My boss says I have poor social skills at work

[poor-social-skills]

I always thought that someone goes to the office to work not make small talk, but I guess not. I just got a performance appraisal from my boss and he told me I have POOR SOCIAL SKILLS in the office. What a crazy thing to say. Why would any one's social skills have anything to do with a someones work at a job?

My ability to engage people in work related conversation is excellent, he says. Where I fail is making people like me by engaging them in non work related conversation.

I asked him why in today's competitive business environment would I want to waste time talking to coworkers about their personal issues, the weather or the weekend, I am here to work.

I fought and fought with him about the issue and he told me to ask friends and relatives if they thought being social around the office had anything to do with performance (being a good employee). I decided to post this question on a few message boards and see what other people thought about the whole issue.

So, should "social skills" be considered important on a work performance appraisal if you are not in a sales job?

 

[Christine]

I think they are important. We have a few people here and there who have what I would call poor social skills. They kind of make everyone else uncomfortable.

This is not about how much of a party planner you are or if you are a fun lunch date or interesting to talk to over the cubicle.

This is about how you meld with the rest of the "team" members and how easy or difficult you make the working environment around you.

 

[RitaZ.]

So, should "social skills" be considered important on a work performance appraisal if you are not in a sales job?

It depends on the job. I mean if you're in a warehouse by yourself, then it doesn't really matter much. However, if you have to interact with others, be it customers or co-workers, then it does matter.

 

[Hedy]

I'd say that to a certain extent it's part of playing the game. Do you think it's a legitimate complaint or just something their making up? Is he referring to your intra-office social skills or to your skills with people outside your office?

 

[ConcKahuna]

It depends. If you work in an environment where you have to deal with other people ro departments, then yes social skills are important. If you work alone and don't have any interaction with other people at all, then no. Social skills and sales skills are two completely different things.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, you affect the office as a whole. You don't want to be the "stapler guy" in "Office Space".
At least be polite and pleasant. Are you completely silent?
Why would your boss say that?

My dd is 2 years away from college and I told her that the "partying" in college is part of learning how to socialize.
Now of course you do not have to get stinking drunk but you should learn how to navigate a social setting.

 

[Serena]

If it concerns your boss, then yes, it matters. If you like and trust your boss, then I'd ask for some examples of what needs help.
If not, then I"d work on being more friendly, helpful and caring to those around you.

 

[poohandwendy]

I fought and fought with him about the issue

LOL, you 'fought and fought' with your boss about this? That, in and of itself, suggests poor social skills in the office. JMHO

And yes, I agree with your boss.

 

[mickeyboat]

Yep, I agree with your boss. Social skills are important at work. We spend a god portion of our lives with the people we work with, and we want to surround ourselves with as many pleasant people as we can.

Denae

 

[Lisa_M]

DH probably has poor social skills at work and in general, but he is good at what he does. He is a draftsman, so people give him stuff to draw and he does it. When he has questions, he asks, but if it's cut and dry he just does it. He talks to other people, but is not the social butterfly that his "I do about 1/2 an hour of work a day after chit-chatting" office mate does. In general, he is not one that initiates conversations with anyone, but me or family.

I think that if you do not speak directly with customers or the public, then your lack of social skills shouldn't really matter. It also shouldn't matter if you don't have to work in a "let's be a team and work together" kind of place. Go to a psychologist, get a diagnosis of Asperger's and then your boss can't hold your "poor social skills" against you. Just kidding...well sorta.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I once got let go from a job because I wasn't "bubbly" enough. I was a receptionist at a law firm. I didn't think "bubbly" was a job description, but apparently it was. I was just very shy. This was when I was high school. Now I think I'm too bubbly! Being a little friendly doesn't hurt. It has certainly made my life a lot easier.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

I have to say they are important. If I had poor social skills, I would be an awful server! I know it's a sales environment, but most guests come in already knowing what they want. But if I'm just blah, blah and whatever and didn't make it fun for them, I wouldn't make the money I do.

 

[ConcKahuna]

DH probably has poor social skills at work and in general, but he is good at what he does. He is a draftsman, so people give him stuff to draw and he does it. When he has questions, he asks, but if it's cut and dry he just does it. He talks to other people, but is not the social butterfly that his "I do about 1/2 an hour of work a day after chit-chatting" office mate does. In general, he is not one that initiates conversations with anyone, but me or family.

Choosing not to be social and having poor social skills are different though. Your husband may not like to talk much, but he sounds like it would be reasonable to expect him to make an appropriate response.

 

[Camicar]

I fought and fought with him about the issue and he told me to ask friends and relatives if they thought being social around the office had anything to do with performance (being a good employee).

Let me get this right --
Your boss gives you a critique. And your response is to fight and fight with your boss?

Methinks it's not only your social skills that need work. It's your basic life skills. Common sense should tell you that you don't fight and fight with your boss about a critique. Frankly, you sound arrogant, rude, and combative. Quite honestly, if I had to tell an employee that they lack social skills and the employee response was to fight with me-- the boss -- about it, I'd be telling them to pack up their desk and get out to find a job where all they have to interact with is a blank wall.

Didn't you ever learn in kindergarten that one of the most critical life skills is playing well with others? If not, consider this a belated life lesson.

 

[Charade]

I once got let go from a job because I wasn't "bubbly" enough. I was a receptionist at a law firm. I didn't think "bubbly" was a job description, but apparently it was. I was just very shy. This was when I was high school. Now I think I'm too bubbly! Being a little friendly doesn't hurt. It has certainly made my life a lot easier.

Are you sure they meant "bubbly"? and not ****ly?

 

[ducklite]

I fought and fought with him about the issue

That statement probably says it all.

And for the record, I do think that it's important to have a few minutes of social chit chat with co-workers each day, it's what helps to bolster teamwork and a sense of community at the workplace.

Anne

 

[shortbun]

LOL, you 'fought and fought' with your boss about this? That, in and of itself, suggests poor social skills in the office. JMHO

And yes, I agree with your boss.

Ditto.

 

[froglady]

. In general, he is not one that initiates conversations with anyone, but me or family.
QUOTE]



Many people would think that he was snubbing them, and that he didn't didn't like them for no apparent reason, which would make them uncomfortable around him.

Chatting with co-workers from time to time about non-work related issues generally makes others feel that you recognize them as an individual, and generally like them. You don't have to go into personal details, or spend a lot of time, but having a more than nodding acquaintance but less than friends relationship with the people you work with daily is usually expected.

 

[lucas]

You don't want to be the "stapler guy" in "Office Space".

That cracked me up!

 

[ConcKahuna]

Are you sure they meant "bubbly"? and not ****ly?

I may disagree with your political views, but you are a hoot!