DD dressing phobia princess

[Deesknee]

Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem. DD is a young 4th grader. She loves everything Disney including the princesses. The problem is some of the other girls have informed her she shouldn't wear anything princess if she wants to "be popular". DD says she will be true to herself, but does agree she is too old to wear Princess stuff. She says tink & friends & mickey and friends are okay. Anyone else have this type of issue?

[4kids4karen]

Originally Posted by Deesknee

Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem. DD is a young 4th grader. She loves everything Disney including the princesses. The problem is some of the other girls have informed her she shouldn't wear anything princess if she wants to "be popular". DD says she will be true to herself, but does agree she is too old to wear Princess stuff. She says tink & friends & mickey and friends are okay. Anyone else have this type of issue?

We were at a mall over the weekend and my 4th grade daughter refused to go into the Disney store.

My personal opinion is perhaps she should not wear the items to school, but wear at home if she likes. Kids are mean, bullies, and will outcast a kid for little things. In my daughter school it would be viewed as "babyish" to wear princess theme clothes to school.

[Mouse House Mama]

If your dd didn't want to wear them anymore because she outgrew them - meaning she wasn't into them anymore- then okay, no big deal. That doesn't seem to be the case. I have to be honest, I would tell my child to wear what THEY like. Nobody should dictate to them. I know some will cry that the bullies will get her but in all honesty, today they tell her not to wear princesses, tomorrow they tell her to cut her hair, then her shoes are weird etc. etc. There will always be something they think they can tell her to change. Boost her confidence and remind her that if these girls were truly her friends they would accept everything about her. They would not care if she liked princesses, or purple shoes, or pink nail polish. Good luck. Parenting is so hard sometimes.

[Tiger926]

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this.

My grade 4 DD happily wears her various princess, Mickey, etc. shirts and various other clothes to school as that is what she likes to wear.

If she came home and told me this, I would be very sad for her, but would encourage her to wear what she liked to wear, as once you fall into this trap, you are in for the other kids being in charge, and that is not a lifeskill you want your child to possess.

I feel badly that an adult on here is saying that it is babyish to wear those clothes. That is very sad to me...it is even sadder that an 8 or 9 year old little girl is made to grow up so fast. Why in the world are grade 4 children even discussing popularity? And what exactly does that mean? Child withouth fancy gadgets like iPods and iPhones is excluded from the group or a child who wears a Cinderella shirt is beaten up?

It is hard being out in the world, with ridiculous attitudes like this, but the reality is that kids are cruel, and so without knowing the type of children who attend this school and if the school emphasizes tolerance and fairness, it's difficult to know just exactly what advice to give.

Best of luck, OP, Tiger

[mjkacmom]

Originally Posted by Tiger926

I feel badly that an adult on here is saying that it is babyish to wear those clothes. That is very sad to me...it is even sadder that an 8 or 9 year old little girl is made to grow up so fast. Why in the world are grade 4 children even discussing popularity? And what exactly does that mean? Child withouth fancy gadgets like iPods and iPhones is excluded from the group or a child who wears a Cinderella shirt is beaten up?

It is hard being out in the world, with ridiculous attitudes like this, but the reality is that kids are cruel, and so without knowing the type of children who attend this school and if the school emphasizes tolerance and fairness, it's difficult to know just exactly what advice to give.

Best of luck, OP, Tiger

I'm on round 3 with fourth grade girls, and 4th/5th grade girls are the worst! My oldest had it the hardest, probably because she was my oldest, and therefore "younger." Dd11 never had any issues, but she'd come home very upset at how some of the girls treated some of the other girls (and a LOT came down to clothing choices). Dd9 is so easy going, but is friends with some girls, who can be very snarky, and who've been involved in some of the teasing (and fortunately dd is really clueless, that if she is targeted, she doesn't seem to know...).

No one is getting beaten up, and no one gets teased for lack of electronics. And the teasing is very underhanded. A simple comment like "so, I bet you got that shirt from Target" can be intended to be mean, but certainly not something one can go to the teacher about.

So, if the OP's dd wants to wear princess shirts, and take the fallout, then let her. However, if the OP herself wants her dd to wear the shirts, and her dd doesn't want to, don't make her.

[TxYates]

This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.

[nchulka]

I don't think this is a case of bullying. I have a DD in 5th grade and yes, princess clothes are considered babyish. As kids get older they start to view the previous stage they were in as babyish. For a couple of years they want nothing to do with it, they have to prove they are big now and cool. A few years go by and everything is cool again. I sub for high school and girls there have no problem wearing t-shirts promoting little kid things, it's actually kind of cool So you are going to have K -1 graders talking about how Dora is so baby and 2-3 graders talking about how baby princesses are and 4-5 graders think Tink is babyish. It's not about bullying, it's about proving yourself, that you are growing up. That's why you have middle school kids going to school in full make-up and hair done and high schoolers in PJ pants Once you've proved yourself you can get over it!

[Alesia]

This is completely normal behavior for that age group. Your little girl is growing up. Remember that encouraging her to wear what she likes really does me what she likes - not what you like. She'll go back and forth and sideways a million times in the next 5 years or so as she tries to find out who she is and where she fits in the world.

[brymolmom]

I agree - Non issue, just growing up.

If your dd agrees that she's too old to do it. Then I think all is fine. The real problem would be trying to convince her that she's too old for them.

My dd9 (4th grade) hates princess stuff and anythign pink so we haven't had that problem, but i Have noticed her more aware of what she's wearing - and I think that's totally normal. Now, I'm just patiently waiting for her to be more into her hair looking good before going to school - HOPEFULLY next year in middle school!

My ds10 is a bit on the 'young' side when it comes to toys and stuff. But he knows that in front of other people - he really IS TOO OLD for it - so he knows to curb his tastes in those situations. But at home, alone with his sister, he will play with stuffed animals, etc. I think this is perfectly normal and acceptable. And honestly I am happy that he is aware enough of his surroundings and mature enough to act appropriately in the situation that he is in.

I'm guessing the real issue here is that mom is sad that dd is growing up?? We can ALL relate to that!

[Juliet25]

Originally Posted by nchulka

I don't think this is a case of bullying. I have a DD in 5th grade and yes, princess clothes are considered babyish. As kids get older they start to view the previous stage they were in as babyish. For a couple of years they want nothing to do with it, they have to prove they are big now and cool. A few years go by and everything is cool again. I sub for high school and girls there have no problem wearing t-shirts promoting little kid things, it's actually kind of cool So you are going to have K -1 graders talking about how Dora is so baby and 2-3 graders talking about how baby princesses are and 4-5 graders think Tink is babyish. It's not about bullying, it's about proving yourself, that you are growing up. That's why you have middle school kids going to school in full make-up and hair done and high schoolers in PJ pants Once you've proved yourself you can get over it!

I agree with this. I think it's pretty normal. My 9yo was way into My Little Pony and now she gets all embarrassed if we mention how much she loved them. Her little sister is now in her MLP phase and big sister likes to tell her how stupid ponies are (which we make her apologize for!).

[brymolmom]

Originally Posted by TxYates

This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.

Sorry your dd is having issues with teasing and anxiety. But just wanted to comment - have you looked around Justice? My dd9 just got an outfit for Christmas - Soccer sweat pants and a cute double layer short sleeve shirt with a soccer ball on it. Not revealing (which is what I would normally think 'age appropriate' would refer to) or 'old' at all. I agree not all the clothing in there is ideal for my own dd - but just wanted to mention it isn't all older kids stuff either - just in case you didn't know that. Of course, my dd only gets stuff off the clearance rack or in this case one Christmas gift of an outfit - i guess I'm lucky that her friends don't tease for not wearing that kind of clothes as most of her clothes come from Target or Penney's.

[mjkacmom]

Originally Posted by brymolmom

Sorry your dd is having issues with teasing and anxiety. But just wanted to comment - have you looked around Justice? My dd9 just got an outfit for Christmas - Soccer sweat pants and a cute double layer short sleeve shirt with a soccer ball on it. Not revealing (which is what I would normally think 'age appropriate' would refer to) or 'old' at all. I agree not all the clothing in there is ideal for my own dd - but just wanted to mention it isn't all older kids stuff either - just in case you didn't know that. Of course, my dd only gets stuff off the clearance rack or in this case one Christmas gift of an outfit - i guess I'm lucky that her friends don't tease for not wearing that kind of clothes as most of her clothes come from Target or Penney's.

And my dd9 won't wear most of the clothes from Justice, because dd11 says they're for babies! They both like P.S., and they're cheaper. Unfortunatly for dd11, as much as she wants to be a fashionista, she's really, really tiny, and won't be able to wear junior sizes until well into HS, if at all. Dd9 will be shopping at the "cool" stores way before her big sister (although they're both the same size now).

Dd16's petite friends joined in with the Justice is for babies in 6th grade, but then once they got to HS, realized there weren't many other options for fashionable clothes for the 12 and under set, and went back. So I do see a market for some of the clothing at Justice, just not for the elementary school crowd (although they do have appropriate clothing for them, as well).

[4kids4karen]

Originally Posted by mjkacmom

And my dd9 won't wear most of the clothes from Justice, because dd11 says they're for babies! They both like P.S., and they're cheaper. Unfortunatly for dd11, as much as she wants to be a fashionista, she's really, really tiny, and won't be able to wear junior sizes until well into HS, if at all. Dd9 will be shopping at the "cool" stores way before her big sister (although they're both the same size now).

Dd16's petite friends joined in with the Justice is for babies in 6th grade, but then once they got to HS, realized there weren't many other options for fashionable clothes for the 12 and under set, and went back. So I do see a market for some of the clothing at Justice, just not for the elementary school crowd (although they do have appropriate clothing for them, as well).

My 4th grader finally is over her Justice phase. Thankfully, I was getting tired of their clothes because as I like her to dress more preppy. I think Justice recycles styles over and over and just changes the colors.
I guess I don't understand how Justice is not age appropriate, it's jeans, t-shirts, dress shirts, skirts, tank tops, and pajamas. They sell the basics. A lot of their clothes are also made for layering. Not one outfit on their models is revealing.

Most of her friends are also starting to move away from justice for school clothes.
She likes to shop for abercrombie clothes now.

[Leajess99]

Originally Posted by TxYates

This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.

I'm sorry your DD is going through being teased. Have you tried talking to the school?? Please understand that girl scouts in not necessarily the answer. I know there are some girl scouts I don't want my child around as what they learn and how they behave are not appropriate. And I am not bashing girl scouts but there are some troops that I just don't feel fall in the girl scouts idea but there is not as much monitoring.

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by Queen2PrincessG

I'd like these little popular girls to say being/ or wearing princess items is for babies to Kate Middleon, you know a princess.

Originally Posted by Leajess99

I am sorry your DD has to deal with this. My 4th grader had it in 2nd grade but even now she will wear her Disney stuff (to include Princess seatshirts) to school as she does not think it is babyish nor does she feel the need to be popular . It is amazing how cruel some kids ca be. Of course there are some adults than can affect a child's choice on clothing as well.

Last year my daughter's teacher made a comment about her dressmaking her look like a Hippie. She had on the long Brown skirt from Gymboree with a horse shirt. My daughter would not wear that shirt to school again. That made me mad but I let it go for my daughter.

This is very sad. Teachers should know better. Maybe she meant it as a compliment.
DD had a tutor that was trying to explain the difference between fiction and nonfiction and decided to use the Disney characters as an example of fiction! I WAS NOT happy!

Originally Posted by Leajess99

I'm sorry your DD is going through being teased. Have you tried talking to the school?? Please understand that girl scouts in not necessarily the answer. I know there are some girl scouts I don't want my child around as what they learn and how they behave are not appropriate. And I am not bashing girl scouts but there are some troops that I just don't feel fall in the girl scouts idea but there is not as much monitoring.

I won't talk to the school about this. This is a small concern. We've dealt with real bullying that we had to go to the school about when my son was in middle school. DD is fine now. She told the girl yesterday, that she didn't want to be popular if it meant she had to change. The girl simply said.... okay. Hopefully, it won't become an issue later. DD wore her Perry the Platerpus shirt today. Also, I agree about scouts. My 9 year old is in a great troop, but when my older DD was in scouts, we actually withdrew her from 1 troop and put her in another. It was actually Daisies, the younger kids. We walked in one day to pick her up & the girls were standing on round tables jumping from one to another while the 2 troop leaders were standing by talking about the previous nights.... adventures. Not the conversation I wanted my little girl to be hearing. Not every troop is a good fit for every child. We just said the day or time wasn't good for us. She ended up in an okay troop. The one youngest is in is wonderful troop. If done properly, it is a wonderful organization. You could always volunteer and be the troop leader yourself. DH was my boys scout leader for a few years. It is a nice memory. Although, I have to admit, DH was very happy when the boys didn't want to be boy scouts anymore. It was very time consuming and DH didn't have the tolerance for some of the boys behavior. Actually, more like he didn't have the tolerance for some of the parents allowing the boys behavior with t he explanation, that "boys will be boys".