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Old 08-16-2012, 07:53 PM   #1
seguemike
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Justin: 6/26/1993-2/26/2012

I am writing to see if anyone else has been on a WDW trip like the one we are about to embark on. My wife and I lost our only child, and our whole world, to cancer in February. He never made it to his high school graduation. He did get one final trip to Disney in December of 2011 and it was magical. Whenever we were planning our annual vacation trips, he would always choose Florida and how could we say no. We love it too So, in December we are spending a week at WDW, staying at Coronado Springs. They say that when you lose your child, you are left to live his life for him. So that is what keeps us going. We went to all of his favorite new movies this summer, action heroes and Disney were his favorites. Now we are planning our annual vacation and we could either stay home and wallow in our sorrow, which will increase since it is that magical time of anticipation of Christmas to come, or we can do what Justin would want to do...go to Florida! We have taken him their six times in the last eleven years (that was all we could afford) and we are very apprehensive on how this trip is going to go. We have never been here without him. Also, we are celebrating my wife's 50th birthday during our trip. Any thoughts?
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Old 08-16-2012, 09:09 PM   #2
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I am so sorry. I can not imagine how I would go on after the loss of my child or my grandson or granddaughter. You are very brave. For myself I do not think this is all there is. Please continue to be brave and live life to its fullest. Cry when it feels like you have to but then again laugh when you can. I hope your Wife has a nice Disney birthday. Again let me say how sorry I am. This December I will be thinking of you, your wife, and your son.

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Old 08-17-2012, 09:43 AM   #3
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I admire your attitude in this. As a mother with two kids who were born in 1991 and 1994 who are just about your son's age, I have to say that you are very strong.

I think when you go, there are going to be so many memories for you on this trip. I really hope that you can smile at these as they happen. For your wife's birthday, how about going to his favorite restaurant--I'm sure he'll be right there with you in spirit and in your hearts.
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Old 08-17-2012, 03:15 PM   #4
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First let me say how amazing it is that you are choosing to celebrate him and his life. I too have just 1 child, a son and cannot imagine your pain. I say put his picture in your pocket while at WDW, pull it our when you need a little smile, and try to tell each other all the funny stories that you've probably told about Justin to each other 100 x already. Know that he is there with you.
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Old 08-20-2012, 12:33 AM   #5
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I am so, so sorry for your loss.

There was a post not too long ago where a family who'd lost a child was going to do little things on their trip for other children there - things that didn't cost much - in their child's memory. I thought it was a nice idea.
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Old 08-21-2012, 11:20 PM   #6
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So so sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:43 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seguemike View Post
I am writing to see if anyone else has been on a WDW trip like the one we are about to embark on. My wife and I lost our only child, and our whole world, to cancer in February. He never made it to his high school graduation. He did get one final trip to Disney in December of 2011 and it was magical. Whenever we were planning our annual vacation trips, he would always choose Florida and how could we say no. We love it too So, in December we are spending a week at WDW, staying at Coronado Springs. They say that when you lose your child, you are left to live his life for him. So that is what keeps us going. We went to all of his favorite new movies this summer, action heroes and Disney were his favorites. Now we are planning our annual vacation and we could either stay home and wallow in our sorrow, which will increase since it is that magical time of anticipation of Christmas to come, or we can do what Justin would want to do...go to Florida! We have taken him their six times in the last eleven years (that was all we could afford) and we are very apprehensive on how this trip is going to go. We have never been here without him. Also, we are celebrating my wife's 50th birthday during our trip. Any thoughts?
First, my deepest sympathies on your loss. I believe one of the most tragic losses is the loss of a child. It is not the way it is supposed to be - a child passing before the parents. My heart breaks for you.

The first year is always the worst. Everything is the "first" without him. Holidays, special occasions, birthdays, etc. all felt more painful because it is the "first". I believe the pain and the loss are always there, but the cliche time heals is true to some extent. The pain dulls a bit as the years go by, but one never forgets, just hopefully learns to cope with it to retain sanity.

When my husband passed unexpectedly, my girls were young teens. Disney had been our passion as a family with many WDW trips and one Disney cruise for all of us together.

I understand your wanting to experience the things your son would have wanted to. My girls had been promised by their dad that he would take them on Rock n Roller coaster for our next trip. It was not quite open the last family trip we took, but we were due back 2 months after his death and they were excited to do the ride together. I kept his promise to the girls and rode it with them in his place. Please understand, that was huge for me as I do not normally go on this type of thrill ride, but I wanted to take them on it in place of him. Some friends of ours rode with us, so that made it even more special..

The first WDW trip without him was painful, but it is our "happy place" and we wanted to still go, the 3 of us. Besides doing our favorite things, we also found it helped to try some new things. There are always rides, attractions, restaurants that are new or just never been tried, so I would suggest that you and your wife try some new experiences on your trip. Maybe try a dinner reservation somewhere new for your wife's birthday.

Justin sounds like a wonderful son, and I am sure you will treasure your memories of family trips with him forever. Now it will be time to make some new memories, and try to go on with your love for Disney to comfort each other. Hugs and best wishes...
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:59 PM   #8
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I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I lost my daddy in April to cancer

We had our "last trip" in November, and we are heading back (mom, DH and I) in November for Thanksgiving. Dad had wanted to make it an annual tradition

I'm preparing myself that it might not be all magic and pixie dust. I know I'm going to cry on some of his favorite rides. I know I'm going to sit through attractions I hate (hall of presidents anyone?) because he loved it so much.

I think the hardest thing for me will be riding POTC. We went to ride it our last day and the line was SUPER long. Dad said "don't worry about it kid, we'll just ride it next time". And he didn't get his next time

Best of luck to you
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Old 08-28-2012, 06:57 PM   #9
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I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say that will bring you comfort, nor have I had to go through what you're going through. However, I would think a trip to WDW would do you good. Unless you have a feeling that it would bring you more grief to go, you should go.

Maybe there is a group of people you can talk to and meet up with that has gone through the same thing and you could have a connection with.

Please keep your spirits as high as you can, and do what you can to remember him but not mourn too hard... if that makes sense.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:38 PM   #10
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I'm sorry for your heart break. My mom lost her son (my older brother) unexpectedly when he was 40. I have seen how it can break a spirit. I think you and your wife leaning on each other & enjoying the wakening of each day is a wonderful memorial to your son. I hope you have more smiles than tears as you vacation in his favorite spot. But, perhaps there are places you imagine he would have wanted to go as adult? I would suggest enjoying many new experiences together as well as his old favorites. If you believe there is a heaven, perhaps some day he will smile and thank you for bringing him to so many new places.
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:17 PM   #11
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I can't imagine the pain you have been through, and still go through, every day!!! I know that when my dd, same birth year as your ds, and I went to WDW the Dec after my mother died, it was so very hard!!! It was so full of the memories we had made with her, on our first visit there, several years before. But, it was a trip we had to get through. We laughed, we cried, we had some not so pleasant times that I would prefer to forget. Dd and I both said things that should have been left unsaid, but I guess it had to be. We are so close now!!! But still, every time I go to WDW, I remember the place my mother sat, and waited for dd and I to come out of Splash Mt., or the photo that was taken in front of the backwards waterfall in Epcot. So many memories. They have to be faced and embraced. Yes, it's hard. But if you don't go, you won't be able to down the road.

Go and remember how much your beloved son loved it there. Talk to him there. I know how hard it will be...sending along best wishes and some hugs and prayers that you can enjoy this trip in some part!!!!
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Old 09-09-2012, 09:12 PM   #12
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I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I admire your strength.
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Old 09-09-2012, 10:41 PM   #13
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I'm so sorry for your loss
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:05 PM   #14
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Seguemike- We took our first trip back after my son' passing to Disney in June. We discussed as a family how to deal with going without him. It was decided that we would ride his absolute favorite ride first. So on our first day and first ride we got in like to ride Soarin. We made it through until we saw the big Soarin sign. So there we stood in line a family that should have been 5 but now 4 crying. Yes, some people looked at us but it was fine. The entire ride I cried but we rode it again right after and felt better. We got the hard part out of the way and dealt with our feelings right away. The rest of the trip was calmer and we enjoyed it. We shared stories about him the entire time. Just our experience.
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Old 10-19-2012, 02:30 PM   #15
seguemike
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Justin: 6/26/1993-2/26/2012

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone's comments, thoughts and condolences. I will be using some of your suggestions and hopefully will comment on my trip upon our return. We are excited to go to Florida again, only 42 more days.
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