ADHD

[Jack Kerouac]

My oldest (8) has ADHD. He also happens to be smart and has a heart of gold. Since COVID, we've had a difficult time with medication being available (we finally found one that works, but its in short and irregular supply). We finally got enough medication for him for this month. The past few days (when we didn't have enough) have been horrible for me and him relationally. I've reacted poorly towards him and his behavior. Today, after proper medication, my son has been super sweet and helpful. I realized my reactions to him earlier this week were not his fault, but mine. I keep telling him I'm proud of him, but I want to do more. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[JediBonas]

No suggestions, but I've been there-done that and just wanted to send my support. I could have written this exact post.

 

[DLgal]

My oldest (8) has ADHD. He also happens to be smart and has a heart of gold. Since COVID, we've had a difficult time with medication being available (we finally found one that works, but its in short and irregular supply). We finally got enough medication for him for this month. The past few days (when we didn't have enough) have been horrible for me and him relationally. I've reacted poorly towards him and his behavior. Today, after proper medication, my son has been super sweet and helpful. I realized my reactions to him earlier this week were not his fault, but mine. I keep telling him I'm proud of him, but I want to do more. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Ugh, fighting the same shortages over here. We have begun rationing my son's medications and using them only on high mental demand days.

Will your son drink soda or coffee? Cold brew concentrate got my son through 6 weeks without meds a few months ago. He doesn't like straight coffee, but 2oz of cold brew with 6oz of chocolate milk tastes like his favorite iced mocha drink from Starbucks (MUCH cheaper too). Caffeine works the same way as most stimulant drugs, but it requires "dosing" every couple hours. My son would have his "iced mocha" in the morning and then another one at lunch (we put it in a plastic bottle in his lunch bag). It worked really well. My son won't drink soda (sensory issue with carbonation) but a Coke in the morning and again midday is working well for my friends 7 year old son when they can't get his meds filled.

I know it can be hard to be patient, but you really must work hard at staying calm and being supportive of your son. His behavior isn't in his control and this situation must make him feel very out of control and frustrated. We ALL act out under those circumstances, so as the parent, you need to be his soft place to fall. Remind him that you love him and that he will get through this.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

No suggestions, but I've been there-done that and just wanted to send my support. I could have written this exact post.

Thank you! It's helpful just knowing you're not alone.

 

[midwestdee]

Kudos to you for realizing your reactions weren’t helpful. I have a family member experiencing the same medicine shortages for her child. Best wishes as you work through this. Just remember every day is a fresh start , good luck.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Ugh, fighting the same shortages over here. We have begun rationing my son's medications and using them only on high mental demand days.

Will your son drink soda or coffee? Cold brew concentrate got my son through 6 weeks without meds a few months ago. He doesn't like straight coffee, but 2oz of cold brew with 6oz of chocolate milk tastes like his favorite iced mocha drink from Starbucks (MUCH cheaper too). Caffeine works the same way as most stimulant drugs, but it requires "dosing" every couple hours. My son would have his "iced mocha" in the morning and then another one at lunch (we put it in a plastic bottle in his lunch bag). It worked really well. My son won't drink soda (sensory issue with carbonation) but a Coke in the morning and again midday is working well for my friends 7 year old son when they can't get his meds filled.

I know it can be hard to be patient, but you really must work hard at staying calm and being supportive of your son. His behavior isn't in his control and this situation must make him feel very out of control and frustrated. We ALL act out under those circumstances, so as the parent, you need to be his soft place to fall. Remind him that you love him and that he will get through this.

Thankfully his school nurse is aware of the shortages and she's very understanding. He would love to be a regular soda drinker. Coffee, not so much. I will discuss this with my wife, especially with school ending soon for the summer. Our youngest loves coffee for some reason and always asks to have a sip of ours. We have had to do the same rationing with medication, saving it for school days, etc.

Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder to be his ally. He definitely needs me to be there and I need to be better and more patient with him.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Kudos to you for realizing your reactions weren’t helpful. I have a family member experiencing the same medicine shortages for her child. Best wishes as you work through this. Just remember every day is a fresh start , good luck.

Thank you! Definitely trying for a fresh start.

 

[DLgal]

Thankfully his school nurse is aware of the shortages and she's very understanding. He would love to be a regular soda drinker. Coffee, not so much. I will discuss this with my wife, especially with school ending soon for the summer. Our youngest loves coffee for some reason and always asks to have a sip of ours. We have had to do the same rationing with medication, saving it for school days, etc.

Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder to be his ally. He definitely needs me to be there and I need to be better and more patient with him.

I get the hesitation to give your kid soda. My friend was the same way until one day recently, he came home from school after having gotten a Coke somehow (she still doesn’t know where he got it from) and telling his mom "I was so smart today after lunch! I was able to do my math SO fast and I knew all the answers and I stayed so calm all afternoon, I didn't even get in trouble."

That was when she was like "desperate times call for desperate measures" and she let go of her hangup with soda and let him have 2 a day. These shortages are temporary, so as long as you explain to the kid why he is being allowed to drink soda, and that it's not gonna be a forever thing.

It's worth a try over the weekend just to see if it helps him.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Tonight hurt. Not between my son and me. But between my son and some neighbor boys. We have had issues with the family across the street for more than a year (and we've lived here for a year and a half, we've been yelled at via text and in real life by the parents) and I've come to accept it for me; I know they're idiots. But it's now affecting my oldest son. The neighbors had their son and neighborhood kids playing outside tonight. The boys across the street were making fun of my oldest, and even laughed when my oldest fell down when attempting to go inside, because he was so upset. The neighbor mom was outside during all of this and just casually looked at us to see if we would do anything. Basically, the mom is okay with her kids being mean to my oldest, but will flip out if our son does anything. My oldest said he saw her filming him as the neighbor kids were trying to be mean to him.

Normally, I would treat my son's reports as half-truths, just to be safe. But I have witnessed previous instances of her son and his friends being mean to my son and she does nothing. From what I'm hearing and seeing, it's encouraged.

I'm doing my best to support my son. And if I could move our family, I would. Just not sure what to do. Thankfully, he does have a few good, loyal friends. I've just never encountered parents so willing to raise their kids to be buttholes and somehow blame the buttholery on others.

 

[ozliz]

Just wanting to give you some words of encouragement. I’m not a parent but I work with a few adults with ADHD. They’ve all had differences in their experiences but all are very successful in their careers and workplace and personal relationships (as much as we know about their spouses being colleagues). While I’m sure there are hard days while your son matures and eventually has enough awareness to manage things for himself, I just wanted to let you know it will all be worth it.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Just wanting to give you some words of encouragement. I’m not a parent but I work with a few adults with ADHD. They’ve all had differences in their experiences but all are very successful in their careers and workplace and personal relationships (as much as we know about their spouses being colleagues). While I’m sure there are hard days while your son matures and eventually has enough awareness to manage things for himself, I just wanted to let you know it will all be worth it.

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it a lot.

 

[mdmost]

We've all been there. We're dealing right now with fighting the insurance company over step-therapy where they want us to try 2-3 other ADHD medicine options before they authorize paying for the medication they paid for last year (Jornay PM). It's frustrating because Jornay helps our picky eater avoid the 8 "I'm not hungry" side effect since it's extended release and given at night. She's 15 and we're almost of end of the year testing. It's very frustrating.

The best advice I can give is just to set expectations whenever you go somewhere with your ADHD kid. Give reminders of what is coming next. Set firm limits, especially with time. Breathe. It's hard, trust me. When he gets frustrated or angry, acknowledge his feeling and list why he might be feeling that way. "I can see that you're angry because of ______, that must be very difficult". Try to redirect if possible. Praise good behavior no matter how small.

Take time for yourself when you can.

 

[midwestdee]

Wow! Sorry to hear about the neighborhood situation. I think you may need to discuss it in a gentle, forthright way with your kids. Some people are just bottom feeding jerks. Wasn’t it Mister Rogers that said, “look for the helpers”? When you’re a kid your “circle” can be pretty small as to options. Let them know they can always talk to you . I’m glad your oldest has loyal friends, that helps. I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my “baby” is 39 and I still have days that I’m not sure I have this parenting thing worked out. Continue to be alert to the neighborhood situation. Best wishes.

 

[mdmost]

I missed your recent post. It's very frustrating having terrible neighbors like that. I do feel those are teachable moments for your kids. Empathy is in such short supply now. You can always circle back to how he felt if you need to redirect him from his own possible mean behavior. It's hard not to want to say something to the mom but I doubt you'd do more than just raise her defenses.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Wow! Sorry to hear about the neighborhood situation. I think you may need to discuss it in a gentle, forthright way with your kids. Some people are just bottom feeding jerks. Wasn’t it Mister Rogers that said, “look for the helpers”? When you’re a kid your “circle” can be pretty small as to options. Let them know they can always talk to you . I’m glad your oldest has loyal friends, that helps. I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my “baby” is 39 and I still have days that I’m not sure I have this parenting thing worked out. Continue to be alert to the neighborhood situation. Best wishes.

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. We received the kindest text from another mom about how when their son's friend gets picked on at recess, her son will get our oldest to help the friend being picked on. She said her son knows he can always count on our son. It was really encouraging to have another kid and mom notice our oldest son's kind heart.

Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever encountered and no words of warning would have been enough for me to feel fully prepared. What works for one parent and one child may not work for the same parent and a different child. I guess you just try to extend grace, admit when you're wrong, ask for forgiveness, and never give up.

Well, I hope my boys have a better life than I have, and I'm pretty fortunate in my own. It's nice to have solidarity with other parents who can also share their triumphs and struggles.

Thank you!

 

[Jack Kerouac]

We've all been there. We're dealing right now with fighting the insurance company over step-therapy where they want us to try 2-3 other ADHD medicine options before they authorize paying for the medication they paid for last year (Jornay PM). It's frustrating because Jornay helps our picky eater avoid the 8 "I'm not hungry" side effect since it's extended release and given at night. She's 15 and we're almost of end of the year testing. It's very frustrating.

The best advice I can give is just to set expectations whenever you go somewhere with your ADHD kid. Give reminders of what is coming next. Set firm limits, especially with time. Breathe. It's hard, trust me. When he gets frustrated or angry, acknowledge his feeling and list why he might be feeling that way. "I can see that you're angry because of ______, that must be very difficult". Try to redirect if possible. Praise good behavior no matter how small.

Take time for yourself when you can.

We have been there with the "I'm not hungry" too. He's already skinny, so anytime he wants a cheeseburger, he gets one. My sister has a daughter with ADHD and she stopped eating to the point they had to take her off the meds altogether. I hope your insurance finally does the right thing for your daughter.

We try to set expectations, but there's always room for improvement on our end.

Thank you for the helpful advice and the solidarity. I appreciate it!