Loosing hope about having children

[JoJoFromNY]

Glad to hear you have lost weight but too bad you are celiac. Our youngest has celiac as well. WDW is the only place we vacation that takes extra good care of keeping our daughter's diet on track.

As for getting pregnant...try waiting a little later in the month to conceive. We tried faithfully every month on day 9, 11, 13 etc. with no luck. The one month we just started trying on day 19, 21, etc. was when it happened for us. Just a thought and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted!

[stargazertechie]

Originally Posted by Jasonkat

I know what you're going through. I'd recommend adoption but only International Adoption. I'd avoid US adoptions. My brother and sister in law tried US adoption and had 3 different mothers give birth and then decide to keep the baby before my in-laws wised up and went international. US adoptions are a scam. You pay for all of these fees to the adoption agency, you pay for all of the medical care for the woman, and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby and you are out all of the money. There are no refunds, it's just "too bad, let's try to find you another woman to adopt from, btw that'll be another 10k processing fee to get you started". And that doesn't even count the emotional damage this does to you when your dream of becoming a family is snatched away from you at the very last moment. (Yes, I'm sure there are people who have had successful US adoptions, but do you really want to take this risk?)

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.


Just my .02

[Lemonademouth]

Originally Posted by stargazertechie

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.

Just my .02

I was going to go through an American adoption agency if we go that route. We've waited seven years, what's a few more if it gets us an infant.

[shell8558]

My thought sand prayers are with you. A good friend of mine tried for 8 years to have a baby wiht no luck. Then they started to look into adoption through our local FosterCare system. After they started the program and certifications, they finally learned they were pregnant. The doctor had no explanations. They finally delivered a baby girl and 6 months later were pregnant again. So they ended up with 2 kids in 2 years. Doctor said that somethimes your body needs a jump start. Good luck! My prayers are with you!

[Disneylover99]

It took years for me to get pregnant.
Someone suggested I drink Nettle tea (because it helps to open up your cervix) and eat a lot of black licorice a couple of days before ovulation (I could only stomach red licorice) so I did.
I got pregnant right away.
Maybe it was all just a coincidence...But hey, it might be worth a shot!
Don't give up yet!
Good luck!

[ChipnDale79]

Keep up the hope, I know its hard but hopefully things work out.

My wife and I tried for 2 years after we got married and decided to seek help from an RE, my wife has PCOS. The RE advised it would be difficult for us to get pregnant but we could, and even if we did get pregnant there was a higher risk of losing the baby than normal. After our second IUI we found out we were had a "little bean" on the way. When our son was 4 months old my wife found out that she was pregnant with our second son.

We now have a 19 month old son and a 6 month old son.

On a side note, my parents tried for 10 years before my sister was born, I was born 20 months after her.

Good things can happen.

[Lemonademouth]

Feeling rather nervous as at my menses check they found a cyst just under the 5cm mark. No treatment this cycle . Worried because my cysts always have a tendency to grow not shrink. I have had 2 lap's in the past for cyst removal, and I'm worried because I have had a dermoid for the last year that has been bothering the doc just not enough. I'm worried this new growth may tip the scales towards another lap which will do one of two things; delay our April Disney trip, or put TTC on hold for a few months. I am hoping I am just worrying over nothing.

[CaLuCa]

I don't get a chance to post much, but I wanted to share our infertility story with you as another source of hope.

After our DD turned 3.5, DH decided we should have another. We went through a year "on our own", followed by 7 IUIs (3 clomids and 4 injectables). I produced nice sized, multiple eggs each times. No success. First IVF cycle produced 8 or 10 usable eggs, with 6 or 8 fertilizing, but only 2 good enough for transfer. (I produce fewer eggs because I only have one ovary and tube due to a ovarian cyst torsion-twisting and killing off my ovary...this happened prior to DD). Cycle didn't work. Second IVF cycle meds were adjusted. Produced roughly the same amount of eggs, but 3 were much higher quality. Transferred two and put the 3rd to grow for a couple of more days (didn't get far enough to put on ice though).

Cycle worked. Had lovely high hcg numbers. Went off to Disney with DD who was now 6.5. Did no rides more interesting than IASW! Killed me because I really love Splash M and hadn't been on the new Everest. But wasn't risking a thing! Came home from WDW and 3 days later heard the most wonderful words I will ever hear in my life.

From the doctor doing the ultrasound:
Yes, I see two heartbeats.

Now are twins are facing their 3rd birthday and planning a trip to celebrate, which was delayed due to the birth of their brother! Yes, we got an unplanned, surprise baby! Who we didn't have to pay for! I made DH take the money we "saved" on this baby and we went on a Disney cruise last summer. We'll also celebrate our last night of three under 3 while at WDW.

Maintain hope. I know it's challenging when family doesn't understand. Ours was not involved either. Infertility is very hard...almost ended our marriage. Be kind to yourself.

[Deesknee]

Prayers for your family. And remember just because it is the 2 of you for now, you are still a family. I began reading this and was not going to share my story. I remember during my 8 years of infertility hearing every story told. I remember thinking, yeah, but that's not me. But, as a pp stated, the importance of hope should not be overlooked. Please though at the same time there is much to be said for acceptance when the time is right for you ... if it comes to that.
We went from thinking "when God thinks it is right it will happen", to well maybe a little help, (I think that was called clomid), to switching doctors, to finding a "reproductive endocronoligist (sp?)" We had false urine pregnancy tests (several of them actually) and even a false blood pregnancy test (which I swear must have been some other womans. Whom I hope didn't go out to drink her sorrows away if she in fact got my test results). We tried an "identified adoption" which led to us having the baby for 1 night, then the birth mother taking him back. Long before this I had started doubting my faith. Why me? And reading all those stories about parents that do horrible things to their own children. WHY?
Finally we called an adoption agency and made an appointment. 2 days before that appointment I found out I was pregnant. We did not cancel the appointment we did postpone it. We talked and decided maybe that is why. We are meant to give a child that may not ordinarily have the love we could give. So, we intended to adopt as well as have our own child. Then the day before our new scheduled appointment I began to bleed. Thinking we were loosing our baby we drove to the hospital, had an "internal ultra sound" and found we were having 3!!! 3 babies. I was told my infertility was do to me having an excessive amount of male hormones. However after reading this thread I wonder if it isn't due to my clotting disorder. I was told the chances I would ever become spontanously pregnant are slim to none. Fast forward to 11 years later. I am 39 years old. DH & I are sitting down with our triplet 11 year olds telling them they are going to have a baby brother or sister.
I now say all my children are surprise miracles. We never did adopt. But, I no longer wonder why. I beleive we were meant for something very special, and certainly something we were not capable of caring for properly at the young age when we decided to start "trying" to have a baby.

BTW, we tried all the little "tricks". We even bought a book on it. Some of those were just plain CRAZY. Someday, although it isn't funny now for you, someday you will laugh at the things you thought and did to make your miracle happen. Good Luck and God Bless.

[ZellyB]

Originally Posted by stargazertechie

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.


Just my .02

I just wanted to second this wonderful post. There is no perfect answer that fits everyone and that's why really doing good research and figuring out what works best for you and your situation is key. We did a domestic infant adoption through a private agency 15 years ago and had a wonderful experience. We have a fully open relationship with my son's birthmother and it has been such a blessing for all of us. We did eventually also do IVF and were blessed with healthy twin daughters who are 9 years old now. Infertility is so difficult and so hard for others to understand. OP, I wish you peace and luck as you navigate this journey. But, don't give up hope. There are many possibilities out there just try to stay positive and continue to look for the right option for you.

[Aliceacc]

After 9 years of trying, I got pregnant with my older daughter a few months after adopting my son. (I was 41 at the time, 42 when she was born.) Our younger daughter was born 3 years later. (Yep, 45.)

If you have any questions about international adoption, I'll be more than happy to help you sort through it all.

In the meantime you and your husband remain in my prayers.

[Lemonademouth]

Thank you all for your stories. I still have a tiny shred of hope left. But it is just hard watching literally everyone I know having multiple kids without even wanting them. It makes my heart hurt.

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by Lemonademouth

Thank you all for your stories. I still have a tiny shred of hope left. But it is just hard watching literally everyone I know having multiple kids without even wanting them. It makes my heart hurt.

I remember that aching. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Prayers and well wishes will continue.

[laughinplace199]

OP, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is.

My first three pregnancies ended in miscarriages, all at 6-8 weeks. I went to several doctors and had every test under the sun and no one could find anything wrong with me or DH.

It was so hard to see all of my friends, most of whom got married after I did, start their families with no problems.

Finally, we went to a top reproduction specialist in our city. More tests and no answers. He then suggested we use an ovulation predictor kit. He said that sometimes fertilization just doesn't occur at the optimal time and that things start to go wrong as a result.

We used the kit and soon were pregnant with DD (now 13 yrs old). Then I decided I was "cured" since I had a successful pregnancy and we decided to try for #2 without using the kit. I got pregnant fairly quickly and then miscarried six weeks later. A few months later, we tried using a kit again and got pregnant with DS (now 11).

A few years later, we decided that we'd like to try for one more. We used the kits and a few months later, we were expecting DS (now 6).

I don't know if it was really the timing of things that helped us or if it was just a coincidence, but it worked. Perhaps that's worth a try?

I really hope that things work out for you.

[kandb]

OP, I have 3 children and they were all conceived using donor egg. "Usually" the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues. I had 4 miscarriages and our first attempt at an IVF with donor egg, lead to the birth of my 9 year old twins. We also have a 4 year old from a different cycle. Donor egg worked for us because I was able to carry my children and give birth to them. I always tell them the happiest day of my life was when they handed my babies to me. There are alot of ways to have children and do some soul searching and decide what works best for you and your husband.