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Old 09-18-2012, 05:24 PM   #1
fairlygay
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Who's last name to use?

So my hubby and I have been legally married in California for 3 years now. Ever since we decided to get married the question loomed, who's last name do we pick. I want to use his name and he wants to use mine. Unfortunately his last name is two words already and I don't think we could use both as that would really be long. Then the question would be, who's goes first? This discussion has been going on and off since. Any suggestions? How do you choose? Then my other question is in California how do you go about changing your last name?
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Old 09-18-2012, 07:39 PM   #2
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I have a friends, opposite sex couple, who combined their names rather than using either. Not a hyphen but a new word - name.


Of course we had a great time at work playing with names - especially one woman who's last name was Moore and her husband's Dickey.

Another thought is do you plan on having children and is either name the end of the line that you would like to continue.
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Old 09-18-2012, 09:53 PM   #3
ToddyLu
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Here in the deep South...you chose hubby's last name (generally) and your Maiden name becomes your new middle name. In California where my MIL is from she kept her original middle name, dropped her last name and took her hubby's last name. I have always liked having my Maiden name as my middle name. I hear Yankees do it differently

I think I would pick your last name since it is one word Maybe you could use your last name as a middle name for both of you then his last name at the end.

Olivia Newton-John marries John Travolta....here in the South she would be Olivia Newton-John Travolta. Use to work with a lady whose name was Mavis Havis and they paged her overhead all the time. We also had a Joe Blow and the overhead operator finally had to start calling him Joseph Blow.

To change my last name is Mississippi I took my marriage license to the social security office and got it changed there first--everything else followed.

I would love it if same sex marriages were allowed here...I am a supporter of that and am very happy for you both....hopefully I will live to see the day.
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Old 09-18-2012, 11:40 PM   #4
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New life new name.

My husband (I am a woman) has a horrible last name. Think it always must be spelled and is a mouthful to pronounce. My last name is not much better, but someone famous has the same name so it has some basic street recognition (by that I mean people can guess the first 3 letters). I suggested when we got married that we both changed our names. Not a combination of the 2 bad names, but something totally different. I was heavily leaning toward some of his family names, think East, White, Smith....very easy to spell very generic american. He rejected the idea, as I rejected his last name as it would have been a ridiculous amount spelling combined with my already unique first names. Now we have a baby. She has my last name, and a super plain first name. He is sad we did not become the Grey family, or something equally generic.

My advise. First consider if you will have children (names matter, kids are cruel), if you will pick the name that is the most generic (also helpful in job situations if someone does not have any preconceived notions about the ethnic group). If both are somewhat complicated, pick a new name that you both agree upon. If you are not going to have kids, then go crazy and make a 37 letter combination if it will make you happy. In the grand scheme the name won't make you happy or unhappy; just the person you have to look at for the next 75 years (I am an optimist).

BTW Congratulations.
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Old 09-19-2012, 10:54 AM   #5
fairlygay
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DOPEYLUVER View Post
I have a friends, opposite sex couple, who combined their names rather than using either. Not a hyphen but a new word - name.


Of course we had a great time at work playing with names - especially one woman who's last name was Moore and her husband's Dickey.

Another thought is do you plan on having children and is either name the end of the line that you would like to continue.
Thanks for the ideas. We've not considered a new name we could both use. I'll have to discuss with him.

Don't think kids will be in our future. Maybe if I was younger(40's). My hubby is 15 years younger and I've often wondered if he wants kids but so far he says no.

Thanks again for the thoughts!
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Old 09-19-2012, 10:57 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akcire View Post
New life new name.

My husband (I am a woman) has a horrible last name. Think it always must be spelled and is a mouthful to pronounce. My last name is not much better, but someone famous has the same name so it has some basic street recognition (by that I mean people can guess the first 3 letters). I suggested when we got married that we both changed our names. Not a combination of the 2 bad names, but something totally different. I was heavily leaning toward some of his family names, think East, White, Smith....very easy to spell very generic american. He rejected the idea, as I rejected his last name as it would have been a ridiculous amount spelling combined with my already unique first names. Now we have a baby. She has my last name, and a super plain first name. He is sad we did not become the Grey family, or something equally generic.

My advise. First consider if you will have children (names matter, kids are cruel), if you will pick the name that is the most generic (also helpful in job situations if someone does not have any preconceived notions about the ethnic group). If both are somewhat complicated, pick a new name that you both agree upon. If you are not going to have kids, then go crazy and make a 37 letter combination if it will make you happy. In the grand scheme the name won't make you happy or unhappy; just the person you have to look at for the next 75 years (I am an optimist).

BTW Congratulations.
Thank you!!! Lots to consider. Appreciate your comments.
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Old 09-19-2012, 02:01 PM   #7
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Interesting, I've often wondered who's name you'd choose.

I know OP said you weren't keen on a triple-barrel name, and I can imagine it might cause a few headaches - however another way to look at it is that it certainly would be unique. People might mistake you for European Aristocracy.
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Old 09-19-2012, 04:51 PM   #8
fairlygay
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToddyLu View Post
Here in the deep South...you chose hubby's last name (generally) and your Maiden name becomes your new middle name. In California where my MIL is from she kept her original middle name, dropped her last name and took her hubby's last name. I have always liked having my Maiden name as my middle name. I hear Yankees do it differently

I think I would pick your last name since it is one word Maybe you could use your last name as a middle name for both of you then his last name at the end.

Olivia Newton-John marries John Travolta....here in the South she would be Olivia Newton-John Travolta. Use to work with a lady whose name was Mavis Havis and they paged her overhead all the time. We also had a Joe Blow and the overhead operator finally had to start calling him Joseph Blow.

To change my last name is Mississippi I took my marriage license to the social security office and got it changed there first--everything else followed.

I would love it if same sex marriages were allowed here...I am a supporter of that and am very happy for you both....hopefully I will live to see the day.
Got a big hearty laugh on the Olivia/Travolta name suggestion. Thanks for the ideas. Really appreciate the SS office, had not thought of that. I'm playing with our names as we speak, lol.
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Old 09-19-2012, 04:56 PM   #9
fairlygay
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRocketeer View Post
Interesting, I've often wondered who's name you'd choose.

I know OP said you weren't keen on a triple-barrel name, and I can imagine it might cause a few headaches - however another way to look at it is that it certainly would be unique. People might mistake you for European Aristocracy.
Hubby says he does not like his last name but his family is very keen on him keeping it. I have a brother so not too concerned about my last name so honestly I would love to change mine to his but that does not seem to be an option at this time. I'm of hispanic heritage and he is Anglo so my last name would sound weird after his first name. This is really hard.

Thanks for the advice.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:20 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fairlygay View Post
Hubby says he does not like his last name but his family is very keen on him keeping it. I have a brother so not too concerned about my last name so honestly I would love to change mine to his but that does not seem to be an option at this time. I'm of hispanic heritage and he is Anglo so my last name would sound weird after his first name. This is really hard.

Thanks for the advice.
Your husband might do fine with a Spanish name because a Hispanic can be blond, black, or Asian.

I had an acquaintance from Barcelona while I was still living in San Francisco. While I was studying Spanish at the time, I was never fluent. She spoke almost no English so our conversations were juvenile enough to bore anybody fluent in both languages, but we hung out together anyway. She had bright red hair, which I have heard is not that rare among the Spanish. This meant that she was often treated very rudely in places such as the Mission Delores District for ordering her food or otherwise conducting her business in Spanish. Hispanic vendors would sometimes snarl at her that she did not need to be so condescending because they could speak English. Lupe was not being condescending. The only language which she felt confortable in was Spanish, although she did know some Catalon, so she was often angry and saddened around other Hispanics. Yet, if you watch the television shows from South America, it is not unusual to see very European-looking people, who are native speakers of Spanish, as newcasters and stuff.

A possible diplomatic move is to trade last names with your husband. It might go some distance in getting acceptance that each of you are now members of the other's family if anyone is having any difficulty with your same-sex marriage.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:36 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fairlygay View Post
So my hubby and I have been legally married in California for 3 years now. Ever since we decided to get married the question loomed, who's last name do we pick. I want to use his name and he wants to use mine. Unfortunately his last name is two words already and I don't think we could use both as that would really be long. Then the question would be, who's goes first? This discussion has been going on and off since. Any suggestions? How do you choose? Then my other question is in California how do you go about changing your last name?
Just mho. I think changing names is archaic and unnecessary. My fiance and I are just going to keep our own names.
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Old 11-26-2012, 04:33 PM   #12
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We just each kept our own. Saves a lot of paperwork . I do find myself having to explain at times that his last name is not mine...but he is my lawful ( opposite sex if you are wondering) husband.

A married couple we know had almost the same last names, the only difference was his had an "i" in the last name and hers doesn't. They each kept their own last names, but they have to be really careful that the airlines don't change one of them thinking that is a typo. (actually happened to them once.)
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