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Old 09-02-2013, 04:18 PM   #76
leeholmes1
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Originally Posted by mrsabbott View Post
I am more of the saver in the family.. I used to be a spender years ago but learned my lesson! DH is the spender, although he's finally starting to come around!

Hubs will nickel and dime our money away without realizing it. I'll never forget an argument we had in the early years! We barely squeeked by most months and it seemed like we would never get ahead. Hubs said he couldn't understand where all our money was going and HE certainly wasn't spending it, so it must be me. He only spent a few dollars occasionally.. So, I got 3 months worth of statements and highlighted all of his small expenditures that were only a "few dollars" each. They added up to well over $500!! He was only spending maybe $8 or $10 but to do it several times a week just adds up over time faster then you would think!

So, in our instance, I had to actually show him PROOF! He had to see the numbers in order to get it! Well, temporarily at least!

We still kinda have that problem. We put money in savings and it will slowly dwindle away and he just can't figure out where it all goes.. He's gotten better though and wants to have a separate savings account that isn't easily accessible so it won't dwindle away. He's even starting to talk about getting debt free again!

I'm also the one who pays all the bills.. whenever Hubs gets irritable at our lack of funds and not understanding where our money goes.. I show him. Or let him take a stab at stretching out the dollars and paying everything for a month. He's usually ready to hand it back over to me and does better for awhile.

As for arguing over where money should go (school clothes or vacation) that is a tough one. Things he sees as important (Indy 500 tickets) aren't as important to me.. We try to compromise but there have been a few times where he's ended up in the doghouse!
This is EXACTLY our situation. I have started going to a cash only system and we each get $140 a month spending allowance, but he still goes over and I hate saying no to him.
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Old 09-02-2013, 06:13 PM   #77
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I can't imagine any other way!!

I cringe every time I hear a friend say : " my *** asked me for $$ to buy xxx"

OR "I had to explain to *** why I needed $$ for xxx."

I think of Leave it to Beaver life style.
We met in college and got married shortly after DW graduated. We started out with nothing and built from there. I have always made 80%+ of our income, but while I worked and earned the money, DW took care of DD and the house. In that sense, she is just as entitled to our "nest egg" as I am. That is why it is "our money" and not "her money" or "my money". We do not ask for permission from each other to buy things, however we do run big purchases past each other just to make sure there are no surprises and that it is something we really "need".
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:17 AM   #78
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We met in college and got married shortly after DW graduated. We started out with nothing and built from there. I have always made 80%+ of our income, but while I worked and earned the money, DW took care of DD and the house. In that sense, she is just as entitled to our "nest egg" as I am. That is why it is "our money" and not "her money" or "my money". We do not ask for permission from each other to buy things, however we do run big purchases past each other just to make sure there are no surprises and that it is something we really "need".
Same with us. Right now I freelance part time and DH works full time, but I take care of all the house stuff, groceries, laundry, getting the kids where they need to be. It's all "our" money even though he currently earns almost 10x what I do. We never ask permission but just keep each other informed.
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:51 AM   #79
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Wife and I have been married for almost 20-years. She makes 100% of our income... i stay at home with our two great kids, DS9/DD6. I worked in constructions sales for many years until our daughter was born. When it comes to the big ticket items (homes, cars, campers, DISNEY), we discuss at length... and while I usually will defer to her opinion (because she has an MBA and knows much more about finance that i do), we both have equal veto power.
As far as the little things... which we consider anything under $500... we do not really discuss. As long as the money is there at the end of every month to pay our bills, it's all good. We both sacrifice for her income, so we both are entitled to spend where we want... and after all, we're a family UNIT. Singular.
It probably does help that both of us grew up with nothing... and take pride in being thrifty. For us, it comes down to respect and trust. We respect each other enough to trust that neither of us would be frivolous with our money.
I'm confused by married couples that keep all their finances separate (we know MANY)... like different bank accounts and the like. I understand if one was self employed... but those that aren't, it's just strange to me.
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:11 AM   #80
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Why is it strange?
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:24 AM   #81
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We have been married 17 yrs and we also don't sweat that stuff. I have been a SAHM since 2002. Now 5 kids deep, we know how to spend what money we do have. We don't live week to week or month to month. We don't really keep track of what we spend our money on either. I buy the kids clothes as needed. If it is needed, they get it, shoes, soccer equipment, winter coats, ski equipment etc. Now, some weeks it will be not this week maybe next because lets face it ski equipment is expensive for 3 older kids. I also buy that used, since they grow out of so fast and sell our stuff at swap as well.

We don't have a vacation fund, we also don't use our tax refund towards vacation. If we decide on a vacation, I just plan it, pay for it etc. If we have no money to pay for it, we don't go. We just flew from MA to CA and spent 9 days in San Diego, did Zoo, Sea World, Legoland and few other things.

Big items, like we need a roof or kitchen remodel, those come from our tax refund, saved over time, sometimes 1-2yrs worth. DH does most of the work himself.

I just began working as a realtor, I close about 1 home a month, average is about $1,800 (I split with my team leader), so I just put that into savings. It may go towards our kitchen or roof we need, or maybe vacation next year, not sure yet. Or like August I brought cash on vacation I made.

As for eating out and what not. If I notice a pattern or us eating out alot or buying lunches, coffee etc. I mention we need to curb back and tell him how much we have been spending and we stop.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:29 PM   #82
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Why is it strange?
Just is. From what I've seen, I think it creates more arguments.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:46 PM   #83
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DH and I have lived together for 14 years, married for the last 9 of that. I can honestly say I don't think we've ever had a fight about money. We combined all of our finances when we moved in together, it's just what works best for us. I have many friends with separate finances and while it seems to work for them, it wouldn't feel right for us.

We used to just kind of make it up as we went along and honestly, that was fine in terms of our conversations with each other. We've recently started a budget program (YNAB) so now we each have our own fun money budget categories, and that is nice because it's money I know can be spent on any frivolous want I have without taking away from any plans we had as a family.
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Old 09-04-2013, 05:04 PM   #84
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We are always in agreement with small money issues. Any big leisure item the other one wants is subject to the spouse's approval. We have only disagreed once over spending when he spent a lot unexpectedly on something desirable but not discussed. We kept it and made the spousal approval rule. That was way early in our marriage. To clarify, he spends what he needs and so do I. Car, computer, motorcycle, electronics like IPADs or more expensive are in the spousal approval area. This is mainly because we need to make sure the money is where it needs to be to pay for things or not already allotted.
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Old 09-05-2013, 09:24 AM   #85
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I'm really curious to get opinions here about how you and your spouse resolve "small" money disputes. I'm obviously not talking about things like buying a new home/car or making large purchases....just little things that tend to pop up in life. For example, you get some extra cash from a yard sale, and DH wants to put it towards vacation fund and you feel the money needs to go towards new clothes for the kids for fall ( not a real example in my life ,I'm just thinking things like this). Or, your spouse wants to spend more money per week "eating out" than you do because you feel the money would be better off in savings.

So, how does it work in your family? Does someone have the "final say" ? Where and how do you find the compromise?
I'm sure a lot of couples have disputes over these types of things, but in my 17 years of marriage I cannot remember ever arguing about buying clothes for the kids and such. We actually have a vacation account set up where we deposit a set amount. We may argue where we are heading, but not on funding the account. We do have discussions on any large purchases and usually come up with a viable solution. Just never really thought small purchases were worth arguing over. I guess we are lucky.
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Old 09-06-2013, 10:58 PM   #86
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I've been married over 30 years and I can't think of such a dispute.

In your garage sale scenario, the person who did the most work on the garage sale would decide how to spend the money. If one of us was griping about the money we spent eating out, the griper would be free to do more cooking or shut up about it.

Maybe I'm just lucky in that dh and I are on the same page about the big stuff and tend not to sweat the small stuff.

Over 30 years here too and this is my experience as well. We don't even discuss small things. We both know our budget and trust the other to spend wisely.

As an example, I really hate letting money slip away eating out a lot so I cook every night. I always make extra and freeze portions because if he has something healthy and yummy in the freezer DH loves to take his lunch. I'm willing to make the effort to save that lunch money.

We both would prefer to increase our vacation budget rather than pay a housekeeper so we meet at home every Friday at 5:15 and spend an hour cleaning the house. We reward ourselves with Happy Hour on the patio!
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Old 09-07-2013, 08:00 PM   #87
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My DH is super sweet and easygoing. He lets me have my way on most things, including money. He never ever complains about what I buy or what we put money toward. Which has not always been the best idea because I'm a spender, not a saver. We've learned the hard way how to get on a budget.
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Old 09-07-2013, 08:09 PM   #88
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Just is. From what I've seen, I think it creates more arguments.
See, I think my husband and I would argue more if all our money was in one account. I like having "my own."
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Old 09-07-2013, 09:15 PM   #89
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Married 6 years, dual income, joint checking account. Never had a money argument, nor do we ask each other's permission to spend money (if it's a larger purchase, we both respect each other by giving a "heads up" so no one is surprised by a withdrawal).

If it is truly is a small matter, it is not worth mentioning. For example, my DH buys lottery tickets a couple of times a week. I hate that - to me, that is just flushing money down the drain. But honestly... who cares? Not even worth bringing up. He earned it, he enjoys doing it, and I make my own non-essential purchases that make me happy (hello, designer bags & K-cups!), so who am I to gripe about his?

We are fortunate that a.) we are on the same page for all of our big money issues, and b.) we both have great jobs so we don't have to worry about every penny. But for us, any money issue definitely falls into the category of "small stuff."
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Old 09-07-2013, 10:55 PM   #90
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See, I think my husband and I would argue more if all our money was in one account. I like having "my own."
I think it depends on how equally matched your earnings are. When there is a large discrepancy in income, I think having separate accounts would lead to more arguments.
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