Can't Invite the Whole Family

[VelvetGloves]

Good evening,
If all goes well, I hope to be married at Disney in an Intimate Wedding. Unfortunately, I can't invite all of my extended family members. For anyone who has had this problem, do you have any suggestions? How did you deal with it?

Thanks in advance,
VelvetGloves

 

[diswedwish]

Here's what we did...

DH and I (FH at the time sat down and *really* discussed all the pros and cons of having so few guests as well as a Disney wedding. My family is very small, his is very large, so while it was okay with me, I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't have any regrets.

After we agreed that we would be okay with the number of people, we decided that although his family consisted of several more people, we wanted to split our guests evenly - 4 from my side, 4 from his. My family was fine with this, as was his (surprisingly, we were extremely worried that this would *not* go over well with his family).

Now, one event that helped us quite a bit... His sister got married about 6 months before us and had a huge affair - 100+ guests, full Catholic Mass, mansion reception. So we were seen as the good guys for not competing with her wedding as well as getting to see his entire family en masse then. We were approached at her wedding by several family members telling us they thought that we had the right idea with an intimate wedding, all positives, no negatives like "how dare you not invite us", etc. Personally, we watched everything thinking "we are *so* we're not doing this, that, and the other". We saved a lot of $, and really felt that we had time to spend with our guests.

In the end, everyone was happy and most importantly, we were happy with our decision and didn't regret having so few guests. Everyone was very supportive of us, and while we never ended up having any type of reception at home, we never missed that either.

However, every couple is different. While we were happy, I know many of my friends who wouldn't have been. It takes a lot of careful thought and honesty from both of you.

Good luck, I'm sure whatever you decide you'll be happy

 

[hmp2z]

Hi! We had a reception at home after the wedding. This way we were able to share pictures with everyone without the hassle of having a big wedding.
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[Laura]

Try not to worry about it too much. Every bride, no matter the head count, can have a problem with the guest list. There seems to always be family who invites themselves or Cousin Irving -- who hasn't seen you since you were born -- is now miffed because he didn't get an invite and now your grandmother is getting an earful and wants you to invite him. Just explain the kind of wedding you're having and budget constraints. If they're still peeved, there's not much you can do about it. It is your wedding, so it's supposed to make YOU happy.

Heather's post-honeymoon reception sounds like an awesome idea, too. And it wouldn't have to be fancy or anything terribly expensive.

 

[tinkerbela]

i must admit it was hard to not invite everyone that i would love to have at my wedding. a handful of my friends are full time college students and only have part time jobs. i felt bad no even considering inviting them, but it was better on their part for not having to deal with as many headaches planning their trip and saving as we are just planning our wedding. we do plan on having a big party when we get back. that way, we can invite everyone we want!

 

[D&R love Disney]

We are planning on having a big party a month after our intimate wedding. This way everyone can come including my DF's children (they can't get out of school for the wedding). The party is going to be at a hall, we can decorate it ourselves, have it catered and have a DJ. It'll be a great time and no one will feel left out.

 

[ahutton]

We've actually been on both sides of this situation. For our own wedding we invited "immediate family" only, which for us was less than 30 people. We had many friends and long time coworkers who initially indicated they would have liked to come, but realized the expense would be prohibitive. We, like Heather, did a party at home about 6 weeks after the wedding. We did it at our house, invited everyone we would have invited if we had done the wedding at home, and did inexpensive barbecue food (burgers and hot dogs), several friends brought covered dishes to share, and we ordered a cake from a local grocery store bakery. Some family that were not able to make it to Florida were able to come to Arizona for that celebration.

Friends of ours decided to get married in Seattle, which was a few hours from where is parents lived, and where all of her family except her parents lived. They then rented a "party room" that was available through their neighborhood homeowners association and did an afternoon appetizer and cake party. They had done disposable cameras for everyone who had attended their wedding, and thus had several rolls of film that had been developed and had them all around the room for us to see. We would have loved to have gone but having just paid for our own honeymoon it was just not possible, and it was not in their budget to include anyone but family.

Hopefully those who truly love you will understand the limitations and reasons why it is the best for you. We, and our friends, found that to be the case.