Girl Scout Conflict: Help me approach this tactfully

[cabanafrau]

It appears that troop leader and daughter are exactly alike!

In any activity where money is involved, there should never be one family handling it. To protect all interested parties, you should introduce the concept of equal selling time and asking every family to sign up for a selling slot. If you are wanting to handle this without direct confrontation, contact your local council and ask for assistance in your situation. There are many experienced leaders who can attend troop meetings and help steer the leadership back to full participation. Remember, the troop belongs to everyone, not just the leader's family.

Ideally the girls would have voted ahead of time about how cookie proceeds will be spent, how booth participation will be assigned & credit given -- and whether the troop wanted to participate in the rewards or decline them and receive a slightly higher troop profit margin.

When I was a leader for my oldest & just a parent volunteer for my youngest it was hard for our troops to get enough cookie booth location times to allow every girl to have a shot at even participating in booth sales. As girls got older & therefore eligible to participate in a wider range of sports and other activities it became harder for girls to mesh their schedules with available cookie booth times so it wasn't uncommon for a few girls to do the lions' share of booth sales, which was understood going in. The girls resolved it themselves by making the decision of how to assign credit. Once the ridiculous prize rewards weren't a part of the equation they really didn't care much about sales credit anyway.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP, I encourage you to be prepared to shoulder a piece of the burden so that your daughter can have a troop that provides what scouting was designed to do.

That's exactly how my husband ended up being a Cub Scout leader.

 

[Wishing on a star]

In the one case I mentioned, where the leader embezzled tons of the little cub scouts hard earned fundraiser money... He got around policy by finding a friend, a 'partner in crime' to be the treasurer. It was pretty bad. Even worse when the kids were expected to show up for these 'fundraisers' sales, carwashes, chili suppers, etc... like every few weeks!!!!

Anyhow, to me, the thing with groups like this (and we have been involved in several) every member should be welcomed to participate. There should be inclusivity. There should be transparency.

 

[cabanafrau]

That's exactly how my husband ended up being a Cub Scout leader.

I went to a meeting to sign my oldest up for scouts and was quite surprised that because of bigger than expected interest there were no slots in existing troops available. One woman had already stepped up at a previous neighborhood leaders' meeting to say she would co-lead to open a new troop, but there had been no further volunteers. I arrived at scout sign-up night to the news that without a minimum of one more leader they couldn't sign up any new girls at all. As it is I was the only parent willing/able to volunteer and we were only able to sign up 18 girls out of more than 40 wanting spots because of the adult/girl ratios. By the next year we had pulled in another mother with a daughter the age of my co-leader's daughter and planned to expand our troop. By the time sign-up night came we decided that the two of them would continue with the oldest girls and I would form another troop with another mother with a daughter a year younger so that we could bring in as many as possible and my daughter and girls her age would continue to have a troop when the older girls moved up.

 

[cabanafrau]

In the one case I mentioned, where the leader embezzled tons of the little cub scouts hard earned fundraiser money... He got around policy by finding a friend, a 'partner in crime' to be the treasurer. It was pretty bad. Even worse when the kids were expected to show up for these 'fundraisers' sales, carwashes, chili suppers, etc... like every few weeks!!!!

Anyhow, to me, the thing with groups like this (and we have been involved in several) every member should be welcomed to participate. There should be inclusivity. There should be transparency.

During my leader training there was another mom in the classes who was scrambling to keep her daughter's troop able to go on because they had a parent take delivery of cookies for orders she had supposedly taken from family and friends, yet she would not pay the troop for. Apparently the leader/cookie mom had not followed the rules regarding signatures for receipt of cookies and the counsel could not assist them legally in seeking payment. It was a mess.

During my time as a leader and then later as a volunteer in my younger daughter's troop the rules became more and more stringent in an effort to allow a troop and the leaders to be able to receive support from the counsel, legal representation or collections agencies included, as long as all rules and procedures had been followed. By that point it would have been possible to formulate a scheme with someone else and make off with proceeds, but odds were that you had signed documentation along the way to gain the positions necessary to run the scheme and then the counsel would step in and bring their resources to bear, making it a very short-lived profit.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Are you sure your daughter's not taking it the wrong way? I'm not trying to discredit her or anything but could it have been taken the wrong way?
I'm cookie mom and do all of our booths with some help. When I'm at a booth, my DD is always there with me so gets more credit then others that are only there for a portion of the time. That's just how it is. It's my time and she's there so she gets the advantage. She's also 9. She is there to set up the booths with me and tears everything down. She has ways she likes things and when her friends try to move things around, she doesn't like it. She's been like this since we started doing booths when she was 5 in Daisies. This is our 5th year. She likes things in order. However, it is not bullying to me if she tells one of her friends they put the box in the wrong spot or faced it the wrong way (which she does quite often as she's just trying to keep things in order and the booth looking nice.) It also makes it easier for sales when you know where things are and in what order.

I didn't know that there was prescribed order in which the cookies go?

No, DD isn't taking things the wrong way. I see what is happening as it happens. This kid is being a bully. As for your daughter, it might help her to teach her that other peoples' contributions are as important as hers.

 

[mom2rtk]

I didn't know that there was prescribed order in which the cookies go?

No, DD isn't taking things the wrong way. I see what is happening as it happens. This kid is being a bully. As for your daughter, it might help her to teach her that other peoples' contributions are as important as hers.

The girl sounds like a control freak and it needs to be addressed. But I think people throw around the term "bully" way too much. I would save that term for more severe behavior (unless I'm missing something to the story).

 

[Happyinwonerland]

To the lack of other "leaders", I don't recall ever being asked. I think some parents would step up if we knew it was an option. As a new to scouts mom, I just assumed the scout leader was all there was.

I would pull DD from the booths, but she wants a particular prize that costs 250 boxes, and the booths would be the only way she will ever get that many. There are 6 booths a week for our troop.

I hadn't considered the potential for misappropriation of funds.There isn't a real accounting system in place. They just bring a wad on cash (a litteral wad of ones fives tens and twenties) that they allow the 9 year old to shove in her pocket and only she is allowed to handle money.

 

[cabanafrau]

I didn't know that there was prescribed order in which the cookies go?

No, DD isn't taking things the wrong way. I see what is happening as it happens. This kid is being a bully. As for your daughter, it might help her to teach her that other peoples' contributions are as important as hers.

When my daughters were scouts there was always a rule, there are no moms in scouts, only older Girl Scouts.

A kid gains a temporary advantage when their parent is in charge and the child is allowed to use that as leverage over their peers. In the end it's liable to backfire if the kid never learns to strive for their own agency or to have the confidence or ability to use authority in their own right. It's really dangerous when parent leaders don't understand that.

 

[cabanafrau]

To the lack of other "leaders", I don't recall ever being asked. I think some parents would step up if we knew it was an option. As a new to scouts mom, I just assumed the scout leader was all there was.

I would pull DD from the booths, but she wants a particular prize that costs 250 boxes, and the booths would be the only way she will ever get that many. There are 6 booths a week for our troop.

I hadn't considered the potential for misappropriation of funds.There isn't a real accounting system in place. They just bring a wad on cash (a litteral wad of ones fives tens and twenties) that they allow the 9 year old to shove in her pocket and only she is allowed to handle money.

I would be quite surprised if that comports with the rules for money handling today. There should be a cash box stocked with the designated change fund to begin the booth.

At that age girls were to receive the money from the customer and turn it over to the adult overseeing the cash box. If there was to be change made the girl was to tell the adult what she was turning in, what the customer's total was and how much change she needed to return to the customer. If correct the adult would turn the change over to the scout to complete the transaction. If the girl was incorrect the adult would correct any error and supply the scout the correct change. Older girls were allowed to man the cash box, but an adult was always to be directly observing all transactions.

We always had a set limit for how high we would allow the cash box amount to climb before we called for another adult volunteer to come and either remove the overage for safekeeping, or ideally take the funds directly to the bank for deposit in the troop account if during banking hours.

 

[usnuzuloose]

You are asking , if it were me I would be taking this parent aside alone away from the girls. But if we don't stop the bullying then who does? Who teaches our children to stand up and help stop it as well. This does not mean there has to be violence , but speaking up does do good. But that is me. I knew how it felt to be bullied and no one speaking up and saying anything.

 

[mjkacmom]

The girl sounds like a control freak and it needs to be addressed. But I think people throw around the term "bully" way too much. I would save that term for more severe behavior (unless I'm missing something to the story).

I don’t consider a 9 year old being bossy to a 5 year old a bullying situation. The term is thrown around too much. Bossy kids eventually get out in their place.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

This isn't a bullying situation, not even close. But the 9 year old is being a control freak, if it is such an issue I would bring it up with her parent or have your daughter ignore her and do what she wants. the 9 year old will learn eventually.

 

[mom2rtk]

This is really not a bad learning opportunity for your daughter. Many of these sorts of skills are taught in kindergarten and first grade. If she's homeschooled, she might not have had that opportunity yet.

 

[Southernmiss]

As to the comment that you didn't know you could volunteer, most all activities for youth are in dire need of many more volunteers than ever come forward.

Going forward, I would always assume another volunteer would be welcomed. So please don't wait to be asked, if you are able to volunteer. Step up!

 

[Happyinwonerland]

This is really not a bad learning opportunity for your daughter. Many of these sorts of skills are taught in kindergarten and first grade. If she's homeschooled, she might not have had that opportunity yet.

Being homeschooled doesn't mean she's never been around people. We have always had her in social activites- Gymboree/dance/tumbling/soccer/co-op/theater/library programs/ play groups, etc. She stands up for herself just fine around kids her age.

But a much older child repeatedly telling her that her ideas are wrong and making her feel like she did something bad, and pushing her, is not something she's had to deal with yet.

 

[mom2rtk]

Being homeschooled doesn't mean she's never been around people. We have always had her in social activites- Gymboree/dance/tumbling/soccer/co-op/theater/library programs/ play groups, etc. She stands up for herself just fine around kids her age.

But a much older child repeatedly telling her that her ideas are wrong and making her feel like she did something bad, and pushing her, is not something she's had to deal with yet.

I understand that. But lots of kids have all of that interaction plus being in a classroom with 25 other kids every day. Plus recess and lunch with kids of different ages. It's just more exposure to situations that might need some conflict resolution.

I hope things work out and you can help her resolve this. It's an important first step that she has you in her corner.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Yeah, the money handling is not how things are supposed to go. Even assuming the parents are completely honest and settling the troops books afterwards, they aren't doing things in accordance with Girl Scout guidelines. They are also missing out on a great opportunity for the older girls to learn about money, sales, making change, and so forth. Depending on how old the troop goes, older girls (middle school and up) could be doing things like tracking overall sales, sales broken down by type of cookie, figuring out the percent profit for the troop as a whole and per girl, and so forth. Obviously, this would require adult oversight, but it would give them some good business experience (how many Samoa boxes do we order next year? Was Home Depot a better booth than Walmart?)

It also seems like 6 cookie booths a week is excessive. I'm sure it varies from region to region, but that is a LOT of booths, especially for one family to do all the booth-running.

I know you're fairly new to Girl Scouts, and homeschooling in general, but I wonder if the lack of scout volunteers has to do with this family steam-rolling over other people. Maybe other moms gave up, and you don't realize because you weren't there at the time.

 

[mummabear]

Are you sure your daughter's not taking it the wrong way? I'm not trying to discredit her or anything but could it have been taken the wrong way?
I'm cookie mom and do all of our booths with some help. When I'm at a booth, my DD is always there with me so gets more credit then others that are only there for a portion of the time. That's just how it is. It's my time and she's there so she gets the advantage. She's also 9. She is there to set up the booths with me and tears everything down. She has ways she likes things and when her friends try to move things around, she doesn't like it. She's been like this since we started doing booths when she was 5 in Daisies. This is our 5th year. She likes things in order. However, it is not bullying to me if she tells one of her friends they put the box in the wrong spot or faced it the wrong way (which she does quite often as she's just trying to keep things in order and the booth looking nice.) It also makes it easier for sales when you know where things are and in what order.

It’s not bullying but it isn’t right. It’s not her booth, she is not in charge of it.
Her way isnt always the right way.

 

[leebee]

YOU NEED TO CONTACT YOUR COUNCIL NOW. There are SO many things wrong with this set-up, and especially with the money handling. Heck... up here, you have to register your booths with the council office and they limit how many each troop is allowed to have, so everyone has a fair chance at the fundraising. I used to serve on our service board and also worked for the council. This sort of situation is out of line with most of the regulations GSUSA had set for cookie sales. Just talk to someone at the council office, tell them you are interested in helping out and concerned that this parent has taken it all on herself. Work in your questions and concerns about how the cookie sales are being handled.

I'm cookie mom and do all of our booths with some help. When I'm at a booth, my DD is always there with me so gets more credit then others that are only there for a portion of the time. That's just how it is. It's my time and she's there so she gets the advantage. She's also 9. She is there to set up the booths with me and tears everything down. She has ways she likes things and when her friends try to move things around, she doesn't like it. She's been like this since we started doing booths when she was 5 in Daisies. This is our 5th year. She likes things in order. However, it is not bullying to me if she tells one of her friends they put the box in the wrong spot or faced it the wrong way (which she does quite often as she's just trying to keep things in order and the booth looking nice.) It also makes it easier for sales when you know where things are and in what order.

It's not bullying, it's being bossy. It is not "your daughter's" booth; it's the troops' booth, and everyone should have an equal opportunity to set up, sell from, and break down the booth. The other girls are as much a part of the troop as your daughter; she's not the manager of the troop OR the boss. There are many ways to run a cookie booth, not just one girl's ideas. I think maybe it's time for your daughter to stay home from a few booths and give the other girls a chance to participate and learn.