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Old 04-16-2011, 09:13 PM   #1
pls5286
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Need shoe advice

Hi everyone. I am coming fore shoe advice for my ASD DSS. He will be 12 this summer. His dad and I are getting ready to take him and my kids DS 14 and DD8 on a cruise this fall and spend a couple of days at Kennedy Space Center.

Last summer when he spent the summer with us, was the first time DSS was really socialized, and treated like a normal kid. Mom has always babied him. I don't. He is expected to do the same things here that the other kids do. He has learned to start his own showers, open the van doors, and make sandwiches, and button blue jeans. He went to Vacation Bible School and Cub Scout Day Camp. We had melt downs, but either DS or myself removed him from the groups at camp and calmed him and he was ready to return. Dad works full time so its me working with him. He is also mentally delayed and bipolar, ADHD and ODD, and rage anger syndrome. Mom lets him stay on the computer and tv all day, we get him outside to play and don't have the behavior problems. He hits his mom and cusses her out. He doesn't do that here. He is a totally different kid here. We watch what he eats and drinks, what tv shows he watches and video games he plays...no rated r shows and M video games are allowed for the kids...sorry. But I am the evil step mom for not allowing him to play those games here, and because he doesn't have his meltdowns here.

Anyway. DSS is a growing boy and is outgrowing boys shoes. When we go on our big trip, he needs good sturdy shoes, but can't do laces. Do any of you know of a good type of shoes in young mens without laces? All of my kids will have the same type of shoes and DS14 wears nikes and DD wears reeboks right now. We want to get him some good shoes. He is not hard on shoes and he knows school shoes are school and going places shoes, not play shoes. He actually is still wearing the shoes for school that we bought him at the begining of the school year.

Thanks
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Old 04-16-2011, 09:59 PM   #2
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Right now I am useing the curlie elastic laces with Foster son since shoe lace trying is still an issue for him.
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Old 04-17-2011, 08:49 AM   #3
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I know that New Balance, and I am sure other brands, have some shoes with laces that dont actually tie. You just stretch the front of the tongue and the foot slides in?

My son refuses to wear them of course. He is still learning to tie his own and maybe in another year or so we will have it down. He is such a trooper!

Good luck!
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Old 04-17-2011, 01:18 PM   #4
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First, http://oklacers.com/. There are many products like this on the market that make most shoes adaptable so you can buy DSS something cool, like everyone his age has. You can find them at runners stores and online.
If you're up for it, work on shoe tying this summer with multi color laces to help with the visual aspect. http://wondertime.go.com/learning/ar...tie-shoes.html

Second, mom is likely burnt out. Cut her some slack. I get what you're saying about the permissive parenting, really I do, and I'm sure you're just venting but remember 'You catch more flies with honey...'.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:38 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat77 View Post
First, http://oklacers.com/. There are many products like this on the market that make most shoes adaptable so you can buy DSS something cool, like everyone his age has. You can find them at runners stores and online.
If you're up for it, work on shoe tying this summer with multi color laces to help with the visual aspect. http://wondertime.go.com/learning/ar...tie-shoes.html

Second, mom is likely burnt out. Cut her some slack. I get what you're saying about the permissive parenting, really I do, and I'm sure you're just venting but remember 'You catch more flies with honey...'.
Thanks for the shoe advice. We are going for custody of DSS. There is a lot more going on at his mom's than watching movies and playing video games that he shouldn't be. He is a much happier kid here, plus he has a bed.
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:12 AM   #6
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Just so you do not give up hope on shoe tying my DS11 aspergers after us, teachers and many OTs trying finally found an OT who presented it in such a visual way that he could manage it. Sometimes they just are ready in their own time.

Just be aware that "expecting" our kids to do things like every other kid can be very damaging and dangerious. Offering opportunities and supporiting and encouraging is what our kids need which sounds like what you are doing. Underestimating what our kids can do can have major negitive impacts also.

Vacation is a great time to work on new things since often the background stress levels are way down and we can devote all our efforts to our children.

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Old 04-18-2011, 02:00 PM   #7
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You can reverse-lace any shoe that has laces. Just buy matching elastic from a fabric store instead of laces, and then reverse-lace (lacing toward the tongue rather than away from it) the shoes from the top down. Once you get to the bottom, knot the laces in a square knot, then cut off the ends and tuck down the knot so that it doesn't show.

That said, how does he feel about sandals? DS lives in sport sandals at all times when he is not in school, because he hates socks. DS wears Teva Dozers with a closed toe; the straps are velcro, and the shoes can go anywhere; no issues if he decides to walk through a puddle or even a lake.

BTW, DS14 can now tie his own shoes, and has been doing so comfortably for the past 3 years. He learned when he was 8, but was uncomfortable with it for another three years, and still prefers to wear shoes that don't lace. He wears sneakers for gym, but prefers a slip-on shoe (we buy Merrell Jungle Mocs) for church and for non-gym school days in winter. Now that he is older and occasionally needs to wear a suit, he also owns a pair of nice black loafers for dress. There are plenty of men in this world who CAN tie shoes but would rather not; it isn't that unusual.
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