cancer last week. We had our ups and downs (I could tell lots of stories!) over the course of our 24 year relationship - but we ended on a high note. I'm so grateful that I adopted this viewpoint several years ago because she became one of my best friends. And now, I DO miss that she's not here to be a pain in the butt.

 

[LinderInWonderland]

Just wanted to say that I love this. It's a very worthwhile way look at the relationship.

I just lost my MIL to cancer last week. We had our ups and downs (I could tell lots of stories!) over the course of our 24 year relationship - but we ended on a high note. I'm so grateful that I adopted this viewpoint several years ago because she became one of my best friends. And now, I DO miss that she's not here to be a pain in the butt.

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope my MIL and I end on a high note as well, but even if we don't, she's still a big part of my life and I will miss her.

 

[minnie mum]

It is a hard position to be in when you don't really see what they see in the person they love...

I see you've gotten a couple of smackdowns for your post, but I kind of know what you mean. I don't have sons, ( 2 married daughters), but I have one SIL that I've never really had the warm fuzzies for.

He's a good person and obviously loves DD and adores their son. But he was raised in a family that held to the old male chauvinist standards. A woman's place is in the kitchen kind of thing. Even though she puts in more hours in her office than he does. But she's slowly getting him to share the household duties. I know I will never love this man like a son, but I've tried very hard to accept him as one of the family and to respect that he is the person DD has chosen to spend her life with. Keeping my opinions to myself and being as welcoming and friendly as I can is the least I can do to maintain harmony in the family. But it wasn't easy at first.

My own MIL set the tone for our future relationship within moments of our meeting. DH and I met and eventually got engaged while both living on the other side of the country from where his parents lived. We flew out so I could meet them. And the first thing out of her mouth after DH introduced me to her? " I want you to know that I'm against this marriage. You're going to ruin him inside a year". DH immediately called her out on that, and she became much more passive aggressive afterwards. But I learned not to take it personally. She treated all of her other DILs the same way. We learned to ignore it.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Yep - I was called out and thats okay

They have been dating 2 years and in those 2 years I have welcomed her into our home and never been rude to disrespectful of her. Why do I think she is not good enough for my son? She was raised very differently than how he was and how she looks at things just makes me shake my head. To be honest, it doesn't matter why and that is because he loves her and I have accepted that he loves her and I will just suck it up since I love my son. She is a good girl but just like minnie mum says I don't get the warm fuzzies for her.

 

[lovin'fl]

Just wanted to say that I love this. It's a very worthwhile way look at the relationship.

I just lost my MIL to cancer last week. We had our ups and downs (I could tell lots of stories!) over the course of our 24 year relationship - but we ended on a high note. I'm so grateful that I adopted this viewpoint several years ago because she became one of my best friends. And now, I DO miss that she's not here to be a pain in the butt.

Hugs to you, especially over the holidays! My dad died of cancer a few years ago (on New Year's Eve) and I know that feeling of wishing he was here driving me crazy, even for just one more day.

 

[worm761]

Yep - I was called out and thats okay

They have been dating 2 years and in those 2 years I have welcomed her into our home and never been rude to disrespectful of her. Why do I think she is not good enough for my son? She was raised very differently than how he was and how she looks at things just makes me shake my head. To be honest, it doesn't matter why and that is because he loves her and I have accepted that he loves her and I will just suck it up since I love my son. She is a good girl but just like minnie mum says I don't get the warm fuzzies for her.

Honestly, it's okay to not have the warm fuzzies for her. My MIL doesn't have them for me either. But I can give her credit, she has learned. It took DH cutting her off for 6 months completely and her not seeing us for 4 years and upon that first visit the first nasty thing she had to say DH simply packed us up and we went back to our hotel. And the next day did the same thing. She learned very quickly that it wasn't ME making the decisions. I defer to him when it comes to his family. He chooses how we react/interact with them and I follow his lead. He does the same with my family.

It just isn't okay to be a crazy MIL just because you don't like your DIL.

My MIL didn't become crazy until we had DD. Then she went nuts. She demanded that we move closer to her. Sorry but the Navy isn't going to build a base in upstate NY just to please you. So she would send him notices of available jobs up there. When DD was 4 months old she informed DH (unfortunately for her over speaker phone) that when DD got older she would have to choose who she would love and I quote "me or her". One year for Christmas DH was sent a book. A children's book called "I'll Always Love You" with an inscription from her about how marrying me was betraying her and the rest of the family. I have no clue what I did to make her dislike me so much. I've honestly only seen her a few times in our 10 years together. But like I said, she's learned and getting much much better. Like to a point where I voluntarily planned a vacation with her for our families complete with extra time before the rest of the family arrives at the destination. I find it horrible that she barely has a relationship with our DD. My grandma was the person I was closest to growing up.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

My former MIL was a piece of work. If she ever gets run over by a Mack truck, I will buy the truck driver a lobster dinner with champagne.

My current MIL is crazy. We have no idea where she is living at this point, and haven't seen her in 2 years. DH is all messed up because of his upbringing, so there is no effort, on either side, to make a connection.

I, however, am an awesome MIL. I adore both my SoILs; I even send them Packers and Seahawks gear (after all, it's not their fault their mamas didn't raise them right, in the orange and blue... ) I don't get involved with their marriages; I only give baby advice when asked; and I'm available anytime to puppysit and babysit, if they want to make a trip down here and then go on vacation. Plus I live on the other side of the country, so no dropping in unannounced. (Although, DD#2's husband is military and is angling for a posting on the East Coast, so that they can be closer to us...his choice, not DD's. She loves California, and would stay there if given an option. FTR, his family is mostly on the west coast, with only 2 members here where we are, and he doesn't like those two.)

 

[ZachnElli]

Well, my mil really is crazy, bipolar, borderline personality disorder and now dementia. I have stories, boy do I have stories, but they are not funny or cute. She is the meanest person I have ever met, so I stay clear of her. My dh does his best in dealing with her, but nothing is ever enough or good enough. He unfortunately has to be the fiduciary on her bank account (they insisted she has one, she is that bad) and now she accuses him of taking her money. Trust me, he adds money, not takes money. Sigh.
I am also the mom of 2 boys and my oldest will be proposing this Christmas Eve. We love her! I think they are too young, so stressing a long engagement, but other than that she gets 2 thumbs up from me and dh! And honestly, she's a lot like me, lol. I don't say anything, but my dh definitely does!

 

[worm761]

[QUOTE="Bianca and Bernard, post: 54839784, member: 558023"
I, however, am an awesome MIL. I adore both my SoILs; I even send them Packers and Seahawks gear (after all, it's not their fault their mamas didn't raise them right, in the orange and blue... ) I don't get involved with their marriages; I only give baby advice when asked; and I'm available anytime to puppysit and babysit, if they want to make a trip down here and then go on vacation. Plus I live on the other side of the country, so no dropping in unannounced. (Although, DD#2's husband is military and is angling for a posting on the East Coast, so that they can be closer to us...his choice, not DD's. She loves California, and would stay there if given an option. FTR, his family is mostly on the west coast, with only 2 members here where we are, and he doesn't like those two.)[/QUOTE]

That's awesome. We have a friend that his best friend is his FIL. That's actually how he met his wife, through FIL. He was telling my last weekend about his MIL's master plan for them to move closer to the IL's when he retires from the Navy here in a few years. And he's all for it. He can't wait to be closer to them. And I do have to say, I've met them and they are fantastic!

 

[quandrea]

My MIL situation is kind of the opposite. She's not mad that DH "could have done better", but disturbingly upset that he's not a loser.

There's really nothing she doesn't like about me in particular. (I truly believe she would feel/act the same regardless of who DH chose to be with.) Her problem is that she thought (hoped) that he would never get married, move out, go to college, have a career, etc. She's actually disappointed that he's happy and successful. We have been together for almost 17 years, so if there was ever a reason for a little initial disappointment she should have gotten over it by now. Her behavior has escalated to the point that she has not seen her grandchildren in over two years. It's all very sad.

This is my situation but with my parents. They can't handle that I left the nest, married and became independent. They can't stand that my husband and I are happy and function independently. They prefer my brother's way. He is married but he is entirely dependent on my parents. They employ him, paid for his house, take care of his child, cook his meals, pay for his maid. The problem got so bad that they haven't seen us in a year--their choice, not mine. My other two sisters are single and that is also "allowed."

So dh has the lousy MIL, my MIL is wonderful. I hope to follow her example in the future.

 

[jevs]

One thing my MIL and I agree on is what a PIA my husband can be. Now raising my kids we sometimes bump heads over. Usually we have disagreements when she babysits them and like my husband so eloquently put it last time, "If you don't like what she does with the kids then don't ask her to babysit." Shut me right up. Sad thing is, she's one of the two people I trust enough to have my crazies overnight!

HAHAHA this reminds me of me and one of the times my parents babysat my first born (he's 12 now). My dad is addicted to icy-poles (don't know what you guys call them but frozen lemonade on a stick), he would have 3 or 4 in a row when it's really hot. So I said to mum 'make sure dad only lets DS have ONE icy-pole because they're not good for him'. I've moved WAY on from then and when the twins came along adopted the grandparents can do what they like rule

Nb. My DS didn't and doesn't have any allergy issues, it was just a new mum 'thing' lol.