DD dressing phobia princess

[4kids4karen]

Originally Posted by mjkacmom

And my dd9 won't wear most of the clothes from Justice, because dd11 says they're for babies! They both like P.S., and they're cheaper. Unfortunatly for dd11, as much as she wants to be a fashionista, she's really, really tiny, and won't be able to wear junior sizes until well into HS, if at all. Dd9 will be shopping at the "cool" stores way before her big sister (although they're both the same size now).

Dd16's petite friends joined in with the Justice is for babies in 6th grade, but then once they got to HS, realized there weren't many other options for fashionable clothes for the 12 and under set, and went back. So I do see a market for some of the clothing at Justice, just not for the elementary school crowd (although they do have appropriate clothing for them, as well).

My 4th grader finally is over her Justice phase. Thankfully, I was getting tired of their clothes because as I like her to dress more preppy. I think Justice recycles styles over and over and just changes the colors.
I guess I don't understand how Justice is not age appropriate, it's jeans, t-shirts, dress shirts, skirts, tank tops, and pajamas. They sell the basics. A lot of their clothes are also made for layering. Not one outfit on their models is revealing.

Most of her friends are also starting to move away from justice for school clothes.
She likes to shop for abercrombie clothes now.

[Juliet25]

OP, the behavior described in your subsequent post sounds very controlling and goes beyond saying "princesses are for babies." Your DD should be commended for sticking up for herself. It sounds like she needs a new group of girls to hang out with. It will only get worse.

[Gorechick]

My DD had girls in FIRST grade telling her princesses weren't cool. Luckily, she's not in the same class as the main perpetrator and she wears princess stuff in second grade. I tell her "to each their own" and that if someone else doesn't like what she likes then too bad for them.

[2Pirates2Princesses]

Originally Posted by Gorechick

My DD had girls in FIRST grade telling her princesses weren't cool. Luckily, she's not in the same class as the main perpetrator and she wears princess stuff in second grade. I tell her "to each their own" and that if someone else doesn't like what she likes then too bad for them.

Back when my oldest daughter was in first grade, I was amazed by how many girls in her circle of friends thought the princesses were for babies! These were six year old girls! These same girls knew all the lyrics to all the songs in the High School Musical movies in kindergarten and first grade. Little girls grow up too fast. Are the princesses only for toddlers and preschoolers now?

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by 2Pirates2Princesses

Back when my oldest daughter was in first grade, I was amazed by how many girls in her circle of friends thought the princesses were for babies! These were six year old girls! These same girls knew all the lyrics to all the songs in the High School Musical movies in kindergarten and first grade. Little girls grow up too fast. Are the princesses only for toddlers and preschoolers now?

It is so sad girls and boys are pressured to grow up so fast. FIRST GRADE too old for princess'? I have to think these are girls that haven't been exposed to WDW.
DD9 knew a lot of the HSM songs in kindergarten, but that is because her older siblings were in the play in HS. So, she was a quick study.

[Alesia]

Originally Posted by Deesknee

Thank you all for advise & comments.

I probably should have mentioned DD is my 4th. I have been this road before & her growing up isn't my worry. I am proud of the young lady she is becoming, in her time. I have encouraged her to become more self - sufficient, and with certain shirts she knows she must wear a bra. My older kids are almost 22, and I am so pleased they never caved to peer pressure, BUT, they are triplets and had each other for support.

We also had the issue of elf on the shelf being fake & Santa this Christmas. Kids at her school informed her they are both not real. We have ALWAYS told our kids do not ask us ANY question that they don't TRULY want the HONEST answer to, because we will NOT lie. When the time came that the older kids asked about Santa, we told them "Santa" is love, and caring, and generousity, all of that exists if you want to look for it. When/if they pushed the issue, we would remind them only ask questions they truly want the answer to, then DH would say, Santa believes in you, people that don't believe in Santa maybe he doesn't believe in them enough to bring them gifts. Now, I'm sure many are going to say how that is like telling your child if you don't believe what I want you to, I don't believe in you. Well, we have 3 very intelligent, responsible, loving adult children that are living proof, it did no harm. DD9 very much wants to still believe. It was mentioned a couple of times. She loves that Santa is caring, loving, generous. And I reminded her as we dropped off our gifts for the less fortunate, that she is being Santa by doing that.
But, back to the issue at hand. Perhaps I should have given more details. She was told she should never wear her hair down, always up in a HIGH pony tail, no princess clothes, no dresses, only jeans & sweatpants. eyeshadow is okay, but only lightly. Barbies are for babies. (DD's ONLY request from Santa this year was a Barbie Dreamhouse), OH, and my personal favorite, she needs to learn to wiggle when she walks. Oh, yeah, and she is expected to donate money to the school change war in exchange for this life lesson.
And what really bothers me, DD's 2 favorite things about our recent trip...BBB and CRT. But, now she feels she can't share that stuff with these "friends". I told her to find friends that have things more in common with her. After talking to her big sister & brothers, along with me & her dad. She has decided if she is approached again she will tell this girl loudly & certainly, she doesn't need to be popular. " If I have true friends, they will like me for who I am, even if they don't like the same things." That isn't such a bad thing I guess.
As far as where we shop. We use hand me downs that come from places like Justice", LL Bean and some of the other places like that. But, I shop where they fit DD, where I feel they are appropiate for DD, and where SHE likes them from, and where we can afford & still have family vacations. (like our family addiction WDW) Sometimes it's Walmart, sometimes it's Target, Macy's.
I truly appreciate everyones comments. Each has value. Honestly, I wish she had been a twin. Raising triplets was so much easier when it came to stuff like this. noone messed with the girl. She had a very protective manner when it came to her brothers. I guess it helped that the girls had crushes on one of her brothers, and many of the boys had a crush on her. They weren't what was considered "popular", but there was another set of triplets and between teh 6 of them, well there was enough popularity to keep them serene. Except for one of my boys was a target of extreme Bullying, but that is a story for another day.
I wouldn't say that what DD is going through now is bullying....yet. But, what if the "popular" girls think not having your first kiss by age X is not cool, or drinking, you all get the picture.
Plus, the word popular. DD said popular kids are jerks. I told her that is NOT true. I know many people who would be considered popular. But, they aren't popular because of what they wear, or don't wear. They are popular because they wouldn't hurt anyones feelings. The ones that walk away from gossip. They don't make a huge issue about sticking up for someone necessarily, but they walk away from it.
Boy, even after almost 22 years of it. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever done!

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by Alesia

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

? What is a "Heather". What am I missing? Remember I am...mature....21 year old kids... What's a heather?

[Alesia]

Originally Posted by Deesknee

? What is a "Heather". What am I missing? Remember I am...mature....21 year old kids... What's a heather?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/

[nchulka]

Originally Posted by Alesia

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by Alesia

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/

Thanks. When my older dd was about 9 it was "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees", the book "Mean Girls" was based on. I remember reading it and trying to figure out which of her classmates were the Queen Bees. hahaha. Looking back, I wasn't too far off.


Thanks again to everyone! DD was out of school yesterday. (honestly sick), but is back today. No mention of the incident at all until we pull up to the school. Then she casually says, "I'm just going to tell "so & so" that I don't want to be popular if it means I have to change. Then, I'll just go to the back of the line". (they line up to file into the school). Little drama's of school years.

I do want to mention something a friend of mine said when I told her what had happened. Very simply she said, "do you think that is how the pregnancy pact started"? For anyone who isn't familiar. A few years ago in a town in MA there were several girls who all got pregnant in HS. It was said that these girls had agreed to get pregnant together while in HS. And made a pact to the effect. Very sad. A movie , it may have been made for tv movie, was made based on this event. And when it happened I remember thinking back to the mid 80's when several girls in my DSIL's group all seemed to get pregnant within a very short time frame. We live in a small town, so a teen pregnancy at that time wasn't the norm. But, when my friend mentioned this..... wow! Sort of makes me wonder. What else kids do to "be popular". Scary!

[Queen2PrincessG]

Let me prefeiceint with :I'm RUDE! and I am who I am and don't care what people think.

If my daughter came home and told me this story I would tell her to flip all the popular kids off and wear what she wants. What makes a 1st grader popular? really? I mean come on. If they hit their peak that early it's going to be a long 15 years for some of them.

She should wear what makes her happy simply because it's easier to please one person: yourself.

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by Queen2PrincessG

Let me prefeiceint with :I'm RUDE! and I am who I am and don't care what people think.

If my daughter came home and told me this story i would tell her to flip all the popular kids off and wear what she wants. What makes a 1st grader popular? really? I mean come on. If they hit there peak that early it's going to be a long 15 years for some of them.

She should wear what makes her happy simply because it's easier to please one person: yourself.

I wouldn't tell her to flip them off, but I wanted to. You are so right, it is a lot easier to please one person, especially if it is yourself!

[Pesky]

Ugh, I dread the day. I've been reading lots of books like Queen Bees and Little Girls Can Be Mean. I agree with pps -- 2 buckets here. One, it is normal to try and dress to blend in with the crowd. I get that. But the level you are talking about goes beyond that. It begs the question of is she truly their "friend" or more like their lap dog? If I am ordering someone around, telling them how to dress and basically trying to exert complete control over someone, I am no friend. I am a power broker trying to make a conquest. So maybe the question back is "hey, thanks for the advice but I want to do something different and like my hair down, etc. If you are a true friend, you will want me to be me and not try to be controlling." The other thing is that while I can get her not wanting to confess to liking to play with barbies or liking princesses with her friends, it's okay to do that at home. Like the princesses. So she admires these women who evince qualities like kindness, intelligence, caring, trust, bravery. Plus they get the wonderful life of a princess. Ummmmm, what is wrong with that? Hopefully she can start to see how this is working and make her own way.

[ktlm]

You're just lucky it didn't hit until 4th grade. My first grader was told by a couple of girls in her class (and some boys) that Disney Princesses were for babies and she shouldn't like them anymore. Luckily, my first grader has a strong personality and told those girls that she can like whatever she wants. It still bothered her though even though she thinks they are wrong and isn't going to let them dictate what she likes or wears or carries as a backback or lunch box. Of course the main girl that told her that is the one that when I went to the class Halloween party was dressed as an NBA cheerleader, in tight gold lame booty shorts, an extremely tight shirt, high heeled white boots, and heavy make-up. I just about choked when I saw her. I think it is what I refer to as "older sister syndrome". Let's just say that while she is beautiful and may be a perfectly nice girl, I'm not sorry they aren't close friends. I don't want DD to grow up too fast, which appears to be that kid's track. Sounds like she is gearing up to be the type of girl that you are dealing with wanting to control your daugther.

As far as Justice clothes, I think they have lots of things that would be age appropriate for a 7 year old. A ton of the kindergarten and first grade girls show up in Justice at DD's school pretty much every day and they look really cute. I think that store is mostly for the 5-10 crowd. Some of it is a matter of how you put the stuff together- i.e. the short skirts are made to have leggings underneath. If DD was asking for Justice clothes, I definitely think we would find stuff there that would work. Unfortunately for my pocketbook, she has some sensitivity issues with clothes; and extremely sensitive skin (can get rashy from certain materials, seams etc); and is a Hannah Andersson addict, who doesn't care that she isn't dressed like the other girls (we don't have an HA store where we live so you don't see that much of it in her school)

OP- Good for your DD! Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. I am amazed by the "girl drama" that goes on even starting in 1st grade. As a parent when things are said to your kid (which they inevitably will be by someone) it hurts. The big thing on our playground right now appears to be kids telling other kids they don't want to play with them at recess. It just makes me sad. DD has come home complaining that people she was playing with told other people that they couldn't play too and they didn't want to play with them. DD came home yesterday telling me that 2 of her best friends at school told her they were sorry but they couldn't play with her at recess yesterday even though they wanted to because they had already started playing a game with another girl and that girl told them she didn't want to play with DD when DD came over to join in. I think it really hurt DD's feelings since it was 2 of her best friends from her class this year who she plays with almost every day at recess. It about broke my heart. Sounds like it is only going to get worse as it gets older.

[4kids4karen]

Originally Posted by Deesknee

I do want to mention something a friend of mine said when I told her what had happened. Very simply she said, "do you think that is how the pregnancy pact started"? For anyone who isn't familiar. A few years ago in a town in MA there were several girls who all got pregnant in HS. It was said that these girls had agreed to get pregnant together while in HS. And made a pact to the effect. Very sad. A movie , it may have been made for tv movie, was made based on this event. And when it happened I remember thinking back to the mid 80's when several girls in my DSIL's group all seemed to get pregnant within a very short time frame. We live in a small town, so a teen pregnancy at that time wasn't the norm. But, when my friend mentioned this..... wow! Sort of makes me wonder. What else kids do to "be popular". Scary!

No, I don't think that is how the pregnancy pact started. As a former teen mom, I actually find the statement ridiculous.