How Much Trouble Can We Get Into Alone? What If I Pay Extra?

[YukiPhnx]

It's so great that you have kids that will just go with the flow.

When I was deciding universities, visiting the campus was a big thing for me. It's all about how you feel in it. I'm sure she'll find a place that she'll feel right at home in.

 

[Dizneydawn]

It's so great that you have kids that will just go with the flow.

I have always been pretty blessed with that. Never any huge tantrums when they were little. Carsyn has been someti8mes the most difficult just because she tells me always what she thinks and sometimes I just want her to zip it and do what is asked without an explanation needing to be given but that same piece that makes her question everything, makes her the kid who makes good choices 99% of the time because she thinks through everything before she acts on it. So she can drive me the most crazy but also is the one I worry about the least. I never doubt in her ability to be successful and be her own boss or because she will drive any boss nuts and not stand for any preferential treatment or office politics.

When I was deciding universities, visiting the campus was a big thing for me. It's all about how you feel in it. I'm sure she'll find a place that she'll feel right at home in.

I just talked with a friend of hers yesterday and she has been talking about Anderson a lot to people so I am glad she is really making this choice, not feeling like the choice is being made for her.

 

[Dizneydawn]

To do List:

1.Pack resort mugs

2.Print Restaurant.com certificates

3.Print out maps for our journey

4.Find out where exactly Shakey's pizza is south of Atlanta and decide if we can stop.

5.Print out where the Goat Farm is in Anderson

6. Find out where Sweet Celebrations is in Charleston

7. Look for any coupons for EVO pizza

8. Try on clothes and see what I need to replace.

9. Pack flat, foldable cooler

10. Find out from Treyner what he exactly has for containers to cook and store food he wants me to make.

11. Get MNSSHP tickets

12. Make Halloween shirts

13. Pedicure and full set

14. Hair appt

15. Buy new hair clippers for cutting Dan's hair so I can afford to get my hair done...

16. Pack ponchos

17. Get appointment for France makeover at Guerlain (sp?)

18. Pack Park Tickets and find Hotel Printout for reservation!

19. Pack Dan's HUB statements and last payment stubs for proof of his employment

20. Bring w/ Treyner's clothes that were left here (Anderson Shorts, Streaker Shirt)

21. Verify appointment w/ photographers

22. Figure out how we are getting home on the 25th.

23. Set up CC payments for when we are gone so we do not forget. (Most of ours are on a monthly pre-pay but there are a few that do not allow that just so they can have a good shot at $30 late fees I think! )

24. Freeze and prepare food for the kids while gone. Remember, food freak here and although I will not make enough for a Tibetan Monastery, I will make sure there is labeled things to survive on when their Dad works late.

25. Call for free carpet cleaning I have that will expire if I wait.

26. Move all pics from camera to computer and make back up CD so I can erase them and have a fresh start on my camera. I have to admit I am bad at erasing pics. I go into panic mode and think if I erase the final copy, they might get lost forever.

Ok...that is about it for now....I need to print this and keep adding and checking off. Please strat offering suggestions at what I am forgetting...

Goal this trip...be ready the night before minus toiletries. THAT IS THE GOAL!!!

I can only hope!!!

 

[tlenzendorf]

Ok...that is about it for now....I need to print this and keep adding and checking off. Please strat offering suggestions at what I am forgetting...

1. Breathe!

 

[njtinkmom]

He is a jerk and that is why he is your ex. Been there done that - and don't even for 1 nano second - feel that you are "leaving" your kids to gallavant with Dan. For all that you do for them you are certainly more than entitled to a little alone time! Trust me I know, I took my kids on my Honeymoon - aka "Familymoon" because he was not around to take the girls and I had no choice but to cancel my fully paid for cruise 7 days before the wedding and lost all the money!! You deserve this - enjoy!

 

[Mndisneygirl]

I didn't see where you are actually going to pack your clothes on that list!

You might want to squeeze in a little time for sleep too!!
It will be fine!

 

[Dizneydawn]

I am a week out and I have a list! For me that is awesome! I also am pleased to announce I can something off the list!

Bought MNSSHP tickets today!!!

OCTOBER 14th Baby!!! Now...this weekend will make the costumes with Dan!!!

He is arriving at 10:30 p.m. tonight btw....Then he will not be leaving again until we get back!!!! For that I am beyond excited!!!

 

[Dizneydawn]

1. Breathe!

Funny Funny Girl!!!

I took my kids on my Honeymoon - aka "Familymoon" because he was not around to take the girls and I had no choice but to cancel my fully paid for cruise 7 days before the wedding and lost all the money!! You deserve this - enjoy!

Ohhhhhhh...I would have been livid!!!! We will have a great time. I just need to release my guilt from time to time...hmmmm....Peach Snap anyone?

I didn't see where you are actually going to pack your clothes on that list!
I am waiting till the last minute for that since I need to see what I will be able to wear in the next size down. Next weekend I will go shopping if I need!!!

 

[2princesses2princes]

I am a list freak, I make lists for my lists. We have over 4 months and I am already starting shopping lists, and packing lists, and all sorts of lists. I drive myself and everyone in my family crazy with my lists. Funny thing is that I am far from being an organized person, you'd think I was with my crazy list making behaviors.

I love your goal, to be packed the night before. Now would that be by say 9pm or does still packing at 1am still count since you haven't gone to bed?

 

[Dizneydawn]

I love your goal, to be packed the night before. Now would that be by say 9pm or does still packing at 1am still count since you haven't gone to bed?

I think that any time before the plane leaves and you do "rest" before you leave...is the night before....technically speaking of course.


I got a text from Taylor yesterday and Treyner might be starting in today's soccer game for his college!!! The German goalie is a big wimp. In the past he has sat out for a sore this or that when the rest of the guys are working out in 120 degrees, then feels better back on campus miraculously. The head coach has not seen this side of him and it has frustrated Treyner until yesterday. "Mr. German," hurt his finger a few days ago and has refused to practice and then did not see anyone besides the team trainer when told to see the doc to have it x-rayed. Coach not happy finally and the assistant coach asked Treyner how he would like to start today!

I think I may be evil for wishing broken anything on him but hey...suck it up Sally! If it comes down to my kid and you and it means a full ride for next year cause my kid gets starting spot...I am going to think about Tonya Harding your @ss. (For those young chickens...just research Nancy Karrigan/Tonya Harding and you will get the joke. Sheesh...I forget how non-relevant I am due to age.)

Seriously - if you are hurt, get yourself to the doc and get looked at. If you are just a whiner and trying to not practice - you are no Brett Farve and that crap is not going to fly in college! (Nor should it anywhere but you know what I mean.)

So I will let you know the news when I know!

Dan did get home safe from Denver and we are Pumpkin Patching/Apple picking with my niece today and the kids then packing and Halloween Costume designing tomorrow.

Pics will be taken just encase anyone gets hurt in the hot glue gun process.

 

[MEK]

Then we talked about Carsyn and college and how I did all the work for Treyner and he can step up and help with forms etc. for Carsyn. He flat out said, "Well then you can tell her she won't be going to college because if I have to do it it won't get done. So that tells me, Dawn, how much you care about Carsyn if you tell me I have to do it." What kind of screwed up thinking is that?

What???????????? Are you kidding me??????? He did NOT say that? Does he actually know how passive-aggressive that is? He is a total @$$! Yikes.

Now back to read more!

 

[MEK]

Way to go Tryener! That is so awesome! We have pretty much decided that Brian will not even attempt to play soccer in college. It is really sad because he has a lot of talent and is a great defender, but he is just skating by at school and it would be a huge mistake to expect that he can play soccer at the college level and keep up with his studies. I really hope Brian will not regret this later in life (he probably will), but no matter how I slice it I can't see it working. He is so immature that I don't even think he realizes what is happening right now and its so difficult to communicate with him that I can't seem to get the message across to him. Oh well. It is what it is. I will be happy if he just makes it through his first semester at college. He is hating his adderall but is taking it because he knows its the only thing that is halfway keeping him focused.

 

[Dizneydawn]

What???????????? Are you kidding me??????? He did NOT say that? Does he actually know how passive-aggressive that is? He is a total @$$! Yikes.

Warning: Emotional, early morning purge ahead. I wrote it and then thought of erasing it and then thought of sending it in a PM. Then, I thought that I wish someone else had written something like this when I was still in the middle of a bad marriage because I felt bad for feeling bad, when I was not shown common courtesy. I wish I had read that I was not completely wrong in wanting to be validated within my marriage and maybe this will help someone else be strong enough to say, "I matter." It may also be something that someone who is the self centered one in the relationship, can read and know, that just because a person puts up with feeling unimportant for a long time, does not mean they will stay forever. If you want to keep your marriage, become a partner in it. You don't have the right to just sit and watch your marriage like it is a TV show from the couch.



That is a perfect example of the way he has always been. And that he has learned from his Mom.

Guilt trips are her mode of travel.

And what drives him the most crazy, frustrated and angry with me, is what I have always wanted and he does not feel the need to give because I should not have to, "have my @ss kissed."

Appreciation.

"Thank You," does not roll off his lips frequently and he never saw at all what I did. It is like appreciation or gratitude is a sign of weakness for him.

The last year we were together, I had earned a free trip for 2 to NYC from my company. Busted my hind end to be one of 13 in the country and Canada to do so. All he had to do was show up.

We knew in October. Trip was in December. He waited until the end of November to ask for it off. I sat freaking out and complaining because if he could not get the time off, I was now stuck with reservations, plane tickets, etc...in his name. My fear was this trip for 2, I worked twice as hard for as I would have had to if only one was going - might indeed, only have one participant. He just kept saying, they will let me go, it is not a big deal. He is always confident he can just say his name and things shall be so. Like his name and Jesus is synonymous.

But it was a big deal to me. The fact it was stressing me out, could have been alleviated with one phone call and I could have enjoyed the anticipation to the trip. It did not matter until 2 weeks before we left to him and then it was because his work needed the 2 week notice, not because of me.

During this time, I also said we needed him to try on his dress clothes because he did not wear them often and he needed a suit and other nicer clothing for dinners, plays etc. That he finally did 2 nights before we left and guess what?

I was right and he did not have as many clothes as needed. So I took back some new things I bought for myself, so we had money to get him what he needed since I had things I could make do with and he did not. I, who won the trip and would be standing in front of the President of the company and top sales people from the US and Canada would wear something they had seen me in before so he could look good. He did not ask me to do that. I just did it because it was the right thing to do. I then thought about the fact that not once in over 15 years, did I remember him ever going to a store and getting me a pair of shoes, socks, shirt etc...no matter if I was a size 3 or 18, just because he saw something and thought of me or knew I needed something. If he went to the liquor store, he would buy beer for himself and come back with no wine coolers for me. If I asked him where anything for me was, he said, "Well you did not ask me to get you anything did you?" Like the concept of thinking, "Hey, I wonder if Dawn would enjoy something on a hot summer night too?" was completely foreign.

I thought, "When did you ask me to get you underwear or get you a movie I knew you would like? When did you ask me to make you breakfast or dinner?" You should not have to ask for something from a person who should be thinking of you. If I want to ask for a favor of wine coolers from the store, I am going to talk to my neighbor if I find out he is already making a run. I should not have to think I need to tell someone who I has known I hate beer since I was old enough to drink.

We had a great time in NYC. We really did. Then when we got home it was back to the same old same old. Like the relationship on vacation had an expiration date of 4 days so don't be surprised it spoils once the plane lands on home soil. And that made me mad. Because I was the one who worked so hard for it yet also had 100% of the stress of making sure he could come or would have what he needed. It was like when we traveled to WDW. He would complain about money, time off work, etc. etc., for all the days leading up to it, and then when we got there, he would just sit back and enjoy the vacation and have a great time, asking if I remembered to pack his belt and I would have an ulcer from doing all the planning, all the packing and trying to organize a trip he would be happy at.

I could make a 5 course dinner and he would show the same appreciation as if I slapped Mac and Cheese on his plate. One day, right before we split, I had cooked on a Sunday from 7 am until 5 p.m. Literally had 2 app's, roast, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes etc. Thanksgiving dinner type of cooking. Then when it was time to eat, he could not be bothered to actually come to the table because football was on. Said it was my fault because I should have known what time food would be ready and that it would be while the game was playing.

I am sorry, while you were still sleeping, I did not get the TV schedule out to contemplate what time the turkey would be done so I would not interrupt your day after cooking, cleaning and baking for 8 hours. Silly me. Maybe I can throw you over to the house 3 doors down that thinks cooking is picking up FF on her way home. I am such a biach for being excited to see you enjoy something I worked hard at to give you.

I even suggested he could listen to it on the kitchen radio. He told the boys they could wait till the game was over as well. I told them if they would ever like to chew again with a fully functioning jaw, they would know what to do. (They came to dinner btw and no I do not beat my children but they do know who does the cooking for future meals...and if they wanted more than Raman, they better move it.)

I was LIVID. It was at that point I was just done. No questions. No more wondering what I can do to make it work. Because it finally clicked for me that it never would.

How can you make something work with someone who does not value you? Does not care what your cares are?

Since I met Dan, whenever the ex is mad at me or himself, which then turns into being mad at me, he always says, "Why don't you go talk to your boyfriend if you want to be appreciated because it's not coming from me. It ain't ever going to happen. " Or when I do things for the kids and I let him know what is going on and it would be nice if he played a more invested role in knowing their schedule or their activities. That I no longer have to be his personal secretary giving him daily reminders of what is going on in the kids day but I do so because him showing up matters to the kids even when he calls for the 10th time that week to ask the same factor of time and location, he will say:

"You are supposed to do that. You are their Mom, why should I thank you?"

How bout cause I am their Mom but I am not your Mom so it is not my role to babysit you?

It is in those moments, that no matter how sad I am about the divorce because I would have never wanted my kids to go through that and when you spend 15 years plus with someone, you will always miss some pieces of that life, I get really angry at myself for putting up with all that crap for so long.

Then I get really excited because I know that I taught my kids well about love and respect and my influence on them is greater than his. I also get really happy because I know that they have had 2 views of relationships from me. One of what not to do and one for how to do it right.

I never got the one of how to do it right from my Mom and I think that led to some of my own bad choices.

Hopefully my kids can look at the example that is loving and mutual and full of compassion and kindness and look at what was lacking in their parents and make a better choice for their lives, the first time around.

Way to go Tryener! That is so awesome! We have pretty much decided that Brian will not even attempt to play soccer in college. It is really sad because he has a lot of talent and is a great defender, but he is just skating by at school and it would be a huge mistake to expect that he can play soccer at the college level and keep up with his studies.

I really hope Brian finds his wings and figures out what will make him happy for a career and he can do without so much struggle in his adult life. Treyner does have a hard time balancing school and sports as well. This year it is much better but when you are on the road up to 20 hours a week and you can't do your homework on the bus (architecture/art classes with huge paper) you are never caught up or you are feeling like you cannot do your best because you are cramming.

There are many club teams at college that just play games and do not practice or men's league teams he could join in the summer. I would hate for him to give up something he is so good at too if I were you.

 

[jedijill]

OMG. Can you send what you wrote to every teenage girl and young (and the not so young of us?) woman in the US? If every woman got "it" that it is ok to expect appreciation and respect it would save a lot of heartache. I know that I finally woke up after about 13 years (not married but an on again/off again relationship) and realized I deserved to be respected and then I met a wonderful guy who is everything the ex was not.

You have some wonderful insights and experiences not to mention great writing ability. You should think about trying to write professionally.

Jill in CO

 

[Dizneydawn]

OMG. Can you send what you wrote to every teenage girl and young (and the not so young of us?) woman in the US? If every woman got "it" that it is ok to expect appreciation and respect it would save a lot of heartache. I know that I finally woke up after about 13 years (not married but an on again/off again relationship) and realized I deserved to be respected and then I met a wonderful guy who is everything the ex was not.

I think many women marry/date a guy and think if they do all this wonderful stuff for them, then they will get that same appreciation back. The guy in the relationship is thinking, this chick is doing all this for me and I don't have to do anything. So they never do. Then we get mad when they don;t but the truth is, they showed their true colors from the beginning. My first year of marriage was not any different than the last. I was the idiot not him because I expected a donkey to become a stallion, when he was very happy
being a donkey.

You have some wonderful insights and experiences not to mention great writing ability. You should think about trying to write professionally.

Jill in CO

In my dreams I will write someday...or at least when I get over a huge fear of being a failure.

I would be the person who goes in and buys her own books in disguise so it looks like a popular read!

 

[Mndisneygirl]

I would buy multiple copies - no disguise - and hand them out to my daughters, goddaughter, neices, neighbors...

You get the idea.

Please don't worry about being a failure. WRITE IT!!! Just think about what made you post this and not erase it. If one person who is in the position you were in, or avoids being in that position, reads it, you will not have failed.


And you should write a cookbook too. I'm putting all the recipes I've gotten from you in my special recipe notebook with all the good ones!

 

[YukiPhnx]

Dawn.....you are just such an inspiration. It's not everyday a success story happens in the end and you were strong enough to say "enough is enough".

You really should write. You know we would all buy it and it WOULD be a best seller cause it's going to be SO GOOD.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Morning everyone!

Yesterday was a very productive day! We went to a friends house who has an a big 33 foot above ground pool w/ a nice size deck around it. This is our goal for next spring and now we have an idea of actual size since the one on display was not as big. Very excited!

Next we drove to a Nike Clearance center and I got a new pair of tennis shoes for the trip. They are beyond comfortable and although the guys teased me they look like Grandma shoes because they are sort or square - they are a cross between highlighter yellow and neon green. I am going on a big walk again today and going to break them in.

Then on to shop for some clothes for myself. I was down 2 sizes from our Charleston trip. My goal was 30 pounds by our October trip and I have one week to go. September totally sucked. I did not track like I should have at all. I did not gain anything but did not loose either. So I am really buckling down this week - pushing the exercise and seeing just how close to that 30 I can get. No matter what, trying on smaller size clothes and seeing in a full length mirror how huge my shorts had become I was wearing and not flattering they were, is a major motivator. I need a full length mirror in the house.

Now I have some nice things to wear for our dinners and they are still park comfortable if we go out after.

Dan needs a few things but could not find any shoes that fit right and we need to go top a Big & Tall shop for shirts.

At Nike:

Baylor got a pair of indoor soccer cleats, and I bought Treyner a pair of soccer cleats and nice white tennis shoes w/a blue swoosh so he has some to wear out that are not actual running type tennis shoes. Dressier tennis shoes if you will. His feet and his body have grown again. Size 12 1/2 shoe - 13 consistently and he is now 6' 3 and 195 pounds. Carsyn thinks she might grow still. I am letting her know not to expect too much!

All 4 pair of shoes, a USC hat for me and a 6 pack of socks for Baylor was right at $175. My shoes were the most expensive at $60 but I did not care. The last pair of tennis shoes I bought for myself was 2 years ago. I DESERVED THEM!!!! I also did not feel bad for not looking at the price tag and just going by comfort and fit.

Do you guys want me to post pics now...or see the clothes as I wear them?

We leave in 1 week and I am getting excited!!! Eye appt for me today and then take my Dad to the dentist. Tuesday Baylor has football. Wednesday Carsyn has a powder puff football game for homecoming week. Thursday kids have dentist and I have a party at my Dad's complex. Friday another party plus having a garage sale here to help my Dad out by selling stuff from his storage unit he decided he did not want anymore.

I also somewhere have a dentist appt. It is good we will be busy so I do not stress eat! I did buy some stuff from Schwans so the kids have meals ready to roll on top of what I have frozen. Getting that list checked off for sure. Oh - and we have 2 cake places to try out for the wedding when in Charleston. I have never had red velvet cake before but it sound delish and there is supposedly a top selling bakery there that specializes in them!

Anyone here want to describe to me what it should taste like? I know cream cheese frosting but other than that...clueless.

 

[Pamlur]

Dawn, do you have Little Debbies Snack Cakes there, in grocery stores? If you do, look for the "Petites" (they used to be 100 calorie packs, but changed the name and packaging); they have the best red velvet cakes I have ever tasted. Red Velvet is kind of chocolate, but more "mellow" in some way. I always thought they were just chocolate cake with red food coloring in them, but maybe not.

 

[YukiPhnx]

Wow, red velvet sounds super delish and decadent.

Might as well post the pictures as you wear them. Hope you can get that 30 by the end of the week!

I just realized, you'll be there when my best friend will be there!!

And good for you on buying those shoes without looking at the price. You d*mn well deserved them!