At what age would you host a ....

[desamnik]

party for boys and girls? A couple of my daughters friends parents have started this trend, the kids are 11 & 12, some of the kids are "going out", there has been some kissing and a boy with his arm around a girl. The kids are in the finished basement of the kids homes, with little parental supervision, some parents are invited to stay for "a glass of wine" which seems to turn into a bit of a drinking party.

What do you think of this?

 

[shoney]

party for boys and girls? A couple of my daughters friends parents have started this trend, the kids are 11 & 12, some of the kids are "going out", there has been some kissing and a boy with his arm around a girl. The kids are in the finished basement of the kids homes, with little parental supervision, some parents are invited to stay for "a glass of wine" which seems to turn into a bit of a drinking party.

What do you think of this?

I would have no issue with it at all. These are middle school kids and that is just what they do.

Right now there are 4 of them in my basement. 2 girls and 2 boys...one in 6th, 2 in 7th and one in 8th grade. They spent the day in the pool and now they are just hanging.
Pick up time will be 8pm because they have finals tomorrow.

As for the wine, I have no issue with that either. If they parents are friends and would like to socialize, that's fine. Personally, I'd rather go home and enjoy a glass of wine while the kids are out!

 

[EMode]

party for boys and girls? A couple of my daughters friends parents have started this trend, the kids are 11 & 12, some of the kids are "going out", there has been some kissing and a boy with his arm around a girl. The kids are in the finished basement of the kids homes, with little parental supervision, some parents are invited to stay for "a glass of wine" which seems to turn into a bit of a drinking party.

What do you think of this?

I wouldn't have an issue with that. I don't see a need for full on parental supervision at that age, but just a quick peek in- does anyone need anything type thing so at least they know someone could be there any minute
I also have no problem with offering any parent who wants to stay a glass of wine, that doesn't make it a "drinking" party at all, its just some adults enjoying a glass of wine.

 

[disykat]

I would have a problem with that. If it was a mixed group I wouldn't care, as long as there WASN'T boy/girl stuff going on. I would squelch boy//girl stuff to the best of my ability at that age though.

My kids weren't allowed to date on their own until 16. Boy/Girl group stuff that was pretty well supervised started around 14. Most of the parents were pretty much on the same page in the groups my kids hung out in. None of that "they're going to do it anyway so why not let them do it at home" mentality.

Although I sometimes wanted the space, I was glad basements aren't big around here. The kids are usually well within earshot and sightlines - usually in the room off the kitchen. Eleven and twelve is just too young to be "going out"
IMO.

 

[Fortuosity]

the kids? infancy to kindergarten, and not a day over
me? when I'm 6 feet under

 

[disney4us2002]

I would have a problem with that. If it was a mixed group I wouldn't care, as long as there WASN'T boy/girl stuff going on. I would squelch boy//girl stuff to the best of my ability at that age though.

My kids weren't allowed to date on their own until 16. Boy/Girl group stuff that was pretty well supervised started around 14. Most of the parents were pretty much on the same page in the groups my kids hung out in. None of that "they're going to do it anyway so why not let them do it at home" mentality.

Although I sometimes wanted the space, I was glad basements aren't big around here. The kids are usually well within earshot and sightlines - usually in the room off the kitchen. Eleven and twelve is just too young to be "going out"
IMO.

I agree 100%. The earlier kids begin experimenting with boy-girl relationships, the earlier they are to get in over their heads. I think 11 and 12 is crazy young!!!!!!! I expect to be in the minority here however as this comes up pretty frequently so feel free to disagree.

 

[jtirishbelle]

11/12 is definitely way to young IMO. I would not be allowing my child to attend parties at that age with so little parental supervision. In fact I have one that age, and it is not happening.

 

[goofyintoronto]

11/12 is definitely way to young IMO. I would not be allowing my child to attend parties at that age with so little parental supervision. In fact I have one that age, and it is not happening.

I agree with this. Thats way too young IMO. I would definitely have an issue with this as well.

 

[rodeo65]

I'm in the no way camp also. Mine are 11 & 13 and when DD's best friend who happens to have a crush on DS comes over, they are all well supervised.

They're in a big enough stampeding hurry to try and grow up, my job is to try and hold that off long enough for them to enjoy and grow from the tween to teen years. The boyfriend / girlfriend stuff comes along soon enough.

 

[Disneylover99]

It sounds exactly like the kind of parties I attended (over 30 years ago) when I was 11 or 12.

And that's why as a parent, I would definitely have issues with this. When I think back to what some kids did at these parties.....with parents upstairs or just around the corner......

 

[sukhakuli]

I had parties like that at that age. We all just felt it was weird.

I have a child that age now, and she and her friends are not interested in boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. I wonder if part of that is because grade school goes through 6th grade here. I think it might keep them children longer rather than forcing them to be teenagers too soon.

 

[aprilgail2]

I agree 100%. The earlier kids begin experimenting with boy-girl relationships, the earlier they are to get in over their heads. I think 11 and 12 is crazy young!!!!!!! I expect to be in the minority here however as this comes up pretty frequently so feel free to disagree.

A few kids that were 11 did the boyfriend/girlfriend thing when my daughter was that age but by 13 it was very many- especially towards the middle/end of 8th grade they were all looking for dates to the 8th grade end of the year dance. That dance takes plenty of teacher/staff chaperones because so many of the kids are paired off in couples for it!

 

[wallawallakids]

11/12 is definitely way to young IMO. I would not be allowing my child to attend parties at that age with so little parental supervision. In fact I have one that age, and it is not happening.

I agree with this. WAY TOO young. I have an 11 and a 12 year old and my kids would not be allowed to do this.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I'd have no problem hosting a boy girl party at that age, just not like the one you described. I remember having a boyfriend at that age. It was mostly just harmless stuff. We might write each other a note and pass it between classes in 6th grade. I think I sat by him on the bus once or twice. Other than that, nothing was going on. There was no real opportunity. I did know people, however, who had different experiences. These were the kids who parents thought it was so cute or cool or whatever that their kid had a boyfriend/girlfriend. They allowed them to go to the mall or movies with the s/o. They allowed the s/o to come over and hang out in rooms and such with no parental supervision. More often than not, those were the ones who were a little bit more serious about their boyfriend or girlfriend and the ones who were getting into trouble with the opposite sex in late junior high and early high school. So, for me, there would be no kissing or things like that going on in my house at that age. They are too young to be experimenting with that level of physical relationships. But, if they all want to go to the local pizza parlor for a boy girl party, I'm all for it!

 

[desamnik]

too. I kissed a boy when I was in 6th grade, but it was behind my parents back and I'm sure would have been frowned upon. I feel as though these parents are encouraging this behavior by giving them a cushy basement and privacy in which to experiment.

My thought is 8th grade might be a better age.

 

[shoney]

too. I kissed a boy when I was in 6th grade, but it was behind my parents back and I'm sure would have been frowned upon. I feel as though these parents are encouraging this behavior by giving them a cushy basement and privacy in which to experiment.

My thought is 8th grade might be a better age.

Around here, many 8th graders are 12 for the first few months of school.

The parents I know pop in and out of the basement. There would be more supervision there than the parking lot of the movie theatre or restaurant.

For my middle schooler, his circle of friends includes boys and girls and they hang out all the time.

 

[HM]

The venue is wrong. It should never be a basement. Living room or Family room or outside deck.
Parents should be in a room nearby and should definitely be walking in or by on a regular basis....refill a bowl of snacks, pick up an empty cup, adjust something...anything to let the kids know you are present and watching.

 

[Fjobe]

I'm not sure what age I would find that appropriate, but definitely not that age. My son will be 11 this month, and there is no way I would let him. I would be fine with a boy/girl highly supervised party, but not one with that much privacy. As far as the parents staying for wine, we live in a dry county and social drinking is not common around here. That part would surprise me just because it's not the norm here (although I know it is elsewhere).

 

[Acklander]

Kids mature at different rates. At that age both my boys were uncomfortable with the thought of a boy/girl party so we wouldn't have hosted one. When my oldest was in 8th grade, that's when he started the coupling type thing. My youngest (just finished 8th grade) would still be uncomfortable with hosting that kind of party. When I was in 7th grade (12 years old) is when I started going to boy/girl parties. I always thought of the phase where the kids start coupling off (not really a real relationship, but more of an interest in what relationships are about) as the time when kids are dipping their toes in the water and getting comfortable with the opposite sex. It's an important part of growing up. It's not something you can rush or hold back on. The kids seem to know when they are ready.

 

[luvsJack]

I have no problem with boy/girl parties at this age, but would have a problem with there not being constant supervision.

DD had a boyfriend at 12/13. He came over and they sat in the living room to watch TV/talk/hang out. We were in the next room. No privacy. His dad did the same thing when she went over there. Heck, she is almost 16 and it isn't a whole lot different now.

Parties here are normally either outside or at a community center. The kids eat/dance/hang out/have a good time. All with parents in the same area at all times. Even the high school kid have chaperons.

Groups of friends over that are boys and girls, just playing games and watching TV or listening to music---same thing. Parent is at least within earshot at that age.