Are Bridal showers still something that happens?

[Disney Doll]

Just went to one during the summer, it was beach-themed because their honeymoon is on some island which slips my mind. They've been living together for a couple of years and have everything, so in lieu of gifts they requested money to help pay for their trip. I'm *still* trying to make up my mind if this was tacky or good sense.

Tacky.

 

[cabanafrau]

No ma’am. It’s probable I know people who had showers before they came into my life, but I’ve never known anyone going through the wedding process who has had a shower. I wracked my brain before I posted and came up with nada.

That seems so strange to me. Not saying I doubt you, simply saying it seems strange because bridal showers are still the norm here and I didn't realize there had been such a switch. Wouldn't hurt my feelings in the least, they are not my favorite thing by a long shot.

 

[belle032]

I've been to bridal showers in the past year, but I did not have one for our destination wedding last year. We've lived together since 2 months after we met and definitely didn't need anything. Our wedding was nontraditional and guests already had to travel to the event, so I didn't feel the need to have one. I was hesitant to even make a registry. The only reason I did was because people were asking where they could find it.

I'm probably in the minority with this, but I am completely OK with couples forgoing a traditional registry/shower/gifts and requesting things like gift cards to remodel their house, chipping in towards an amazing honeymoon experience, or donating to their favorite charity. To me, you can spend money on a kitchen appliance they may not need or you can give them the same amount of money and have them use it how they truly want or need to.

And believe me, I won't be upset if you choose not to have a shower!

 

[cabanafrau]

I think you meant to say, "It's the hometown of Larry Bird." That's the extent of my knowledge of French Lick anyway.

Nope, I gave every bit of info I have about French Lick -- it's a town in Indiana. The end.

I have no idea who Larry Bird is.

 

[mom2rtk]

Nope, I gave every bit of info I have about French Lick -- it's a town in Indiana. The end.

I have no idea who Larry Bird is.

All I know is it's somewhere Frankie on "The Middle" wants to visit.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Nope, I gave every bit of info I have about French Lick -- it's a town in Indiana. The end.

I have no idea who Larry Bird is.

lol.. I only knew it was a town in Indiana, because of Larry Bird. It sounds like a nice town though.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

I have no idea who Larry Bird is.

He played hockey.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

He played hockey.

You must know a different Larry Bird than I do.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

You must know a different Larry Bird than I do.

Short black guy right?

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Short black guy right?

Maybe, it is the same one.

 

[disykat]

People are saying that couples are choosing... it seems like couples are not the ones who choose since showers are traditionally given by friends and family.

Makes me speculate that maybe now that wedding "obligations " are getting higher in some demographics, and many couples are already established,the friends /family don't see the need?

 

[karmic]

Larry Bird played basketball for the Boston Celtics and was a tall white guy.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

That seems so strange to me. Not saying I doubt you, simply saying it seems strange because bridal showers are still the norm here and I didn't realize there had been such a switch. Wouldn't hurt my feelings in the least, they are not my favorite thing by a long shot.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t know anyone who married young. I have one friend who married in her late teens/early twenties (she may have had a shower but I didn’t know her then. I’ll have to remember to ask her.) Everyone else in my circles has been at least in their late twenties, if not early- to mid-thirties, by the time they married (or they haven’t married at all.) When you’re reasonably financially secure and you and your partner have owned a home together for several years already, showers just seem unnecessary and gift-grabby.

Heck, I don’t even see a lot of big white weddings, which I think is also the result of people waiting until they’re older to get married. Most of the couples I know, DH and myself included, have chosen to have smaller, more low-key affairs. Courthouse weddings, destination weddings, in-home weddings... I can only recall three that followed the traditional style people think of when they think of weddings. And I don’t know anyone who has married in a church.

One of those traditional style weddings was for a good friend of mine. She was 36 at the time and told me she didn’t want that type of wedding, but they were trying to appease the older generations in the family who wanted the big wedding (80 guests). She would put on the dress and get married in front of an audience, reception to follow, so long as she could cut out the shower, bach parties, speeches, dances, bouquet/garter tosses, and whatever else she said she felt silly doing at her age.

 

[ronandannette]

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t know anyone who married young. I have one friend who married in her late teens/early twenties (she may have had a shower but I didn’t know her then. I’ll have to remember to ask her.) Everyone else in my circles has been at least in their late twenties, if not early- to mid-thirties, by the time they married (or they haven’t married at all.) When you’re reasonably financially secure and you and your partner have owned a home together for several years already, showers just seem unnecessary and gift-grabby.

Heck, I don’t even see a lot of big white weddings, which I think is also the result of people waiting until they’re older to get married. Most of the couples I know, DH and myself included, have chosen to have smaller, more low-key affairs. Courthouse weddings, destination weddings, in-home weddings... I can only recall three that followed the traditional style people think of when they think of weddings. And I don’t know anyone who has married in a church.

One of those traditional style weddings was for a good friend of mine. She was 36 at the time and told me she didn’t want that type of wedding, but they were trying to appease the older generations in the family who wanted the big wedding (80 guests). She would put on the dress and get married in front of an audience, reception to follow, so long as she could cut out the shower, bach parties, speeches, dances, bouquet/garter tosses, and whatever else she said she felt silly doing at her age.

Could be...weddings are pretty much “anything goes” now, based on the preferences of the couple and everybody’s free to cobble together their own unique thing. Last fall we threw a fairly traditional “big fat wedding” for DH’s oldest daughter, although at 39 and with 4 kids she was hardly a “blushing bride”.

We weren’t involved with the planning - as the step-mother my role was pay up/shut up/show up, which I was fine with. If there were showers and a bachelorette event I wasn’t told about them and I never thought to ask.

Our own wedding 23 years ago was also very traditional (pre-reality television and Pintrest ha! ). We kept it very small and modest though because it was #2 for both of us; I was 29 and DH was 42. I never even considered a shower or bachelorette but some dear friends felt otherwise and got together for a surprise brunch - no gifts involved.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t know anyone who married young. I have one friend who married in her late teens/early twenties (she may have had a shower but I didn’t know her then. I’ll have to remember to ask her.) Everyone else in my circles has been at least in their late twenties, if not early- to mid-thirties, by the time they married (or they haven’t married at all.) When you’re reasonably financially secure and you and your partner have owned a home together for several years already, showers just seem unnecessary and gift-grabby.

Heck, I don’t even see a lot of big white weddings, which I think is also the result of people waiting until they’re older to get married. Most of the couples I know, DH and myself included, have chosen to have smaller, more low-key affairs. Courthouse weddings, destination weddings, in-home weddings... I can only recall three that followed the traditional style people think of when they think of weddings. And I don’t know anyone who has married in a church.

One of those traditional style weddings was for a good friend of mine. She was 36 at the time and told me she didn’t want that type of wedding, but they were trying to appease the older generations in the family who wanted the big wedding (80 guests). She would put on the dress and get married in front of an audience, reception to follow, so long as she could cut out the shower, bach parties, speeches, dances, bouquet/garter tosses, and whatever else she said she felt silly doing at her age.

I married 23 years ago, I was 28, I was one of the first out of our friend groups to get married. Most people here wait until later, I don’t know anyone who didn’t have a shower or traditional wedding.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t know anyone who married young. I have one friend who married in her late teens/early twenties (she may have had a shower but I didn’t know her then. I’ll have to remember to ask her.) Everyone else in my circles has been at least in their late twenties, if not early- to mid-thirties, by the time they married (or they haven’t married at all.) When you’re reasonably financially secure and you and your partner have owned a home together for several years already, showers just seem unnecessary and gift-grabby.

Heck, I don’t even see a lot of big white weddings, which I think is also the result of people waiting until they’re older to get married. Most of the couples I know, DH and myself included, have chosen to have smaller, more low-key affairs. Courthouse weddings, destination weddings, in-home weddings... I can only recall three that followed the traditional style people think of when they think of weddings. And I don’t know anyone who has married in a church.

One of those traditional style weddings was for a good friend of mine. She was 36 at the time and told me she didn’t want that type of wedding, but they were trying to appease the older generations in the family who wanted the big wedding (80 guests). She would put on the dress and get married in front of an audience, reception to follow, so long as she could cut out the shower, bach parties, speeches, dances, bouquet/garter tosses, and whatever else she said she felt silly doing at her age.

I married almost 30 years ago now in a destination wedding before destination weddings were really a thing. It was pretty much immediate family only and far from elaborate -- as in probably not in the same galaxy. Weddings are not really my thing, nor is being the focus of attention. I have my moments where I wish I were king of the world, but never do I wish for a princess moment.

 

[cabanafrau]

If the Larry Bird from French Lick played basketball it's no wonder I don't know him. I think my list of basketball players might fill one hand if I include Meadowlark Lemon from the Harlem Globetrotters. If the Larry Bird from French Lick played hockey he didn't play for the Red Wings. I'm no hockey expert, but I'm not completely clueless like I am with basketball.

Basically I'm marginally informed about hockey, quite sketchily informed about basketball -- and I know French Lick is in Indiana. Doesn't bode well for my prospects on Jeopardy.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

If the Larry Bird from French Lick played basketball it's no wonder I don't know him. I think my list of basketball players might fill one hand if I include Meadowlark Lemon from the Harlem Globetrotters. If the Larry Bird from French Lick played hockey he didn't play for the Red Wings. I'm no hockey expert, but I'm not completely clueless like I am with basketball.

Basically I'm marginally informed about hockey, quite sketchily informed about basketball -- and I know French Lick is in Indiana. Doesn't bode well for my prospects on Jeopardy.

He played basketball. The hockey thing was a joke.

You're not alone on your Jeopardy prospects. I don't know which character on The Middle is Frankie. I know sports, but my entertainment knowledge as a whole is severely lacking.

 

[gotomu212]

Except..... no one actually bought them any of the experiences listed. The company hosting the registry just cut the couple a check, having taken a percentage for themselves first.

The first time friends of mine had a honeymoon registry, we spent time considering the options and spent more than we normally would have to send them on a super fun excursion. I was not amused to learn that the registry just cut them a check that they used for other things. I didn't like the deception of it all. And why should a percentage of my gift be kept by a website? I won't use them anymore.

That is truly appalling. Were you comfortable enough with the couple to make your feelings known? I think I would have wanted to. If cash was what they were after they should have had the gall to ask for it.

Just curious but if either of you had spent the time to pick out a “tradition” item off a registry- a blender, coffee maker, dishes- and then found out the couple took it back to the store for the credit to buy something else would you still be upset and call the couple on it? I only ask because I remember for awhile right after college that was a thing a lot of couples did when parents said “you must have a registry and ask for sheets and crockpots” and then they’d take the stuff back for the money to spend on new career clothes, student loans, and bar money....

 

[luvsJack]

That is truly appalling. Were you comfortable enough with the couple to make your feelings known? I think I would have wanted to. If cash was what they were after they should have had the gall to ask for it.

It may not have been up to the couple. It may have been up to the company. Disney has a honeymoon registry and it does the same thing.