You also said your stuff gets “confused” when the woman is listed first which indicates you need to better train your staff. What do you do with a same sex couple? Must be total pandemonium.Good for you and the firm you're at. I don't really care what your practices are for your clients or how you create your files.
If a client asks to change the way we list them, of course we would change it, because..... It doesn't matter. I'll say it again since you probably couldn't be bothered to read all the replies, if it's an existing female client that gets married, she stays as the first listed (taxpayer) and hubby is listed as the spouse. Why? Because it's easier that way since she's already in the system and adding a spouse is much easier. If they are new clients, our default is husband first, then wife. Just like your firm has a default putting who the caller is first, that's our default.
Sorry a few of the posters are so offended by that. It's really not that big of deal.
And then of course this chestnut
“I can just imagine the looks I'd get asking a client, if they have a preference who is listed first and who is second ”
You have decided it “difficult” and laughable to inquire if your client has a preference.