Would you want to know?

[BigAlsGal]

Your biological parents? Even if it meant your whole life was built on a lie? We're dealing with something like that. Want to reach out to a biological child after many years but fear it could ruin their lives. Would you do it? Have you done it?

Oh. For info sale this "child" is 20.

 

[littlejimmy]

no, you fear it could ruin their lives and you still want to do it? that makes no sense at all

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Yes of course.

 

[BigAlsGal]

no, you fear it could ruin their lives and you still want to do it? that makes no sense at all

That's what I'm asking. Would it ruin their lives to know the truth? Would it make it better? I personally believe we all deserve to know the truth.

 

[jevs]

Having never been on that situation it's hard for me to say. I *think* I would wait until the child contacted me though.

It must be tough being in that position so hope it all works out for you

 

[gwynne]

Would I want to do something that could cause an adult child a lot of heartache? Umm....no. I'd pass.
If I knew someone who was contemplating doing this to an adult child, I would strongly suggest they get some professional counseling. Get some good input and have a long discussion with someone who can guide you to seeing all sides of this.

If the child made the first contact of their own free will, then that is different.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Having never been on that situation it's hard for me to say. I *think* I would wait until the child contacted me though.

It must be tough being in that position so hope it all works out for you

That's part of the problem. I don't think she knows the truth. She might not know she needs to look.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

If the child does not know that he or she was adopted or has no idea that the parents he or she has known this whole time are not bio-parents, no way. Unless there is some medical reason for the sake of the kid (meaning, the bio parents have some disease that can affect future generations), then no way. Why upset the child if he or she is content as is? Why? The only reason I can think of is because the bio-parents are feeling selfish.

However, if a child knows that he or she is adopted and wants to seek out the parents, I'm all for it.

 

[littlejimmy]

That's what I'm asking. Would it ruin their lives to know the truth? Would it make it better? I personally believe we all deserve to know the truth.

and you already do know the truth. what you personally believe really doesn't apply to others. in other words, it is not your choice to decide. you already made your decision. stick with it.

 

[BigAlsGal]

If the child does not know that he or she was adopted or has no idea that the parents he or she has known this whole time are not bio-parents, no way. Unless there is some medical reason for the sake of the kid (meaning, the bio parents have some disease that can affect future generations), then no way. Why upset the child if he or she is content as is? Why? The only reason I can think of is because the bio-parents are feeling selfish.

However, if a child knows that he or she is adopted and wants to seek out the parents, I'm all for it.

So you wouldn't want to know siblings?

 

[gwynne]

That's part of the problem. I don't think she knows the truth. She might not know she needs to look.

She may or may not need to look. Honestly, this could really cause a lot of pain. I hope you find someone to talk to about this to help you consider how serious a step like this is. It's not at all only about "truth".

 

[gotomu212]

No, if what you are asking is if I think it's a good idea to contact a 20-year old and say "hey your parents arent really who you think they are", then absolutely not.

That would completely devastate me if out of the blue someone called me and told me my whole identity was a lie. What do you hope to gain by it?

 

[BigAlsGal]

No, if what you are asking is if I think it's a good idea to contact a 20-year old and say "hey your parents arent really who you think they are", then absolutely not.

That would completely devastate me if out of the blue someone called me and told me my whole identity was a lie. What do you hope to gain by it?

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

 

[littlejimmy]

So you wouldn't want to know siblings?

no. my siblings are the brothers/sisters from my family that I grew up with. not some strangers.

 

[Miskey]

Under the circumstances you are describing, absolutely not.

 

[gwynne]

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

I don't think you should involve yourself in this at all. If the adult child comes to your husband of their own free will (without "hints" or other interference) that's different. At that point it is between them.

 

[littlejimmy]

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

again, your husband made his decision a long time ago. let it go

 

[BigAlsGal]

again, your husband made his decision a long time ago. let it go

When he was 16.....

 

[Miskey]

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

Please tell me this isn't a case of a man abandoning his child, but now that said child is an adult, they want a relationship

 

[BigAlsGal]

Please tell me this isn't a case of a man abandoning his child, but now that said child is an adult, they want a relationship

No more like kids have a baby in high school. Grandparents pressure guy to sign over rights at a very young age. They take the child and raise it as their own and cut all forms of communication with father.