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Old 10-31-2013, 08:36 AM   #31
SEA333
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Originally Posted by amym2 View Post
So every 9 year old who attends an after school activity, sports practice, etc needs to have their own phone? Sorry, but I was one of those people and I can guarantee that at any event my DD9 goes to, there is an adult who would let her use their phone to call me. I'd be happy to let my kids' friends use my phone to call their parents in any situation. I can understand that you don't want your DD's friends using her phone, but I would think that until kids reach the age that they don't need to be supervised by an adult, that wouldn't be necessary anyway.
I agree! My three kids are in sports and activities All Year Long, and even at 13 and in 8th grade, there has not been one time EVER where the adult in charge of the event/sport/activity has left my child high and dry in an emergency - or at all, for that matter. That is way to much liability. I remember back in the day when I was in sports and activities, the teachers and adults would all just leave and if my parent was late, I sat there by myself. And that was WAYYYY before cell phones and I lived to tell the tale.

And, further, my kids' major sport is football and cheerleading. NO football player or cheerleader brings their cell phone to practice. There isn't anywhere to put it! Obviously they cannot put it in their pocket, and no parent in their right mind would think that it is OK for a 1st-8th grader to set their phone down on the side of the field during practice. Anytime there is lightning or anything that cancels practice halfway through, the coaches bring out their cell phones and pass them around to the kids while they are waiting in the field house during the storm. PLUS, common sense would tell a parent not to go far when there is the possibility of bad weather when your kid is practicing on an open field with no shelter!

So, the "my 7 year old needs a phone so they can reach me at all times" has always stumped me, but honestly after that? I don't really care what other parents do....if they want to spend hundreds of $$ a year on cell phones and cell bills, who am I to try to stop them??!!
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:34 AM   #32
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I got my kids a flip phone for our Disney trip in August 2012 so if they wanted to go on a ride they could call us when they got off or to go get something to drink at the resort they could still call us they were 12 and 10. The phone goes with either child to their sports practices then it goes back into my drawer until the next practice or game. Still at 11 and 13 they share the phone and only when necessary. They don't know their number and only have ours and grandparents in their phone. They are responsible its just that they don't need to have a phone attached to them all the time. We have a landline so at home there is a phone at their access at all times.

When my kids are 16 and have a job then they can get their own phone and pay for the services they want under my plan and even then they won't have privacy on it until they are 18 and out of my house.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:46 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by amym2 View Post
So every 9 year old who attends an after school activity, sports practice, etc needs to have their own phone? Sorry, but I was one of those people and I can guarantee that at any event my DD9 goes to, there is an adult who would let her use their phone to call me. I'd be happy to let my kids' friends use my phone to call their parents in any situation. I can understand that you don't want your DD's friends using her phone, but I would think that until kids reach the age that they don't need to be supervised by an adult, that wouldn't be necessary anyway.
The pp didn't say that, and she mentioned that emergencies are a different situation. All she said was that it bothered her that some parents just assume its okay for their child to use someone elses phone, and FTR I totally agree with her. My kids are on pre-paid plans where minutes and texts are limited. I wouldn't be happy if so and so using those minutes up because their parent was either too cheap or just didn't want them to have a phone yet.
(And like the pp said, an emergency is totally different. Please don't tell your kid to just use my kids' phone when there isn't one).

And for the pp who mentioned that they don't understand when parents say they want their kid to be able to reach them at all times, you should feel lucky that your kid was never in a situation where they needed to, or felt they needed too. My dd got her first phone because the "adults" in charge at her camp screwed up when trying to reach me because she got hurt. They wouldn't let her dial the number and they called my MIL's number. The problem was that my dd didn't know it and left a message for "mom" to please come get her. My MIL had no idea it was my dd and thought someone had mis-dialed their home number. It wasn't until she was telling us about a poor little kid who left a message to be picked up that we all realized it was my dd.
Or like the time when she was on the bus and a boy was kicking her and threatening her to not tell the bus driver, she called me to meet her there when she got off the bus because he got off at the same stop and she was afraid. Sure she could have told the bus driver, but a scared 9 year old doesn't always think rationally. Situations like those made me realize that I don't always want to rely on a middle man when communicating with my child.
Anyway I got off on a tangent there, and while I do not think a parent needs to justify their choices to anyone, I just wanted to give you a little perspective on something you are stumped by.

Last edited by luvmy3; 10-31-2013 at 10:52 AM.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:27 AM   #34
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My soon to be 11 year old has been asking for one for two years. I would say about half her class has one and I've always thought No way. But once she turns 11 she can take her babysitters course and she also has more freedom. I am admittedly an over protective parent but also realize kids need a little freedom to grow so am considering giving her one so I can not only keep tabs on her but know if she needs something she can just call. What are you views ?
We let our DS have a phone when he was 11. Basically the decision was made based on need, not want or because friends have them He had sports practices, after school activities and was starting to be at friends houses a lot. We wanted him to be able to call us if/when needed. DD is now 11 and we have held off because she doesn't NEED one yet. Once we feel she needs it we will get her one as well.

We do restrict the game playing and such when he is home.

I would say that if you feel it is needed and it makes it easier to keep in touch when she is away, it is probably time.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:35 AM   #35
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I agree! My three kids are in sports and activities All Year Long, and even at 13 and in 8th grade, there has not been one time EVER where the adult in charge of the event/sport/activity has left my child high and dry in an emergency - or at all, for that matter. That is way to much liability. I remember back in the day when I was in sports and activities, the teachers and adults would all just leave and if my parent was late, I sat there by myself. And that was WAYYYY before cell phones and I lived to tell the tale.

And, further, my kids' major sport is football and cheerleading. NO football player or cheerleader brings their cell phone to practice. There isn't anywhere to put it! Obviously they cannot put it in their pocket, and no parent in their right mind would think that it is OK for a 1st-8th grader to set their phone down on the side of the field during practice. Anytime there is lightning or anything that cancels practice halfway through, the coaches bring out their cell phones and pass them around to the kids while they are waiting in the field house during the storm. PLUS, common sense would tell a parent not to go far when there is the possibility of bad weather when your kid is practicing on an open field with no shelter!

So, the "my 7 year old needs a phone so they can reach me at all times" has always stumped me, but honestly after that? I don't really care what other parents do....if they want to spend hundreds of $$ a year on cell phones and cell bills, who am I to try to stop them??!!
Dd12 calls me after school to let me know if she is going somewhere (actually to ask). Both of my older kids did the same in middle school (about a mile away - they walk). My 2 oldest were/are very involved in theater. Sometimes they were a few kids among adults, who were not babysitters, and sometimes there were over 50 kids, rehearsal end times were never accurate, and they were allowed on the main drag to go get something to eat.

My girls' dance studio doesn't have an office. They spend at least 10 hours there a week, and the teachers are there to teach, not to call home. Once dd12 was very sick, but the teacher didn't realize it. She didn't want to bother the teacher, and didn't have a phone. She got one when she was 9. Ds10 and another boy were sort of left at the bball field. The coach is old, and old school. He went into the office to do some paperwork (after practice ended 45 minutes early), and the boys just sat on a bench for 45 minutes, even though we live 5 minutes away (didn't want to bother the coach). Ds10 also likes to ride bikes with friends, and go up and play at the elementary school when it's closed.

Everyone should do what's best for their family.
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:07 PM   #36
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because we don't have a land line, we went ahead and got a phone for DD (age 11). she really doesn't call anybody but family and she does not have text or data. it's more just for her to have if she's somewhere without us or if we leave her home for short periods of time.
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Old 10-31-2013, 05:43 PM   #37
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This is funny or not so depending how you look at it. My soon to be 11 had a volley ball game after school and when they are on the school team they send a note home saying they end around five. I usually go to watch but my other two daughters had gymnastics and I had to run them there. Long story short gymnastics got cancelled so went to watch her play and all the kids were sitting outside waiting for there parents cause the other team didnt show up! They didn't let them call the parents, I'm so angry! But I guess I answered my own question. She is definitely getting a cell.
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Old 11-01-2013, 07:34 AM   #38
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Dd12 calls me after school to let me know if she is going somewhere (actually to ask). Both of my older kids did the same in middle school (about a mile away - they walk). My 2 oldest were/are very involved in theater. Sometimes they were a few kids among adults, who were not babysitters, and sometimes there were over 50 kids, rehearsal end times were never accurate, and they were allowed on the main drag to go get something to eat.

My girls' dance studio doesn't have an office. They spend at least 10 hours there a week, and the teachers are there to teach, not to call home. Once dd12 was very sick, but the teacher didn't realize it. She didn't want to bother the teacher, and didn't have a phone. She got one when she was 9. Ds10 and another boy were sort of left at the bball field. The coach is old, and old school. He went into the office to do some paperwork (after practice ended 45 minutes early), and the boys just sat on a bench for 45 minutes, even though we live 5 minutes away (didn't want to bother the coach). Ds10 also likes to ride bikes with friends, and go up and play at the elementary school when it's closed.

Everyone should do what's best for their family.
Teaching a child to speak up for herself is never a bad thing. Since it happened to more than one of you kids, in different situations, the first action item I would work on would be to teach them to stand up for themselves and speak up! The teachers at the dance school ARE there to teach, yes, I agree. But as a teacher, they are are ALSO there, as an inherent part of their job, to make sure the child in their care WHILE they are teaching, is OK. So, I disagree with giving a kid a phone to take the responsibility off the adult in charge.

As for the rest, I agree with you. My rule is that once my kids are old enough to NOT be supervised by an adult 24/7, they get a phone. For my oldest, that was 6th grade (11 1/2 years old).

Last edited by SEA333; 11-01-2013 at 07:51 AM.
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Old 11-01-2013, 07:41 AM   #39
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The pp didn't say that, and she mentioned that emergencies are a different situation. All she said was that it bothered her that some parents just assume its okay for their child to use someone elses phone, and FTR I totally agree with her. My kids are on pre-paid plans where minutes and texts are limited. I wouldn't be happy if so and so using those minutes up because their parent was either too cheap or just didn't want them to have a phone yet.
(And like the pp said, an emergency is totally different. Please don't tell your kid to just use my kids' phone when there isn't one).

And for the pp who mentioned that they don't understand when parents say they want their kid to be able to reach them at all times, you should feel lucky that your kid was never in a situation where they needed to, or felt they needed too. My dd got her first phone because the "adults" in charge at her camp screwed up when trying to reach me because she got hurt. They wouldn't let her dial the number and they called my MIL's number. The problem was that my dd didn't know it and left a message for "mom" to please come get her. My MIL had no idea it was my dd and thought someone had mis-dialed their home number. It wasn't until she was telling us about a poor little kid who left a message to be picked up that we all realized it was my dd.
Or like the time when she was on the bus and a boy was kicking her and threatening her to not tell the bus driver, she called me to meet her there when she got off the bus because he got off at the same stop and she was afraid. Sure she could have told the bus driver, but a scared 9 year old doesn't always think rationally. Situations like those made me realize that I don't always want to rely on a middle man when communicating with my child.Anyway I got off on a tangent there, and while I do not think a parent needs to justify their choices to anyone, I just wanted to give you a little perspective on something you are stumped by.
Yes, I am very lucky. Or, not lucky, really, just smart about where I send my kids. I'm sure you are, too, and that was just a one-off that you learned a lesson from and will research better next time

The problem with helicopter parenting - or aka...not ever wanting to rely on a 3rd party to help your child, is that you are not around your child 24/7. I guess in that case, it makes the parent feel better that there is such great technology out there now so that we never really have to *BE* away! Starting at birth with TV monitors in their bedrooms, youTube access channels at the daycare, to 9 years old on the school bus, on to high school and college....I will not be surprised when colleges start offering in-dorm satellite images of our little cupcakes snoozing away (we hope!) at 1am on a Saturday night - you know...just so that we don't have to rely on a third-party cell phone carrier to get us in touch with them!

Sorry, PP...nothing against you - just working out my perspective....it goes a little off base sometimes.

Last edited by SEA333; 11-01-2013 at 07:47 AM.
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Old 11-01-2013, 08:19 AM   #40
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Teaching a child to speak up for herself is never a bad thing. Since it happened to more than one of you kids, in different situations, the first action item I would work on would be to teach them to stand up for themselves and speak up! The teachers at the dance school ARE there to teach, yes, I agree. But as a teacher, they are are ALSO there, as an inherent part of their job, to make sure the child in their care WHILE they are teaching, is OK. So, I disagree with giving a kid a phone to take the responsibility off the adult in charge.

As for the rest, I agree with you. My rule is that once my kids are old enough to NOT be supervised by an adult 24/7, they get a phone. For my oldest, that was 6th grade (11 1/2 years old).
Oh trust me, I told her the next time, she needs to speak up. She is a real people-pleaser, and although I love the dance teachers (been there for 7 years), they are a little - tough. The last time she said she felt sick (a couple days after a stomach virus), they made her go into the tiny bathroom, and wouldn't let her out until I got there 20 minutes later.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:13 AM   #41
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Yes, I am very lucky. Or, not lucky, really, just smart about where I send my kids. I'm sure you are, too, and that was just a one-off that you learned a lesson from and will research better next time

The problem with helicopter parenting - or aka...not ever wanting to rely on a 3rd party to help your child, is that you are not around your child 24/7. I guess in that case, it makes the parent feel better that there is such great technology out there now so that we never really have to *BE* away! Starting at birth with TV monitors in their bedrooms, youTube access channels at the daycare, to 9 years old on the school bus, on to high school and college....I will not be surprised when colleges start offering in-dorm satellite images of our little cupcakes snoozing away (we hope!) at 1am on a Saturday night - you know...just so that we don't have to rely on a third-party cell phone carrier to get us in touch with them!

Sorry, PP...nothing against you - just working out my perspective....it goes a little off base sometimes.
Well it definitely sounds like you need to work out your perspective if you equate wanting to be able to communicate with your child, or having your child be able to communicate with you as helicopter parenting
Personally I don't think that is in the same league as monitoring your child's every move. Its just using a convenient technology to be able to communicate when needed.
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:22 PM   #42
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Well it definitely sounds like you need to work out your perspective if you equate wanting to be able to communicate with your child, or having your child be able to communicate with you as helicopter parenting
Personally I don't think that is in the same league as monitoring your child's every move. Its just using a convenient technology to be able to communicate when needed.
So, with my crazy-weird perspective here, explain to me how specifically stating that you want to give a 9 year old a phone so that she can call you to come get her at the bus stop if someone is being mean to her on the bus, ISN'T helicopter-ing???!!!! The bus driver is there - if you do not have faith that he/she, and subsequently the school if it happens on the walk home, will handle it, then I would pull my child off the bus and have a chat with the school (and yes, I drove my kids to school which meant at a certain point in time packing up a 6 month old, a 2 year old, and 2 3-year-olds that I was doing daycare for instead of having my child ride the bus - for various reasons, the bus wasn't a good fit our location in relation to the school).

Instead, the parent gives the kid a cell phone so that they can meet the kid at the bus? What usually goes on....the kid walks home alone? Doesn't the parent already know what time the bus gets to the stop? WHY on earth would someone let their kid walk home alone where there are bullies?

OK - so I get it... the parent didn't know the kid was going to bully before the first incident - so why did the 9 year old have the cell phone before the bullying started if the REASON for the cell phone was so said child could call mom if she felt threatened? And what about after....do you (or the parent, if it isn't you) meet the 9 year old at the bus every day now? Why would the child be forced to continue to ride every day if there are bullying issues that are so severe that it warrents such extreme action as paying hundreds of dollars a year and supplying a 9 year old with an expensive electronic device?

Geesh...if a parent wants to pay for a cell phone for a young kid, just do it. But don't make up ridiculous reasons for it. Just say the kid wanted one because everyone else has one, and leave it at that. I get it...my 9 year old wants one too - and not just ANY phone...an IPhone 5. The added benefit to the phone is so that you can reach the kid, but given the # of times my 8th grader doesn't answer when i call, I might as well just give him a cup attached to a string. I might be able to reach him better that way. But he certainly knows how to play a movie or go on the internet on that thing!

Bottom line is, anyone under the age of about 5-6th grade will very likely not be in a situation where they MUST have a cell phone or die. There will always be an adult around to help - or if there isn't, than maybe reevaluating where your child is and who with, and when, might be in order. Cell phone or not, I wouldn't WANT my kids anywhere that a responsible adult would refuse to help them if they needed it.

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Old 11-01-2013, 07:05 PM   #43
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18 and if they can pay for it themselves. I don't see the need for kids to have one younger than that. We all survived without them and so can our kids.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:47 PM   #44
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My oldest will be 6 in January, so we still have a long while before we get her one. I got my first cell phone when I was 12, so she will probably get one around the same time.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:54 PM   #45
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My 2 youngest kids are now DS12 and DD13 and we got them a phone at the beginning of this year when they were 11 and 12. Not smart phones. Just talk and text phones.
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