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Old 02-03-2012, 12:26 PM   #1
tinkerbell423
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Aspie teen HELP!


My Aspie DS 14 is doing miserably in school. After 5 years of evals and meetings I finally got him a 504 plan.
He is really struggeling to get his homework and assignments completed and handed in. So now (after much debate between the two of us) he has an agenda sheet that is in the front of his binder. He writes his assignments down and has his teachers sign it to make sure he wrote everything correctly. The problem is he still is not handing all his work in. His science teacher just called me (he is in real danger of failing) and he did not hand in last night's homework. She also said he was totally "out of it" in class today. I try to talk to him at home and he growls at me and gets angry. I would love any suggestions from people who have done ths before. How hard do you push? I've taken away almost everything he cares about before and the work didn't change. How do know what is regular teen stuff and what is not?
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:16 PM   #2
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Our neurotypical 13 yr old dd forgets to hand in homework all the time. Until today, she was carrying an F in English, and one in Math. She's finally up to a D in both classes.

She hasn't had any priveleges or electronics since November. Well she did get them back for 1 day at the start of a new 9 weeks!!

I know some of her friends have the same issue. SO it may be typical teen. This terrifies me, because my 6 yr old has high fx ASD. So if my typical kid can't handle this, agghh!!!

One thing that I finally did after tons of yelling and punishing. I told her that I believed she was trying, and asked how I could help? She now has a clipboard that is only for homework in all subjects. I suggested when she took her seat to take out the clipboard, and if she needs to turn in homework, then have the homework sitting across it. This has been somewhat, but not perfectly helpful.
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:32 PM   #3
tinkerbell423
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Thanks kristenb1 it helps to know I'm not alone. I beleive he is trying my frustration is he doesn't think there is a problem. I ask him to brainstorm what will help and he tells me there is not a problem!
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Old 02-03-2012, 07:18 PM   #4
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Oh my goodness, you have my 15 yo ds' twin LOL

I wish I had some actual helpful advice, but I'm in the middle of it myself. Except, my ds is ADHD. Which he, AND my dh who is an adult with untreated ADHD, doesn't think is a problem, either!

It's defenitely not typical teen behavior, I have two other teen sons who are NOT like this

Is your ds on any meds? Mine is not, but not for lack of trying. He has bad side effects with everything we've tried to date.
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Old 02-03-2012, 07:55 PM   #5
tinkerbell423
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herdtoDisney View Post
Oh my goodness, you have my 15 yo ds' twin LOL

I wish I had some actual helpful advice, but I'm in the middle of it myself. Except, my ds is ADHD. Which he, AND my dh who is an adult with untreated ADHD, doesn't think is a problem, either!

It's defenitely not typical teen behavior, I have two other teen sons who are NOT like this

Is your ds on any meds? Mine is not, but not for lack of trying. He has bad side effects with everything we've tried to date.
No he is not on meds but my DD has ADHD and is on focalin. We tried other medications but this one works well for her. She is a different kid when she's on them. My DH has undiagnosed untreated ADHD too! It's frustrating at times I feel your pain. On the bright side I find he can relate to her better than I do. It comes in handy at times.


I had a talk with my DS tonight and I think I got to the root of his reluctance. It seems his ELA teacher announces that he needs to see his sheet to sign it. One of his "friends" is in this class and now the "friend" is calling him a retard!! I am so mad I want to scream. This is one of his few friends that he does things with outside of school
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Old 02-04-2012, 05:03 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinkerbell423 View Post


I had a talk with my DS tonight and I think I got to the root of his reluctance. It seems his ELA teacher announces that he needs to see his sheet to sign it. One of his "friends" is in this class and now the "friend" is calling him a retard!! I am so mad I want to scream. This is one of his few friends that he does things with outside of school
Oh my-if one of my ds's teacher's did this, he would probably never ever have the sheet or even speak in her class again...he'd be mortified. I see why your ds is upset!

It seems to me that when the kids get to this teenage stage, they don't want to have to do anything that makes them appear 'different' in front of the others. I'm not sure what to suggest, other than maybe asking the teacher if she can just quietly call him up by name without announcing that she is signing a sheet? Good luck, I know how frustrating it is!
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Old 02-04-2012, 08:18 AM   #7
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Ideally he would have an IEP but you can put in his 504 that the teacher will "collect" homework from him instead of requiring him to hand it in.

It is funny that growling is quite typical for our guys at this age when they are frustrated.

He is not getting the functional curriculum and supports that he needs and is entitled to at school so he has every justifiable reason to be frustrated.
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:26 PM   #8
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just want to add that we also have a "growler" He actually got in trouble on Friday in Math tutoring in school because he was handed a difficult problem and growled. The tutor yelled at him to stop complaining! He does this when frustrated, instead of just saying whats wrong. Our son is Asperger's and ADHD too so this thread caught my attention. Hang in there!
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:34 PM   #9
tinkerbell423
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Thanks for all the support guys. I often feel alone here. Its nice to know other kids do these things too.

It's hard because I fought so hard for accomidations and now he doesn't want them even though he needs them.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:00 PM   #10
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I hope it's okay to respond since Asperger's isn't one of our issues, but I do know someone w/ Asperer's, and he is an absolute genius, and from what I've learned, it is not uncommon (though obviously not always the case) for people w/ Asperger's to be very bright. Could your DS be bored at school? Have you asked him if it is too easy? Last year, my neurotypical DD started not turning in assignments, didn't want to go to school, and even begged me to homeschool her. Her teacher even complained that she was distracted in class. It ended up that she was incredibly bored (she typically makes high grades). This year, she is doing very well w/ a better teacher who is more flexible b/c she's not bored out of her mind.
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Old 02-06-2012, 06:01 PM   #11
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That sounds a lot like my DD who has ADHD. Last year she took turns failing classes. Thankfully, this year is better. (we did change her medication dosage).

Also, I think it is very common for teens with disabilities not to want/use accommodations because they want to be the same as peers. I used to work with visually impaired kids that would rather walk into walls than admit that they needed help.
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:28 AM   #12
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BusyMom2Three thanks for the insight. I never really considered he might be bored. I think he gets upset when he doesn't live up to a teacher's expectation so I think he would do the work f he could even if he find it boring

clm10308 Thanks you made me laugh!
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Old 02-07-2012, 07:34 PM   #13
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Another Mom with ASPIE teen and a Middle School Teacher

I feel your frustration. I, too, have a teenager with Asperger's and ADD. I am also a middle school teacher, so I guess you can say I have lived and experienced both sides of this issue.


First of all, do you know if your son's teachers have a website where they post the daily homework assignment? If they do, they are probably linked to the school's website. This would be a great resource for you and your son to use instead of him having to get a paper signed each day at school. I know that kids at this age, will avoid looking different from their peers. And, even if the teacher is subtle about checking it, the student may still think others are aware of the activity.

I would also suggest some sort of system where your child always puts completed homework in the same place each day for each subject. I suggest using a dfferent colored two pocket folder for each subject. You might want to use the plastic two pocket folders instead of paper ones because they will hold up longer. You could also use a binder with the clear plastic sleeves for papers. Make sure you label the clear sleeves for each subject and if it is completed work or work to be done.

Of course, having a great organizational system is just a small part of the problem. The biggest hurdle to accomplish is that your child actually USES the organization system. You will need to review the system on a nightly basis. I would also suggest that you have his teachers match him up with a student at school that is really good with organization. Often time can be found at the very last few minutes of each class fora peer or two to help with the organization. I know I have some kids help each other out with this and most of the kids do not have any special needs labeled that require them to have help -- they are just disfuntional with organization.

If I think of other ideas, I will check back in later.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:07 AM   #14
tinkerbell423
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mdsouth thanks you have some good ideas. We have been using some of them already. My biggest problem is getting hs cooperation. Some days he is just soooo grumpy. I wish there was a message board for homework. They had one in the middle school but not in the High School. I mentioned at his CSE meeting that it would be a great thing for all the students to have.
Definately let m know if oyu have any more thoughts.
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Old 02-10-2012, 08:35 PM   #15
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These kids have such a hard time with seemingly simple tasks, and it's hard for us to understand why they can't just get things done. With my son (16 w/Asperger's), I have found that any kind of punishment relating to school work just makes him grumpier. Then he starts being really hard on himself ("I'm stupid. I can't do anything right."). Then he'll start shutting down and not even trying. I've found that rewards and more positive reinforcement work a lot better with him. "You can earn your computer time tonight by getting your homework done." I also help him break it down into steps. "Do your current event worksheet, then come and show it to me." After that, I give him another thing to work on. Even if he has three small assignments, he gets overwhelmed unless I help him focus on one at a time.

My son is now in a specialized school and all homework is due at the end of the week. There's a special envelope we send back with all the completed work. It's a lot easier that way. When he was mainstreamed, we devised an assignment sheet that he was supposed to fill out each day and show the teacher (much like the OP). We also got a multi-pocket folder and labeled each pocket for each subject. This was used only for completed assignments to be turned in. If the folder was not empty by the end of the day, he needed to go back to the classrooms and put his work in the bins. I would meet him outside of the school each day and have him show me the folder to make sure it was empty.

This might sound like a lot of hand-holding, but he has gotten better about doing a lot of things by himself. I have had to run him through the process over and over and back off little-by-little.

I will also add that my typical DS13 sometimes isn't much better. Today, he had two final drafts due - a persuasive essay and the research paper for his science project. He printed them out last night, and I proofread them for him. He made a few changes, printed them again, stapled one and put the other in a nice report cover. This morning, I noticed the science paper still sitting on the dining room table, so I reminded him to pack it in his backpack. Around 10:00 a.m. this morning, I got a pathetic little phone call..."Mom, I forgot to bring my essay. I guess I left it on the table. My teacher said I could get full credit if you email it to her before the end of the day. Would you be able to do that....please?" Yes, I can email it. But he's going to have to pay more attention to these things in the future. He's lucky it was my day off. Otherwise I wouldn't have been home to get his call and save his little behind!
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