Dinner conversation question…

[anniemae]

I don't know, part of me loves that people are talking about sensitive life saving screenings out in the open. No more shame.

If you were offended, after a suitable amount of time went by and everyones questions were answered say something like, "Okay guys, let's move on to a less graphic topic of discussion." (said with a chuckle). Usually people get the hint and move on.

 

[tvguy]

I'm probably the wrong person to be asking.
My mom was a Surgical Nurse who worked the overnight shift while I was growing up, and had to help out in the emergency room. She would come home, fix me breakfast, and tell me about the cases they had overnight.
Then I spent 42+ years working in broadcast news, monitoring the police/fire/ambulance med nets and being privy to a lot of details of incidents that we could not, in good taste report.
So a meal time discussion of colonoscopies would not only not phase me, it would be mild compared to many meal time conversations I have had over my life.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd say that in the context we have (over a meal in a public place), that yes, this really wasn't the appropriate time/place for a detailed conversation. It would be one thing for someone to remark that they had had one recently, etc., and for another person to ask if it was difficult or some such, but the proper response should have been, "I'll tell you about it after dinner." So, IMHO, brief mention of it is fine, but specific details of the experience are not appropriate at a dinner table, particularly in a place where people at other tables might also overhear the conversation.

This all goes double when one of your dining companions asks you to change the subject while at table. Is it important to share experiences and calm loved ones fears about the procedure? Sure is, but there is a time and a place, and a restaurant meal isn't it, IMO.

Personally, I find gory details of ANY medical procedure or illness to be inappropriate during a meal, but particularly when the discussion involves digestive issues. I've told DH time and time again as we've gotten older -- if you catch me giving *details* of health problems during public social gatherings, just shoot me right there and then, because it will be time.

 

[disykat]

I'm pretty sure the problem was the details, not the fact that they mentioned it. I think someone above said it best. Save the gory details for another time if you're around people who could get grossed out. Stating in the first post that they couldn't get off the subject kind of implies lots of details IMO.

 

[lilmc]

Personally I’d find it an intriguing conversation at dinner. I work in a “gross” profession, so mere discussion at a dinner table is not going to come close to offending me. Also as someone with no obvious risk factors, but had a concerning result at my 45 year old screening colonoscopy, I’m all for the normalization of screening colonoscopies! Let’s talk it up! In my n=1, I learned some tricks, so I’m more than happy to share my wisdom.

Do I think that the topic was inherently offensive? No. If polite conversation redirection was ignored? Pull out your phone. It’s easy to ignore as we mindlessly scroll….

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I think the critical point here is that you voiced your displeasure with the topic…at least during a meal. We each have our own limits and you made it clear that this went beyond yours. That should have been sufficient to change the topic.

Personally, I would probably be fine with colonoscopy discussions, but I’d have to shut it down if Cologuard came up at the dinner table.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Dad was a dr and mom a nurse and they were both squeamish about discussing medical stuff in front of us kids. I seem to have inherited that -- talking about scans and other procedures just aren't something I talk about in public, even with close relatives. Dinner would be a no-go. especially after being asked to change the subject. As mentioned above, different people have different sensibilities.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Definitely an important conversation to have, but definitely not during dinner.

It was less than polite to bring it up then at all, but downright rude not to stop when you asked them to.

 

[Pink Partridge]

So-am I the stick-in-the mud, or was this just an inconsiderate topic?

Talking about poop, buttocks, instruments being inserted into buttocks, illness, etc. really isn't the best topic for dinner conversation out.

Our family is weird, so I wouldn't blink an eye if this conversation was happening over dinner at home.

But I don't think it is polite to discuss these things where other people at a restaurant may hear the topic.

 

[tvguy]

Dad was a dr and mom a nurse and they were both squeamish about discussing medical stuff in front of us kids. I seem to have inherited that -- talking about scans and other procedures just aren't something I talk about in public, even with close relatives. Dinner would be a no-go. especially after being asked to change the subject. As mentioned above, different people have different sensibilities.

Wow, when my mom was around her friends from the hospital medical stuff was the primary topic of their conversation, no matter where they were. Nothing squeamish about it.
I have posted before, the first Christmas after my now wife and I got engaged, the first Christmas gift my soon to be wife got from her future mother in law was in a box mom brought home from work. The box said 'Mammary Implant". Mom's dish rags were surgical sponges..........basically white towels that had been opened but not used and would be thrown out, so she brought them home. She called them blood soppers. We still have some, when my mom passed 11 years ago my wife made a point of grabbing those because they do work great as dish towels.
When my mom had to tie up plants in her garden, she used IV tubing that had been opened but not used that she brought home. And I still have a cauterizer that had been opened but not used. She used to bring those home and we would break them open and take out the AA batteries inside to use. Never met a medical family that didn't do the same.

 

[NannyBeBe]

I am the matriarch of my family and am blessed to have their respect. As such, if I were in the situation that the OP described, I would ask that the subject be changed. If I were in a different situation where the members of the party were not my family, I would probably ask the server to move me to another table.

 

[focusondisney]

Never met a medical family that didn't do the same.

I was an RN for 45 years. I never did anything like that. In fact, that would have been stealing, even if the items would have been thrown out. At the hospital I worked at, staff was fired for doing that.

 

[justafigment27]

It probably wouldn’t have bothered me, but I think it was super rude of them to continue after you asked them to change the subject!

 

[The Mayor]

Well the good thing is it's all behind you now!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

I personally prefer to keep my medical issues private, so it’s not a topic I’d be discussing with a group in public. If others choose to do so, it wouldn’t bother me, however, if someone made it known that they were uncomfortable and asked to change the subject, as you did OP, then IMO yes, that is inconsiderate. Also assuming the nieces are adults? I wouldn’t discuss something of that nature with children present.

Why? Children do not get icked out very easily.

 

[jimmymc]

In a family of doctors and nurses, it's a normal topic. Otherwise, you're probably right to ask to change it.

 

[OctavioHo]

You definitely weren't the stick-in-the-mud in this situation! Dinner conversations are supposed to be enjoyable for everyone, and colonoscopies, well, aren't exactly the most appetizing topic over pizza. I can totally understand why you wanted to steer the conversation elsewhere.

In my experience, sometimes family gatherings can get stuck on unexpected topics. It might not have been intentional rudeness, but just a lack of awareness.

If the lighthearted approach doesn't work, a friendly but firm request can be helpful. "Hey guys, I know this might be a bit TMI, but can we maybe move on from colonoscopies? There are so many other things we can chat about!" can be perfectly acceptable.

 

[Karin1984]

Was it a special occasion or just "I am not in the mood to cook, let's go for pizza"? Also could other guests overhear the conversation? How indepth was the conversation?

It's a difficult one, as why is the OP the one to dictate what is or isn't talked about, while the majority has decided on colonoscopies for a topic. On the other hand, if the OP is really uncomfortable and she has a good relationship with her table mates, it should be possible to find a different topic.

I am usually about the majority rules, but if someone is very uncomfortable that's not always a good rule of thumb.

 

[tvguy]

I was an RN for 45 years. I never did anything like that. In fact, that would have been stealing, even if the items would have been thrown out. At the hospital I worked at, staff was fired for doing that.

Once the sterile wrap was broken, the patient was billed for it. So no theft. Hospital felt it was better an employee take it home than have to throw it out.
Still have one of cauterys she brought home. She retired 39 years ago after 44 years are an OR Nurse. And apparently unused surgical supplies are a problem for hospitals. https://californiahealthline.org/ne...plies-wastes-millions-of-dollars-study-finds/

 

[Giraffe_Zen]

Gross topic to discuss at dinner, especially after someone asked them to refrain from doing so.