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Old 04-19-2010, 02:07 PM   #16
Ctsplaysinrain
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Oh, I feel your pain.. I have a 14 yr old DS with Asperger's and an almost 13 yr old son with ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHD and mild Asperger's. Neither has any executive functioning..LOL.. I, too, am married to a physician who works long hours ( he's working nights now, changed about 8 months ago, he loves it, I hate it) who honestly is proabably the link to the Asperger's and the ADHD and he doesn't help much at home.. In fact, it seems like he is constantly in a power struggle these days with the kids...

I, too, am exhausted after just getting them to school.. Showers, homework, getting dressed are mostly nightmares most days.. The younger one has sleeping and eating issues as well. I feel like I'm on "guard duty" all night as well. He tends to not sleep, wander around, and get into all sorts of mischeif at night. Also, he has battled some anorexia so just getting him to eat is a challenge as well.

We have EXTREME sibling rivalry and the non-stop fighting gets very old. The oldest one has extreme meltdowns and many more sensory issues.


Yup, I understand..... Although I must say that I do not fantasize of when they will leave.. Actually, I'm starting to realize that I'm not sure my older one will be able to live on his own until maybe late 20's since he is still so dependent.. He still cant even seem to find his own socks in the morning.. Both boys are brilliant but day to day living skills are not there yet.
But, I do think about those "pre-kid" days and why did we have children???? It took a long time to conceive and there are days, I wonder why I did this.. I miss the days of traveling , eating in a restaurant with husband, being able to get a sentence out with out being interupted.

One of my solutions: run away for a few days.. In fact, I am running away to WDW ALONE next week for 3 days.. I'm hoping it will be enough to get me through to tyheend of the school year..LOL I can remember when they were in preschool,early grades- I hated school breaks.. NOW, I actually look forward to them- NO HOMEWORK, I don't have to care if they want to dress inappropriately, younger one can sleep in etc....

So, you are not alone.. You can PM me if you like....
Debbie
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Old 04-19-2010, 02:27 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Ctsplaysinrain View Post
Oh, I feel your pain.. I have a 14 yr old DS with Asperger's and an almost 13 yr old son with ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHD and mild Asperger's. Neither has any executive functioning..LOL.. I, too, am married to a physician who works long hours ( he's working nights now, changed about 8 months ago, he loves it, I hate it) who honestly is proabably the link to the Asperger's and the ADHD and he doesn't help much at home.. In fact, it seems like he is constantly in a power struggle these days with the kids...

I, too, am exhausted after just getting them to school.. Showers, homework, getting dressed are mostly nightmares most days.. The younger one has sleeping and eating issues as well. I feel like I'm on "guard duty" all night as well. He tends to not sleep, wander around, and get into all sorts of mischeif at night. Also, he has battled some anorexia so just getting him to eat is a challenge as well.

We have EXTREME sibling rivalry and the non-stop fighting gets very old. The oldest one has extreme meltdowns and many more sensory issues.


Yup, I understand..... Although I must say that I do not fantasize of when they will leave.. Actually, I'm starting to realize that I'm not sure my older one will be able to live on his own until maybe late 20's since he is still so dependent.. He still cant even seem to find his own socks in the morning.. Both boys are brilliant but day to day living skills are not there yet.
But, I do think about those "pre-kid" days and why did we have children???? It took a long time to conceive and there are days, I wonder why I did this.. I miss the days of traveling , eating in a restaurant with husband, being able to get a sentence out with out being interupted.

One of my solutions: run away for a few days.. In fact, I am running away to WDW ALONE next week for 3 days.. I'm hoping it will be enough to get me through to tyheend of the school year..LOL I can remember when they were in preschool,early grades- I hated school breaks.. NOW, I actually look forward to them- NO HOMEWORK, I don't have to care if they want to dress inappropriately, younger one can sleep in etc....

So, you are not alone.. You can PM me if you like....
Debbie
Debbie! Are you sure we aren't living each other's lives in a parallel universe? It's exhausting, isn't it? And are you sure your boys don't have executive functioning problems? I thought that pretty much was the inability to plan and organize your day...which is why dressing, homework, daily skills are so hard for mine. Maybe I'm wrong. Add me to the list of sensory/food/sleep issues! My oldest is over 6 ft and only 115 lbs! The other one mostly just drinks ensure. We give them Melatonin to sleep...works wonders! I also look forward to school breaks! My oldest and his homework is just about killing me! My boys are also extremely intelligent but it doesn't show on my oldest ones grades! How can a kid be so smart and yet so lost is beyond me! Maybe I should pm you! Can I meet you at WDW? We have way too much in common!

I'm with you and daydream about the days when it will just be me and my husband. But, in reality, I think it will be me, my husband and at least 2 of our kids forever!
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Old 04-19-2010, 02:59 PM   #18
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? And are you sure your boys don't have executive functioning problems? I

Oh they do!!!!! When I said in my post that they didnt have.. I meant they have NO exec . funct skills at all..


Sure, you can come meet me if you like.....
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:22 PM   #19
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Ugh, your post is what I'm dreading. I have two boys, oldest one has HFA and probably ADHD too (he's only 5, so not diagnosed yet...). My youngest is 4 and has severe apraxia of speech as well as SPD.

I have NEVER really, truly enjoyed being a mom. I know it sounds awful, but I routinely find myself saying in my head "I hate my life". And, the truth of the matter is, I don't REALLY hate it, but I hate the FACT that my life is SO HARD. DH is military, and is getting ready to leave for his THIRD deployment, leaving me home with the boys alone for the next 7 months (last deployment was for 11 months...). I am dreading it. While I am thankful that they are older this time, I just don't want to do it anymore. I've been SO tired for the past 5 years, and I wonder how I'll be able to do it for another 15+. Seems so daunting because my kids are still SO young, yet it's already so hard. I am a bit hopeful, because they seem to get better as they get older. My HOPE is that they'll both be significantly better in the coming years, but it's just such a murky future.

Some days are good; some days I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I often wish we'd not had children, but I know in my heart that I really, really wanted kids. I do sort of feel cheated that I got special needs kids instead of "normal" kids, and I'm still trying to work through acceptance and all that. I get mad and jealous of parents of "typical" kids, mostly because I feel like they take their lives for granted. There are so many things my kids will never do, and they're little things, but still... And, NOTHING is ever carefree for us. Everything requires careful planning ahead, scheduling out, etc. The few times I've tried to be spontaneous have blown up in my face, and I know better now.

OP, you are not a horrible person (or else, I am too!). I actually use WDW as my escape too. DH has been so good to let me go THREE times since the kids were born either solo or with my friends. It truly helps to "get away from it all". Maybe you can do that too...you need a break!
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:39 PM   #20
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Thank you for this thread! I too feel tired some days/months etc...... to know im not alone is helpful

my ds is only 5 and i think some days how will i ever survive these years.

I feel bad for dd because shes always complaining that we have 2 sets of rule in the house.................and shes right!

i have a very supportive hubby but some evenings beer is the only friend!
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:45 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Ctsplaysinrain View Post
? And are you sure your boys don't have executive functioning problems? I

Oh they do!!!!! When I said in my post that they didnt have.. I meant they have NO exec . funct skills at all..


Sure, you can come meet me if you like.....
Oh, I get it now!

And if you're in WDW and see a frazzled looking mom...that might be me!
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Old 04-19-2010, 03:53 PM   #22
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Honestly, i think you should be grateful that your kids are mild enough where the ASD went unnoticed or undiagnosed until they were a little older. I'd also be grateful that my kids are high functioning enough where they can potentially grow up enough to move out and be on their own.

I'd also be happy that I have more than one child, so should one of the ASD kids not be able to take care of themselves later in life, there will be siblings there to look after the well being of that child.


Sorry to sound unsupportive, but I think sometimes instead of an "oh..it's okay...don't feel bad" what people really need is a slap to the back of the head and made to realize it could be a hell of a lot worse.

I have been at my wits end with my son for a while now. We went to a local autism event where there was a boy a few years older than my son. He was wearing a helmet, was skin and bones, had no speech, no eye contact and banged his head on every thing he walked by. If he couldn't find anything close by he'd throw himself on the floor and bang on the floor. His arms were scratched and bruised. You could tell his teeth and hair probably haven't been brushed in a while, probably not for lack of trying.

Think your day has been rough, imagine that mother's life.

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Old 04-19-2010, 04:01 PM   #23
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Ugh, your post is what I'm dreading. I have two boys, oldest one has HFA and probably ADHD too (he's only 5, so not diagnosed yet...). My youngest is 4 and has severe apraxia of speech as well as SPD.

I have NEVER really, truly enjoyed being a mom. I know it sounds awful, but I routinely find myself saying in my head "I hate my life". And, the truth of the matter is, I don't REALLY hate it, but I hate the FACT that my life is SO HARD. DH is military, and is getting ready to leave for his THIRD deployment, leaving me home with the boys alone for the next 7 months (last deployment was for 11 months...). I am dreading it. While I am thankful that they are older this time, I just don't want to do it anymore. I've been SO tired for the past 5 years, and I wonder how I'll be able to do it for another 15+. Seems so daunting because my kids are still SO young, yet it's already so hard. I am a bit hopeful, because they seem to get better as they get older. My HOPE is that they'll both be significantly better in the coming years, but it's just such a murky future.

Some days are good; some days I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I often wish we'd not had children, but I know in my heart that I really, really wanted kids. I do sort of feel cheated that I got special needs kids instead of "normal" kids, and I'm still trying to work through acceptance and all that. I get mad and jealous of parents of "typical" kids, mostly because I feel like they take their lives for granted. There are so many things my kids will never do, and they're little things, but still... And, NOTHING is ever carefree for us. Everything requires careful planning ahead, scheduling out, etc. The few times I've tried to be spontaneous have blown up in my face, and I know better now.

OP, you are not a horrible person (or else, I am too!). I actually use WDW as my escape too. DH has been so good to let me go THREE times since the kids were born either solo or with my friends. It truly helps to "get away from it all". Maybe you can do that too...you need a break!
Ditto for me and all your feelings! The "I hate my life" is something I say in my head all the time! And like you, I don't really hate my life I just hate dealing with my kid's issues day after day! I have one "typical" child and I often think how easy my life would be if they were all like that! So, count me in on the being jealous of other moms with typical kids, too. And wanting to stay in bed...been there, too! Last year I would have visions of driving past my house and just keep on going!!!

I'm so sorry your husband is being deployed! He's doing such a wonderful service for our country! Thank you to both of you for your sacrifice!

I'm not familiar with HFA. What is that?

I hope life gets easier for you when your boys get older. For me, some things are easier and others are harder. I didn't expect to be dealing with some of the same problems, though. Another thing that's hard is watching my friend's kids in high school do things mine won't do. Going to a hometown basketball game is torture for me!

It's nice to know I'm not alone! I wish we could all get together and share our support and misery!
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:18 PM   #24
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Honestly, i think you should be grateful that your kids are mild enough where the ASD went unnoticed or undiagnosed until they were a little older. I'd also be grateful that my kids are high functioning enough where they can potentially grow up enough to move out and be on their own.

I'd also be happy that I have more than one child, so should one of the ASD kids not be able to take care of themselves later in life, there will be siblings there to look after the well being of that child.


Sorry to sound unsupportive, but I think sometimes instead of an "oh..it's okay...don't feel bad" what people really need is a slap to the back of the head and made to realize it could be a hell of a lot worse.

I have been at my wits end with my son for a while now. We went to a local autism event where there was a boy a few years older than my son. He was wearing a helmet, was skin and bones, had no speech, no eye contact and banged his head on every thing he walked by. If he couldn't find anything close by he'd throw himself on the floor and bang on the floor. His arms were scratched and bruised. You could tell his teeth and hair probably haven't been brushed in a while, probably not for lack of trying.

Think your day has been rough, imagine that mother's life.
That's so true. Mine are mild and I know it could be much worse. I keep telling myself that!!! I still get run down, though.

You know, I read a study where they found mothers of mild ASD were more depressed than the extrememly affected. The results were confusing but they decided it was because moms of mildly affected kids have to make them fit in and perform in everyday life unlike children who are severe. They are living in 2 worlds, the ASD world and the normal world. Moms of more severe children are only in the autim world. Nobody expects them to perform like the other children. Even though this study says this I'm still extrememly grateful that my boys are on the mild side! My sister's son is extrememly autistic and I see how hard it is. She doesn't, however, have to help him fit in with his peers, get his homework done, teach him to drive, deal with frustrated teachers who don't see the disability, etc.

But, I do agree with you. I'm very lucky in many ways and probably need a good slap across the face! Sometimes I just get so tired and fall into a pity party.

It is nice to know I'm not alone, though! I appreciate everyone's stories so much!

(Mine weren't diagnosed until later...signs were there but first he got speech delay, then ADD, and finally in junior high it became apparant he wasn't outgrowing his social issues. The second was diagnosed at 3 yrs when I was pregnant with last baby.)
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:19 PM   #25
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Thank you for this thread! I too feel tired some days/months etc...... to know im not alone is helpful

my ds is only 5 and i think some days how will i ever survive these years.

I feel bad for dd because shes always complaining that we have 2 sets of rule in the house.................and shes right!

i have a very supportive hubby but some evenings beer is the only friend!
I hear ya!
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:24 PM   #26
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I understand you too. This wasn't what I signed on for. My oldest has PDDNOS and he's only 3 1/2 - we're already battling the school about his IEP and he isn't even old enough for Kindergarten yet! I know the long road that is ahead of us and it worries me!

I also know that it could worse - A LOT worse. A year ago we were worried that he wouldn't speak and now the kid won't shut up He has come so far but some days and moments are just so hard.

I'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband that even though he works a lot understands I need adult time. I went to Disney for a weekend with a friend last fall and now I'm planning a trip to Harry Potter World next January. In between he is very supportive of giving me "time off" - there have been a few times that he comes home from work and says "I got it from here, go to the mall and walk around for awhile." Even an hour out the house makes all the difference!
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:37 PM   #27
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I understand you too. This wasn't what I signed on for. My oldest has PDDNOS and he's only 3 1/2 - we're already battling the school about his IEP and he isn't even old enough for Kindergarten yet! I know the long road that is ahead of us and it worries me!

I also know that it could worse - A LOT worse. A year ago we were worried that he wouldn't speak and now the kid won't shut up He has come so far but some days and moments are just so hard.

I'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband that even though he works a lot understands I need adult time. I went to Disney for a weekend with a friend last fall and now I'm planning a trip to Harry Potter World next January. In between he is very supportive of giving me "time off" - there have been a few times that he comes home from work and says "I got it from here, go to the mall and walk around for awhile." Even an hour out the house makes all the difference!
My son got PDDNOS too. That was when he was 2 yrs and then at 3 they gave us the big "A" word! He also didn't talk and then wouldn't stop once he started! I cried through my very first IEP mtg when he was 3 so I know what you're talking about! The rest have been a breeze though so maybe you've just got the hard part done!

Thank goodness for wonderful husbands, right?

I'm so glad to "meet" you and all the other moms on this thread that I feel a kindred spirit to!
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:44 PM   #28
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WOW! I love you guys! You don't know how l much better I feel knowing I'm not alone! You've all said what I feel quite often. Thank you!!!!!

I wonder if I will ever have a life of my own again. Every decade of my adult life I have have had a child to raise. Had my eldedst in my 20's, (who is now 26), my 2 younger in my 30s ( they are 17 &15), and now in my 40s I am raising my DGD (6), who we've had since she was 15 months. Since she has been with us we found out she has epilepsy (mild and controlled with meds), she had to have a cyst removed by her eye, was tested and found to be developmentally delayed so she was put in SPEd Pre-K, broke her leg and had to have surgery to put in rods and then a year later another surgery to remove the rods, and a bunch of other little things. I have gone through more with her then I have with all 3 of my kids. We just took her for an evaluation with a neuropychologist last week and we have an appointment on the 3rd to get the results. I believe she is somewhere on the spectrum, if not something else is going on with her. Like the rest of you, I feel like she will be with us for a very long time. I also love school breaks just so I can have a break from the routine. She is only in kindergarten and homework can be such a hassle. Sad thing is we had her retained so she has done this stuff before, she even has the same teacher, but it is still a struggle. There have been many days that I've told my DH that I can't do this anymore and I'd like to send her back to her parents (although that won't happen), so I will continue to deal with it all. I'm hoping we can gets some answers and incite from the evaluation.

brergnat, we are retired Navy so I feel for you!
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:52 PM   #29
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WOW! I love you guys! You don't know how l much better I feel knowing I'm not alone! You've all said what I feel quite often. Thank you!!!!!

I wonder if I will ever have a life of my own again. Every decade of my adult life I have have had a child to raise. Had my eldedst in my 20's, (who is now 26), my 2 younger in my 30s ( they are 17 &15), and now in my 40s I am raising my DGD (6), who we've had since she was 15 months. Since she has been with us we found out she has epilepsy (mild and controlled with meds), she had to have a cyst removed by her eye, was tested and found to be developmentally delayed so she was put in SPEd kindergarten, broke her leg and had to have surgery to put in rods and then a year later another surgery to remove the rods, and a bunch of other little things. I have gone through more with her then I have with all 3 of my kids. We just took her for an evaluation with a neuropychologist last week and we have an appointment on the 3rd to get the results. I believe she is somewhere on the spectrum, if not something else is going on with her. Like the rest of you, I feel like she will be with us for a very long time. I also love school breaks just so I can have a break from the routine. She is only in kindergarten and homework can be such a hassle. Sad thing is we had her retained so she has done this stuff before, she even has the same teacher, but it is still a struggle. There have been many days that I've told my DH that I can't do this anymore and I'd like to send her back to her parents (although that won't happen), so I will continue to deal with it all. I'm hoping we can gets some answers and incite from the evaluation.

brergnat, we are retired Navy so I feel for you!
from me! You are definately not alone! I was parenting in my 20's, 30's and now 40's too! I often wonder if I'll be doing it in my 50's too since I can see myself raising any children my 2 on the spectrum might have!

Keep us posted on your dgd results! I'm hoping for good news! The school struggle is probably the most exhausting thing I deal with! Mine is "Why didn't you do the work?", "Why didn't you turn it in?" "How do you not know if you have homework/test/project due?" Ahhhh!!! I definately feel your pain with school. Hopefully being older in her class will help!
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:32 PM   #30
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I think we all know it could be much worse but It is still nice to know that we are not alone..
Actually, I'm not sure I would want NT kids especially not now when I'm looking at these middle-schoolers...LOL I believe that I would be very bored with "typical" kids at this point... My kids are smart, creative, think outside of the box thinkers. one is a nationally ranked chess player ( the older one with more serious AS0, one is a budding musician and was picked over a class of high schoolers ( he's 12) to be the sound engineer for his jazz institute... But, it is still tiring.. It is frustrating when they can't even find socks in the morning. Tiring when you are on the "alert" all night for mischief and escapes.. Tiring when all they do is fight. Tiring to be constantly nagging to get homework done, to explain that they STINK and must shower, trying to explain why you shouldnt wear a parka over short-shorts, too-tight t-shirt and the forecast is 90 degreess ( and the child is in 7th grade). Tiring all the IEP meetings etc....


I think we all understand that it could be worse but it's nice to vent too...
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