Inviting out of town guests to bridal shower

[Elinor Dashwood]

Hello,

Recently I asked a wedding related question and it was very helpful to read the replies. Now I have another question. Actually not so much a question as just plain curiosity.

My cousin (whom I am not particularly close with) is getting married. Her sister is hosting a bridal shower and sent me an invite. I live about 15 hours away so it's not feasible for me to go. But here's what I was wondering. Do people invite out of town guests that they know will not come simply to get gifts? Again, I'm not close with this cousin at all, she knows I live far away and won't be able to attend. I'm curious what some of you all think? I'm planning to send a gift regardless. Thanks!

 

[pixiewings71]

I invited out of town friends and family to my birthday party in a couple of weeks. For me it was not because I wanted more gifts (heck I don't want any gifts, I just want my friends to hang out with me) it was simply because I wanted them to know I wanted them to be there......
It would be my thinking that this invite was sent for the same reason.

 

[msjprincess]

I invite people that live far away because you never know if they will be able to come. I have cousins that live out of state but there may be a chance that they are going to be in town anyway or it may just give them an excuse to visit. Just because someone lives far away it doesn't automatically mean they can't or won't attend.

I think it's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't, things. Some people think you are looking for a gift while others will be insulted if they're not invited.

 

[smitch425]

I think it is appropriate to send an invitation to anyone that you WANT to come, even if you know that it is unlikely that they can make it. It is better to send one and get the regrets than not send one and have to deal with the "why wasn't I invited" questions.

 

[diznygirl]

I invite people that live far away because you never know if they will be able to come. I have cousins that live out of state but there may be a chance that they are going to be in town anyway or it may just give them an excuse to visit. Just because someone lives far away it doesn't automatically mean they can't or won't attend.

I think it's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't, things. Some people think you are looking for a gift while others will be insulted if they're not invited.

Yup.

 

[HM]

I would decline and send a nice card. No present.

That is what I've done in a similar in the past. Did attend the wedding and gave a gift then.

 

[Janepod]

I invite people that live far away because you never know if they will be able to come. I have cousins that live out of state but there may be a chance that they are going to be in town anyway or it may just give them an excuse to visit. Just because someone lives far away it doesn't automatically mean they can't or won't attend.

I think it's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't, things. Some people think you are looking for a gift while others will be insulted if they're not invited.

Ain't that the truth.

If it's a summer event, definitely invite everyone. People seem to travel more in the summer.

 

[eliza61]

Hello,

Recently I asked a wedding related question and it was very helpful to read the replies. Now I have another question. Actually not so much a question as just plain curiosity.

My cousin (whom I am not particularly close with) is getting married. Her sister is hosting a bridal shower and sent me an invite. I live about 15 hours away so it's not feasible for me to go. But here's what I was wondering. Do people invite out of town guests that they know will not come simply to get gifts? Again, I'm not close with this cousin at all, she knows I live far away and won't be able to attend. I'm curious what some of you all think? I'm planning to send a gift regardless. Thanks!

No. I invitte people to events because I want them to feel included. Yes, I am fully aware that my cousin in Mesa Arizona is not going to fly into Philly for my sons H.S. graduation but I love her and I want to share this exciting time with her.

Listen try not to see the "bad" side to every thing. maybe sis just made up a general master list of all relatives and is using that for every thing, Maybe sis didn't send out the invites at all.

Let me ask you, if you are not close to this person why are you sending a gift?

Here's what I think. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love between 2 people. Me myself, would not want a gift from some one I really know and some one who I am not especially close to. How phoney is that? I did get gifts from some of my mothers life long friends who I did not know but they were very close friends of my parents and I appreciated the well wishes.

 

[Coconut36]

I know there are 2 schools of thought on that. For my bridal and baby showers I did not invite anyone out of town as I knew they would not be able to attend. One of my aunts was extremely offended she didn't get an invite even though she wasn't going to attend..she felt it was wrong to "exclude" her

But on the flip side when you invite out of town people you know can't attend people think you are fishing for gifts and being greedy. Can't really win I don't think and you just have to go with what feels right.

I know someone who recently had a baby shower and did send invites to all out of town family/friends and said they did it in a "thinking of you" way (not that the invite had any special thing that indicated that to the recipient) knowing they couldn't attend.

 

[Disney Doll]

When it comes to family and weddings, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If you invite someone from out of town, fairly secure in the knowledge that they won't be able to come but you want them to know that you are thinking of them and including them as family, it's a gift grab.

If you don't invite family from out of town because you don't want them to think it's a gift grab, they get mad for being excluded.

OP, if you feel like sending a gift, send a gift. If you don't, then send a nice card.

Me, for family stuff, if I got invited and couldn't go I'd still be sending a gift. But that's me and God knows I don't make the rules.

 

[Hannathy]

No. I invitte people to events because I want them to feel included. Yes, I am fully aware that my cousin in Mesa Arizona is not going to fly into Philly for my sons H.S. graduation but I love her and I want to share this exciting time with her.

Thank You.

As someone who moved far away from both sides of the family it is very nice to be remembered! Just because we are far away doesn't mean we don't want to be included and know what is going on and to feel like they wish we could come to things.

No I can't fly in for every graduation or shower but I"m still part of the family and just maybe I can swing it to make it but at the least feel included and send something.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would decline and send a nice card. No present.

That is what I've done in a similar in the past. Did attend the wedding and gave a gift then.

Ditto.

 

[NYEmomma]

All of my extended family is out of town (state) and I always invite them to everything. Not because I expect gifts from them, but because I want them to know that I'd love them to come to whatever event it is that I'm having & that if not for the fact that they're far away, I'd want them to be there. My grandparents receive a invitation to DD's party every single year even though I know there's absolutely 0% chance they'll come. I do it because we invite all the other great-grandparents, so why shouldn't I invite them??

 

[Art 1]

Hello,

Recently I asked a wedding related question and it was very helpful to read the replies. Now I have another question. Actually not so much a question as just plain curiosity.

My cousin (whom I am not particularly close with) is getting married. Her sister is hosting a bridal shower and sent me an invite. I live about 15 hours away so it's not feasible for me to go. But here's what I was wondering. Do people invite out of town guests that they know will not come simply to get gifts? Again, I'm not close with this cousin at all, she knows I live far away and won't be able to attend. I'm curious what some of you all think? I'm planning to send a gift regardless. Thanks!

My guess would be that they are expecting a gift. That is why they sent you an invitation.

 

[ksjayhawks]

If it is someone that you are really close to, I would send the invitation. However, if you aren't close or barely know the person, then sending the invitation does feel like a gift grab as you know that there is a 99% possibility that they will not attend.

Decline the invitation. You do not even need to send a card as a shower is a gift-giving occasion so a card alone is not necessary.. You will be going to the wedding, so you will give your gift and card then.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Hello,

Recently I asked a wedding related question and it was very helpful to read the replies. Now I have another question. Actually not so much a question as just plain curiosity.

My cousin (whom I am not particularly close with) is getting married. Her sister is hosting a bridal shower and sent me an invite. I live about 15 hours away so it's not feasible for me to go. But here's what I was wondering. Do people invite out of town guests that they know will not come simply to get gifts? Again, I'm not close with this cousin at all, she knows I live far away and won't be able to attend. I'm curious what some of you all think? I'm planning to send a gift regardless. Thanks!

If you *know* darn well that I can't attend the event because of distance and you still send me an invite, then you are looking for a gift.

(Wedding invites not included because people will travel for a wedding.)

 

[bettymae1121]

I invited out of town guests to my baby shower (I didn't have a bridal shower) so they would feel included even though they live 100's or 1000's of miles away. Just because you're out of state doesn't mean you're aren't a part of my life. Some sent gifts and some didn't, but I didn't mind those that didn't as that's not why I sent the invite.

 

[clh2]

i was personally a little offended when I did not get invited to showers for my nieces and nephews since they are out of town. Please give me the opportunity to decide if I am able to make the trip. Thank you very much!

 

[msjprincess]

If you *know* darn well that I can't attend the event because of distance and you still send me an invite, then you are looking for a gift.

(Wedding invites not included because people will travel for a wedding.)

i was personally a little offended when I did not get invited to showers for my nieces and nephews since they are out of town. Please give me the opportunity to decide if I am able to make the trip. Thank you very much!

Like I said, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[englishteacha]

We're so far-flung in our family that everyone is "out of town." So we invite everybody. My nephew and his wife live in Iowa (the rest of us are in New England), and we know they can't attend every family gathering, but we invite them. They always send an invitation to their family events to us. They know we can't come, but it is nice to know that they'd like us to be part of their celebrations.

If you can't attend, sending a card is fine. Or don't send a card. Whatever.