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Old 04-19-2010, 11:07 AM   #1
iwrbnd
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Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

I have always loved being a parent and have given my all to my family. I've known for years that I have to work harder because 2 of my kids are on the autism spectrum. However, for the past year I'm just so tired. I constantly think "I can't wait until I don't have to do______anymore" (insert cooking, cleaning, homework help, whatever). I feel so bad because I don't want to wish these years away.

My oldest is 17 and a good kid but he has mild aspergers, ADHD and severe executive functioning skills! He's never had assigned chores because just getting him through daily life is exhausting enough! (Shower, deoderant, teeth and dressed is enough to about drive me to drink!) He doesn't show appreciation and gets irritated quickly. The teen years have about done me in.

My 2nd son is easy in every way. He helps me so much that I feel bad for him. He's taken on the "I'm mom's rescuer" role which isn't probably healthy for him.

My 3rd son has mild autism but his challenges haven't been too hard yet. I panic about going through the teen years with another ASD kid, though.

My daughter is sweet but quite the drama queen. I just don't have the energy for her anymore. I feel so bad.

I have a wonderful husband that is supportive and loving and everything I could ask for. He's a physician that works long hours so the majority of daily life falls on my shoulders. He's a huge help when he's home, though. I work part-time, financially it's necessary.

Has anyone else just gotten so tired of parenting that they dream about when their children are grown and gone? Or am I just awful to even think that? I still am doing everything I need to for my family it's just that my heart isn't in it anymore.

If you've gone through this season of parenting how did you handle it? How long did it last? Do parents with "typical" children go through this? Maybe it's because I've been doing this for so many years and have many more to go! Whose bright idea was it to space our kids out so far? Mine! And we didn't know our kids were on the spectrum until we had 4 already. They really are mild but affected enough to make life hard!

Does anybody have any insight for me? Am I alone in this? Thanks and sorry this is so long!
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:37 AM   #2
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I have days, and months like that too...I'll admit it. My son is turning 14 in June and there are often days that I count down the months to graduation.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:59 AM   #3
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I have days, and months like that too...I'll admit it. My son is turning 14 in June and there are often days that I count down the months to graduation.
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Oh, good! I was starting to think I was the only one! (Is that bad I'm happy you feel the same way?)
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:04 PM   #4
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you are completely normal!!! i have only 1 child, a 13yo son aspie with what i would consider VERY MILD tendencies but whether it's the teen thing or the "extra" challenges, there are some days when i would love to send him back, lol. don't worry, i think all parents go through this at some point. even the ones who wouldn't admit it if their lives depended on it

it sounds like you need a "calgon, take me away moment" (or maybe 100), and then i would bet that if you were honest, you could think of some positive things about being a parent
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:10 PM   #5
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Thanks to the economy, all 3 of my kids live at home, unable to find good paying jobs. Youngest is 21 with severe autism and OCD. If I had a nickel for every time I wished he didn't live here, I could have bought him his own group home.

From what I've heard about group homes, I don't think I could ever send him to one, but.... It is very tiring to watch out for any special needs kids, and no matter the age, they will always be your kid. In this world, not only do you watch out for them, you have to make sure people don't take advantege of them, or hurt them. It is all tiring, emotionally and physically.
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:15 PM   #6
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If I wasn't suffering from gestational diabetes (a weird form that actually makes my blood sugar plummet when I eat too many carbs...) I would totally recommend a bottle of Merlot and an entire Entemann's Cheese Danish with a fork! Or maybe a pint of Ben and Jerrys....

I've found it makes my son much more tolerable on his bad days! LOL!

Just keep your chin up and keep a good sense of humor.
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:21 PM   #7
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Reading your stories and support has gotten me all teary-eyed! It's so nice to be able to share struggles without being judged! When I mention to my friends how tired I am they say my kids should help out more. And they are right but they don't know what it's like to get children with issues to do more than just regular life! Just getting my kids to do their homework and turn it in on time is overwhelming enough! And like the mom who has her children living at home I do fear that at least 2 of mine will be doing the same thing! It's nice to know I'm not alone and others have felt "less than joy" about parenting!
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:25 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by jt'smom View Post
you are completely normal!!! i have only 1 child, a 13yo son aspie with what i would consider VERY MILD tendencies but whether it's the teen thing or the "extra" challenges, there are some days when i would love to send him back, lol. don't worry, i think all parents go through this at some point. even the ones who wouldn't admit it if their lives depended on it

it sounds like you need a "calgon, take me away moment" (or maybe 100), and then i would bet that if you were honest, you could think of some positive things about being a parent
Your right. I just need to get away...Disney trip is in July...can I make it that long? And I do need to remember all the wonderful things about my children, too. I've just been forgetting them as I'm drowning in the teen years!
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:40 PM   #9
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OMG - I'm literally in tears here. My DS is an aspie with ADHD and just. last. night. I was fantasizing on what my life would be like - both the potentially good and the potentially bad - if I would have divorced my jerk ex before we got pregnant (I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't stay married to him when I was 6 months preggo - I can still remember the exact moment that I "woke up"). I do love my son and he can be sooooo sweet and thoughtful but those moments are so overshadowed with the hours of stress and aggravation we both go through. Maybe if I would have dumped my ex sooner and found someone else my DS wouldn't have had such an unfortunate genetic makeup? I feel so guilty even thinking those things...

5 years until HS graduation..... if he (and/or I) makes it through.
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:55 PM   #10
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OMG - I'm literally in tears here. My DS is an aspie with ADHD and just. last. night. I was fantasizing on what my life would be like - both the potentially good and the potentially bad - if I would have divorced my jerk ex before we got pregnant (I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't stay married to him when I was 6 months preggo - I can still remember the exact moment that I "woke up"). I do love my son and he can be sooooo sweet and thoughtful but those moments are so overshadowed with the hours of stress and aggravation we both go through. Maybe if I would have dumped my ex sooner and found someone else my DS wouldn't have had such an unfortunate genetic makeup? I feel so guilty even thinking those things...

5 years until HS graduation..... if he (and/or I) makes it through.
I'm so sorry to hear life is hard for you, too with your son! I completely understand your frustration! Raising kids is hard enough but when you throw in the ADHD/aspie stuff it gets overwhelming! I'm sorry you're doing it on your own, too! I can't imagine that! At least you don't have 2 like me!

I'm glad yours can be sweet and thoughtful. Mine, not so much. He's sees life from his viewpoint only so comes across as selfish and almost narcisist (sp?) It's like teenage behavior times 100! I know it could be worse because he's mildly affected (most people don't even know) but sometimes that makes it even harder!

My son graduates next year and my friends are all talking about how sad they are to have seniors. I feel guilty because I'm relieved! But, then I'm also terrified because I don't know if he'll make it in college! I'll go insane if he lives in our basement the rest of our lives! What kind of mother am I to say that anyway?
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:09 PM   #11
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There's an old saying I've heard and it's so true...

You don't know what real freedom is until the last child moves out and the dog dies.

Kids are great but they're one heck of a lot of work.
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:16 PM   #12
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There's an old saying I've heard and it's so true...

You don't know what real freedom is until the last child moves out and the dog dies.

Kids are great but they're one heck of a lot of work.
AMEN!!
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:20 PM   #13
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Quote:
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There's an old saying I've heard and it's so true...

You don't know what real freedom is until the last child moves out and the dog dies.

Kids are great but they're one heck of a lot of work.
That quote is making me laugh!Especially since lately I've been seeing my own dogs as just another mouth to feed! I was actually thinking I wouldn't get another dog after these guys which is so weird because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dogs! I'm so tired of taking care of other people/things! This must be why 40+year olds should be on their last leg of parenting with the end in sight! (Which I'm not!)
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:38 PM   #14
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That quote is making me laugh!Especially since lately I've been seeing my own dogs as just another mouth to feed! I was actually thinking I wouldn't get another dog after these guys which is so weird because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dogs! I'm so tired of taking care of other people/things! This must be why 40+year olds should be on their last leg of parenting with the end in sight! (Which I'm not!)

Could be worse...you could be 7 months pregnant like me!! However...the appointment has already been set for my lovely husband about 2 months after my delivery. The baby factory is going out of business for good! LMAO!!
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:44 PM   #15
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Could be worse...you could be 7 months pregnant like me!! However...the appointment has already been set for my lovely husband about 2 months after my delivery. The baby factory is going out of business for good! LMAO!!
Congratulations! The baby/toddler years are so sweet! How many do you have already?
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