Any licensed therapists/counselors on here?

[sasywtch]

Trying not to give too much specific information.
Woman and man are seperated. They have 3 kids. 2 teens and one younger. Woman wanted the single life and a more glamorous life style. and moved out.
Oldest child just wants them to settle things and move on
Middle child is angry at mom and doesn't want to go to mom's house but mom does a guilt trip on the kids and blames husband.
Youngest child is a pleaser

Mom informs all kids she hired a therapist and they have to talk to the therapist. This did not sit well with the two older kids as they thought they should have some say. (to be honest, in my opinion I think it's both adults that need the counseling and I'm not against kids having counseling as I set it up for my kids when their grandmother died)

Tonight I found out from middle child that the therapist (it's on zoom) told her that she needs to forgive mom now and what's in the past is in the past. Middle child said it's like listening to her mom. Telling child what to do instead of searching for reasons why child feels that way. Therapist also said some things about husband (middle child is closer to dad) which was negative. Come to find out, the therapist is mom's therapist and pushing mom's agenda onto the kids without any input from husband's side. For example: Mom complains to therapist that when the kids come over, they are upset because dad was upset. This is mom's belief only and not necessarily the truth. But, the therapist pushes that narrative as the truth because that is what her client is telling her. So the therapist asks the kids why dad is upset all the time. When kids tell her dad is not, therapists tells them to be honest.

After my divorce I was in therapy and my therapist would ask me why I feel a certain way, maybe someday I could forgive etc. I was never told I HAD to forgive today I'm not liking that this therapist is not asking and listening but telling the kids what mom is telling her.

I'm hoping this is somewhat clear as it's hard not to give specifics. I have no qualms with counseling (as I said, I think they all need it). I'm having a problem with this therapist believing everything the wife is saying to be true and telling the kids, it is true instead of working on things or asking what they see etc. I'm thinking instead of telling a kid, you have to forgive now, I would think the counselor would say something like....how can we work on this to get you to a point of forgiveness.
If you are a counselor, what do you think of the one sided situation?

 

[Karin1984]

Unless you have friends and family on here who know it is you behind this screenname, you can say all you want as long as you leave out full names and addresses.

Chances of people recognizing themselves or loved ones in this story are slim. Only when you know they are on this board.

But one thing to keep in mind is: you also only have one side of the story. You weren't there and know how the therapist told this to the kid. Maybe they spoke about forgiveness in general and the kid interpreted it as "I have to forgive mom."

If it was said like that, then yes, it is bad. You don't need someone licensed to tell you that. Pushing agendas is always bad.

 

[White Cat]

Unless you have friends and family on here who know it is you behind this screenname, you can say all you want as long as you leave out full names and addresses.

Chances of people recognizing themselves or loved ones in this story are slim. Only when you know they are on this board.

But one thing to keep in mind is: you also only have one side of the story. You weren't there and know how the therapist told this to the kid. Maybe they spoke about forgiveness in general and the kid interpreted it as "I have to forgive mom."

If it was said like that, then yes, it is bad. You don't need someone licensed to tell you that. Pushing agendas is always bad

The poster specially asked for a licensed therapist. Are you one?

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm not a therapist, but I absolutely think the kids should have their own, not mom's.

 

[Tattylou]

I am a licensed therapist. I do not see family members of other clients - it is a conflict of interest in my opinion and experience. In this sort of situation, I would recommend that the kids each have their own individual therapist. If both parents were in the child’s life then I would also want to have spoken to mom and dad before meeting with the minor for therapy.
The rest of it is hard to know what exactly was said or how kids may interpret what is said so I can’t speak on that since none of us were there. However, I’m sure if the children each had their own individual therapists and you were involved in the process of meeting and choosing the therapists then you would be more comfortable. In that case, you would also have access to talk to the therapist to clarify and understand if the children reported something concerning was said to them during therapy.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Not a therapist at all but it sounds like Mom is nuts and is coercing a friend of hers to set her kids straight on her side. I would imagine this will come out in child custody hearings and mom is going to be held accountable for trying to turn the kids against dad, very serious, at the very least she is doing real damage to her relationship with her kids because they see it.

We can all do whatever we want, if it's legal, so she is within her rights to blow up her life, but there is no avoiding the consequences of people despising you for doing it. Most adults get this but some are slow on the uptake and life will humble them one way or another.

 

[jo-jo]

Are you sure the therapist IS a therapist? Anyone look up the name? I'd be concern it's a friend of a friend who took 6 courses 7 years ago so they feel they know a thing or two.

 

[easyas123]

I am a licensed therapist. I do not see family members of other clients - it is a conflict of interest in my opinion and experience. In this sort of situation, I would recommend that the kids each have their own individual therapist.

This is exactly my experience with my therapist when our family sought out counseling. Kids had their own, we each had our own.

 

[Wendy1985]

First of all telling someone they have to forgive is invalidated, and seconds I agree with them the poster that said that it is but ethics to see him multiple family members unless it’s family counseling or couples counseling

 

[RogueX]

Not a therapist but I'll put in this perspective: middle child here, my parents got divorced when I was young and we were forced to go to therapy. My sisters spoke up freely, but I simply crossed my arms and refused. No matter the threats of punishment, coercion, etc. no one was getting me to say a word until I wanted to.

 

[TippyThomas]

Seems like the therapy and/or therapist is being used as a weapon in the battle which I believe might be a bit counterintuitive.

 

[kymom99]

If it was me in this situation, I would ask for mediation to make sure this is done fairly

 

[CaoilinnsMom]

I am a school counselor and a therapist. I have seen some really crazy things go down during a divorce and with the therapists involved. I am not at all shocked, but really disappointed, if this story is true. Therapists are humans too and there is a reason we have such strict codes of ethics. It is easy to get off that path. I would definitly get others involved.

 

[tetera]

The poster specially asked for a licensed therapist. Are you one?

I mean, anyone can come on here and say they are a therapist....

Remember folks, just because someone says online that they are a professional/doctor/whatever doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

 

[TippyThomas]

I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Does that count?

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

This is the reason why my youngest couldn't get a new therapist, because people pull this stupid, manipulative crap in a divorce. Doesn't seem to matter that we are divorced and their dad has chosen not to have contact with the kids for the last 4 years, no custody order means no therapy and it honestly stinks.

I'm NOT a therapist, but speaking as someone that is in favor of therapy for most things, I think family therapy would be a great thing during a divorce, but only if both parents agree to it. Your friend should talk to their lawyer.

 

[Darcy03231]

Not a therapist, but daughter and SIL are and I've worked in the divorce field for over 30 years. Everyone should have their own therapist. Our office recommends that children get therapists that specialize in children.

 

[brockash]

Trying not to give too much specific information.
Woman and man are seperated. They have 3 kids. 2 teens and one younger. Woman wanted the single life and a more glamorous life style. and moved out.
Oldest child just wants them to settle things and move on
Middle child is angry at mom and doesn't want to go to mom's house but mom does a guilt trip on the kids and blames husband.
Youngest child is a pleaser

Mom informs all kids she hired a therapist and they have to talk to the therapist. This did not sit well with the two older kids as they thought they should have some say. (to be honest, in my opinion I think it's both adults that need the counseling and I'm not against kids having counseling as I set it up for my kids when their grandmother died)

Tonight I found out from middle child that the therapist (it's on zoom) told her that she needs to forgive mom now and what's in the past is in the past. Middle child said it's like listening to her mom. Telling child what to do instead of searching for reasons why child feels that way. Therapist also said some things about husband (middle child is closer to dad) which was negative. Come to find out, the therapist is mom's therapist and pushing mom's agenda onto the kids without any input from husband's side. For example: Mom complains to therapist that when the kids come over, they are upset because dad was upset. This is mom's belief only and not necessarily the truth. But, the therapist pushes that narrative as the truth because that is what her client is telling her. So the therapist asks the kids why dad is upset all the time. When kids tell her dad is not, therapists tells them to be honest.

After my divorce I was in therapy and my therapist would ask me why I feel a certain way, maybe someday I could forgive etc. I was never told I HAD to forgive today I'm not liking that this therapist is not asking and listening but telling the kids what mom is telling her.

I'm hoping this is somewhat clear as it's hard not to give specifics. I have no qualms with counseling (as I said, I think they all need it). I'm having a problem with this therapist believing everything the wife is saying to be true and telling the kids, it is true instead of working on things or asking what they see etc. I'm thinking instead of telling a kid, you have to forgive now, I would think the counselor would say something like....how can we work on this to get you to a point of forgiveness.
If you are a counselor, what do you think of the one sided situation?

I guess my first question is how do you know the therapist told the kid they have to forgive mom now or any of it? Any decent therapist wouldn't say this. Lots of times ppl. tend to narrate what they think other ppl. want to hear...especially kids and even more so kids in the middle of a contentious divorce. I'm sure counseling would be helpful for all of them and parenting classes would be helpful for the parents especially.