A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[pearlieq]

Hi! I've been wanting to start a journal now for a while now. I used to keep one and had great success with it, but I got out of the habit. I'm hoping to use this as a place to record things, vent, and look for patterns/things I can improve.

About me:
I'm 25, I live in the Chicago 'burbs, and I've been married for about 4 years. I've been fat all of my life. I started looking different from the other kids around 6 or 7 and since then I've always been the fattest kid in the class, the fattest person in the room, etc. But, in a way, that's normal for me. I've been fat for so long it's really all I know how to do. My mom is fat, my dad is fat, all of my relatives are fat, and my DH is fat. It's just our lifestyle. Only that lifestyle isn't really working for me anymore.

Where I am now:
My all-time highest weight was 385 pounds. Over the last few years I've stabilized and come down to about 360. I'm about a size 28. I am 5' 10".

Where I want to be:
I've accepted the idea that I'm never going to be tiny. I'm a large person on top of being fat--we're all good Midwestern stock! I don't really have a concept of what it's like to not be fat. I would like to be healthy. For a long time it wasn't really that hard to be fat. But, as I'm getting older, it seems like my warranty has expired. I'm developing osteoarthritis in my knees and I've started to have back trouble. I'm flirting with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes, though none of those has fully developed yet. I don't have the energy or stamina I did as a kid. Plus I've been watching my mother's health deteriorate over the last few years (she's larger than me) and it's really been scary. I don't want to wind up like her.

I think my final goal is somewhere between 150 - 180 pounds. I'll know better when I get there. I'd like to find a happy balance where I can maintain a healthy weight/body but not subsist on cucumbers.

Goals:
There are certain changes I know I want to work on. I know there will be more in the future, but I figure I'll start with a few, work on them, then add others. Here are my priorities for now:
1.) I will journal every day--good or bad.
2.) I will eat breakfast every day.
3.) I will get some form of exercise each day.
4.) I will stop drinking sugar pop.
5.) I will only eat when I'm actually hungry.

 

[pearlieq]

3/5/05

So, not really a morning to brag about, but I'm comitted to journaling the bad with the good.

12pm (mistake one)

-Wendy's double cheeseburger combo w/fries
-Dr Pepper
-1/2 fruit bowl (shared with DH)

Sadly, this is not the worst meal I've ever seen. Still, I shouldn't have waited until noon to eat. I make bad choices when I haven't had breakfast.

1pm

-5 Samoas
-1 sugar-free Kool-Aid pouch

OK--the rest of the Girl Scout Cookies need to go to the food pantry--ASAP! At least I've managed to stop the snacking. We're having dinner with friends tonight and I'm mentally prepared to choose a good meal then. Wish me luck!

4:45pm

-2 whole wheat tortillas with peanut butter and raspberry all-fruit
-Big handful of baby carrots with a little light ranch dressing for dipping

Wow I got hungry this afternoon! Hopefully the fiber from the tortillas and the peanut butter will hold me for a while.

7pm

-2 potato skins
-1 Chicken tender wrap sandwich
-1/2 side salad with light italian dressing.

9pm
-1 1/2 pieces of cheesecake
-several peanut butter M&Ms

1:30am
-1 cup Phish Food ice cream

Soo...not the best day I've ever had, but not the worst. The best thing is that I felt like I was in control over the evening, even though I did eat a few appetizers and some dessert. I probably could have lived without the M&Ms and the Phish Food.

No exercise to speak of today.

 

[NYcpa]

pearlieq

Welcome to WISH.

You might want to take a look at the 150's club. Everyone there is very supportive whether you have had a good day or a bad day. The motto is to look forward. You can't do anything about the past. Everyday is a new day.

The WISH board has alot of challenges to allow you to set goals and post your progress. You set the limits you want to seek. Hope to see you on some of the other posts.

Good luck with you choices for dinner. Here is some pixie dust to help you

Onward and downward

 

[pearlieq]

3/6/05

9:30am

--1 regular bowl of Cheerios
--2T raisins
--1% milk
--a few peanut butter M&Ms

12:00pm

--1/4 cup roasted garlic hummus
--several veggie chips for dipping

2:00pm

--2/3 box macaroni & cheese
--1 1/3 hot dogs
--1/3 can pineapple chunks in juice
--several baby carrots
--Skim milk

6:00pm

--1 bag Smart Pop kettle corn
--Carb Countdown juice

8:00pm

--1 piece cheese pizza
--most of a delivery Chicken Parmesan (I left behind the cheese)
--most of my order of garlic bread
--Carb Countdown juice

I feel much better about today. Still not perfect, but I feel like I was in control and that I made the best of a lot of situations that could have been much worse. We were at my mom's all day, so there was a lot of negotiating and improvising to get from what she wanted to eat to something I thought would be healthy enough.

Not really a formal workout today, but plenty of activity. My mom was recently in a car accident and she still needs a lot of help. I spend almost the whole day doing housework, running laundry up and down from the basement, and doing errands. I did park as far as possible from the door at the grocery store and drug store to try to sneak some more exercise in.

 

[pearlieq]

3/7/05

8:15am

--1 regular bowl of Cheerios
--3T raisins
--1% milk

3:00pm

--1 Wendy's grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo
--1 small chili
--1 fruit cup
--Diet Coke
--1 All Abouts cookie
--1 sugar-free pudding cup.

I was starving! I took my mom for a doctor's appt. today and it took forever! There is no greater motivator for me than taking her to the doctor--it's like my own, live "Scared Straight" program. I don't want to be 57 and trapped in my own body. She was filling out forms and I realized that I didn't want that health history--the cancer, the back problems, the arthritis, the foot problems. Honestly, a normal-sized fit person would have bounced back from that car accident in a few days. She's going to be out from work for 3 weeks. She had to stay in the hospital for 3 days, whereas I bet she could have gone home from the ER if she wasn't carrying so much extra weight.

5:45pm

--Footlong chicken teriyaki from Subway
--Water
--2 All Abouts Cookies

I have to work for the next several hours to make up for the time I spend out today. I still want to squeeze in some activity today, even if it's just a few minutes on the elliptical and some crunches and stretching.

10:00pm

--2 packets of regular instant oatmeal
--1/4 cup raisins
--1 cup 1% milk

I'm on some kind of crazy raisin kick, apparently! My oatmeal is kind of yucky, so I didn't finish it. I'll have to tool with how I make it.

This was a pretty darn good day for me. Sadly, never did get any exercise, but I still ate very well today. I'm happy!

 

[DoeWDW]

Hi Pearlieq!

Welcome to the WISH Journal board!

Watching what you eat is hard but journalling every bite (the healthy AND the unhealthy) will really help you. You'll be amazed at how a few small changes can add up to lots of lost pounds! Keep it up!

Drink your water - 6 to 8 glasses a day (64 - 80 oz) if you can. Your body craves water and if you don't drink enough, your body will just retain it.

A little exercise is a great thing. Just adding a few more steps into your day can help. Parking further from the stores is a wonderful way to do that! Bravo!!

I think you're off to a great start!

Can't wait to see your successes along the way!

 

[pearlieq]

Thanks, NYcpa and DoeWDW for the kind words and support! I really appreciate it!

I will check out the 150's club. It looks really neat.

I'm still working on getting all of my water. It's always been a challenge for me. I think what I might start doing is incorporating at least one glass at each meal. That might help me get more during the day.

I do have a mini-goal. I want to be under 350 for our upcoming trip this May. I'm feeling pretty confident that I can do it!

My longer-term goal is to have 100 pounds gone before our cruise next March. That one makes me a little more nervous, but I keep trying to focus on one day at a time.

 

[jay-nee]

Welcome to the journals!

You have picked a great way to start. Journalling your food and feelings about your eating is a major step in the right direction.

Housework is exercise! Count it! Anything helps, believe me.

So glad you came to join us.

 

[pearlieq]

3/8/05

Work crisis early this morning, so I probably won't get a chance to eat until about 11 or so. I'm just grabbing a few seconds in the calm here to update. I was so happy to jump on the scale this morning. I had been at about 360 before we left for Vegas last week. I came home and the scale said 368 I thought I had done fairly well in Vegas, and we'd certainly done tons of walking. I was so bummed. It took me a couple of days to realize that I'd forgotten to take one of my medicines with me to Vegas. I regularly take Aldactone for my PCOS, which is also is a diuretic. I was also on my cycle, which I think caused me to retain some water. This morning I came in at 363, so I think we're back on the right track. I'm guessing I should be back to normal in a couple days and ready to focus again on my 350 goal for our WDW trip. Whew!!!

12:30pm

--2 turkey, broccoli, and cheese Lean Pockets
--large handful of baby carrots
--2 cups 1% milk

2:45pm

--1 sugar free pudding cup (Kozy Shack--I love these!)

The problem with trying to eat well, for me, is that when I do I'm constantly hungry. It takes a lot of calories to power a 360 lb body. When I start eating lighter, I'm hungry like every 90 minutes. I'm constantly trying to find something that is healthy that will keep the hunger at bay for a while. Maybe I need to add more protein.

6:15pm

--1 turkey sandwich on sourdough (tomato only) from Panera
--1 roasted corn chowder soup
--1 4" piece of sourdough bread
--1 apple

10:30pm

--1 regular bowl Cinnamon Toast Crunch
--1% milk

Another happy day. Still didn't do a workout. I ran some errands from my mom and I made sure I parked as far away as possible, but that's about it. I really need to figure out how to get motivated to exercise.

 

[pearlieq]

Welcome to the journals!

You have picked a great way to start. Journalling your food and feelings about your eating is a major step in the right direction.

Housework is exercise! Count it! Anything helps, believe me.

So glad you came to join us.

Thanks for the welcome and encouragement!

I see you're almost to goal--good for you! What an awesome accomplishment!!!

 

[pearlieq]

3/9/05

10:00am

--1 larger (abt. 2 cups) bowl of Cheerios
--3T raisins
--1% milk

12:45pm

--1 cup turkey chili with beans
--1 cup mashed potatoes
--1 cup peas
--1 1/2 cup low carb juice.

This was a great lunch--it held me for a long time. I didn't get hungry again until after 5pm. However, I didn't get dinner until after 7pm and I was starving!

7:30pm

--French Onion Soup
--Tango Chicken Sandwich
--Berry Lemon Cheesecake

This was a great meal at Applebees. I was nice and full and the food was really good.

 

[pearlieq]

3/10/05

8:30am

--2 packets Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
--3T raisins
--1 cup 1% milk

I like oatmeal for breakfast. It's hot, hearty, and filling. I'm having lunch with my mom today, but we're having sandwiches again, so I can manage that. I think there's going to be long stretch between lunch and dinner, so I'll have to plan some good snacks for the between time. Dinner tonight is at the Cheesecake Factory, so I'll have to work to find the right balance between enjoying it and staying resonable.

12:30pm

--Turkey sandwich from Panera (tomato only)
--Broccoli cheese soup (a splurge, but oh so good!)
--4" sourdough roll
--sugar-free Jones soda.

My lunch was so yummy! I got the broccoli cheese soup because I know dinner is going to be late and I wanted a bigger lunch to tide me over. I also picked up a Clif bar to help me get throught the afternoon. Hopefully I'll make it to dinner and not be so hungry that I lose all inhibitions and make terrible choices. I took a quick look at the Cheesecake Factory menu--I think I might get the turkey burger (no fries) or the teriyaki chicken. Neither one is exactly perfect, but better than the alternatives. I'm not really a salad girl. I already know DH and I will be splitting the low-carb cheesecake. I'm looking forward to it, and looking forward to staying in control of the situation.

5pm

--1 chocolate chip Clif Bar

9:00pm

--2 mini hamburgers
--Orange chicken (I ate all of the veggies, about half of the chicken, and a third to a half of the steamed rice)
--1/2 piece low-carb cheesecake
--Iced Tea

I spent about 10 minutes at the table agonizing about what to order. It's not like I get to Cheesecake Factory every day, and I was really, really hungry. I didn't eat perfectly, but I'm happy with the decision I made. The hamburgers were worth every calorie! The orange chicken was good and I think I managed it well and the cheesecake was great. Wonderful nut crust. All in all, I think the way I handled this could be something I could do for the rest of my life. I keep realizing that these are the types of decisions I'm going to have to make. Do I take advantage of a special occassion and indulge? If so, how much? Will it be worth it? There are things I'm going to have to learn to manage now.

Sadly, no exercise today, and tomorrow doesn't look good either. I think next week I'm going to try for morning workouts. I have to find a sports bra--I went looking for one tonight. No luck, but I did find a really pretty top!

 

[wilderness01]

Hi there and welcome.

 

[pearlieq]

3/11/05

6:15 am (yawn!)

--1 tomato & broccoli omelet
--3/4 cup melon & grapes
--1 cup skim milk

11am

--1 banana

2:45pm

--1 grilled chicken sandwich on a large ciabatta roll.
--4 slices melon

DH and I were judging a high school business competition today and both of our contests ran long so we were both starving by about 2:30. I thought I had ordered the best thing off of the coffee shop menu, but it turned out that the ciabatta was grilled, I think the chicken still had skin, and it all seemed to be kind of oily/greasy. I did the best I could, and it did feel really good to eat. I'm sure it will be OK if I just don't eat again until I'm hungry. DH made noises about ordering pizza tonight, so I've got to see if I can maneuver around that. Weigh in is tomorrow morning, so among everything else, I'm trying to avoid extra salt tonight.

7:45pm

--15 baby carrots
--2 salisbury steak patties with gravy
--1 cup mashed potatoes
--1 1/4 cup peas
--1 cup 1% milk

This was a hearty dinner. I'm stuffed!

10:45pm

--1 cup no sugar added light ice cream. (chocolate caramel--yum!)

12:00am

--1 cheese and breadsticks Handi-Snack (left over from earlier days. I was pretty determined at that point and managed to find it in the back of the pantry).

12:20am

--1 Wendy's Double Stack
--1 Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger
--1 biggie order of fries.
--2 sugar free drink pouches

Well, that was stellar. On the one hand, at least I thought about my choices. In the old days (they're in the past, right?) I could easily have ordered a double big bacon classic meal, biggie sized with a Dr. Pepper with some chicken nuggets and/or a frosty on the side. I can imagine how horrified most people would be to read that, but you don't get to 385 pounds on fresh salads! On the other hand, I do wish I had skipped this. I was hungry again. I'm starting to think being hungry is like being drunk--if affects my decisions and gets worse and worse at it progresses. This presents a problem. Like I said before, when I eat better food, I'm hungry every 90 minutes. I want to wait until I'm hungry before I eat, but there is a very steep slide between kind of hungry and absolutely ravenous. I'm going to need to learn how to manage this. On the positive side, I limited it to 2 smaller sandwiches, fries, and I resisted getting a full-sugar soda. Also, I had a strong craving for it and it tasted really good. On the con side, it's still way too much, and especially not at midnight. I could have skirted this whole issue by just going to bed on time. I need to think about this and come up with a strategy for how to deal.

 

[jay-nee]

You're doing a really good job on your food journal. Keep writing you feelings and thoughts about what you're eating and how you're feeling. It will really help to review it here and there too.

Just a few thoughts... try to fit in 5-10 minutes of walking or doing stairs (if you can) a couple of times a day. Once you make it a daily habit, your body will start to metabolize more effectively. Also, it looks like your food choices are better now, keep working on that.

What I found was that I was hungry ALL of the time before I started watching what I ate. But, I used to eat out of boredom, anger, and timing (it's supposed to be lunch, right? ). Now that I eat a more balanced diet - less processed sugar, less fat, and more protein - I have tons more energy! But, just make small changes daily or even weekly so your body doesn't think it's starving and you won't feel deprived. Very soon you will feel and see dramatic changes if you are consistant.

As far as a splurge, when we went to WDW in January, I was so determined to eat OP that I didn't order any desserts, but I had a small bite of whatever anyone else ordered and just savored it. I ate alot of food while we were there but I made better choices than I ever had before. I know my weaknesses and I make myself stay away from them (i.e., donuts, pasteries, etc.). Some days it's harder than others, but I love how I feel (and I'm starting to look) now, so it's worth it to me.

Keep up with your journal, you are doing the right thing. Is your DH watching what he eats too? My DH is my biggest sabateur. My kids are loving this eating healthy plan! Ironically, DH has lost 5 lbs without trying (probably because I am not replacing the junk food as he finishs it! ).

Enjoy your weekend!

 

[sarahsmom73]

Hi There and Welcome!

 

[pearlieq]

3/12/05 - Weigh in

352.5 this morning! Don't you just love those big first-week losses!

What boggles my mind is that when we came home from Vegas, the scale said 368. I mentioned earlier that most of the gain was from forgetting my medicine for a week, but it still astounds me that you can lose 15.5 pounds of ANY kind of weight, water or otherwise, in one week.

I'm counting my WISH weight from 360--that's what I was around when we left for Vegas. That's about 25 pounds down from my all time high. I've still got my personal goals:

350lbs by our May 1st Disney Trip.
300lbs by my birthday - Sept 21st.
260lbs by our March 2006 cruise date.

Goals for the upcoming week:

Add in any kind of exercise--even just 5 minutes per day
Go grocery shopping and stock the house with healthy foods

 

[pearlieq]

3/12/05

I woke up very late today and for some reason I'm just not in the mood to eat. I've got to go get something small for breakfast, though. Need to wake up my metabolism.

12pm

--1/2 cup turkey chili
--7 reduced fat Triscuits
--1 cup natural applesauce
--1 cup skim milk

3pm

--1 footlong chicken teriyaki sub (no cheese and I didn't even notice! There's 100 calories gone!)
--15-20 baby carrots

I've been drinking a lot of water today from my All Star Music mug. Water is not my favorite thing so it's always a struggle for me. I'll keep at it, though.

8pm

--1 packet of honey roasted peanuts
--1 grape Propel

Went to the movies tonight. DH and I split up, I saw Bride and Prejudice, he saw Hostage. I loved my movie! This is the first chance I've ever had to see a Bollywood film in the theater. It was so great! I resisted the movie snacks and instead snuck in my own healthier treat.

10:15pm

--hummus and pita wedges (I swear I only had 3 wedges, but DH thinks I had 4)
--Broccolini & sundried tomato pasta (I ate all of the veggies, all of the chicken, and about half of the pasta. This was very tasty.
--1/2 - 2/3 large piece of white chocolate strawberry cheesecake.

Ate at California Pizza Kitchen. The hummus was some of the best I've ever had, the pasta was all right, and the cheesecake--oh my goodness! Worth.every.calorie. It was one of the best I've had in my life. I'm so glad DH and I split a piece!

 

[DisneyEnthusiastic]

Welcome to the journals!! Yes...you do need to make sure you are eating...as much as you don't want to! There are days that I don't feel like eating...but know I have to...drink some water too...that can help get that metabolism rolling! Have a wonderful weekend!

Gail

 

[pearlieq]

Keep up with your journal, you are doing the right thing. Is your DH watching what he eats too? My DH is my biggest sabateur. My kids are loving this eating healthy plan! Ironically, DH has lost 5 lbs without trying (probably because I am not replacing the junk food as he finishs it! ).

Enjoy your weekend!

Thanks for the tips and kind words. So far DH has been inspiring me. He's diabetic and he's had a heck of a challenge. I'm not sure if I could have made all of the changes he's made. He struggles, which is normal, but he's trying. Lately he's mostly given up beef and has been trying to eat lighter foods for lunch. He's become quite the Subway junkie.

Weight loss is kind of a sensitive topic between us. I've never told him how much I weigh. I remember when we began dating I was specifically looking for a big man. I wanted us to be the same, so we could be in it together. It just felt more comfortable. He's very supportive of anything I do, so I suppose we can be "in it together" when it comes to being healthy as well.