Teen Anxiety

maciec · May 30, 2016

I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from anxiety. She has been going through therapy for the past year, but still doesn't seem to know how to cope. I ask her if she has asked either of her therapists on how to deal with anxiety and she said she did, but they don't really offer her any suggestions. I find that a little odd and I will be talking with her therapist. She was on Propanalol to see if that would help and she said it hasn't.

So what sparked this big talk with her today is that she just got her first job prior to Easter. She was hostessing and they trained her to do food expo/running. She hasn't been getting many hours which we found strange because we live in a resort town and these places are pumping with business. She tells us that she hates hostessing because she has to talk to people and that's really hard with her anxiety. She has scoliosis so carrying the big trays hurts her back and she told her manager. She was talking with one of the other hostesses and told her about her anxiety and not liking talking to people (we think this girl told the manager). Anyway, they told her that because of all of this they can only schedule her 1 day a week.

Needless to say she doesn't want to go anywhere else because of the anxiety of asking if they are even hiring let alone starting somewhere new. She blames all of this on her anxiety. Her father is just dumbfounded and doesn't know what to do or how to parent her. He is incredibly frustrated. I am frustrated too because not once has she researched coping mechanisms for her anxiety or how to help ease the pain of her scoliosis.

Anyway, I need some help. The threads on here are a couple of years old so I was hoping that there was newer meds, or a great site that I can direct her to for coping. I am just at a loss.

sk!mom · May 30, 2016

In my world, 15 is young to be working. I would focus on getting her coping (with meds, counseling, whatever she needs) and handling school and social interactions well so that she is ready to move on to college and working in a few years.

gemini2727 · May 30, 2016

I'm sorry she's dealing with this.
First off, I imagine I would be finding a new therapsit for her, if they haven't come up with any useful strategies for her after a year. Maybe someone new would have some more insight into her issues?

maciec · May 30, 2016

Working around here at 14 is very normal and at 15 very normal. Summer time the kids make thousands of dollars. She wants to work and learning to balance the anxiety with the desire to work is hard for her

DisneyFan32WI · May 30, 2016

One of my girls suffers from anxiety. I think the job your daughter is trying to do at such a young age would be too much too handle. Not only is it fast paced & demanding, but it requires a lot of people skills. My daughter worked in a kitchen/dining room at an assisted living center, but not until she was older (like 17).
My daughter switched therapists after the woman she was seeing just didn't give her enough. She now sees a male therapist, and he is very engaging and provides a lot of useful suggestions.
My daughter takes Sertraline(sp?). It seems to help her a bit.

ali2083 · May 30, 2016

I'm not a teen and don't have any kids, but I've dealt with anxiety myself for 10+ years. I think working is a good thing, it might help her to get more comfortable with situations that cause her anxiety. I've found putting myself in situations that make me anxious helps sometimes, within reason. Nothing dangerous or illegal. Without knowing the specifics of her anxiety there are some great "coping" techniques that can be found online. I tend to have anxiety about things that may never happen, my go to is to ask myself if that same thing will matter a year from now. If it doesn't then no worries, move on from it.

Regarding the therapist not giving her suggestions on how to deal with the anxiety, that seems odd to me and you or her should definitely question it. Has she gone to the same therapists the entire time? I had to meet with 5 counselors/therapists until I found one I was comfortable with.

jbcheerchick93 · May 30, 2016

Make sure she is seeing a CBT (cognitive based therapy) therapist. There are many therapists who focus on medication only and don't try to help in other ways, and CBT helps with mindfulness/focus!

Tattylou · May 30, 2016

I am a Masters level independently licensed mental health counselor in my state and I specialize in adolescents. I would definitely suggest talking with her clinician about your concerns and explore if this clinician is the best fit for your daughter. You may want to find someone with training in CBT, specializing in anxiety management. Mindfulness and relaxation training can help too. There may be better medication options as well. If her primary care is prescribing, I would recommend having her see a psychiatrist. Obviously, there is only so much time in a session and your daughter needs to have follow through outside of her therapy hour by practicing the suggested strategies. Good luck.

maciec · May 30, 2016

DisneyFan32WI said:
One of my girls suffers from anxiety. I think the job your daughter is trying to do at such a young age would be too much too handle. Not only is it fast paced & demanding, but it requires a lot of people skills. My daughter worked in a kitchen/dining room at an assisted living center, but not until she was older (like 17).
My daughter switched therapists after the woman she was seeing just didn't give her enough. She now sees a male therapist, and he is very engaging and provides a lot of useful suggestions.
My daughter takes sertriptaline(sp?). It seems to help her a bit.

She liked doing the food expo/running and liked to bus. She finds hostessing boring. Busy work is what she gravitates towards

ali2083 said:
I'm not a teen and don't have any kids, but I've dealt with anxiety myself for 10+ years. I think working is a good thing, it might help her to get more comfortable with situations that cause her anxiety. I've found putting myself in situations that make me anxious helps sometimes, within reason. Nothing dangerous or illegal. Without knowing the specifics of her anxiety there are some great "coping" techniques that can be found online. I tend to have anxiety about things that may never happen, my go to is to ask myself if that same thing will matter a year from now. If it doesn't then no worries, move on from it.

Regarding the therapist not giving her suggestions on how to deal with the anxiety, that seems odd to me and you or her should definitely question it. Has she gone to the same therapists the entire time? I had to meet with 5 counselors/therapists until I found one I was comfortable with.

She is on therapist #2. The first was a female and this one is a male. She likes #2 better

jbcheerchick93 said:
Make sure she is seeing a CBT (cognitive based therapy) therapist. There are many therapists who focus on medication only and don't try to help in other ways, and CBT helps with mindfulness/focus!

This is the first I have ever heard of the specialty and I will definitely discuss switching with my dd

Tattylou said:
I am a Masters level independently licensed mental health counselor in my state and I specialize in adolescents. I would definitely suggest talking with her clinician about your concerns and explore if this clinician is the best fit for your daughter. You may want to find someone with training in CBT, specializing in anxiety management. Mindfulness and relaxation training can help too. There may be better medication options as well. If her primary care is prescribing, I would recommend having her see a psychiatrist. Obviously, there is only so much time in a session and your daughter needs to have follow through outside of her therapy hour by practicing the suggested strategies. Good luck.

We tried the psychiatrist route, but they have a 6 month waiting list and at the time when she needed to see someone the most we didn't have 6 months to wait. Oh and her dr is the one that prescribed the Propanalol

scrapquitler · May 30, 2016

maciec said:
I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from anxiety. She has been going through therapy for the past year, but still doesn't seem to know how to cope. I ask her if she has asked either of her therapists on how to deal with anxiety and she said she did, but they don't really offer her any suggestions. I find that a little odd and I will be talking with her therapist. She was on Propanalol to see if that would help and she said it hasn't.

So what sparked this big talk with her today is that she just got her first job prior to Easter. She was hostessing and they trained her to do food expo/running. She hasn't been getting many hours which we found strange because we live in a resort town and these places are pumping with business. She tells us that she hates hostessing because she has to talk to people and that's really hard with her anxiety. She has scoliosis so carrying the big trays hurts her back and she told her manager. She was talking with one of the other hostesses and told her about her anxiety and not liking talking to people (we think this girl told the manager). Anyway, they told her that because of all of this they can only schedule her 1 day a week.

Needless to say she doesn't want to go anywhere else because of the anxiety of asking if they are even hiring let alone starting somewhere new. She blames all of this on her anxiety. Her father is just dumbfounded and doesn't know what to do or how to parent her. He is incredibly frustrated. I am frustrated too because not once has she researched coping mechanisms for her anxiety or how to help ease the pain of her scoliosis.

Anyway, I need some help. The threads on here are a couple of years old so I was hoping that there was newer meds, or a great site that I can direct her to for coping. I am just at a loss.

How long has she been on this medication? It's one I'm not familiar with, so I'm guessing it's not a drug from the US, but that doesn't really matter, the point is still the same -- many of these drugs take a while (6 weeks of more) before you start to see an effect from them, and sometimes regulating the dosage/timing cant take a lot of trial and error.

Her therapist should be working on teaching her specific coping strategies to deal with the situations she has trouble with. When I went, my therapist gave me relaxation tapes, taught me deep breathing techniques, we role played situations so I could know what to say/do in stressful situations, etc. If her therapist isn't doing that, get a different one.

I agree with a previous poster that mentioned that at 15, and with anxiety problems, this might not be the best time for her to be having a job that requires dealing with the public so much. If it were my daughter (and my daughter also has anxiety issues), I would be focused on having her learn coping techniques and dealing with her anxiety first. The job can come later, or at least help her find a different sort of job that won't affect her anxiety quite so much, at least for now.

I know how frustrating it can be trying to help your child deal with this anxiety. Maybe it would help if she saw you as being more on her side by helping her research and learn some coping techniques instead of her seeing you be frustrated because she isn't doing it herself.

Goofy_Disney_Dad · May 30, 2016

maciec said:
I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from anxiety. She has been going through therapy for the past year, but still doesn't seem to know how to cope. I ask her if she has asked either of her therapists on how to deal with anxiety and she said she did, but they don't really offer her any suggestions. I find that a little odd and I will be talking with her therapist. She was on Propanalol to see if that would help and she said it hasn't.

So what sparked this big talk with her today is that she just got her first job prior to Easter. She was hostessing and they trained her to do food expo/running. She hasn't been getting many hours which we found strange because we live in a resort town and these places are pumping with business. She tells us that she hates hostessing because she has to talk to people and that's really hard with her anxiety. She has scoliosis so carrying the big trays hurts her back and she told her manager. She was talking with one of the other hostesses and told her about her anxiety and not liking talking to people (we think this girl told the manager). Anyway, they told her that because of all of this they can only schedule her 1 day a week.

Needless to say she doesn't want to go anywhere else because of the anxiety of asking if they are even hiring let alone starting somewhere new. She blames all of this on her anxiety. Her father is just dumbfounded and doesn't know what to do or how to parent her. He is incredibly frustrated. I am frustrated too because not once has she researched coping mechanisms for her anxiety or how to help ease the pain of her scoliosis.

Anyway, I need some help. The threads on here are a couple of years old so I was hoping that there was newer meds, or a great site that I can direct her to for coping. I am just at a loss.

Was Propranolol the first choice in medicine for treatment? That seems like a very strange starting point for what you are describing.

roseaster · May 30, 2016

scrapquitler said:
How long has she been on this medication? It's one I'm not familiar with, so I'm guessing it's not a drug from the US, but that doesn't really matter, the point is still the same -- many of these drugs take a while (6 weeks of more) before you start to see an effect from them, and sometimes regulating the dosage/timing cant take a lot of trial and error.

Propranolol/Inderal is a drug used in the US. It is a beta blocker originally used to treat hypertension and heart arrhythmias. It is also used to in the psychiatric setting to treat anxiety, aggression, and mood instability. It shouldn't take the usual 6 weeks to work as SSRIs/SNRIs.

All of that aside, there are much better choices in medications, and clearly this one isn't working. I, too, strongly recommend that you find a psychiatrist that can find a medication that works for her. I also suggest that you find a psychologist that will teach her actual coping mechanisms.

scrapquitler · May 30, 2016

roseaster said:
Propranolol/Inderal is a drug used in the US. It is a beta blocker originally used to treat hypertension and heart arrhythmias. It is also used to in the psychiatric setting to treat anxiety, aggression, and mood instability. It shouldn't take the usual 6 weeks to work as SSRIs/SNRIs.

All of that aside, there are much better choices in medications, and clearly this one isn't working. I, too, strongly recommend that you find a psychiatrist that can find a medication that works for her. I also suggest that you find a psychologist that will teach her actual coping mechanisms.

I assumed it was a European name for something we have here (like paracetamol for acetaminophen) I've never heard of it for this sort of thing, and I'm surprised that I never heard of one of our clients at the agency I worked for being on it. Maybe it's just an unusual choice (or not covered by the type of insurance our clients have)

maciec · May 30, 2016

I chose to start her on the Propanalol because I didn't want to take any chances with side affects like some anxiety/depression medicines can have

PastryLover · May 30, 2016

I have anxiety now and had it as a teen. I can't say it gets "better" with age but you evolve as a person and can get a better handle on it when you're older.

1. She must understand that anxiety is a challenge, but not an excuse. The world will not change to accommodate you. You must learn how to cope. That means doing research for yourself, making your own doctor appointments, etc. You can oversee, help her figure out what to say, etc, but should not do for her. At her age I was writing out possible answers to phone calls with my mother before making those calls on my own. Sounds ridiculous but that's what I had to do.

Fortunately that part does get easier! And once you start to make "projectile vomit" calls to the pediatrician for your own babies, there isn't much left to feel anxious about.

2. My niece (also with anxiety) got much worse after spending hours on Tumblr, being told it was OK if she didn't want to make phone calls or speak to other people, because she had anxiety and people should just understand her. She stopped trying to help herself and instead isolated herself, just complained to the other teens online. When access to Tumblr was taken away, she freaked, then adjusted. If your DD spends a lot of time on social media, cutting back might help.

3. Nothing wrong with being on medication but they don't all work the same for everyone. If one doesn't help, there are plenty more. She should not have to be a zombie, or go without. There is one for her if she needs it.

maciec · May 30, 2016

PastryLover said:
I have anxiety now and had it as a teen. I can't say it gets "better" with age but you evolve as a person and can get a better handle on it when you're older.

1. She must understand that anxiety is a challenge, but not an excuse. The world will not change to accommodate you. You must learn how to cope. That means doing research for yourself, making your own doctor appointments, etc. You can oversee, help her figure out what to say, etc, but should not do for her. At her age I was writing out possible answers to phone calls with my mother before making those calls on my own. Sounds ridiculous but that's what I had to do. Fortunately that part does get easier! And once you start to make "projectile vomit" calls to the pediatrician for your own babies, there isn't much left to feel anxious about.

2. My niece (also with anxiety) got much worse after spending hours on Tumblr, being told it was OK if she didn't want to make phone calls or speak to other people, because she had anxiety and people should just understand her. She stopped trying to help herself and instead isolated herself, just complained to the other teens online. When access to Tumblr was taken away, she freaked, then adjusted. If your DD spends a lot of time on social media, cutting back might help.

3. Nothing wrong with being on medication but they don't all work the same for everyone. If one doesn't help, there are plenty more. She should not have to be a zombie, or go without. There is one for her if she needs it.

Interesting that you mention Tumblr. She has it and complains about the people on it and how crazy they are lol

roseaster · May 30, 2016

scrapquitler said:
I assumed it was a European name for something we have here (like paracetamol for acetaminophen) I've never heard of it for this sort of thing, and I'm surprised that I never heard of one of our clients at the agency I worked for being on it. Maybe it's just an unusual choice (or not covered by the type of insurance our clients have)

It's not commonly used in adults for psychiatric reasons. It is actually not commonly used in kids, either. I mostly see it used (or drugs of it's type) in younger children with ADHD/ASD other neuropsychiatric and behavioral problems to control aggression. It's an older medication and not expensive, so I don't think insurance is an issue, it's just not that effective.

As a matter of fact, it actually isn't really commonly used to treat BP or heart conditions much any more, either.

PastryLover · May 30, 2016

maciec said:
Interesting that you mention Tumblr. She has it and complains about the people on it and how crazy they are lol

My brother said the same. He said it was crazy, he would read some of the posts and it was like the kids were competing to see who was the most marginalized or ill. Just not an environment they wanted her in.

potterfanatic · May 30, 2016

My 9 year old daughter had such severe anxiety that she would scream and cry every time we left the house to go someplace new. I'm sure this isn't the same for everyone, but within 8 months she and her therapist were able to come up with some very effective coping mechanisms. My daughter has not had an anxiety episode in over 5 months, and has not been put on any medications. I know every child is different, but I just want to let you know that with the right help, things can get better.

bethy · May 31, 2016

Tattylou said:
I am a Masters level independently licensed mental health counselor in my state and I specialize in adolescents. I would definitely suggest talking with her clinician about your concerns and explore if this clinician is the best fit for your daughter. You may want to find someone with training in CBT, specializing in anxiety management. Mindfulness and relaxation training can help too. There may be better medication options as well. If her primary care is prescribing, I would recommend having her see a psychiatrist. Obviously, there is only so much time in a session and your daughter needs to have follow through outside of her therapy hour by practicing the suggested strategies. Good luck.

I have a teen girl with a significant case of anxiety and we have been working through this for years. I would say the above advice is spot on. In our experience and also by the gold standard what seems to work best for most people is a combo of CBT, behavioral therapy during daily life, getting plenty of sleep, tons of self awareness and acceptance and finally - medication is very, VERY helpful. Especially when combined with all the other stuff. But for the meds those MUST be prescribed and managed by a psychiatrist who knows their stuff and works with teens. Good luck on your journey. Good for you for supporting your daughter.

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