Where does your child "fit in"???

[LuvsTinker]

This thread really made me cry.

My oldest is about to turn 16. He's HFA, Bi-polar and ADHD. He has no friends, he has no hobbies outside of the computer, and he's flunking all of his High School classes. He does not fit in anywhere, and no amount of poking, prodding or activities when he was younger could get him to "fit in" anywhere. Even the other HFA kids in his High School don't want to hang out with him. He knows, but he really does not care if people like him or not. I'm at a my wits end with him, and am totally out of ideas.

(((Hugs))) 16 is a tough age even for many typical kids; I know all our kids are different even with their differences. I know a family who's HFA son is also Bi-polar and they went through a rough time during those teenage years. Their son is now 19 or 20 and he's starting to mature more and smile more (his mom is so happy just to see him smiling again), and he recently graduated HS. Hang in there

 

[kaffinito]

(((Hugs))) 16 is a tough age even for many typical kids; I know all our kids are different even with their differences. I know a family who's HFA son is also Bi-polar and they went through a rough time during those teenage years. Their son is now 19 or 20 and he's starting to mature more and smile more (his mom is so happy just to see him smiling again), and he recently graduated HS. Hang in there

Thank you! I appreciate the and here's one back to you!

 

[mdsouth]

For our DS, as the kids get older, I don't think it's so much that they find him annoying (he's actually a pretty easy going, fairly quiet kid), they just find him "different". But the older they get, and the more they realize that others reject them for being "different", the more heartbreaking it is for us to watch. What should we do?......I just don't know. I've never been up this road before. I find that these kids (HFA kids) are in a grey area when it comes to so many things in life.

It seems as if there's A LOT of HFA kids in the country (according to the news), and yet I still feel like we're pretty much the lone ducks in our school system. It doesn't make sense.

Well, we'll just keep plugging along and keep our chins up.

I can totally relate! The kids like our DS fine. He is easy going and agreeable, they just do not seek him out for group situations, or to play at recess or outside of school. It would be nice if he had a couple of close friends at school. Ones that want to spend time with him, and that would call him to get together outside of school.

He has one close friend like this, but they do not go to the same school.
Now that he is a preteen (12) I think it important for him to have a close friend at school especially since his teachers tend to have students pair up and form their own groups most of the time. My DS is left out, put into a group or works with an adult. It would be great if he was asked by a peer to be a partner or be in a group instead of having to have the teacher assign him to a group.

 

[Brightsy]

Ah shucks, this got me, too. My younger DS is 6 1/2 and is HFA. He'll still be in a self-contained classroom for 1st grade (but they teach a gen. ed. curriculum). His dyspraxia is too severe for mainstreaming yet.
ANyways, just yesterday some of the kids in the neighborhood came asking for my older DS (9 ADHD). I told them that he was on vacation. I asked them if they'd like my younger DS to play with them (these particular kids are actually my younger DSs age, but they and my 9 yr. old really like each other). The boys looked real hesitant, "Can he play ball?" They asked. I told them that they may have to help my young DS with the rules but that he can play. After a bit of thought they said sure... and after all that my son wouldn't be convinced to go outside... *sigh*

 

[Lavender_Blue]

I think the one things parents with autistic children forget is that as long as they have parents that care as much as you all do, they pretty much have all they'll ever need - at least emotionally speaking.

I don't have any children, yet. Two of my nephews have autism - one a little more than the other. I've seen my sister fret over what will happen to them and how will they fit in. Luckily, my nephews have been able to make friends somewhat - they don't really go out to houses to play much though. They like playing with each other more (they're not too far apart in age). And there have been tough times and triumphant times and times where my sister stresses over the future of her two kids.

And times where I stressed for her and my two nephews.

But then I thought about how I grew up and how I am. I can't say that my desires are the same as my nephews, but I can say that as I grew up...I didn't have very many friends and I wasn't in a lot of activities, either. I always wondered what it'd be like to have swarms of friends, but I was much more comfortable if I only had one or two (and generally only had one friend that I'd visit), but a lot of the time...I didn't like doing any special activities as a child. I liked to stay home and draw and watch movies. I liked sitting near my parents a lot and just being in their company and feeling like I was their pride and joy because I didn't get that sort of attention during school.

I was a really weird kid and I know my sisters and some of my teachers thought I had something wrong with me, but really, when I look at how my nephews seem to really enjoy simple day to day things...I think, maybe, like them, I just knew already what made me happy and didn't see a point to anything else?

Of course, as I got older, I did get interested in more things, but what my point is...yeah, it's scary thinking about the future...

But seeing the posts where people are scared, stressed, and sad...I just wanted you all to know - from this outsider's point of view...

The powerful love for you child and the ability to really accept your kid...how many parents can really give their kid that much?

I know it's probably not the most helpful post, but I was just so amazed and moved by how loving you all are and I thought it should be acknowledged.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

 

[kaffinito]

I think the one things parents with autistic children forget is that as long as they have parents that care as much as you all do, they pretty much have all they'll ever need - at least emotionally speaking.

I don't have any children, yet. Two of my nephews have autism - one a little more than the other. I've seen my sister fret over what will happen to them and how will they fit in. Luckily, my nephews have been able to make friends somewhat - they don't really go out to houses to play much though. They like playing with each other more (they're not too far apart in age). And there have been tough times and triumphant times and times where my sister stresses over the future of her two kids.

And times where I stressed for her and my two nephews.

But then I thought about how I grew up and how I am. I can't say that my desires are the same as my nephews, but I can say that as I grew up...I didn't have very many friends and I wasn't in a lot of activities, either. I always wondered what it'd be like to have swarms of friends, but I was much more comfortable if I only had one or two (and generally only had one friend that I'd visit), but a lot of the time...I didn't like doing any special activities as a child. I liked to stay home and draw and watch movies. I liked sitting near my parents a lot and just being in their company and feeling like I was their pride and joy because I didn't get that sort of attention during school.

I was a really weird kid and I know my sisters and some of my teachers thought I had something wrong with me, but really, when I look at how my nephews seem to really enjoy simple day to day things...I think, maybe, like them, I just knew already what made me happy and didn't see a point to anything else?

Of course, as I got older, I did get interested in more things, but what my point is...yeah, it's scary thinking about the future...

But seeing the posts where people are scared, stressed, and sad...I just wanted you all to know - from this outsider's point of view...

The powerful love for you child and the ability to really accept your kid...how many parents can really give their kid that much?

I know it's probably not the most helpful post, but I was just so amazed and moved by how loving you all are and I thought it should be acknowledged.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

Thank you for your kind words and your observations! Any kind well meaning post such as yours is very helpful!

Oh, and PS - I think most of us feel that we're lucky to have our kids!

 

[LuvsTinker]

I think the one things parents with autistic children forget is that as long as they have parents that care as much as you all do, they pretty much have all they'll ever need - at least emotionally speaking.

I don't have any children, yet. Two of my nephews have autism - one a little more than the other. I've seen my sister fret over what will happen to them and how will they fit in. Luckily, my nephews have been able to make friends somewhat - they don't really go out to houses to play much though. They like playing with each other more (they're not too far apart in age). And there have been tough times and triumphant times and times where my sister stresses over the future of her two kids.

And times where I stressed for her and my two nephews.

But then I thought about how I grew up and how I am. I can't say that my desires are the same as my nephews, but I can say that as I grew up...I didn't have very many friends and I wasn't in a lot of activities, either. I always wondered what it'd be like to have swarms of friends, but I was much more comfortable if I only had one or two (and generally only had one friend that I'd visit), but a lot of the time...I didn't like doing any special activities as a child. I liked to stay home and draw and watch movies. I liked sitting near my parents a lot and just being in their company and feeling like I was their pride and joy because I didn't get that sort of attention during school.

I was a really weird kid and I know my sisters and some of my teachers thought I had something wrong with me, but really, when I look at how my nephews seem to really enjoy simple day to day things...I think, maybe, like them, I just knew already what made me happy and didn't see a point to anything else?

Of course, as I got older, I did get interested in more things, but what my point is...yeah, it's scary thinking about the future...

But seeing the posts where people are scared, stressed, and sad...I just wanted you all to know - from this outsider's point of view...

The powerful love for you child and the ability to really accept your kid...how many parents can really give their kid that much?

I know it's probably not the most helpful post, but I was just so amazed and moved by how loving you all are and I thought it should be acknowledged.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

How touching. Thank you for taking the time to care And I'm sure your sister appreciates the concern you have for your nephews.

 

[KirstenB]

Thanks Lavender Blue. It's been a tough couple of days with our younger dd. Your post made me tear up, and run and hug her.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Ditto; Thanks Lavender Blue; that was really sweet.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I've been thinking a lot about where my sons fit in. They are both autistic. We are new to Kansas and are still trying to learn about the area. We put our oldest into mainstreamed gymnastics class. He really has no upper body strength and neede a lot of assistance. The teachers were as helpful as possible, but there were other students in the class and sometimes I could see ds just standing there trying to get someone's attention so they could help him. I just wanted to cry when I saw that.

We recently signed him up for Special Olympics in our area for soccer. There is no way he could do that in a mainstreamed environment. We'll see how that goes.

When we first moved here, a little boy came running over from next door and asked if our sons could play with him. The boys went out and played, with me keeping close watch. I talked to the mom of the neighbor and explained that our sons were autistic. After about 30 minutes of playing, my little guys came running back home because they were tired. My youngest had a meltdown. I guess it scared the kid next door because he has never come back to play with our sons. That makes me so sad for my sons.

 

[LuvsTinker]

When we first moved here, a little boy came running over from next door and asked if our sons could play with him. The boys went out and played, with me keeping close watch. I talked to the mom of the neighbor and explained that our sons were autistic. After about 30 minutes of playing, my little guys came running back home because they were tired. My youngest had a meltdown. I guess it scared the kid next door because he has never come back to play with our sons. That makes me so sad for my sons.

I have no wise words just hugs

 

[Nik's Mom]

I have no wise words just hugs

Thank you! A hug is more meaningful at times than words. Thanks again!