Christmas gift exchange with extended family

[DoraBA]

Honestly? Anything that allows you to be together (even if via technology) and connect to each other.
Covid is a vicious disease, but the emotional toll of being apart from our loved ones is also huge. And it is wearing us down, covid burnout is huge.

Since we need to be ready to maintain social distancing, masks etc for at least another 6 months - my motto is to do anything *possible within the safety measures* to connect and maintain traditions and reasons to celebrate. Be creative, be safe, be smart - but find a way to connect.

So I would absolutely do some sort of gift exchange, do at least one family zoom call, maybe a few smaller ones. You could all do something similar at the same time and send each other photos of doing it etc. Make the extra effort to send small gifts with long letters to relatives who are less tech savvy, and call them. Make sure the kids call the grandparents daily, especially if a xmas gift is involved. Connect with neighbors to do small outdoor safe celebrations etc etc

Long answer, but the bottom line is: #2 and do not, DO NOT, give up on a gift exchange.

Happy Holidays!

 

[pxidst119]

We used the Santa’s Secret Keeper app that emailed us all our person to buy for since we couldn’t be together to pick a name out of the hat. We all live within 30-40 minutes of each other and will just drop off/pick up. So far we have been able to celebrate the little things creatively even if we can’t get together. I’m planning to decorate my sister’s lawn for her bday next week with some inexpensive lawn signs from walmart and I’ll leave her gift in her garage. Also Home improvement stores have some blank lawn signs for $5. It’s easy to skip things this year but it’s been more fun and special to get creative with how we celebrate than the traditional get togethers in some ways.

 

[#1hoosierfan]

I have a group of about 16 friends, and we do a Christmas party every year. This year we are drawing names. The girls will exchange ornaments and the guys will do white elephant gifts. We have already set the date and time for our zoom call to open them.

 

[momz]

OP here

Unfortunately, my brothers and their sons have decided that they want to skip. I have a feeling this will change our family traditions forever. My brothers are older than me. Their kids are grown. Each has 2 boys age range is 22-29. They are done with wanting to get together with cousins. Meanwhile, mine are still at home. Our tradition has been to include the kids in the name draw gift exchange until they reach 18 and graduate from high school.

Before that age, everyone gives gifts to the kids. But, my kids will not get gifts this year from aunts, uncles and cousins. I completely realize that it’s not about the gift. But it has historically been about the kids. This year, the babies are thrown out with the bath water

I have to admit, this hurts my feelings. When my nephews were young, we showered them with gifts, we were thoughtful and tried to be fun with them. I feels like my kids will not have this love shown to them.

Unfortunately, this is not the first episode of my kids being the afterthought. Or the never thought really.

My nephews have fond memories of nana and papaw taking them on vacations and coming to their ballgames. Heck, my mother was their taxi service when they were in sports because both parents worked. I never had a problem with this. Until my kids were old enough for these activities, but nana and papaw rarely came and neither has ever had a vacation with them, let alone even a sleep over.

Now, at family gatherings, while they are all reminiscing about their fun times, my kids have hear all about what they didn’t get.
now, no Christmas gifts because their cousins are grown. Hurt, angry, you name it. I know it’s wrong. But i can’t help it.

I have invested time and love into their boys. Guiding one through all kinds of troubles when he was busted selling weed and got kicked out of school. Helping another study for his emt exam over weeks and weeks, which he never even took because he “changed his mind”.

I’m done with it. I love my nephews dearly. But my kids who are on the straight and narrow, have got the shaft. Time to circle the wagons

 

[tarheelmjfan]

OP here

Unfortunately, my brothers and their sons have decided that they want to skip. I have a feeling this will change our family traditions forever. My brothers are older than me. Their kids are grown. Each has 2 boys age range is 22-29. They are done with wanting to get together with cousins. Meanwhile, mine are still at home. Our tradition has been to include the kids in the name draw gift exchange until they reach 18 and graduate from high school.

Before that age, everyone gives gifts to the kids. But, my kids will not get gifts this year from aunts, uncles and cousins. I completely realize that it’s not about the gift. But it has historically been about the kids. This year, the babies are thrown out with the bath water

I have to admit, this hurts my feelings. When my nephews were young, we showered them with gifts, we were thoughtful and tried to be fun with them. I feels like my kids will not have this love shown to them.

Unfortunately, this is not the first episode of my kids being the afterthought. Or the never thought really.

My nephews have fond memories of nana and papaw taking them on vacations and coming to their ballgames. Heck, my mother was their taxi service when they were in sports because both parents worked. I never had a problem with this. Until my kids were old enough for these activities, but nana and papaw rarely came and neither has ever had a vacation with them, let alone even a sleep over.

Now, at family gatherings, while they are all reminiscing about their fun times, my kids have hear all about what they didn’t get.
now, no Christmas gifts because their cousins are grown. Hurt, angry, you name it. I know it’s wrong. But i can’t help it.

I have invested time and love into their boys. Guiding one through all kinds of troubles when he was busted selling weed and got kicked out of school. Helping another study for his emt exam over weeks and weeks, which he never even took because he “changed his mind”.

I’m done with it. I love my nephews dearly. But my kids who are on the straight and narrow, have got the shaft. Time to circle the wagons

I'm sorry it turned out that way. I could have written much of your post myself & know how much it hurts. When you've calmed down & can speak without getting upset, I would tell your brothers & parents how hurt you are over the situation. I wouldn't mention how much you've done for your nephews. That would put your brothers on the defensive & make them feel the same way you're feeling now. Nothing good can come from that. The conversation may not change anything, but it may give them something to think about for next year.

 

[gotomu212]

OP here

Unfortunately, my brothers and their sons have decided that they want to skip. I have a feeling this will change our family traditions forever. My brothers are older than me. Their kids are grown. Each has 2 boys age range is 22-29. They are done with wanting to get together with cousins. Meanwhile, mine are still at home. Our tradition has been to include the kids in the name draw gift exchange until they reach 18 and graduate from high school.

Before that age, everyone gives gifts to the kids. But, my kids will not get gifts this year from aunts, uncles and cousins. I completely realize that it’s not about the gift. But it has historically been about the kids. This year, the babies are thrown out with the bath water

I have to admit, this hurts my feelings. When my nephews were young, we showered them with gifts, we were thoughtful and tried to be fun with them. I feels like my kids will not have this love shown to them.

Unfortunately, this is not the first episode of my kids being the afterthought. Or the never thought really.

My nephews have fond memories of nana and papaw taking them on vacations and coming to their ballgames. Heck, my mother was their taxi service when they were in sports because both parents worked. I never had a problem with this. Until my kids were old enough for these activities, but nana and papaw rarely came and neither has ever had a vacation with them, let alone even a sleep over.

Now, at family gatherings, while they are all reminiscing about their fun times, my kids have hear all about what they didn’t get.
now, no Christmas gifts because their cousins are grown. Hurt, angry, you name it. I know it’s wrong. But i can’t help it.

I have invested time and love into their boys. Guiding one through all kinds of troubles when he was busted selling weed and got kicked out of school. Helping another study for his emt exam over weeks and weeks, which he never even took because he “changed his mind”.

I’m done with it. I love my nephews dearly. But my kids who are on the straight and narrow, have got the shaft. Time to circle the wagons

As the middle child and the one that had kids last I totally get this. Some is a reality that my mom is older (and my kids never got to meet grandpa like their older cousins) and just not up for it, some of it is the excitement of “first grandkids”, and being able to do for 1 or 2 being easier than 6 or 7... still it stinks.

If nothing else I’d still do a zoom get together. Maybe keep it to an hour and have a christmas trivia game or something similar to keep it light and fun. Maybe it comes back after next year, maybe it changes a little, but I’d still feel better doing something rather than nothing.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, I'm really sorry you are feeling hurt by the decision to skip it.
This year has been pretty trying and hard for everyone, and I wouldn't hold anything against your family because they aren't into celebrating this year.
I don't know how old your kids are, but I too have the youngest in the family. I had to accept a long time ago that things are different between what the older kids experienced and what mine will. It's just how it is when there's a large age gap, and additional kids through the years.

 

[KPeterso]

Our family is still doing our family grab bag! But it will be via Zoom.

Each person picks an item to put in the grab bag and sends a picture to my cousin to put together. You can either buy it ahead or buy through Amazon post event and ship directly to the person who gets it. On 12/20, we will have a Zoom call for the family. We will each be assigned a number and pick a gift number. There will be steals and other things happening with the gifts. Once the Zoom call is over and all people have their "gifts" from the event, we are expected to get the gift sent to our person. Will be interesting to see how this goes.