Advice needed: How do I say this nicely?

[Leajess99]

Oh, for heaven's sake. This is what's wrong with society today. G-d forbid should we do something that might be difficult for the child. My husband and I went, test drove and bought a car with our 3 year old and 4 month old in tow. They lived. My 3 year old may not have wanted to be there, but tough. That's life. If the OP doesn't like her MIL, then she needs to figure out life without MIL's help. And sometimes it might mean incoveniencing her child. The horror. Boredom never killed a kid.

Wow, so not taking a child to a car dealership to spend hours exposed to God only knows what kinds of germs and dirts is what is wrong with society?? Seriously, I think you just got a little over dramatic. Oh and do you know how many kids die from RSV or have life long health problems from it?? Taking an already sick child out puts them at a higher risk especially if they are 2 and under.

This thread just has me laughing at the responses from some people. Yes, the OP needs to find someone else but is your nasty remarks and "I'm better than you" comments really necessary??

 

[tlens]

Wow, so not taking a child to a car dealership to spend hours exposed to God only knows what kinds of germs and dirts is what is wrong with society?? Seriously, I think you just got a little over dramatic. Oh and do you know how many kids die from RSV or have life long health problems from it?? Taking an already sick child out puts them at a higher risk especially if they are 2 and under.

This thread just has me laughing at the responses from some people. Yes, the OP needs to find someone else but is your nasty remarks and "I'm better than you" comments really necessary??

I believe your reponse is a little over dramatic. Really, how many kids die from going to a car dealership. Honey, there are germs everywhere, including your own house. All it takes is mommy touching a dirty door handle while shopping for organic produce at the grocery store, coming home and closing the front door with the same hand. Germs are everywhere and kids who are uber-protected from every germ end up the sickest in the long run. Their bodies never learn to build up defenses against everyday germs.

 

[justhat]

OP, you never answered any of the questions as to why you both needed to go to the car dealer? Couldn't you or your husband have stayed home since you knew exactly what you wanted? I get that you would need a ride there, but he just drops you off, your daughter stays in the car, no trauma to anyone.

 

[mamaLori05]

Wow...so you are don't care if their is fallout from your DH? Way to set yourself up for a successful marriage. Just remember; as important as your family is to you his is to him. I just really can't believe how one sided you are. Your poor DH.

I was thinking the same thing. I don't understand why what the MIL did was such a big deal. The baby was sick, yet Mom was okay taking her out of the house to the MIL's house so they could go car shopping. How is that any different than MIL taking baby to her other son's house. If the baby was that sick, then mom or dad should have stayed home with her. Buying a car is NOT an emergency, and definately something that can wait another day. An emergency is when someone is seriously sick or injured and you have to rush them to the hospital. Rent a car if you need a car that bad, carpool with someone else, there are a ton of other options.

If you trust your MIL enough to babysit your child, then I dont' see what the big deal is with her taking her places. After all, she is your child's GRANDMOTHER!! If you don't trust her, then why are you calling her to babysit. IMO, the way you are treating your MIL is aweful. These are her children that you are basically telling her she needs to decide between. It's just not right.

As far as DH not being on board with your issues with your MIL, well, I would take that as a sign that maybe you are over reacting. Even as someone who is reading this from the outside, sorry to say but I too think you are overeacting. He shouldn't have to "let his family go" because you don't care for them. It's wrong of you to even suggest that to him. Would you want someone telling you to let your family go because they didn't care for them? You are setting yourself up for disaster and a failed marriage, but based on some of your comments, maybe that is what you want.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Wow, so not taking a child to a car dealership to spend hours exposed to God only knows what kinds of germs and dirts is what is wrong with society?? Seriously, I think you just got a little over dramatic. Oh and do you know how many kids die from RSV or have life long health problems from it?? Taking an already sick child out puts them at a higher risk especially if they are 2 and under.

This thread just has me laughing at the responses from some people. Yes, the OP needs to find someone else but is your nasty remarks and "I'm better than you" comments really necessary??

Yes, those deadly car dealerships. First of all, I was responding to your post where you claimed it was hard to take children places and how your 8 year old got bored when you got your car fixed. Nowhere were germs discussed.

Second of all, taking a 1 year old to a public place is not going to kill her. By your logic, children should just not go out for any length of time because they may be exposed to germs. I do not subscribe to the notion that we need to keep children away from germs and in germ-free environments. Taking a child to a car dealership will not kill her. If the OPs kid was so sick that she couldn't be out in public, then she should not have been at MILs either.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DIL agrees! She did say I need to call her if we're leaving the country (but only so she can bring me their passports!).

My DD is the same way. I can take DGD anywhere i want. DD and DSIL know that I would walk thru fire for Kady so I would never let her into harms way. But then she is not a controling little so and so.

 

[surfgirl]

OP, you never answered any of the questions as to why you both needed to go to the car dealer? Couldn't you or your husband have stayed home since you knew exactly what you wanted? I get that you would need a ride there, but he just drops you off, your daughter stays in the car, no trauma to anyone.

She has either blocked all those posters or has them on "ignore". Why read the people who don't agree with her ? They clearly "don't get it".

This is probably a short thread to the OP!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to bring my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

 

[crisi]

Advice needed: How do I say this nicely?


You Don't.


You need to stop asking people that you don't like and don't get along with to do you favors.

Yep. And when you do ask them a favor, you can't complain about how they do it.

You were stuck. It was an emergency. Your MIL stepped in and helped out. If the way she did it is horrible, then find another way to handle the emergencies without asking your MIL. If you can't find another way to handle the emergencies, you are going to need to accept your mother in law's way of dealing with it.

 

[crisi]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to being my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

Having your MIL sit for you in an emergency isn't a right either. This isn't a matter of parental rights. This is a matter of being a civilized human being who is grateful when someone takes time from their own life to do you a favor.

 

[jodifla]

Having your MIL sit for you in an emergency isn't a right either. This isn't a matter of parental rights. This is a matter of being a civilized human being who is grateful when someone takes time from their own life to do you a favor.

Boy, exactly!!!!

 

[Mkrop]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to being my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

It is a privilige but also dont hold your MIL hostage by using your DD like that. She loves her sons and she loves her grandkids. She is not going to do everything just like you, and if you cant deal with that then dont ask her to babysit ever again. But dont cut her out of your child's life either unless your DH is on board or you will have problems.

You act like you were doing your MIL a favor by allowing her to see your DD, when in turn she did YOU a favor if this was such an emergency that you claim it to be.

 

[Marionnette]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to being my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

Tread very carefully, OP! If you continue to try to drive a wedge between your husband and his family, you may find yourself dealing with an ex-husband - one who takes HIS child to visit his mother and brother whenever he has her. Stop using your child as a weapon in your war with the in laws. You will never win and your child stands to lose a lot in the process.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

OP, you never answered any of the questions as to why you both needed to go to the car dealer? Couldn't you or your husband have stayed home since you knew exactly what you wanted? I get that you would need a ride there, but he just drops you off, your daughter stays in the car, no trauma to anyone.

NO, both people had to be present to sign the paperwork. Clearly if one of us could have stayed I would have don that. On top of the fact that the dealership was about an hour away. It would have been a VERY long day for DD.

 

[mdsoccermom]

NO, both people had to be present to sign the paperwork. Clearly if one of us could have stayed I would have don that. On top of the fact that the dealership was about an hour away. It would have been a VERY long day for DD.

And heaven forbid should a child experience a very long day. No, I can see why it would be sooooo much better to have her stay with someone you can't stand and who you know wouldn't obey your "rules".

 

[okeydokey]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to bring my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

Then stop leaving your DD with her.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Then stop leaving your DD with her.

Ok, you're starting to sound like a broken record. I replied to the person who requested a reply. You have made your point and i agree so move on.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm not asking her to not see her other grandchild or even choose, I'm asking her not to bring my child around him. What she does on her own time is on her but she has no right to bring my child somewhere I wouldn't bring her.
Being a grandparent isn't a right it's a privilege. It's not their child.

Clearly, her opinion differs from your opinion. Clearly...........your Dh is on board with her. Clearly.............you do not like her. Clearly............you have decided to make her bend adn she is not going to. this is not about her anymore It really is about you and your need to win.

Yep. And when you do ask them a favor, you can't complain about how they do it.

You were stuck. It was an emergency. Your MIL stepped in and helped out. If the way she did it is horrible, then find another way to handle the emergencies without asking your MIL. If you can't find another way to handle the emergencies, you are going to need to accept your mother in law's way of dealing with it.

Bingo.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Clearly, her opinion differs from your opinion. Clearly...........your Dh is on board with her. Clearly.............you do not like her. Clearly............you have decided to make her bend adn she is not going to. this is not about her anymore It really is about you and your need to win.


Bingo.

And clearly you are way to involved with this thread. Move on please. I always win because she is my child.

 

[littlezar]

We are military so living near family isn't an option. I have had to rely on friends in the event of an emergency. Generally speaking, the emergency always seems to occur when my husband is deployed - such as the time my then 20 month old was taken to the hospital via ambulance from the doctor's office and they let my almost 4 year old ride along with him. I called someone I thought was a close friend and she had plans for the night and couldn't come get my oldest. I ended up calling someone my boys had a few playdates with, that I only knew 3 months at the time and she came to the hospital, brought food for me and took my oldest home to spend the night with her. I have learned to choose my friends carefully. I have a couple of friends that I would absolutely leave my children with for multiple days/nights if need be and I would do the same for them. I also have friends that I would only ask in a pinch if they could help out. If you don't have other friends or family you trust (siblings, cousins, etc) to help out in whatever you consider an emergency than you've limited yourself to asking MIL or paying someone.