Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Disney Trip Planning Forums > disABILITIES! > disABILITIES Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 10-18-2010, 12:44 PM   #1
lovetoscrap
Sees tag fairy posts that aren't there
Please bring back the Gecko and dump the stupid eyeballs
Just a timy bit dixzy
 
lovetoscrap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The Pits of DISpair: AKA- NOT WDW
Posts: 22,730
DISboards Moderator

Keeping a bored disabled adult occupied

Parents especially, but anyone with any experience/ideas.

My brother is 35 and is quite developmentally/mentally disabled. He is at about a 1st grade level. He only reads very simple things, does K level math, and gets frustrated easily. He can't be left alone and really is incapable of entertaining himself. He does love to watch TV-- mostly sports and the news --although he doesn't really understand it, but TV is one of his main fixations.

As a child he did entertain himself and played for hours on his own, but as an adult he no longer does. He is capable of doing tasks with repeated training like sorting laundry or using the microwave- but it is time consuming and he constantly asks if he is doing it right and seeks approval for each tiny step even for things he has been doing all of his life. (I've got my toothbrush. I put toothpaste on it, now what do I do? I brushed my teeth. What do I do with the towel?)

Since high school he has worked so that has occupied a good part of his day so it wasn't that big of a deal, but for various reasons he is no longer working and is bored. He is driving my mom crazy! My stepfather is very ill so she is taking care of him, he is at the hospital for chemo for several hours a day and mom is trying to keep their business going. DBro has to go where ever they go and sit around for hours at the hospital, at the office and at home.

He needs something to do! But we just can't figure out what. He has a Gameboy but isn't very good at it so it gets boring fast when you just keep dying/losing. He can't read or do any type or word or number puzzles. His fine motor and hand eye coordination are not great-- again, at like a very basic K or 1st grade level. But he does know he is an adult so rejects anything that would be for kids, like easier video games. I suggested some coloring books and crayons but don't think he is interested in that. He could probably use a computer with training and they have a laptop, but he doesn't want to go to "kid sites".

Any type of group activities or respite care is not an option. My parents simply refuse to let him out of their site (that is a whole 'nother issue all together!). He has no friends so no one to hang out with or to talk to. And he isn't allowed to do any chores around the house because mom feels it is just easier for her to do it than to try to teach him (again, a whole 'nother issue)

Any ideas on things that could keep him occupied? Portable and at home? Nothing that involves anything sharp, hot or messy. If you wouldn't let a 5 year old do it mostly unsupervised then it is probably too much for him. My sister are trying to think out of the box and come up with anything that he could do. Any ideas or suggestions? Money isn't really an big consideration-- if it was something he would enjoy and keep him busy we would make it happen. Heck, he doesn't even have to enjoy it -- just stay busy!!
__________________
Need help with: PHOTOS, TICKERS, SIGNATURES, AVATARS, FINDING your Posts/Threads, Posting LINKS? Check out the FAQ






SCRAPbooking, I love to SCRAPbook. Don't worry, you're not the only one that read it wrong!
*Grand Duchess of Airline Check Ins and Upgrades**Lady In Waiting of The Cheap Boxed Wine Chamber**Grand Princess Royale of Cookieland* Another quality, content-rich post by LTS

Last edited by lovetoscrap; 10-18-2010 at 01:10 PM.
lovetoscrap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 01:59 PM   #2
peemagg
We are doing the AKL tri-fecta
You will find us wrapped up in them at night and on the weekends
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,965

What about something like Lincoln Logs, or legos? Playdough?
peemagg is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 10-18-2010, 02:14 PM   #3
Bearshouse
Mouseketeer
 
Bearshouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Spencer Indiana
Posts: 199

It is a shame that your mom doesn't even want to consider respite care. I was a staff for 3 years. We did all sorts of things from the zoo, mall and eating out, to self help skills and even cooking a frozen pizza. Of course I have my own disabled son and we only use staff to be my "extra hands" when we are out in the community.

But I digress.

What about sequencing cards, or other cards on those lines. Also maybe mega blocks instead of legos they are bigger but not much. Even a portable tv with a stack of dvds maybe. What about daily activity cards that he looks at to "work" on what order to brush his teeth, etc.

It is a hard place to be, so sending big hugs your way.

Bearshouse
__________________
Me , DH , DS(14) DD(9)

Wishing Trip 2010 (finished)

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2562475

Return trip June 2014

"When are we going to ride Mission Space Orange again?"

"Whatcha doing?"
Bearshouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 02:39 PM   #4
dunbarfamily
I'm a proud homebirthing crunchy mama who loves Walt Disney World!
 
dunbarfamily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Michigan's U.P.
Posts: 1,251

The first thing that came to mind was sorting larger-type beads. But I'm wondering if he'd need to see some value to it in order for him to not see it as a child's passtime. Hmmm...what about sorting laundry? But I suppose he'd eventually run out of clothes to sort. You mentioned coloring....does he like to draw? Could he make drawings of the rooms he's in at the hospital? What about making a book of the rooms he's in?

I will give this some thought, and will post again when I have more ideas.

Until then, sending you lots of hugs. This is a hard thing to work through. I am blessed to know several differently-abled people in my life and am familiar with the blessings their families receive and the challenges faced by their families.

Take care.
__________________
Brandy wife of Jeff & mama to DS (1/02) DD (1/05) DS (4/07) DD (born still 6/08) DD (07/09) & DS(12/11)

Our next trip: Adults only Disney Wonder 11-14-14
Past trips:4-14 Pop Century/1-13 Pop Century/1-12 BLT/10-11 AK/2-11 BLT & DCL/2-10 DCL & VWL/10-09 AS Movies/5-09 AS Movies/12-08 OKW/5-08 AS Sports/1-08 DCL& Villas at WL/9-07 AS Movies/12-06 AS Music/11-05 Offsite
And too many trips to count with grandma & papa when I was little

DVC members since June '07 at Animal Kingdom & Founding Members at Bay Lake

dunbarfamily is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 04:29 PM   #5
2luvmickey
Where my dreams always come true...
 
2luvmickey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 266

I too have a mentally and physically disabled brother and he was in my parents care all his life (he's nearly 60). Just 18 months ago, he moved into an apartment with another disabled adult (with 24 hour care) and he LOVES his independence.

I can understand your mom's need to protect her baby, but this is a great disservice to your brother. Believe me, it was hard for my mom to let my brother go, but he calls her every day (touch phone with her picture on a programmed dial).

I don't know where you live, but is there a sheltered workshop in the area? Your brother can go there during the day, socialize and be with people, and come back home to your parents. This is a positive for him and your mom. If that is not an option, is there an adult "day care" service? I see that this is a "whole 'nother issue" - mom just needs to let go and let your brother live! I'm sure you have talked to her until you are blue in the face, but she needs to think of your brother's future. Okay, off my soapbox and back to helping you...

Do you have any boxes of family pictures? Could he be put to work sorting those? How about music? I bought my brother a child's mp3 player, loaded it with songs and gave it to him to use during his down time. Can he help your mom at the office with simple tasks like empty the trash, sweeping, recycling? (Come on mom, give him some independence!)

You say he loves sports - how about some DVD's of sport movies like Rudy, Hoosiers (yes, I am from Indiana and went to ND, but these are the best!). They could be played on a portable DVD when your mom takes him to work or the hospital. How about lacing cards? You could make some of your own that don't seem too babyish and sport themed - like a basketball, football, baseball bat, etc. Just print up the picture, put it on cardboard and hole punch all around. Give him some shoelaces and let him have fun.

In the meantime, thoughts, prayers and hugs are being sent your way. Special siblings are a blessing, but they are first and foremost people that only want to be treated as such. My brother was reluctant to move, but we told him that we all moved out of the family home and it was now his turn. He adjusted beautifully and is doing very well with a wonderful support system of caregivers, caseworkers and family.

My best to you and your family.
__________________
Me DH DS 25 DS 22 DS 18 and Luna
2luvmickey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 05:48 PM   #6
3BoysRDisneyFreaks
DIS Veteran
 
3BoysRDisneyFreaks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 691

I do not have a disabled person in my family, but I am queen of trying to occupy small children out in public.

I would vote for the dvd player or mp3 player.

Also a digital camera. I think Fisher Price makes one that can be 'abused' by little hands. We use our old spare camera. Most of the pictures are of peoples butts, self portraits, pictures of the sky but let me tell you that is good for a long while of entertainment. The beauty of the digital camera is you can just delete the pictures every day and start new. Now I don't know how many pictures one of the kids cameras can hold so that might be an issue. I know my 3 year old can snap 100 pictures in 15 minutes.

Kindergarten level puzzles? Like the 4 or 5 piece puzzles.

Good luck!
__________________
Sarah
Pat
Tanner (9)
Mason (6)
Wyatt (2)
Haden (the babe)
3BoysRDisneyFreaks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 08:55 PM   #7
lovetoscrap
Sees tag fairy posts that aren't there
Please bring back the Gecko and dump the stupid eyeballs
Just a timy bit dixzy
 
lovetoscrap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The Pits of DISpair: AKA- NOT WDW
Posts: 22,730
DISboards Moderator

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2luvmickey View Post

I can understand your mom's need to protect her baby, but this is a great disservice to your brother. Believe me, it was hard for my mom to let my brother go, but he calls her every day (touch phone with her picture on a programmed dial).

I'm sure you have talked to her until you are blue in the face, but she needs to think of your brother's future. Okay, off my soapbox and back to helping you...

I am surprised you could fit on that soapbox with me and my sister already up there! Yep, we have gone beyond blue in the face. And as the ones that will eventually be responsible for his care we are really dreading the future. He has lost all of the skills that he had gained in school. He was taught to use the bus, to do some basic cooking, to do his own laundry and to contribute around the house. He was completely ready to move to a group home with good supervision but where he could be more independent. But my mother has always been a "easier to do it myself" kind of person-- and martyr. I left home with no idea how to do laundry, very little cooking skills and no housekeeping skills (and boy does my house show it!).

Sis and I are hoping this might be a wake up call because having to take care of him while dealing with his father's illness is really taking a toll on everyone. It is doubtful that my stepfather will survive the cancer and there is no timeline but he is declining rapidly. My mother has refused to accept that they will not always be around to care for DB. She is seeing some of the consequences of her actions but we are pretty sure when things get back to some sort of normal she will go back into denial.

So yeah, that soapbox is pretty worn but just not anything we can do. There are a lot of behavior issues too that shouldn't be happening but they allow it so he is really less capable of things than we truly believe he should be.


Anyway, I am going to make some of these suggestions to my sister. I may see if I can put together a goody bag of things to send him. Maybe if I tell him it is from me and are things I enjoy he won't see them as being for kids. I am half a country away so I am not directly involved in the day to day, but she is only a few hours so she is helping some (it is her father, my stepfather). I am afraid that he would see most of those things as for little kids (another opinion that has been fed to him from my parents) but anything is worth a try. I think playdoh is great but I know that is out-- he doesn't like to get his hands dirty (some OCD things there)

I am wondering if I am actually seeing a niche that could be filled in the adult disabilities world. He would read simple books and do simple K and 1st grade type of workbooks if they weren't for little kids. If they were aimed at an adult. Same with simple puzzles and games. Does anyone know of a supplier for things like this? Continuing Education/Adult Education materials for delayed adults.

Unfortunately he also has a strong sense of gender roles (another set of warped ideas he was given). My sister and I could probably find a lot of more "girl" stuff he could do like some crafts and things. Even some of the games my girls play on their DS and online with fashion and cooking might be good but he won't have anything to do with it, and has no interest in it.

I think that is the big problem, he has no real interest in anything. He has always had fixations but for his adult life that is TV Stations, because he worked for one. He really needs some hobbies!

I appreciate the hugs. I will pass them on to my mother and my sister-- they are dealing with this hands on. I am just the sounding board and idea person.

Any other ideas are greatly appreciated.
__________________
Need help with: PHOTOS, TICKERS, SIGNATURES, AVATARS, FINDING your Posts/Threads, Posting LINKS? Check out the FAQ






SCRAPbooking, I love to SCRAPbook. Don't worry, you're not the only one that read it wrong!
*Grand Duchess of Airline Check Ins and Upgrades**Lady In Waiting of The Cheap Boxed Wine Chamber**Grand Princess Royale of Cookieland* Another quality, content-rich post by LTS
lovetoscrap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 09:35 PM   #8
kehlyrsmom
Mouseketeer
 
kehlyrsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 281

How about latchhook rugs, paint by numbers which can range from something easy for kids to something more difficult, painting cermics or someother type of craft item that would be suitable for a younger child.

Maybe a simple model plane/boat kit. What about lego's they sell all sorts of neat ones but they can be pricey and you can find them in several leveals of fairly easy to more difficult. I don't have any disabled siblings but I am a parent of two children on the autism spectrum and I to worry about if they will be able to live on their own, abiltiy to hold a job etc.
__________________
Polynesian - July 1989
HoneyMoon Off site - May 1991
All Star Sport - Aug 2006
SSR - Sept 2007, Sept 2009, May 2012, Dec 2013
ASMU - Sept 2008
POFQ - May 2010, Sept 2012, Sept 2013
POP - Sept 2010, Sept 2011
BWV - May 2012
AKL - Dec 2012
BCV - May 2013, May 2014
OKW - Aug 2014

Me DH DD14 DS12
kehlyrsmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2010, 10:17 PM   #9
lovetoscrap
Sees tag fairy posts that aren't there
Please bring back the Gecko and dump the stupid eyeballs
Just a timy bit dixzy
 
lovetoscrap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The Pits of DISpair: AKA- NOT WDW
Posts: 22,730
DISboards Moderator

Good ideas. I will do some searching this week.


Any ideas for somethings he could collect? The more collections the better so if he loses interest in one he can go to another for awhile.

Something small/portable and not to expensive that we could buy a bunch of and dump on him! I think he would like something he can sort and compare and look at. I was thinking about stamps. He does like travel related things--especially things about the 50 states. Even just a huge bag of basically worthless stamps from all over that he could paste in a book or put in pockets.

Or something like baseball cards he can take in and out of a binder with plastic pages. But he isn't in to baseball. Maybe I can look for baskeball ones.

I will check ebay tomorrow. I am on my way to bed for tonight. Other ideas would be great!
__________________
Need help with: PHOTOS, TICKERS, SIGNATURES, AVATARS, FINDING your Posts/Threads, Posting LINKS? Check out the FAQ






SCRAPbooking, I love to SCRAPbook. Don't worry, you're not the only one that read it wrong!
*Grand Duchess of Airline Check Ins and Upgrades**Lady In Waiting of The Cheap Boxed Wine Chamber**Grand Princess Royale of Cookieland* Another quality, content-rich post by LTS
lovetoscrap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 07:17 AM   #10
EllenFrasier
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,460

Is there a Center for the Disabled in your brother's area? I would think that they would have some ideas for you on ways to keep your brother occupied. Maybe they have places where he could be a volunteer. They may also have
things to keep him occupied at the center. Check the phone book in your brother's area and see if you can find something.
EllenFrasier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 07:26 AM   #11
lovetoscrap
Sees tag fairy posts that aren't there
Please bring back the Gecko and dump the stupid eyeballs
Just a timy bit dixzy
 
lovetoscrap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The Pits of DISpair: AKA- NOT WDW
Posts: 22,730
DISboards Moderator

Quote:
Originally Posted by EllenFrasier View Post
Is there a Center for the Disabled in your brother's area? I would think that they would have some ideas for you on ways to keep your brother occupied. Maybe they have places where he could be a volunteer. They may also have
things to keep him occupied at the center. Check the phone book in your brother's area and see if you can find something.

Thanks but that is not an option. As I said, parents won't let him out of their sight. Just looking for ideas for things he can do at home and can take to the hospital and office.
__________________
Need help with: PHOTOS, TICKERS, SIGNATURES, AVATARS, FINDING your Posts/Threads, Posting LINKS? Check out the FAQ






SCRAPbooking, I love to SCRAPbook. Don't worry, you're not the only one that read it wrong!
*Grand Duchess of Airline Check Ins and Upgrades**Lady In Waiting of The Cheap Boxed Wine Chamber**Grand Princess Royale of Cookieland* Another quality, content-rich post by LTS
lovetoscrap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 07:29 AM   #12
mytripsandraces
DIS Veteran
 
mytripsandraces's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,097

What about coloring books that are geared towards adults? There are coloring books of geometric designs, of pieces of art, etc. Would something as diverting as that, but designed for adults be acceptable? Have you tried puzzles games like Rubik's cube? He doesn't have to have a goal to solve it. He could work on getting one side the same color (that was about as far as I ever got with it). Does he like to draw? Maybe a sketchpad and colored pencils would be helpful.
__________________
mytripsandraces is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 08:00 AM   #13
peemagg
We are doing the AKL tri-fecta
You will find us wrapped up in them at night and on the weekends
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,965

They have these hidden object games out there now that are in a clear plastic tube filled with beads and objects that they need to try and find. I wonder if these might work for him. They come in many themes and there are a lot of things inside it to find.

What about some simple science type kits that he could do. Things with magnifying glasses or something?
peemagg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 08:33 AM   #14
Ruewen
Earning My Ears
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 10

Have you tried an online game like World of Warcraft? The age requirements should be good and he can build a character and level it up with minimal dying. It has a big game world he can explore as well. My whole family plays from starting ages 7.
Ruewen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2010, 08:53 AM   #15
Piper
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 2,892

My cousin had menengitis when he was 3 and didn't progress much beyond there mentally--he is 75 now. He had several "jobs" that he did every day.

He would sit on the porch watching for the mail carrier every day. When he saw him coming up the street, he would tell his mother. My aunt would fix a cup of coffee, ice tea or ice water and Oren would take it out to the mail carrier (who was very appreciative.) Two purposes--kept Oren occupied and gave a nice pick-me-up to the mail carrier.

Then he would walk around the yard looking for the little sticks that fell off the trees. When he found one, he would put it on the sidewalk--if there were more than one, he would line them up in straight rows. My aunt or uncle would come out and they would count how many, then put them in the trash. This came about because my uncle ran over a stick when he was mowing one day and it flew up and hit him in the face. Oren loved this job even though there were some days when he didn't find a single stick! He still got some exercise walking over the yard.

The next thing he would do is get a nickle (you can tell this was about 40 years ago!) and sit on the porch to wait for the ice cream man.

In between times, he would:
nail nails in boards, then take them out.
hand my aunt the clothespins when she hung the clothes
fold socks (he was very particular and they had to be just right)
put the silverware on the table



Oren never went to school and was never really taught anything. When my uncle died and my aunt couldn't care for him, he went to live in a home for disabled adults and absolutely loved it. The routine and activities suited him to a tee!

I understand your mother's mindset--but there is so much your brother could do if she would let him (I know -- preaching to the choir)
Piper is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:53 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

You Rated this Thread: