Second Chances. They are rare and hard to come by. But first some background:
SD19, now 21 weeks pregnant, defiantly left her residential program about a week into her stay. Back to living on the streets in denial back with her abusive baby daddy, the family unanimously had to let her go in the most difficult act of tough love yet. Once she was out of resources, the baby daddy left her. With a great deal of thought and effort, my wife and I let her come home. Meanwhilw SD23 and her boyfriend still living with us as well made for a very full house. This is not a blog about their story per say, but the amount of chaos and tension has increased a lot if you can imagine. SD23 and I have a negative history together only compounded as it is with us living under the same roof. SD19 suffers PTSD from multiple sexual abuse encounters as a child. Our relationship is turbulent, but ultimately grounded in a good bonding situation when I first entered the picture. Now living in the shadow of her abusers and her flake of a bio dad, I get targeted pretty often - especially as I try to rein in the chaos to keep the home stable as possible.
So what does this have to do with second chances? Well, ADD15 has struggled not to get lost in all this drama, very reminiscent of how DD16 felt when she was living us all those many years ago. Somewhere along the line during these long few months I picked up on that, but because of the self-help I have given myself (including starting this blog), I knew how to counter the demons that tore DD16 and I apart in the first place. Its like I stopped dead in my tracks, stopped playing the victim in my own house, be the protector I have really never seen me as until now.
While I did not have this instinct prior, the one thing I am grateful for is I don't dwell in the regret because circumstances being what they are I have DD16 back in my life again
Not saying all is perfect. The past few days have been emotionally intensive as I have not only rocked the boat with my standing up for myself and the household as my wife ADD15 and I want to see it, but I've capsized it. Out of the blue it seems I can even communicate to my wife how awful I feel without making it seem like her fault. Her reaction back to her two older daughters were amazing and I must admit very difficult for her to do.
ADD15 and I have started bi-weekly outings together. I have to admit I have been lax about that as I wrestle with a lot. A few nights ago we had made plans after work. SD19 asked me to drive her somewhere. I refused on the basis that my night was about ADD15 and I wanted to give her my undivided attention (not the words I exactly used). While it resulted in a mess (and there's more to the story that's not pertinent here), ADD15 and I went out and we actually had a meaningful talk beyond the small talk. It was open and honest and not sugar coated in the least. I learned a lot from her and I felt so empowered.
Tonight ADD15 and I are going on spontaneous visit to see DD16. DD16 got a new cat recently and we are gifting her a cat house we refurbished and has not gotten a lot of use from the household cat here. In my new frame of mind. It will be wonderful to have my two worlds together...Establish a foundation past and present...defying the distance of two separate houses. Even tho all my relationships back home may never be mended fully (there is always hope, but meshed in wth a touch of reality) I can hold on to a little good at a time, nurture that and pray it grows.