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Old 01-07-2013, 06:09 PM   #1
Deesknee
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DD dressing phobia princess

Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem. DD is a young 4th grader. She loves everything Disney including the princesses. The problem is some of the other girls have informed her she shouldn't wear anything princess if she wants to "be popular". DD says she will be true to herself, but does agree she is too old to wear Princess stuff. She says tink & friends & mickey and friends are okay. Anyone else have this type of issue?
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:34 PM   #2
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Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem. DD is a young 4th grader. She loves everything Disney including the princesses. The problem is some of the other girls have informed her she shouldn't wear anything princess if she wants to "be popular". DD says she will be true to herself, but does agree she is too old to wear Princess stuff. She says tink & friends & mickey and friends are okay. Anyone else have this type of issue?
We were at a mall over the weekend and my 4th grade daughter refused to go into the Disney store.

My personal opinion is perhaps she should not wear the items to school, but wear at home if she likes. Kids are mean, bullies, and will outcast a kid for little things. In my daughter school it would be viewed as "babyish" to wear princess theme clothes to school.
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Old 01-07-2013, 08:15 PM   #3
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If your dd didn't want to wear them anymore because she outgrew them - meaning she wasn't into them anymore- then okay, no big deal. That doesn't seem to be the case. I have to be honest, I would tell my child to wear what THEY like. Nobody should dictate to them. I know some will cry that the bullies will get her but in all honesty, today they tell her not to wear princesses, tomorrow they tell her to cut her hair, then her shoes are weird etc. etc. There will always be something they think they can tell her to change. Boost her confidence and remind her that if these girls were truly her friends they would accept everything about her. They would not care if she liked princesses, or purple shoes, or pink nail polish. Good luck. Parenting is so hard sometimes.
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Old 01-07-2013, 09:13 PM   #4
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I am so sorry your daughter is going through this.

My DD happily wears her various princess, Mickey, etc. shirts and various other clothes to school as that is what she likes to wear.

If she came home and told me this, I would be very sad for her, but would encourage her to wear what she liked to wear, as once you fall into this trap, you are in for the other kids being in charge, and that is not a lifeskill you want your child to possess.

I feel badly that an adult on here is saying that it is babyish to wear those clothes. That is very sad to me...it is even sadder that an 8 or 9 year old little girl is made to grow up so fast. Why in the world are grade 4 children even discussing popularity? And what exactly does that mean? Child withouth fancy gadgets like iPods and iPhones is excluded from the group or a child who wears a Cinderella shirt is beaten up?

It is hard being out in the world, with ridiculous attitudes like this, but the reality is that kids are cruel, and so without knowing the type of children who attend this school and if the school emphasizes tolerance and fairness, it's difficult to know just exactly what advice to give.

Best of luck, OP, Tiger

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Old 01-07-2013, 09:39 PM   #5
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This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:02 PM   #6
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I don't think this is a case of bullying. I have a DD in 5th grade and yes, princess clothes are considered babyish. As kids get older they start to view the previous stage they were in as babyish. For a couple of years they want nothing to do with it, they have to prove they are big now and cool. A few years go by and everything is cool again. I sub for high school and girls there have no problem wearing t-shirts promoting little kid things, it's actually kind of cool So you are going to have K -1 graders talking about how Dora is so baby and 2-3 graders talking about how baby princesses are and 4-5 graders think Tink is babyish. It's not about bullying, it's about proving yourself, that you are growing up. That's why you have middle school kids going to school in full make-up and hair done and high schoolers in PJ pants Once you've proved yourself you can get over it!
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:21 AM   #7
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This is completely normal behavior for that age group. Your little girl is growing up. Remember that encouraging her to wear what she likes really does me what she likes - not what you like. She'll go back and forth and sideways a million times in the next 5 years or so as she tries to find out who she is and where she fits in the world.
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:57 AM   #8
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I agree - Non issue, just growing up.

If your dd agrees that she's too old to do it. Then I think all is fine. The real problem would be trying to convince her that she's too old for them.

My dd9 (4th grade) hates princess stuff and anythign pink so we haven't had that problem, but i Have noticed her more aware of what she's wearing - and I think that's totally normal. Now, I'm just patiently waiting for her to be more into her hair looking good before going to school - HOPEFULLY next year in middle school!

My ds10 is a bit on the 'young' side when it comes to toys and stuff. But he knows that in front of other people - he really IS TOO OLD for it - so he knows to curb his tastes in those situations. But at home, alone with his sister, he will play with stuffed animals, etc. I think this is perfectly normal and acceptable. And honestly I am happy that he is aware enough of his surroundings and mature enough to act appropriately in the situation that he is in.

I'm guessing the real issue here is that mom is sad that dd is growing up?? We can ALL relate to that!
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:02 AM   #9
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I feel badly that an adult on here is saying that it is babyish to wear those clothes. That is very sad to me...it is even sadder that an 8 or 9 year old little girl is made to grow up so fast. Why in the world are grade 4 children even discussing popularity? And what exactly does that mean? Child withouth fancy gadgets like iPods and iPhones is excluded from the group or a child who wears a Cinderella shirt is beaten up?

It is hard being out in the world, with ridiculous attitudes like this, but the reality is that kids are cruel, and so without knowing the type of children who attend this school and if the school emphasizes tolerance and fairness, it's difficult to know just exactly what advice to give.

Best of luck, OP, Tiger
I'm on round 3 with fourth grade girls, and 4th/5th grade girls are the worst! My oldest had it the hardest, probably because she was my oldest, and therefore "younger." Dd11 never had any issues, but she'd come home very upset at how some of the girls treated some of the other girls (and a LOT came down to clothing choices). Dd9 is so easy going, but is friends with some girls, who can be very snarky, and who've been involved in some of the teasing (and fortunately dd is really clueless, that if she is targeted, she doesn't seem to know...).

No one is getting beaten up, and no one gets teased for lack of electronics. And the teasing is very underhanded. A simple comment like "so, I bet you got that shirt from Target" can be intended to be mean, but certainly not something one can go to the teacher about.

So, if the OP's dd wants to wear princess shirts, and take the fallout, then let her. However, if the OP herself wants her dd to wear the shirts, and her dd doesn't want to, don't make her.
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:02 AM   #10
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I agree she should be true to herself. I also think you should let her wear what she wants.

Well, you know, within reason.
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:03 AM   #11
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This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.
Sorry your dd is having issues with teasing and anxiety. But just wanted to comment - have you looked around Justice? My dd9 just got an outfit for Christmas - Soccer sweat pants and a cute double layer short sleeve shirt with a soccer ball on it. Not revealing (which is what I would normally think 'age appropriate' would refer to) or 'old' at all. I agree not all the clothing in there is ideal for my own dd - but just wanted to mention it isn't all older kids stuff either - just in case you didn't know that. Of course, my dd only gets stuff off the clearance rack or in this case one Christmas gift of an outfit - i guess I'm lucky that her friends don't tease for not wearing that kind of clothes as most of her clothes come from Target or Penney's.
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:20 AM   #12
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My dd in 4th grade switched to the local school district this year, was in private before. At the beginning of the year kids were trying to tell her the same thing. I had bought most of her back to school clothes at the Disney store, and she had also picked out a Minnie Mouse book bag and lunch box. They were saying shop at Justice ( by the way I do not by her any clothes from there, they look to much like baby hooker clothes) no offense to anyone who shops there.
But to make my point my dd held her ground she told them I'm a little girl I'm only 9, and I still like and believe in princess's. If you don't that's your choice. She were's her Disney stuff proudly. Over the weekend we had her 10th birthday party, and it was Disney princess themed. The same girls who were talking smack earlier in the year were saying they wished they had her room which just so happens to be pink with princess's and minnie, and my little pony.
Don't let your baby grow up to fast. Once they're grown that's it let her be a little girl and believe for as long as possible. I speak from experience look at me and my dd ages.
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Old 01-08-2013, 10:00 AM   #13
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I don't think this is a case of bullying. I have a DD in 5th grade and yes, princess clothes are considered babyish. As kids get older they start to view the previous stage they were in as babyish. For a couple of years they want nothing to do with it, they have to prove they are big now and cool. A few years go by and everything is cool again. I sub for high school and girls there have no problem wearing t-shirts promoting little kid things, it's actually kind of cool So you are going to have K -1 graders talking about how Dora is so baby and 2-3 graders talking about how baby princesses are and 4-5 graders think Tink is babyish. It's not about bullying, it's about proving yourself, that you are growing up. That's why you have middle school kids going to school in full make-up and hair done and high schoolers in PJ pants Once you've proved yourself you can get over it!
I agree with this. I think it's pretty normal. My 9yo was way into My Little Pony and now she gets all embarrassed if we mention how much she loved them. Her little sister is now in her MLP phase and big sister likes to tell her how stupid ponies are (which we make her apologize for!).
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Old 01-08-2013, 10:46 AM   #14
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Sorry your dd is having issues with teasing and anxiety. But just wanted to comment - have you looked around Justice? My dd9 just got an outfit for Christmas - Soccer sweat pants and a cute double layer short sleeve shirt with a soccer ball on it. Not revealing (which is what I would normally think 'age appropriate' would refer to) or 'old' at all. I agree not all the clothing in there is ideal for my own dd - but just wanted to mention it isn't all older kids stuff either - just in case you didn't know that. Of course, my dd only gets stuff off the clearance rack or in this case one Christmas gift of an outfit - i guess I'm lucky that her friends don't tease for not wearing that kind of clothes as most of her clothes come from Target or Penney's.
And my dd9 won't wear most of the clothes from Justice, because dd11 says they're for babies! They both like P.S., and they're cheaper. Unfortunatly for dd11, as much as she wants to be a fashionista, she's really, really tiny, and won't be able to wear junior sizes until well into HS, if at all. Dd9 will be shopping at the "cool" stores way before her big sister (although they're both the same size now).

Dd16's petite friends joined in with the Justice is for babies in 6th grade, but then once they got to HS, realized there weren't many other options for fashionable clothes for the 12 and under set, and went back. So I do see a market for some of the clothing at Justice, just not for the elementary school crowd (although they do have appropriate clothing for them, as well).
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Old 01-08-2013, 05:22 PM   #15
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Thank you all for advise & comments.

I probably should have mentioned DD is my 4th. I have been this road before & her growing up isn't my worry. I am proud of the young lady she is becoming, in her time. I have encouraged her to become more self - sufficient, and with certain shirts she knows she must wear a bra. My older kids are almost 22, and I am so pleased they never caved to peer pressure, BUT, they are triplets and had each other for support.

We also had the issue of elf on the shelf being fake & Santa this Christmas. Kids at her school informed her they are both not real. We have ALWAYS told our kids do not ask us ANY question that they don't TRULY want the HONEST answer to, because we will NOT lie. When the time came that the older kids asked about Santa, we told them "Santa" is love, and caring, and generousity, all of that exists if you want to look for it. When/if they pushed the issue, we would remind them only ask questions they truly want the answer to, then DH would say, Santa believes in you, people that don't believe in Santa maybe he doesn't believe in them enough to bring them gifts. Now, I'm sure many are going to say how that is like telling your child if you don't believe what I want you to, I don't believe in you. Well, we have 3 very intelligent, responsible, loving adult children that are living proof, it did no harm. DD9 very much wants to still believe. It was mentioned a couple of times. She loves that Santa is caring, loving, generous. And I reminded her as we dropped off our gifts for the less fortunate, that she is being Santa by doing that.
But, back to the issue at hand. Perhaps I should have given more details. She was told she should never wear her hair down, always up in a HIGH pony tail, no princess clothes, no dresses, only jeans & sweatpants. eyeshadow is okay, but only lightly. Barbies are for babies. (DD's ONLY request from Santa this year was a Barbie Dreamhouse), OH, and my personal favorite, she needs to learn to wiggle when she walks. Oh, yeah, and she is expected to donate money to the school change war in exchange for this life lesson.
And what really bothers me, DD's 2 favorite things about our recent trip...BBB and CRT. But, now she feels she can't share that stuff with these "friends". I told her to find friends that have things more in common with her. After talking to her big sister & brothers, along with me & her dad. She has decided if she is approached again she will tell this girl loudly & certainly, she doesn't need to be popular. " If I have true friends, they will like me for who I am, even if they don't like the same things." That isn't such a bad thing I guess.
As far as where we shop. We use hand me downs that come from places like Justice", LL Bean and some of the other places like that. But, I shop where they fit DD, where I feel they are appropiate for DD, and where SHE likes them from, and where we can afford & still have family vacations. (like our family addiction WDW) Sometimes it's Walmart, sometimes it's Target, Macy's.
I truly appreciate everyones comments. Each has value. Honestly, I wish she had been a twin. Raising triplets was so much easier when it came to stuff like this. noone messed with the girl. She had a very protective manner when it came to her brothers. I guess it helped that the girls had crushes on one of her brothers, and many of the boys had a crush on her. They weren't what was considered "popular", but there was another set of triplets and between teh 6 of them, well there was enough popularity to keep them serene. Except for one of my boys was a target of extreme Bullying, but that is a story for another day.
I wouldn't say that what DD is going through now is bullying....yet. But, what if the "popular" girls think not having your first kiss by age X is not cool, or drinking, you all get the picture.
Plus, the word popular. DD said popular kids are jerks. I told her that is NOT true. I know many people who would be considered popular. But, they aren't popular because of what they wear, or don't wear. They are popular because they wouldn't hurt anyones feelings. The ones that walk away from gossip. They don't make a huge issue about sticking up for someone necessarily, but they walk away from it.
Boy, even after almost 22 years of it. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever done!
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