You're in Grade 6 now so you can.......

[Dazer22]

What freedom do you allow your daughter in grade 6? It seems like all of a sudden they want to go everywhere without an adult around.

If you have a girl this age or had a girl this age how much freedom is appropriate ? It can be a difficult transition. How did you cut those apron strings ?

 

[mjkacmom]

My kids started between 4th and 5th. Ds10 walks to school, and can ride bikes with his friends around the neighborhood (6 blocks?). He has to carry his cellphone. On occassion, he can go to the local deli with his friends for lunch (our kids don't have to stay in). I've let him walk and bike across town to the pool.

Dd12 (7th grade) walks to school, can go local shopping after school with friends, walk or bike farther than ds alone (although she usually asks me to drive), and stay home alone, and sometimes babysit her siblings (actually, last night ds10 was babysitting for 1/2 hour, because the little ones were sleeping, DH was working, and I had to pick up dd12 at rehearsal).

Dd7 walks to school, and can, along with dd5 and ds5, be outside without me, and can go as far as one house either way (not big lots here). She's begging for a cellphone, which she is no way getting, since she's always around us or other adults.

 

[Reagan&Co.]

Well, being in middle school changed a lot socially but I have not changed much in my rules. I do NOT let her go off by herself, because 10-11-12 seems to be the prime age child molesters and rapists like to kidnap. Even though I have warned my DD, I still feel she could be trusting and become a victim. You never know....so I don't provide the opportunity.

I do leave her alone in the house, locked in, for up to 30 minutes or so while I run out very quickly to a neighbors' house.

I did let her walk around with friends over the summer at the local minor league ball games, but checked on them every 15 minutes or so.

No dating yet, even if it the boy asking the girl out and then breaking up a few days later. Kids that age are just too immature to handle realtionships!

So, my biggest thing is worrying about sickos running around town.

Good thread idea! Any other parents???

 

[LadyShea]

What kinds of places are you thinking about?

6th graders are usually around 11 years old, and judging by my almost 11 yo nieces (whom I often have for weekends and outings without their parents), I wouldn't let them anywhere in public alone (like the mall or movies), where no adult is responsible for ensuring they are behaving properly and staying roughly where they are supposed to, and not being stalked by weirdos. Perhaps they are both immature compared to others their age, but they haven't shown me they have the judgment and common sense required to move about unsupervised.

I do allow them some distant supervision, like letting them to play in an arcade while I am present in the building, but not hovering over their shoulders.

When I was 9-10, I was allowed to ride my bike to the library, or to the park, or walk to a friend's house or whatever without an adult, but I seemed to possess a lot more common sense than either niece has shown. Maybe it depends on the kid in question.

 

[mjkacmom]

What kinds of places are you thinking about?

6th graders are usually around 11 years old, and judging by my almost 11 yo nieces (whom I often have for weekends and outings without their parents), I wouldn't let them anywhere in public alone (like the mall or movies), where no adult is responsible for ensuring they are behaving properly and staying roughly where they are supposed to. Perhaps they are both immature compared to others their age, but they haven't really shown me they have the judgment and common sense required to move about unsupervised.

I do allow them some distant supervision, like letting them to play in an arcade while I am present in the building, but not hovering over their shoulders.

My dd was mature enough to go to the movies with a friend in 6th grade (matinee, small local theatre). Now, ds10 - no way! I took 9 of his friends to the movies for his birthday, and they were like a bunch of preschoolers! Why can't boys be quiet or stay still?

 

[LadyShea]

My dd was mature enough to go to the movies with a friend in 6th grade (matinee, small local theatre). Now, ds10 - no way! I took 9 of his friends to the movies for his birthday, and they were like a bunch of preschoolers! Why can't boys be quiet or stay still?

LOL. My DS is only 2.5, but a powerful energy source in and of himself. I can only imagine (and fear) what he will be like at 9-10 when boys seem to step it up even more.

My nieces are newly step-sisters. I only met the one 2 years ago when my brother started dating her mom. With my one niece, whom I met the day she was born, I can judge what she might do/not do on her own. I sort of know her strengths and weaknesses...but when she's with my new niece she seems to be more the follower, and my new niece is very secretive, quiet, and at times downright sneaky so I don't know what they might get up to.

 

[bwatlas]

Seems like not too long ago for me. Where we live is very rural, so nothing nearby to walk to, nor transportation, except parents.
It was a group thing here, and we parents took turn driving. One or two would take them to mall, they would eat, hang out, go to a movie, and come home by one or two parents, depending on how many kids there were. They also had (still have) co-ed adult supervised sleep overs. (I am a light sleeper). Two of the kids (one of them mine) have wii's, so it's rock band, guitar hero, and DDR nights/competitions and a movie rental. Girls sleep in her bedroom, boys are all over my living room. They're all good kids (honor roll!), us parents get along, and they just hang out together. They all live many miles and many farms apart, so there is no easy way to walk/ride bike to each others houses.
I believe its a comfort thing of knowing your DD and her friends, and learning to trust that she'll make the right choices without you around, too.
My DD 15 is now at that age where some of her friends are driving, and some have older brothers and sisters who drive, and wants to go with them. Now, that, I am having trouble dealing with . I won't let her ride with someone I don't know, and I haven't cut the strings yet to let her ride with a teen driver.

 

[Dazer22]

My DD 15 is now at that age where some of her friends are driving, and some have older brothers and sisters who drive, and wants to go with them. Now, that, I am having trouble dealing with . I won't let her ride with someone I don't know, and I haven't cut the strings yet to let her ride with a teen driver.

Oh boy, DRIVING , ; it really doesn't get any easier for a while. I'm thinking maybe when they are "30" LOL.

 

[bwatlas]

Oh boy, DRIVING , ; it really doesn't get any easier for a while. I'm thinking maybe when they are "30" LOL.

When she was about that age, in the tweens, I had warned her that I won't know nothing until she's about 25 , but I will give her some friendly advice. Seeing as how I'm the parent and all, and they're reaching that age where you hear 'i know' 'i know' 'i know'....
So we are now at that stage where she knows everything, I know nothing, but are able to sit and talk about choices to be made and such. I see what some of her friends are going through, with a mom who doesn't listen, or won't, and their relationship is rocky. I know it's a tough age, and being a girl doesn't help (hormones), but she has friends who feel so alone.
I am a lucky parent, I guess, as I have a child who does talk to her parent, and actually, I'm the 'cool mom' so the kids are always at my house!

 

[katieandallycat]

At 12 oldest DD was allowed to stay home for 30 mins. That was it, no walking to friends house, malls, movies, etc.
At 14 she is allowed to walk .25 miles to school (we live 3.5 miles away, so we park, where we can watch her till she is on school grounds). All her friends live too far away (closest one is 2.5 miles). We don't normally do movies, because they are too pricey, especially since when the come out we can rent them at the redbox for $1. She hates to shop, and talk on the phone... She still has some of her original minutes on her tracfone we got her for safety reason, 2 years ago.
My best friend's daughter loves to shop, when she wanted to go to the mall with 2 friends, she will drove them, they met up with one of the other moms, and she shadows the girls.

 

[pixiepower1971]

DD12/7th grade.

She is allowed to ride her bike with a friend or younger(10) sister pretty much anywhere on the military post we live on. She must carry her cell phone.

She watches her sister at night when her dad and I go out. She also babysits other kids in the neighborhood. She is allowed to stay home alone for hours.

When she is at dance( I drop her off at the door,come back to pick her up when she is done) she can walk a block or 2 with the other dancers while on break to get food.This is in the downtown area of a fairly large city.

Movies, malls with friends, walking around Disney with a friend/sister and checking in on phone...no problem.

She gets to go away to camp for weeks(sometimes as long as 5) in the summer.

She is a great kid with a very responsible attitude. DH and I feel that she can and has proven that she is capable of handling these responsibilities. If for any reason we feel she is not being mature about a situation we will pull back. I would rather give her freedom to learn how to be independent now then shelter her and have her not know how to handle the freedom when she is older.

 

[Schmoodle]

I have a 10YO 5th grade girl, and a just-turned 12YO 6th grade boy. We live in a VERY small town (everything is within a few blocks walking distance), but our Main Street ends at the on ramp to an Interstate, and traffic can get heavy through town if there is an accident on the highway. I worry about them wandering around town alone and getting snatched and swept off via the highway. Maybe I am paranoid... There are some kids in this town that have had free run since they were about 5YO.
Anyway, they are allowed to walk alone to friend's houses (within a block or two), together to the small general store (next block) or school (3 blocks). They are not allowed to be at a mall or other public place without adult supervision or at a friend's house if no adults. I will leave them home alone together with the door locked if I have to run a short errand, and I have my cell with me, but so far not for more than an hour or so, and only if I am within a 15 minute drive.

It is hard finding the balance. I have an older daughter too, 21YO now, and I remember these years with her. She was fighting for every inch of independence she could gain and I was fighting to hold on to as much control as I could. You have to know your kid, and what they can handle, listen to your gut, and then err on the side of caution if you're not sure. Stand your ground and don't let them do things just because everybody else is, if you are uneasy about it. You will never regret that you didn't let them go to the party, but if you let them have too much freedom and something bad happens, you will regret it forever. They will be grown up and free soon enough.

I seem to remember with oldest DD that it was around the time she turned 13 that I would take her to the mall to meet up with friends to shop or go to the movies, but I would stay at the mall and do my own thing and check in with them periodically.

Now when I was a kid, I lived in a much bigger town, and had free run of it on my bike. We just had to be home by the time the streetlights came on. But that was a different time!

 

[Narnia]

My DS 11(almost 12) can go out side and play with his friends w/o me. He can walk his younger brothers (7&6) to and from school they don't have to cross any busy street and is 4 blocks away.( I think that the other parents look down on me for not being a helicopter parent). I allow him to go to the store by himself ( 2 blocks away). He does the garbage and has to clean up after himself.

 

[katieandallycat]

I think that one of the differences with my oldest DD is, she doesn't seem to want too much freedom...
My youngest is asking when she could stay home alone, I feel they should be at least 12 (she's almost 10), but each kid is different. My youngest is mildly autistic so I would say 12 with her sister at home (she would be 16.5 by then). I use the "your sister had to wait till she was 12, so you have to wait too".
That said I do feel my 10 year old niece is responsible enough to stay home for short periods.