Spin the Bottle: Would you play? UPDATED WITH OUTCOME!!!

[greenyskp]

Im embarrassed to even have to write this.

My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 years. . We lived together for a year and half. We’re long distance right now, due to school and money constraints. He lives about an hour and half away. But we usually see each other every other weekend. He’s 24, I’m 20.
We’re going this weekend, to Tallahassee together, to hang out with his friends for Cinco De Mayo. There is going to be lots of partying.
I’m not much of a partier. I never got into the college party scene and I just don’t understand how that’s fun. Im more of a intellectual conversation at a jazz club with a glass of wine, kind of girl. In fact, most of my friends are in their 30’s, everyone says I’m mature for my age.

We never have had big problems, he's mature, and I have little to no complaints about him (other than the usual stuff) And this holds true for us being long distance, as it holds for us when we lived together.

Last night we were talking about the weekend, and he mentioned that everyone would probably play Spin the Bottle. I immediately laughed and said something like “as if we would play that” And he was silent, and was like “You mean you wouldn’t want to play?”

Needless to say it started an argument.

"He and his friends played in college all the time, he kissed boys, he kissed girls, its JUST kissing. EVERYONE else is going to play. Its “Just what they do”

I argued “ I never felt the need to play Spin the Bottle. Especially when I have a boyfriend. Im hurt that you would want to kiss other girls”

He argued “there is NO meaning behind it, its like an actor, kissing in a play, its just in fun! How i kiss you, and the meaning behind why I kiss you is different then Spin the Bottle”

"I asked him if he thought it would be ok for him to kiss random girls, away from me, what exactly does he mean by this?"

"He said of course its not ok for him to kiss random girls, that he loves me, but its just a game."

We argued back and forth for awhile. He finally said that if it affected me that deeply, we don’t have to play, and its not a big deal. Though he didn’t understand my side of things. Because apparently to me its about kissing period. But to him its about the meaning behind the kiss.

I told him if this was the rule, then I was going to play Spin the Bottle with my group of friends, since I don’t have feelings for them. And it doesn’t matter.

He said that was different, and he’d be upset. I said, how is it different? He said because were doing it in front of each other. And we’re talking about it beforehand.

So I am just lost. We’ve never had anything close to this kind of argument.
I know, that he has no interest in anyone else. He loves me, we’ll get married someday. We talk about it all the time. I trust him completely. This isn’t a ‘Is he cheating on me?’ Kind of thing.

I just wonder, Is it possible that he really thought this was ok? Im more hurt that I’m with someone who still wants to play high school games like Spin the Bottle. I thought he was over that stuff, I thought he was more mature than this.

How should I handle this?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Im embarrassed to even have to write this.


"He and his friends played in college all the time, he kissed boys, he kissed girls, its JUST kissing. EVERYONE else is going to play. Its “Just what they do”


How should I handle this?

Honestly, from your post you do not sound like a match. To add the "spin the bottle" aspect and on top of that he is kissing MEN, (not boys be REAL), as he is not in elementary school, I would suggest a break.
Sounds like he is experimenting with his sexuality in a non-threatening way. So to sum it up, he maybe gay (nothing wrong with that) but if you don't want to marry a gay man I suggest breaking up.
Of course he may not be gay, or even "know" he is gay (in denial). Either way I recommend giving him some wiggle room to figure it out.

If it were just girls, this is your "wake-up" call that you are just dating and should see other people. You can still "date" but see others since he is.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would not play and I would be furious if he played. How juvenile! The last time I was at a party where that was played was in 9th grade. DH and I were "going together" at that time, and even we sat that one out.

Maybe you could suggest some sort of poker game or something else to pass the time.

Denae

 

[greenyskp]

Honestly, from your post you do not sound like a match. To add the "spin the bottle" aspect and on top of that he is kissing MEN, (not boys be REAL), as he is not in elementary school, I would suggest a break.
Sounds like he is experimenting with his sexuality in a non-threatening way. So to sum it up, he maybe gay (nothing wrong with that) but if you don't want to marry a gay man I suggest breaking up.
Of course he may not be gay, or even "know" he is gay (in denial). Either way I recommend giving him some wiggle room to figure it out.

If it were just girls, this is your "wake-up" call that you are just dating and should see other people. You can still "date" but see others since he is.

See, I was afraid that, that was the kind of answer I was going to get.

He's not dating anyone else. He's not playing even playing the game. When he was saying he played back in college, this is talking 6 years ago. He's not gay. I've known him almost my whole life.

All he was saying is, when he was up there before, at parties, they played. He didnt have a girlfriend then, he played. His friends and him are all incredibly manly men. They are comfortable with their sexuality. They kissed, but for a fraction of a second and everyone laughed afterwards.

Did I mention part of his argument is that everyone is going to be somewhat drunk?

We're an adventurous couple. If you get the jist of what I mean. We're by no means conventional. This is a family board - So im not gonna describe what I mean. But while im not a party girl, behind clothes doors, we have a lot of fun. No too adventurous mind you. But im not freaked out by anything of the things your highlighting.

I just dont understand where this came from. And wanted some opinions.

 

[monkeyboy]

His friends and him are all incredibly manly men. .

Not that there is anything wromg with that

 

[Beth76]

Well, I don't think he's gay just because he plays spin the bottle and kisses other guys. I believe I played spin the bottle once in college when we were at a party. Of course, drinking was involved. But, it was nothing that we planned on doing it just came up in the course of the night. I have a picture of my husband (then boyfriend) kissing a very good male friend of mine because they were being silly-not part of the game. Someone probably dared them. I had no problem with it--still don't.

I also played strip poker with this same group of people. Fortunately I won. It's college, that's part of the college experience. If it makes you uncomfortable, then don't participate. It sounds like your BF won't either if you don't want him to so I don't see the problem.

 

[lovemygoofy]

How old are his friends??? I mean is your boyfriend still in college? Is this like a frat thing because I'm in my mid 20's and I think I played spin the bottle twice when I was around 16. First I think he is way too old for that and why would you want to? Some people take kissing lightly like it is just meshing lips agianst lips for a second (sort of like the first experiment kiss) but I still can't get beyond the whole age thing.

Are you sure that there isn't anything sexual in this group playing their game? Do they do other things that you don't know about, maybe you should ask? LOL, maybe he does the whole 7 minutes in heaven in the closet game Sorry not trying to be mean but this just boggles my mind and I don't even know what to say about kissing other guys other than its his perogative.

Are you still planning on this trip with his friends? If so, don't do anything you are uncomfortable with and don't let them pressure you into it. Sounds like that group needs to grow up.

 

[Phrebert]

He loves me, we’ll get married someday. We talk about it all the time. I trust him completely.

Then he should understand that YOU don't want to play.

 

[MScott1851]

We used to play "the kissing game" in college, too. When I was dating someone seriously, I wouldn't play, but more often than not, I usually wouldn't be at that type of party if I was seriously dating someone, you know what I mean?

But when I would just be at a party with a random date or by myself, this would often go on. Heck, we played it in the dorms, or at fraternity houses hanging out. We saw it as an innocent, fun game that reminded us of our childhood. None of the kisses I ever saw were more than just closed mouth pecks. It was usually more for laughs than erotic pleasure...

For that matter, there are some snapshots and video still floating around of me kissing my roommate at the time, courtesy of her boyfriend and mine (they are our husbands now). They thought it was hilarious. We recreated one during a reunion recently, and got the expected hoots, hollers, and whistles. It's amazing how two girls pressing their lips together for half a millisecond reduces guys to mush.

 

[greenyskp]

How old are his friends??? I mean is your boyfriend still in college? Is this like a frat thing because I'm in my mid 20's and I think I played spin the bottle twice when I was around 16. First I think he is way too old for that and why would you want to? Some people take kissing lightly like it is just meshing lips agianst lips for a second (sort of like the first experiment kiss) but I still can't get beyond the whole age thing.

Are you sure that there isn't anything sexual in this group playing their game? Do they do other things that you don't know about, maybe you should ask? LOL, maybe he does the whole 7 minutes in heaven in the closet game Sorry not trying to be mean but this just boggles my mind and I don't even know what to say about kissing other guys other than its his perogative.

Are you still planning on this trip with his friends? If so, don't do anything you are uncomfortable with and don't let them pressure you into it. Sounds like that group needs to grow up.

His friends range from 18-28. They are in school. My BF is not. Oddly enough, I jokingly asked him about 7 Min in Heaven. Saying well, if we were playing SPin the bottle, we should play that. His response was -
"i really wouldnt be comfortable with you in a room alone with a guy for 7 min"

Im still planning on going. He's very excited about the whole thing. I've never met all his Tallahassee friends. (sounds like i dont want to right..) We were just talking about his friends and this came up, he was just like...I wonder if we'll play, because we used to..

Its possible, that being a man, he was simply wondering aloud, and I, being a woman, blew it out of proportion.

 

[snoopy]

I've known my DH all my life too.....I can't imagine us playing spin the bottle with our friends, and I can't imagine him kissing other women (let alone men!) "in fun", unless it was something as simple as a greeting.

I guess I'm confused as to what the point is. Or maybe I'm old. But to me, spin the bottle is a game played among kids who are in their very early teens and not something that committed couples partake in, unless both parties are willing and interested in mixing it up a bit. Which is fine and dandy if that is what you are both into, its just not something I would feel comfortable with.

I do have to say that I saw a Sex and the City episode once where Carrie is dating this younger guy and they go to a party where Spin the Bottle is being played. The boyfriend is totally into it, Carrie is appalled. It certainly was the first time I have heard of adults playing spin the bottle (as it was for Carrie!), so perhaps its a generational thing?

 

[Steffi]

It could be his way of leading you up to other sexually experimental situations, like partner swapping. Stick to your guns and don't play the game.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I haven't played that game since I was in eighth grade! Ah, the memories!

Seriously, though, I'd tell him to grow up or hit the road.

 

[CheshireVal]

Dang, I didn't know anyone over the age of 16 played that game. It's such an immature, silly thing. I think both of you are far too old to be playing it, but that's just my opinion.

 

[momof2inPA]

Your boyfriend just wants to see you kiss another girl. I wouldn't do it, that's gross! Blech!

 

[disykat]

Count me in as another one surprised that anyone beyond early teens would play that game.

 

[lissawynn]

I haven't played spin the bottle since my 14th b-day party or was that seven minutes in heaven? Can't even remember...
Seriously, I would not be interested. I'm too tired to kiss DH most days, let alone strangers.

 

[greenyskp]

Count me in as another one surprised that anyone beyond early teens would play that game.

Glad i'm not the only one.

 

[minkydog]

something doesn't feel right and you know it, or you would'nt be in DIS asking total strangers for opinions. I don't know anyone who played spin the bottle past the age of 15. He obviously has something on his mind or he wouldn't have brought it up. You know him better than we do. I'd advise to keep both eyes open and listen to your gut. And before you get married, you better know him a whole lot better.

 

[Pam]

I've known my DH all my life too.....I can't imagine us playing spin the bottle with our friends, and I can't imagine him kissing other women (let alone men!) "in fun", unless it was something as simple as a greeting.

I guess I'm confused as to what the point is. Or maybe I'm old. But to me, spin the bottle is a game played among kids who are in their very early teens and not something that committed couples partake in, unless both parties are willing and interested in mixing it up a bit. Which is fine and dandy if that is what you are both into, its just not something I would feel comfortable with.

Yeah - what she said!!