Farting Etiquette

[Southern4sure]

Tonight I ran into Walmart for a printer cartridge. I got behind a lady who was second in line. This lady took a few steps away and off to the side, almost in front of the person in front of her and she just stood there.

After a second, I smelled a fart. You know the kind that is silent but deadly and makes your nose hair curl. I looked around wondering where it was coming from and I hoped no one thought it was me, the smell never let up. The lady stood back in line after a few minutes, ready to check out. Then she let out a loud one so I knew who was farting. I looked at the items she was buying...oatmeal and cheese. Im thinking lady, you dont need any cheese.

Just as I was about to walk away, another cashier walked up to me and said, ma'am I will check you out over there. I ran, well not really but close enough towards the other cashier.

So, what is your farting etiquette?

 

[RobInBigKC]

Silence in public. Loud as a trumpet at home (and then blame it on the dog!).

-- Rob

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I like to leave people special gifts on the elevator as I exit.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Here's my strategy: look around, innocently, like "what the heck is that smell?" then glare at the person nearest to you and take a step away from them. At that point everyone else will assume it was the other person. hehehe shalavleeweegh (that's my very poor russian for "naughty")

 

[jonestavern]

Tonight I ran into Walmart for a printer cartridge. I got behind a lady who was second in line. This lady took a few steps away and off to the side, almost in front of the person in front of her and she just stood there.

After a second, I smelled a fart. You know the kind that is silent but deadly and makes your nose hair curl. I looked around wondering where it was coming from and I hoped no one thought it was me, the smell never let up. The lady stood back in line after a few minutes, ready to check out. Then she let out a loud one so I knew who was farting. I looked at the items she was buying...oatmeal and cheese. Im thinking lady, you dont need any cheese.

Just as I was about to walk away, another cashier walked up to me and said, ma'am I will check you out over there. I ran, well not really but close enough towards the other cashier.

So, what is your farting etiquette?

Southern!
I didn't think belles acknowledged farts!

Silence in public. Loud as a trumpet at home (and then blame it on the dog!).

-- Rob

Oh, Rob! I just knew you had musical talent!

 

[mselly13]

when my MIL was alive my FIL would silently fart in the car and then silently lock the windows....

 

[Southern4sure]

Southern!
I didn't think belles acknowledged farts!

Well, this is a subject that is never talked about among the Belles and we never, ever embarrass the person in question.

But my lord it was bad!

 

[manning]

I like to leave people special gifts on the elevator as I exit.

I had that happen on an elevator once. And it was one of those that travel about an inch an hour. We just about died. One person was so mad because he smokes and didn't have his matches.

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

An old friend of mine from high school would fart loudly, proudly, and frequently.

When we rode to college together and I drove, he always wanted to eat lunch at Taco Bell. Two bean burritos, nachos and cheese, and a large Dr Pepper did not make for a pleasant ride home.

He told me about something that happened years ago not long after his daughter was born. He and DW went out to dinner with DD. DW went to the restroom and left friend at the table holding DD. DD chose that time to prove that the talent is genetic and manifests at an early age. People turned to look, and he tried to cover by moving on the bench trying to make a fart-like noise, but no luck. He ends up pointing to DD and mouthing "it was the baby", which probably didn't endear him to onlookers for trying to blame a poor innocent child.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, this is a subject that is never talked about among the Belles and we never, ever embarrass the person in question.

But my lord it was bad!

"But my lord it was bad!" (Bless her heart--you forgot, "Bless her heart!")

 

[Southern4sure]

"But my lord it was bad!" (Bless her heart--you forgot, "Bless her heart!")

Your right but I had another kind of blessing in mind.

 

[angwill]

Oh my goodness, I am laughing so hard I am crying. Thanks for the laugh.

You should have said "oh my goodness lady what crawled up your butt and died today?"

 

[tinkbutt]

My Dbf likes to fart as he is getting out of my car when I drop him off somewhere EEEEWWW!!!!!

and unfortunately he thinks a dutch oven is hilarious but I am not amused!!!!

 

[Buckalew11]

Your right but I had another kind of blessing in mind.

Shh! Only if there were no children present.

For some reason when I read what you said about "a belle would never..." it made me think of a book I read called The Devil in the Junior League. Fun, fluff book. Check your library!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

My darling DH has a habit of farting in store aisle, then leaves me standing there so it looks like I did it. And it's always bad - real bad. For some reason, he almost always does it in a Hallmark store. Ticks me off, but I do love him so!

 

[npmommie]

OMG this is so funny!!!!!

last plane ride to orlando a nice distinguished well dressed older man sat next to me in the aisle seat............and proceeded to fart ( silently) several times on the trip. ( i kept blaming dh who was in the row in front of me..........and he kept swearing he didn't do it, I then figured out on the next one who the culprit was)

then at disney last year........in line for pirates of the caribbean............a farter is right in front of us..........omg it was awful and no where to run.

 

[scottishduffy]

Hubby will fart loud and proud at home, then blame the cat. we honestly have fart contests on occassion to see who can go loudest. They usually aren't violent toward the nose though. Occasionally he will fart in bed then pull the covers over my head to trap me.

At work I tend t release silent but deadly ones. I try to do this in motion as I walk down a hall. Just drop an Air Biscuit and keep moving. Sometimes I get the squeekers though where every step results in a *Fluff*. Gotta stay in motion so as to get far away from the scene of the crime. Watching others walk into it is kinda fun.

 

[tinkbutt]

Hubby will fart in bed then pull the covers over my head to trap me.

Dutch oven!!!! I get it to!! eewww

 

[ilovepcot]

I had a roommate that had horrible stomach "issues". She loved (for meaness) to get in my closet, shut the door and "gas up" all my clothes! Ewwww!

DH and I had a male friend that Beano couldn't even help. One night he, his DW, DH and I were in Victoria's Secrets. Our friend would walk in front of DH and let silent ones out, causing DH to nearly gag. DH got irritated with that and quickly went in another direction. Our friend decided to raise his leg out to the side, and let one rip. Snickering, he turned to look back at DH. DH wasn't there. Our poor friend turned white in the face and looked like he could faint. Standing where DH "should" have been were 2 young, beautiful girls (around 18-22) ! With utter disgust they called our friend a "filthy freak" and stormed out of the store!

This same friend was with us again at the Boardwalk when we went into an art gallery. Poor thing stunk up the place and customers were leaving left and right. When the last customer had walked out (with the exception of us 4) the store manager sharply called out to our friend and said, "I know it was you that ran all my customers off. Some of them could have been serious customers but now I'm left with you...nothing but a lookyloo"!!!


ETA: For you single women, this male friend of ours is now single and "looking". He's in Delaware and likes to travel. Let me know!!!!

 

[Southern4sure]

When I was a newlywed (21 yrs ago), I didnt know farts existed like the ones I was being introduced to thanks to dh. Anyway, I would always tell him to walk away or go the the bathroom when he felt the urge.

We lived in a 2 story townhouse and one day I had the windows up to let in fresh air. Dh comes home and begins to fart in every room. I said my lil speech as usual about going to the bathroom and etc.

Dh proceeds to walk to the window of our upstairs bedroom, sticks his butt out the window and lets the orchestra of farts begin. I was horrified! At the same time our neighbor was walking down the curb right under the window and yelled at dh...... I will not let dh forget