Keeping Political Discussions away from Your Thanksgiving Table

[wenrob]

This is what my family did too. We stopped inviting the pot stirrers to holidays and although our gathering is small (4 people total), it's way more peaceful than it was in the past. I don't even miss their presence that much if I'm being completely honest.

Honestly, I don’t miss the big family gatherings at all. In my case there’s more to it than people who like to poke at you to rile you up. Some of them were just plain mean and hateful and then say things like “oh you’re being sensitive” or “I was just teasing, don’t be so serious” etc. Add in that they stopped contributing to the meal or helping to clean up and I was just done. “Family” is just a word. If I won’t let strangers treat me like that I sure as hell am not going to let them do that to me just because we’re related. I seriously have not had a bad or stressful holiday since stopping the madness. I get comments about it every once in awhile but not one of them has ever decided to pick up the mantle and do the holidays at their house.

 

[tvguy]

Never been a problem. Two of the five at our table don't follow ANY news of ANY kind let alone Politics. Not even the Weather forecast. To an extreme because during the pandemic where restrictions sometimes changed several times a day. They couldn't figure out why nobody ever answered the phone at their Dentist, they had no idea the state had ordered Dentist offices closed. Or the Beauty shop.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

How bout dem Cowboys?

In some places, that's worse talk than politics.

 

[thanxfornoticin]

How bout dem Cowboys?

I expect anyone in the family trying to bring up the Cowboys would get as much grief as they would bringing up differing views on political topics!!

But seriously, we've agreed for years that we all tend to disagree on many things politically, especially over the past decade or so - and it's off limits during holiday gatherings. If someone sneaks into the arena, we police ourselves and stop it so we can enjoy the day. We've had some very nice holiday meals and gatherings with that simple rule.

 

[BrianL]

Just change the subject to something else like the Marvels.... Oh wait...

Yeah everything is so political now its next to impossible to avoid.

Ha ha! Yeah, if you have nerds at your table, you don't want to go there! You're way better off talking politics over, say, Star Wars - it's WAY less contentious!

 

[TippyThomas]

I feel lucky that politics weren't really discussed at our large meal gatherings. I don't think it was a rule or anything it just seems like they were not really important in the community.

 

[GAN]

The beauty of democracy is that it’s designed specifically to be sure we almost never agree with each other. Embrace it …too many people treat politics as if they’re routing for their favorite football team. So you have a dysfunctional family …no big deal. As described to me once, a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.

 

[princesscinderella]

Never been a problem. Two of the five at our table don't follow ANY news of ANY kind let alone Politics. Not even the Weather forecast. To an extreme because during the pandemic where restrictions sometimes changed several times a day. They couldn't figure out why nobody ever answered the phone at their Dentist, they had no idea the state had ordered Dentist offices closed. Or the Beauty shop.

I find it interesting that they don't follow the news at all considering that was your career.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I would maybe make it a fun game. Write up ridiculous talking points and put them in a hat and tell everybody when you think things are going off the rails you're going to pull from the hat and the topic has to change to whatever ridiculous thing that was pulled from the hat.

 

[tvguy]

I find it interesting that they don't follow the news at all considering that was your career.

Yes, news people have friends who aren't in news. Actually, they were friends of my wife's from before she got into news in 1978. And yes, it made for some interesting situations where they would ask us about something they had heard about months (or sometimes years) after the fact. And often what they had heard was in part incorrect.

 

[AppleDumpling]

We’ve been dealing with this for the last few years and I agree that you have to just avoid the topic. If someone starts, don’t let the conversation go any further. I admit, there are times I’ve had to bite my tongue and resist the temptation to respond. Frankly, I have lost some respect for several close family members and it makes me incredibly sad. Never in a million years thought it could be like this.

 

[RedAngie]

Just keep one of these handy.

 

[Tink-osophy]

No, you have to out-crazy them! "Oh yeah, well did you know that birds aren't real?! The US government is the #1 producer of artificial poultry. Think about it - have you ever seen a baby pigeon?!" Then they'll give you a wide berth for the rest of the holiday

Hold the phone! I've never seen a baby pigeon!!!!

...Can open, worms everywhere!!

JK (of course)

P.S. The other thread prompts me to suggest a fart machine for the center of the table! Make clear the rules about what not to discuss (in general, so no one feels singled out) and what the 'consequence' will be -- and, then, if anyone forgets, press that button quick!

 

[BrianL]

Hold the phone! I've never seen a baby pigeon!!!!

...Can open, worms everywhere!!

JK (of course)

P.S. The other thread prompts me to suggest a fart machine for the center of the table! Make clear the rules about what not to discuss (in general, so no one feels singled out) and what the 'consequence' will be -- and, then, if anyone forgets, press that button quick!

Better yet, just load up on that three-bean salad beforehand and clear the room yourself - no machine needed!

 

[Kennywood]

Memorize this and have it ready......

 

[luvnwdwgal]

My husband and I are the opposite of everybody on my side of the family. My brother, who thinks he knows everything and never shuts up, would be the only one who is stupid enough to bring up politics and if it happens, especially since everyone will be at our house, I have no problem at all telling him to shut up or leave.

 

[VandVsmama]

Some relatives (both sides of the family tree) have political views that are quite different from DH and mine. This year could get dicey. Indigestion is almost guaranteed.

Any tried and true methods to keep conversations civil?

When we host a holiday meal, if there's relatives with very passionate political or religious views, I have been known to tell them ahead of time "no politics or religion." Usually then they forget and they bring up politics & religion anyway. And that's when I do a couple of things:

1. in a polite and subtle way, steer the conversation to something away from religion or politics. For example, if it's my BIL or SIL, I'll ask about their kids. Or I'll ask them about work.
2. If they don't get that hint, then I bring up the other topic(s) again.
3. If that doesn't work, then I'll say something like, "Hey, BIL, remember? No religion or politics today." Sometimes, this particular relative is a one trick pony and that's, like, his ONLY conversation topic and he will actually say, "But what else is there to talk about?" And I say, "Plenty of stuff. But it's not my problem that you can't come up with anything else to talk about. It's my house and my rules. No religion or politics today."
4. Then after that, when somebody brings up religion or politics again, I just get up quietly, don't say a word, and I walk out of the room. It usually only takes 1 or 2 times for the person to get a clue and finally shut up about religion or politics.

 

[xjillianpaige]

"What an interesting thing to say out loud..."

 

[ahutton]

Tell people before they get to your house no political discussions for the good of the family. The end.

This. 100%. With multiple generations at the table and two sides of family we had a pre game conversation last year to keep it off the table please. And we kept conversation flowing on several "safe" topics, memories of family not with us, asking for stories.

 

[shh]

We’ve been dealing with this for the last few years and I agree that you have to just avoid the topic. If someone starts, don’t let the conversation go any further. I admit, there are times I’ve had to bite my tongue and resist the temptation to respond. Frankly, I have lost some respect for several close family members and it makes me incredibly sad. Never in a million years thought it could be like this.

I get this completely - having been subject to a few tirades and "out-there" conspiracy theories by some very negative/angry folks and trying to remain polite/sociable with them.