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Old 02-15-2014, 06:02 PM   #31
BMWTeamLeader
Earning My Ears
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 59

Thanks for response. During the time I have been apart from my daughter I know I could have done better. I've been given a lot to think about things she has said to me directly and events over time I replay in my mind over and over. I also am still a parent and I am noticing with changed techniques I get different results. What my daughter has said to me makes complete and utter sense, but right now saying "I'm sorry" doesn't fly with her...they are just words...To be honest I'm having a hard time expressing what I'm sorry for, and ultimately I end up feeling sorry for myself

Our communication is so poor and I believe it always was. I was thinking about this the other day, when the last time we talked (back in november) she was saying to me how hard she tried to talk to me about how many problems she was having living with me (when she lived with me). Its like she was saying "I need your help" and I was hearing"I don't want to live with you anymore" and I reacted accordingly...I panicked and took it personally.

Even to myself, these explanations emotionally don't me feel better saying them never mind hearing them.

I'm still in a tizzy that time is going by and I am missing out on a lot in my daughter's life. I'm pushing through an uncomfortable amount of sadness, self pity and sometimes anger. I am doing the best I can for now, but there's a heck of a lot of room for improvement.
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Old Yesterday, 10:56 PM   #32
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Earning My Ears
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 59

Its been quite some time since my last post. There has not been a lot to report. Grief got the better of me and my therapists advised I stop the weekly calls out that never got answered. It wasn't doing either of any good, at least that was the impression I was left with.

My daughter finished her first year in Middle School with all A's. I'm very proud of her. That says to me she's got great focus and I don't want any of that focus detracted from.

I am a person who likes thing big...but when it comes to overcompensating for someone not being there, bigger is not better...This was a challenge not easily getting used to and I found in these very long months of self reflection, new discipline and keeping my emotions in check, I am becoming the dad that my daughter kept wishing I was - or maybe saw me as in the first place.

As the days progress forward, I continue to seek out consistency in my behavior.

The waiting has paid off...I had a very intelligent conversation with my daughter's mom last night while we were waiting for Open House to begin. My absence from the phones, from what understand has initiated more than a few conversations about me. Her mom takes each one as it comes, and mostly itcomes down to dealing with the past.

Scared as I was, I approached the subject of a family therapist. Because of the disaster trying to talk about the past one on one; which I am convinced brought down six weeks of phone calls that were going great, I remain firm in not bringing up the past with my daughter unless it was in a therapy setting. I told her mom she could use her discrestion relaying this information (because in all honesty I was saying this for her benefit more than my daughter's).

It felt good to set that boundary. It felt better being able to express it without the drama that usually has followed.

I've found my success parenting my stepdaughter relies a lot on the success I have communicating with my wife....I believe the same can happen (more or less) with my daughter and my ex. It becomes less and less about how do I get her back and more more about how do I improve the relationship under the current circumstances.

Even without the daily contact, my daughter is a part of my day and a part of my routine and from what I understand I am not totally ignored in her world either.

Even wit the small signs I've gotten in the past 24 hours, I forsee big results when the time is right.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings - Good Night
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August 2015: AoA Lion King Suite Me DW DD11
April 2007: ASMo (Fantasia), WDW Swan, FW Campground Me DD5
March 2000: AsMo (101 Dalmations) Me DGf
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