Venting-Visiting the World with someone who doesn't want to be there

[khertz]

Not to be rude, but I think you way overstepped in this situation and I'm not surprised at how your brother is reacting to it. What was very telling for me was when you said, "At that point I made the decision that I was going to get us all down there. Since my nephew was born, dad has been talking about taking him to WDW." In my opinion, as nice as it is that you are thinking of your dad and what he would love most (taking grandson to WDW), that is so not your place to make that happen, at least not without discussing it with your brother and SIL first. Maybe for their Spring trip, your brother was going to surprise the grandparents by asking them along? Or maybe he just wanted a trip for his own family of 3?

When you pitched the idea for the birthday trip, he didn't want to go because he already had a trip planned and couldn't afford two trips. So then your dad has a health scare (not to diminish that at all, I'm sure it was very scary and I'm glad everything ended up okay) and you decided everyone needed to go on this trip. I guess I don't really get why you are surprised that your brother is being resistant to planning the trip? He didn't want to go in the first place and you guilted him into going, of course he is behaving that way!

I think at the very least, you should offer your brother the opportunity to bow out of the vacation. He probably won't do it because then he will feel like he is being guilted again, but at least give him the opportunity.

I have to say, what you did kind of sounds like something my MIL would do, and that is a big reason we do not get along. She is always trying to guilt DH and/or I into or out of things, and it's really not a good way to get people to do things you want. It only causes anger and resentment.

[Kristi391]

Thank you for all the responses.

I guess never really looked at it from different sides before. I think all I had in my head was that I do a ton of stuff for him/his family so I didn't think it would be a big deal to go down for my birthday. I kind of let it go when he first said no but then when mom said dad might be sick again I was thinking of it much more for my dad than me (granted I would still be getting something of it). DB brought it up to me before I mentioned it again. I had told him I didn't want him to feel guilted in to going so he and his family didn't have to go and that just myself and youngest brother would go down, but he said we would all go.

Again, thanks for the different responses.

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Sounds like this trip really change from your birthday celebration to a great time for your Dad.
Your brother needs to stay home. If you have an attitude at home it will just follow and make everyone uncomfortable.

So happy your Dad just has polyps

[Nancyg56]

Originally Posted by Kristi391

Thank you for all the responses.

I guess never really looked at it from different sides before. I think all I had in my head was that I do a ton of stuff for him/his family so I didn't think it would be a big deal to go down for my birthday. I kind of let it go when he first said no but then when mom said dad might be sick again I was thinking of it much more for my dad than me (granted I would still be getting something of it). DB brought it up to me before I mentioned it again. I had told him I didn't want him to feel guilted in to going so he and his family didn't have to go and that just myself and youngest brother would go down, but he said we would all go.

Again, thanks for the different responses.

It may be too late for your brother to back out now especially if his son and wife really are invested in the trip at this point. It was not very nice to guilt him into going, that kind of thing never goes well. The bottom line is that you used your Dad's illness to get what you wanted and yet you are upset your BD resents what you did.

My oldest son has never joined our family on a Disney vacation. He would hate it. We ask he says no and we let it go.

[Jubilee]

I will never again go with other people that are not as gung ho as my family for an extended stay. It's a waste of money and ends up ruining your trip! It's better to omit the person than ruin the whole vibe of the trip, IMHO (from personal experience which I have mistakenly repeated!!)

[declansdad]

Why do people try to force others to go to WDW to satisfy some need they have. He said no and you booked it anyway; and you wonder why he is grumpy. Go figure.

[Chabby]

Can you take me instead? I promise I will be super excited about breakfast at H&V, I love it!

[DopeyDame]

I'm sorry to pile on OP, but I agree with the others... I think you really put your brother in a bad position. Obviously he wouldn't want the rest of the family to go without him, especially if you're dad is sick. But the first trip to WDW with a child is SO VERY special. My parents are huge Disney people, and they were just chomping at the bit to go down with my DS. But DH and I insisted that the first trip would be just the 3 of us - our way, our schedule, our very special unique first experience for DS.

I would have been over the top livid if one of my sisters had tried to schedule a family trip when I already had DS's first trip planned. I'm not sure I would have been as understanding and accomodating as your brother.

I have no idea how much money you've put down and would loose, but I would seriously consider cancelling the big family trip until after your brother gets the chance to take his son on his first trip. Maybe see if you can extend the trip they have planned by a few days and all go down for the tail end of their trip, so your dad still gets some time down there, but your brother still gets his first trip.

Good luck. However it works out, I hope everyone can have a magical vacation.

[meggiebeth]

Don't let his mood get to you- and if he is miserable there then just leave him at the hotel and don't let him put a downer on the trip.

I'm sure he'll find something fun to do. Who knows- he may even enjoy himself!

[kate_wdw]

Originally Posted by Kristi391

So last weekend we went out for ice cream and sister in law and I are talking about breakfast at Hollywood and Vine and brother pipes in, "We have to go to breakfast on this vacation?" Then started asking some other questions and complaining about things such as, busses, the hotel, getting up early and the halloween party. I have told him he doesn't have to go to any of the things planned but he just grumbled that he wasn't going to skip it.

It seems like this might be worth revisiting with him.

He's already agreed to a vacation he didn't want to take. Hour upon hour of family togetherness and following a structured and predetermined schedule (which is not at all what most people associate with vacation) seem like a recipe for disaster to me. If I were you, I'd give him a copy of the schedule, let him know which events/reservations are pre-paid/non-refundable and which are not, ask if he wants opt out of any of the non-refundable ones now. I'd also remind him that he/his family are free to deviate from the plan.

I'd also ask if they want to take advantage of the many babysitters on hand to have a date night. It sounds like your brother will probably need some decompressing on this trip (though I'll keep my fingers crossed for some Pixie Dust).

[Legendteri]

OP, can you let your brother and his family back out of it now? Yes, you did overstep your bounds by deciding how he gets to spend his vacation with his own family. Apologize and just let it be. I understand your heart was thinking of your dad, but it still wasn't your place.

If they decide to go I would give your brother and his family their own space and time to enjoy the parks on their own. Forcing too much family togetherness will only lead to bad memories and resentment towards DW, which I know is the last thing you want.

FWIW, my SIL is a bit like this but in the opposite way. She was not happy to know that we were spending our vacation time and money going to DIsneyworld instead of going to No CA to see her. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Even when we do visit his family in CA, she has to gall to tell us where we can and can not go. I honestly was very taken back. I would never tell my brother where he could go when he comes in town to visit. I just thank the Lord my husband has a backbone and has no trouble telling her to back off.

Remember how your brother chooses to spend his vacation time and money with his own family is none of your concern. Sure it would have been nice to all get together for a trip to Disneyworld, but if he rather would have gone in the spring, that was up to him.

[jm0925]

I can tell you from experience that going with someone to Disney whose heart is not into like yours just ruins your time too. Believe me, Disney is best spent with people who love it as much as you do. When you go through the work to plan a memorable vacation and someone is unhappy, its a crappy feeling for you. You had the best intentions to plan something for all to enjoy and you have one person that is miserable...it stinks. I've been there. I know you planned this vacation mostly for your Dad but I don't think your Dad will be happy seeing your brother upset. I would let your brother back out and plan his own thing. If his wife is not happy, then he and her need to work that out amongst each other at that point. At least you gave him the option out so he can't say you forced him to go after all.

Good Luck and I hope everything works out.

[Kristi391]

OP here.

So some information that may or may not have been relevant to my story is that when I was first thinking about doing a family weekend is that I talked about it with my sister in law when I first thought about doing something special. I first said I wanted to go to Vegas (obviously not with nephew) and she said "You are not a Vegas kind of girl." I then said "Disney would be fun for the Halloween party but you guys are going in the spring." She replied with, "I think a long weekend in Florida is a great idea. We'd definitely be on board for that." Because of that I didn't think it was a big deal.

After my brother said no to me and we both voiced our reasoning I didn't bring it up again nor the fact about my dad being sick up to my brother and the next time I heard from him was a text from him a few days later (i learned about the health stuff during this time) asking what weekend I was planning on going. I had planned to talk to him about my paying for rooms and tix because it was important to me. Because of dad, I didn't want it to seem like it was all about him being sick. I had already booked just my own stuff, as I have no problem traveling alone. Brother said he and his family were going to go but going to fly out later than I was. I asked if he wanted me to book a room for them and he said yes.

I don't know if my mom spoke with brother about dad possibly being sick again but I never mentioned it to him.

He has been told several times in the past few months, since dad has been cleared, he could cancel. He has chosen not to. He did express interest in F&W.

So, again thanks for all the responses and opinions.

[ckay87]

I'm sorry but you totally asked for this. I don't drag anyone ANYWHERE they don't want to go for this very reason. Not even the stinking grocery store. Your brother is a better person than I am. If you are concerned about people having fun, why don't you let them...actually have fun.

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Originally Posted by Nancyg56

It may be too late for your brother to back out now especially if his son and wife really are invested in the trip at this point. It was not very nice to guilt him into going, that kind of thing never goes well. The bottom line is that you used your Dad's illness to get what you wanted and yet you are upset your BD resents what you did.

My oldest son has never joined our family on a Disney vacation. He would hate it. We ask he says no and we let it go.

The wife and son should go and leave him behind.
They will be the ones dealing with his negativity most of the time.