8th Graduation....whats the norm?

[Taylors6]

Hello! I posted awhile ago about whether or not your area has actually 8th grade graduation ceremonies (ours did but they are changing...next year...so our daughter will have one this year).

Anyways...so now that its getting close I am wondering what kids/families in other areas are doing for this.

Around here it seems some kids have parties (friends) and a few have said they are having a "open house"type family party. Many are getting gifts- I've heard a laptop and a LV purse! That was suprising to me!

We are thinking about letting our daughter have a bonfire/campout here at our house. Not that unusual since she has bonfires or little parties (30 kids or so) here often (our house is kinda the hang out place). If she does I'll plan some survivor/fear factor type games to make it a little more like a official party, and she'll be able to invite as many as she wants. We own DJ equipment so we'll get all of that out too. Our daughter said she doesn't really care about a family party- we don't have any family on my side and only a few on DH (and they all live in our neighborhood) so it seemed kinda silly (DD said "Its kinda boring- all the adults just talk to each other anyways!"). Her ceremony will be at 7PM on a week night - so I'm thinking maybe we'll just do dinner the next night and family can come if they like (they cover their bill). We are getting her new catchers gear for a gift (she needs it anyways so I'm killing 2 birds with one stone).

What do you all think? Am I too low key about the whole thing? For her its a huge accomplishment- not because 8th grade is a big deal- but unless she falls off the wagon she will most likely be one of the top of her class since she just pulled off her 11th straight quarter with a perfect 5.0! In addition she is involved in many many activities and athletics (often the team captain) so she'll wear different tassels, etc. because of that, so I don't want to just blow it off (she is getting 2 days out of school and a trip with 2 friends to see Fall Out Boy to celebrate the straight A's) but I think having a open house in our situation for 8th grade is like begging for gifts. What goes in your area?

Missy

[poohlovermom]

My daughter is also graduating the 8th grade. We haven't decided what we are doing but since we don't have much family it will probably a few close friends and their parents. We live in Chicago west sub. and it seems alot of kids are doing something so we might wait to have it later in the summer when it's alot quieter.

[chicagodisneyfan]

Here in Chicago you typically go to school K-8, then on to high school. So 8th grade graduation is a big deal. For mine, 25 years ago, we rented a hall, had it catered along with entertainment. Had 125 people.

What I have been to lately have been big backyard parties with music, friends and family. Usually cash gifts are received.

Quite an accomplishment!

[java]

I think I would get a little something "memorable" as a gift too. If you were going to buy the catcher's stuff anyway- perhaps something else might be nice too. Around here it is the usual party like what you are planning on. Kids get all kinds of stuff depends on the parents. Just give what you are comfortable with. Know that kids will talk about it too. Will she be excited about saying "I got catcher's gear"? Maybe yes- I don't know her. Good luck and congratulations to your dd.

[snomofinn]

Originally Posted by chicagodisneyfan

Here in Chicago you typically go to school K-8, then on to high school. So 8th grade graduation is a big deal. For mine, 25 years ago, we rented a hall, had it catered along with entertainment. Had 125 people.

What I have been to lately have been big backyard parties with music, friends and family. Usually cash gifts are received.

Quite an accomplishment!

From the Chicago burbs here too...I agree with the above quote..my daughter will be graduating 8th grade next year and were already thinking of where were going to have the party. My oldest DD(20) graduated 8th grade a while back, but we had her party at a country club, and had a DJ she invited all her friends and the family, we had probably around 100-110 people..fun times!

[pyrxtc]

I have told both my girls that as 8th grade graduation gifts they are getting a trip wherever (reasonably) they want to go. But the only unreasonable places I'm saying is Asia, Hawaii, Australia. they can go to Europe or any of the lower 48 states. yes, a trip to Disney is offered. trip has to be under $1200 for two people.

[MrsPete]

I hope this doesn't sound terribly mean, but throwing a huge party for passing eighth grade sounds overly indulgent. A huge celebration because the child did what's expected of him or her? Yeah, I know it's a "milestone", but it's a very small one! And gifts for passing a grade sounds . . . well, I'll stop there.

I think we as a society have lost our sense of moderation, and we tend towards overdoing things -- we tend towards making a small accomplishment look like a huge victory. Then we wonder why young people have inflated expectations and a sense of entitlement.

What does your family normally do to commemorate the end of the school year? I'd do a slightly nicer version of that. If you'd normally celebrate by going out to eat, make it a nicer restaurant, or allow her to bring along a couple friends. If you'd normally spend the first "summer day" at the lake, pop for some new water toys.

I think a bonfire sounds like a fun celebration that'd be "just right" without being overly indulgent.

[Taylors6]

I see both sides of the fence. I think the whole cap and gown graduation for 8th grade is certainly exciting for them- but when I graduated 8th grade it was a in the gym promotion ceremony- everyone wore their own clothes- and as you would expect some of us (yes me included) went overboard and wore semiformals etc.. Now its a ceremony at the High School auditorium with both Middle Schools- caps and gowns (so some kids don't feel like they have less) etc. - they are scaling it back starting next year because now people are renting Hummer limos and things to bring the kids and its turned into a bigger thing than they wanted. They said they want the focus to be on the High School graduation- not the 8th grade. Its a reasonable thing for this area since our HS dropout rate is higher than the state average and our district doesn't have money to repair the falling down buildings- I'm all for saving the $$.

The whole laptop- $400 purse, gift thing seemed big to me too. But then I am also the parent who felt it reasonable to host a large party with a limo scavenger hunt for our DD when she turned 13- yes it was over the top for our circle of friends- but we made sure she knew this was the last shin dig we were doing for Birthdays- age 13 is the cut off (with the exception of small sleepovers).

If I could find a nice piece of jewelry- inexpensive I might add that for a gift to give her on the actually graduation day. I tried to think of something else other than the gear that she kinda already knows we are getting- but she has so much (MP3- Cell Phone- wonderful clothes) that I came up empty. We spend alot of money on her travelling softball too. We have a new computer for the kids to use in the family room (we won't let our kids have ones of their own in their rooms).

I don't want her to think I don't think the 8th grade graduation is a huge thing. Gosh...I am so very proud of her accomplishment- she has developed into a fine leader, took on new activities and excelled at them yet always kept her grades at straight A's. She is well liked by most everyone and has avoid so many of the normal teen pitfalls that we have seen other kids her age fall in to. She has learned to balance- friends (and a boyfriend!), family, and school and has every day made us so very proud. I tell her this- but I told her that finishing 8th grade is just another step- I don't want her to think of it as "finishing" anything. We have been to countless honor ceremonies...but she never walked away thinking it was more than that- a ceremony. It just seems like maybe we should save the open house big party celebration for 4 years from now. Atleast thats what works for us.

About the grades- we don't pay or reward normally for any accomplishment. We play ball with some girls whose parents will pay them for hits- (one girls got a Razor phone for hitting one in the green!)- but we never chose to do that. We tell our kids- thats what they are supposed to do...play well. Go to school and do your best. But when my daughter was in 6th grade and pulled a full year of straight A's I said to her and her friends (2 best friends-who had also gotten straight A's) that if they pulled that off all thru Middle School I would take them somewhere at the end of their 8th grade year. I seriously didn't think it would happen- well it didn't for the other 2- but my DD took it as a challenge I think because she has basically stalked her teachers the last 4 weeks checking her grades all the time just to make sure she was still good! Because of her travel ball season- there is not really time to go anywhere (except for ball fields!) but I knew she would die to see Fall Out Boy- so I bought the tickets. So I guess yes, we have now paid for the grades....we've told our son and younger DD that when they are in 8th grade if they have met the same requirements then we will be happy to let them chose a similiar activity to celebrate their accomplishment!

So, like I said- yes I think us parents can be our own worst enemy- I have to make an effort to not fast track everything. I want to keep up with the Jones too! But I reel myself in as much as possible because I don't want to raise a kid who thinks every little thing she does deserves recognition and/or reward. The real test is going to be when she turn 16 in a couple of years and a bunch of her friends are given cars (not new- but like $8000-$10000) and I have to stick to the "we'll match what you have saved" that we have been telling her. I am constantly reminding her to save (shes only up to $90- but just started recently) because it will come quick- but really I just want her to have a decent amount so with our match she doesn't end up with a Hoopty!

[aristocats_lover]

I'd have to agree that a huge party for 8th grade graduation is extreme. Personally I also feel the same way about high school grad parties. Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel I deserve presents from my relatives just because I could pass algebra and english lit (and mind you I was a straight A student and top 5% of my class in '05).

I think the bonfire is perfect, since she is also going to the concert. Also, as being someone who had to recently attend a million parties for friends, parties with all the relatives there are ackward. It's more fun to have a kid party with kids. In 15 years, she'll remember having fun with her friends over which person gave her a $20 at a boring open house.

P.S. They have tassels at 8th grade grads now?!?! Of course, at my little SIL's 5th grade grad last year they were talking about what college to go to at 10, so I guess I can't be too surprised...

[sk!mom]

Originally Posted by MrsPete

I hope this doesn't sound terribly mean, but throwing a huge party for passing eighth grade sounds overly indulgent. A huge celebration because the child did what's expected of him or her? Yeah, I know it's a "milestone", but it's a very small one! And gifts for passing a grade sounds . . . well, I'll stop there.

I think we as a society have lost our sense of moderation, and we tend towards overdoing things -- we tend towards making a small accomplishment look like a huge victory. Then we wonder why young people have inflated expectations and a sense of entitlement.

What does your family normally do to commemorate the end of the school year? I'd do a slightly nicer version of that. If you'd normally celebrate by going out to eat, make it a nicer restaurant, or allow her to bring along a couple friends. If you'd normally spend the first "summer day" at the lake, pop for some new water toys.

I think a bonfire sounds like a fun celebration that'd be "just right" without being overly indulgent.

Well said- My DS22's eighth grade graduation was so low key that I honestly don't remember what we did now 8 years later.

I would also do something a little nicer than a normal end of year celebration.

[LisaNJ25]

I have a son graduating 8th grade this year. I havent thought about planning anything. I can always tell him this disney trip is his graduation gift.

[mrsmom]

I have a ds graduating 8th grade too and they are having a big dance and party for them at school afterwards. He gets $100.00 for having straight A's all year and getting all honors classes next year in high school .

Kim

[blanq]

Originally Posted by MrsPete

I hope this doesn't sound terribly mean, but throwing a huge party for passing eighth grade sounds overly indulgent. A huge celebration because the child did what's expected of him or her? Yeah, I know it's a "milestone", but it's a very small one! And gifts for passing a grade sounds . . . well, I'll stop there.

I think we as a society have lost our sense of moderation, and we tend towards overdoing things -- we tend towards making a small accomplishment look like a huge victory. Then we wonder why young people have inflated expectations and a sense of entitlement...

ITA, MrsPete!

I have an 8th grader. The school he attends, which is a private Christian school, goes from K-8th grade, and he will "graduate" from there, so to speak. What will he be getting from us for it? A "congratulations, you did good kid." A month before his graduation, he will get confirmed, which is a much bigger milestone for him, IMHO. Even then, we are simply taking him and the grandparents out for brunch after his confirmation. There will be no presents.

[daisyduck123]

DD12 is graduating from 8th grade in May.

There are about 350 in the 8th grade class.

There will be a "promotion" ceremony on the last day of school & then we'll take her out to lunch that day. I'm guessing that's about it.

[figment52]

Originally Posted by MrsPete

I hope this doesn't sound terribly mean, but throwing a huge party for passing eighth grade sounds overly indulgent. A huge celebration because the child did what's expected of him or her? Yeah, I know it's a "milestone", but it's a very small one! And gifts for passing a grade sounds . . . well, I'll stop there.

I think we as a society have lost our sense of moderation, and we tend towards overdoing things -- we tend towards making a small accomplishment look like a huge victory. Then we wonder why young people have inflated expectations and a sense of entitlement.

What does your family normally do to commemorate the end of the school year? I'd do a slightly nicer version of that. If you'd normally celebrate by going out to eat, make it a nicer restaurant, or allow her to bring along a couple friends. If you'd normally spend the first "summer day" at the lake, pop for some new water toys.

I think a bonfire sounds like a fun celebration that'd be "just right" without being overly indulgent.

Very well said- thank you. I thought it was just me.