Help with Clingy Friend?

[tigerkitty]

Heeeyyyyyyy, miss me?

Anyways, I have this 'friend' that is super clingy. She'll send me seven texts in a row if I don't answer within a few minutes. She calls me her best friend just because I tried to help her through some drama. At lunch, she gets mad if someone doesn't save her a seat next to me and, what I hear from friends, complains about it in basketball practice afterwards. She is bringing a whole bunch of drama into my life that I was finally free of. Every time we talk, she asks, "Why are you here for me?" And I answer her. Yet she asks me every. Single. Time.

I'm afraid to say anything about it because she says that all her other friends walked out on her and I don't want to be like that. She gets mad when I don't answer her texts, saying that I never answer her, yet I text her more than anyone else. And she texts me during my shows. NO ONE TEXTS ME DURING MY SHOWS, BUT I CAN'T GET THIS THROUGH HER SKULL INTO HER BRAIN.

Any suggestions???

 

[MickeyisBeast]

talk to her.
friendships are just like relationships, you need to have communication. if something bothers you, you need to tell them in order to have a healthy friendship.

 

[disneyanney]

I agree with the above. I obviously don't know everything, so I can't say this for sure, but it sounds to me as if she's clinging onto you because others have walked out on her. Talk to her, but gently; just make sure that she knows you'll still be there for her.

 

[expeditioneverestgrl]

Just tell her gently so she doesn't feel like you're abandoning her (which I'm sure you're not). I had a girl that was clingy to me for last three years and I just told her gently to give me space. That didn't go so well with the girl though. :/ I moved away to Florida so I left her...thank gosh

 

[Fairywings]

Just listen to them. Sarah's right about the communication aspect. Good luck. Do remember that she seems to need you more than you need her.

 

[tigerkitty]

Okay, she just seems so fragile, but I'm going to talk to her today. Thanks for your suggestions!

 

[The Villianess]

Heeeyyyyyyy, miss me?

Anyways, I have this 'friend' that is super clingy. She'll send me seven texts in a row if I don't answer within a few minutes. She calls me her best friend just because I tried to help her through some drama. At lunch, she gets mad if someone doesn't save her a seat next to me and, what I hear from friends, complains about it in basketball practice afterwards. She is bringing a whole bunch of drama into my life that I was finally free of. Every time we talk, she asks, "Why are you here for me?" And I answer her. Yet she asks me every. Single. Time.

I'm afraid to say anything about it because she says that all her other friends walked out on her and I don't want to be like that. She gets mad when I don't answer her texts, saying that I never answer her, yet I text her more than anyone else. And she texts me during my shows. NO ONE TEXTS ME DURING MY SHOWS, BUT I CAN'T GET THIS THROUGH HER SKULL INTO HER BRAIN.

Any suggestions???

Well, I had a situation like this last year, and I must admit, I didn't quite handle it well, so I can tell you what NOT to do first.

DO NOT:

1. Talk about it with your other friends. If you need someone to vent to, then wait until you can write it in a notebook or tell your parents. It's not a good idea to get other people your age involved.

2. Allow her to get away with acting the way she does. You don't have to be mean to her, but if it comes to a point where she's smothering you, don't be afraid to speak up. (I sure wish I had said something.)

3. Place yourself in uncomfortable situations. For example, if she starts crying when you tell her, even if you said it nicely, calm her down, but you have to know when to remove yourself from the situation. Trust me when I tell you that my ex-friend started hysterically crying when she came to apologize to me over a small argument, and I didn't walk away from the situation, which made me look like the bad guy to a passerby.


DO:

1. Slowly distance yourself from her. You don't necessarily have to stop being her friend, but allowing there to be a little space between the both of you will give you a breather and it will be good for her. If you sit with her in classes, try to walk just a couple paces quicker to your next class, so that you don't leave her in the dust, but at least there should be some small distance.

2. Make sure she knows that you have other friends. This one is tricky, considering when I used it, my ex-friend blew up at me, but it's always a good idea to establish that you have other friends. Just be careful with this one, as I said, you don't know how some people can take that.

3. Talk to her about it. Let her know lightly and gently. It sounds to me that she's very emotionally attatched to you and values you highly as a friend, so letting her know gently is the real challenge. Wait until you're away from a large crowd of people and let her know that you feel uncomfortable. Make sure to choose the right words though, because every person is different and different words can set different people off.

4. If all else fails, don't be her friend. This sounds extremely harsh, I know, and you should only use this if necessary, but eventually something is going to click. You don't have to tell her angrily either, especially because she sounds fragile, but she has to figure it out for herself eventually. Just last month, my ex-friend asked me why we weren't friends anymore. I told her that there was too much drama in my life at that moment, and slowly, albeit surely, something finally clicked, and she realized that perhaps she had added to my stress.

I really hope this helps, or if it doesn't, at least maybe it will get you thinking about what you truly want in a friend. And if she doesn't get it the first time you tell her, don't worry, I had that problem too, and she'll understand if you tell her enough.

 

[eeboo]

I know how you feel! People like this have been a part of my life before and it causes a lot of stress.

If I were you, I wouldn't drag this on without telling her because it might be why her old friends "walked out on her". She would definitely benefit from a talk. I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but it might save her from a future heartbreak when she becomes too clingy to her significant other. Plus, if she's your real friend, she would listen to you and think about it. Her behavior also might be based off a larger problem in her life. I had a friend who was like this because her father was in jail for drugs and her mother kicked her out (she lived in a shelter for a while). She might just feel alone and like nobody loves her or cares about her.

 

[tigerkitty]

Well, I had a situation like this last year, and I must admit, I didn't quite handle it well, so I can tell you what NOT to do first.

DO NOT:

1. Talk about it with your other friends. If you need someone to vent to, then wait until you can write it in a notebook or tell your parents. It's not a good idea to get other people your age involved.

2. Allow her to get away with acting the way she does. You don't have to be mean to her, but if it comes to a point where she's smothering you, don't be afraid to speak up. (I sure wish I had said something.)

3. Place yourself in uncomfortable situations. For example, if she starts crying when you tell her, even if you said it nicely, calm her down, but you have to know when to remove yourself from the situation. Trust me when I tell you that my ex-friend started hysterically crying when she came to apologize to me over a small argument, and I didn't walk away from the situation, which made me look like the bad guy to a passerby.


DO:

1. Slowly distance yourself from her. You don't necessarily have to stop being her friend, but allowing there to be a little space between the both of you will give you a breather and it will be good for her. If you sit with her in classes, try to walk just a couple paces quicker to your next class, so that you don't leave her in the dust, but at least there should be some small distance.

2. Make sure she knows that you have other friends. This one is tricky, considering when I used it, my ex-friend blew up at me, but it's always a good idea to establish that you have other friends. Just be careful with this one, as I said, you don't know how some people can take that.

3. Talk to her about it. Let her know lightly and gently. It sounds to me that she's very emotionally attatched to you and values you highly as a friend, so letting her know gently is the real challenge. Wait until you're away from a large crowd of people and let her know that you feel uncomfortable. Make sure to choose the right words though, because every person is different and different words can set different people off.

4. If all else fails, don't be her friend. This sounds extremely harsh, I know, and you should only use this if necessary, but eventually something is going to click. You don't have to tell her angrily either, especially because she sounds fragile, but she has to figure it out for herself eventually. Just last month, my ex-friend asked me why we weren't friends anymore. I told her that there was too much drama in my life at that moment, and slowly, albeit surely, something finally clicked, and she realized that perhaps she had added to my stress.

I really hope this helps, or if it doesn't, at least maybe it will get you thinking about what you truly want in a friend. And if she doesn't get it the first time you tell her, don't worry, I had that problem too, and she'll understand if you tell her enough.

I know how you feel! People like this have been a part of my life before and it causes a lot of stress.

If I were you, I wouldn't drag this on without telling her because it might be why her old friends "walked out on her". She would definitely benefit from a talk. I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but it might save her from a future heartbreak when she becomes too clingy to her significant other. Plus, if she's your real friend, she would listen to you and think about it. Her behavior also might be based off a larger problem in her life. I had a friend who was like this because her father was in jail for drugs and her mother kicked her out (she lived in a shelter for a while). She might just feel alone and like nobody loves her or cares about her.

Thanks, guys. I finally got everything fixed (I think). Hopefully she doesn't hate me too much, but oh well. I explained everything, and she replied, "Okay then. You have a good life without me."

She's probably steaming, but this is a huge breath for me. But thanks, guys. I took your advice, and it worked better than I thought. I know her response doesn't sound too good, but I think everything will be fine.