How to stop hating your ex ? - Page 3 - The DIS Discussion Forums

MO Nurse · 11-11-2008, 10:25 AM

As everyone else has said it's one of the hardest things you will do. I have been with the same man for 13 years off and on. We got married and divorced twice. How insane is that?

Currently we are in the process of separating again. We have both done things in the past to hurt each other but there comes a time when enough is enough. It seemed we would get away from each other and get along great and that would lead us to believe maybe it would work when in reality we can be great friends but can't be in a relationship together. It's hard to accept that though. I have become a very cold hearted person and I was never like that before.

You have to remember who you are and who you want to be and as others have said put the past where it belongs. We all know that is easier said than done but you have to make a conscious decision to do it and not look back. During one of our separations of 2 years I took the step and went back to school and am now a nurse and absolutely love my job. I did something for myself and my kids that will make their future stable. Good Luck. I am going through the same thing right now but time will help.

Tinkerbell_n_neverland · 11-12-2008, 11:05 AM

The best thing I did for myself when i got divorced was I learned to have fun again w/o him! All the fun stuff drowned out the pain and anger I felt for him.

Yea he still makes me mad, but its usually cause he says or does something stupid that involves my son. I moved on away from him, and met a wonderful man that ive been dating now for 2 years. Funny thing is he lives 3 hours away from me (without traffic) but we're so good for eachother it works. He's got 2 daughters and I feel like a family again (on the weekends when we get to spend time together). During the week I work and take care of my son, and keep myself busy

I never thought when my husband and I divorced Id be happy again. Im happier now than I ever was. You will stop feeling anger and hate when you find happiness.

But dont be fooled, it takes alot of time. Years later... every once in a while I have a break down. i wonder how things could have gone so wrong. But then i think of the beautiful and all the fun im having and I'm over it.

and if all else fails... take a trip to disney world and forget about everything and be a kid again!!!!

alanakelly · 12-08-2008, 06:29 PM

I agree with the whole idea of the posts. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. However bad the relationship was, there are still seconds on it when it made you happy. Linger on those precious moments and see the bright future when you can be a lot happier in the arms of the right man.

TortugaDave · 12-08-2008, 07:22 PM

I am going though the begining of the process and hate it. I know it is over and has been over of quite a while, but I am still very hurt. I don't want to go back with her, nor does she want to get back with me. I guess I just want to feel normal again...and dating is not normal yet. I resent the X alot for doing this to my son and I, but it still was the best for us. Now I get my son alittle under half the time and I know he is in pain, but he is getting better and the time spent together is like gold. " I guess this is growing up" (stolen from Blink 182)

ny to wdw · 12-13-2008, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TortugaDave

I am going though the begining of the process and hate it. I know it is over and has been over of quite a while, but I am still very hurt. I don't want to go back with her, nor does she want to get back with me. I guess I just want to feel normal again...and dating is not normal yet.

i understand exactly what you are saying here. especially the part about dating. i was so sure i could handle dating again that i went out and dived head first into a relationship with a wonderful and beautiful woman. boy was i so wrong, very wrong. not that there was something wrong with the woman i was dating and being very involved with, she was wonderful, it was i was not ready. all my ex had to do was text me and the text would just ruin my mind. i would become so focused on trying to understand what my ex was trying to do that i could not focus on my new relationship and in turn i managed to hurt my new relationship very much.

i so wanted to hate my ex for her constant and seemingly endless texts, calls and asking for extra money for bills and adding to that my simply not being to give my all to that special person i was dating because i was so constantly distracted by all the drama but i still would refuse to give in to the anger and hate.

i was also fortunate that my special person did not give into hate and despise me for what i put her through.

i know my life will be good soon very soon.

hopefully as soon as i feel that dating is "normal" again, and i can really focus on the person i am with that maybe that special person will be there and maybe...........

livingontheedge · 11-04-2012, 04:56 AM

I have never hated anyone yet the person i was married to for 19 years turned out to be nothing but a liar. How do i stop hating and stop dwelling on the wrongs i was subjected to...
It wasn't enough for him to lie to me he had to fabricate accusations about my life with him and tell our friends (who where his friends first because i moved to his town) so many horrible lies about my life with him. He got us in so much debt and lied about everything then decided to tell me how he really felt about me which was not very nice. I was blind sided, i never saw it coming. never once did we ever speak of divorce, never once did we have arguments that we didn't get over, we did not dwell on anything; or so i thought.
i hurt so deeply, like i was raped and robbed and left for dead by a complete stranger.

11-11-2008, 10:25 AM	#31
MO Nurse DizFamily Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 93	As everyone else has said it's one of the hardest things you will do. I have been with the same man for 13 years off and on. We got married and divorced twice. How insane is that? Currently we are in the process of separating again. We have both done things in the past to hurt each other but there comes a time when enough is enough. It seemed we would get away from each other and get along great and that would lead us to believe maybe it would work when in reality we can be great friends but can't be in a relationship together. It's hard to accept that though. I have become a very cold hearted person and I was never like that before. You have to remember who you are and who you want to be and as others have said put the past where it belongs. We all know that is easier said than done but you have to make a conscious decision to do it and not look back. During one of our separations of 2 years I took the step and went back to school and am now a nurse and absolutely love my job. I did something for myself and my kids that will make their future stable. Good Luck. I am going through the same thing right now but time will help. __________________ Me-Kimooh: DD-Kimbra DD-Kaitlyn DS-Charlie FIRST TRIP MARCH 08- OFFSITE MARCH 3-14 POR [img]http://www.********************/timers/tickers/amvvb5h82p8gjdqx.png[/img]

11-12-2008, 11:05 AM	#32
Tinkerbell_n_neverland Earning My Ears Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Connecticut Posts: 40	The best thing I did for myself when i got divorced was I learned to have fun again w/o him! All the fun stuff drowned out the pain and anger I felt for him. Yea he still makes me mad, but its usually cause he says or does something stupid that involves my son. I moved on away from him, and met a wonderful man that ive been dating now for 2 years. Funny thing is he lives 3 hours away from me (without traffic) but we're so good for eachother it works. He's got 2 daughters and I feel like a family again (on the weekends when we get to spend time together). During the week I work and take care of my son, and keep myself busy I never thought when my husband and I divorced Id be happy again. Im happier now than I ever was. You will stop feeling anger and hate when you find happiness. But dont be fooled, it takes alot of time. Years later... every once in a while I have a break down. i wonder how things could have gone so wrong. But then i think of the beautiful and all the fun im having and I'm over it. and if all else fails... take a trip to disney world and forget about everything and be a kid again!!!! __________________ ME, DBF, DS (6), DSD (11), DSD (8)

12-08-2008, 06:29 PM	#33
alanakelly Earning My Ears Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1	when it's not meant to be I agree with the whole idea of the posts. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. However bad the relationship was, there are still seconds on it when it made you happy. Linger on those precious moments and see the bright future when you can be a lot happier in the arms of the right man.

12-08-2008, 07:22 PM	#34
TortugaDave Mouseketeer Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Atlanta area Posts: 161	I am going though the begining of the process and hate it. I know it is over and has been over of quite a while, but I am still very hurt. I don't want to go back with her, nor does she want to get back with me. I guess I just want to feel normal again...and dating is not normal yet. I resent the X alot for doing this to my son and I, but it still was the best for us. Now I get my son alittle under half the time and I know he is in pain, but he is getting better and the time spent together is like gold. " I guess this is growing up" (stolen from Blink 182) __________________ .....Yes, but why is the Rum gone? WDW: 72?, 77 off property, 88 contemporary, 92 off property, 94 off property, 97 off property 04 Contemporary, 05 Wilderness Lodge and off property ,06 Wilderness Lodge and AS Sports 09(Feb) AS Sports DL :91 Disney hotel, 05 off property, 06 off property and 07 Disney hotel

11-04-2012, 04:56 AM	#36
livingontheedge Earning My Ears Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 1	hate hating I have never hated anyone yet the person i was married to for 19 years turned out to be nothing but a liar. How do i stop hating and stop dwelling on the wrongs i was subjected to... It wasn't enough for him to lie to me he had to fabricate accusations about my life with him and tell our friends (who where his friends first because i moved to his town) so many horrible lies about my life with him. He got us in so much debt and lied about everything then decided to tell me how he really felt about me which was not very nice. I was blind sided, i never saw it coming. never once did we ever speak of divorce, never once did we have arguments that we didn't get over, we did not dwell on anything; or so i thought. i hurt so deeply, like i was raped and robbed and left for dead by a complete stranger. Last edited by livingontheedge; 11-04-2012 at 05:01 AM.

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