Disney with Grandparents

Hi there, we are taking our kids (3 & 5) to Disney for the first time. Both sets of grandparents and one great grandparent will be coming too. I figured we could rotate through who gets to do w the kids to be "fair" but i'm not sure how to handle people wanting to buy the kids something because I know they'll all want to ;-) Any suggestions on how to try and keep things fair? My mom especially can get jealous.

Thank you!!

Is this already set in stone that everyone will be there at the same time? I'm just asking because I made my parents and in-laws split the trip. We stayed for 10 days, they each got 5 days.

There is NO WAY I'd have made it through a vacation with everyone at the same time. Also, my son, more often than not, wanted to ride with me rather than anyone else, which did cause a little bit of an issue.

As for buying things, I'd probably give them a limit. Either a dollar amount or an certain number of items and that's it. What would probably be even better is if you could get them to give your kids GC's beforehand. That way YOU get to be in charge of what your kids get.

Personally, I'd set VERY clear limits before hand (several times I had to take my son aside, away from everyone else, just to get him back into normalness and away from the crazy grandparents).

Good luck!!

I would be sure that you and your kids get some time away from all the grandparents. If you are all staying in different rooms, that is great. If sharing a home, I would still establish a family space in your room where you can all get a change to recharge together. I would also be sure that your kids are very clear on the rules. Mom and dad trump the grandparents. Behavior rules stay the same and consequences will occur. I would really not over think the ride situation. A simple, "kids grab a ride partner" as you get into line may be just fine. If you notice some grandparent not getting any ride time perhaps suggest that that person and one of your kids might enjoy a special ride together. Be sure to call dibbs and grab your kids sometimes too. There will be rides not everyone will want to do and times to separate. You might want to put limits on things like ice cream and other food treats, but I would not worry about other purchases. If they want to buy it....let them. Chances are this may be the only time your kids will be with all grandparents at WDW. A week of stuff spoiling will not hurt them. If the grandparents really do get silly with the competition of buying. you might have to step in but otherwise, let them have fun!!!! Maybe let them each spend one night with each grandparent in their and you and your spouse get a bit of time alone.

Great ideas!! Thank you both! I think Ive been over thinking everything so appreciate outside feedback!

I wanted my first trip to be mine, but, the MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL all were invited along, to arrive 4 days after we did. So, we got our first trip, and then once we got through a lot of the "firsts" they joined us.

SIL/BIL in particular are DINKS (Double Income No Kids) with a spoiling streak. My kids are learning their financial habits, decision making, and critical financial thinking from us, their conservative parents. Indulgent relatives do not change the lessons we are modelling at home and will have a great financial sense from the values we instill. That will not be undone by some good old fashioned spoiling from relatives and so I let it happen.

As for fair, it's a tough lesson for everyone to learn, but, life isn't fair. It's high time your mom learned that. I would let everyone buy anything they wanted for anyone they wanted. Save your battles for other things with bigger impact on your everyday lives. One short, magical week isn't worth setting a lot of boundaries and having a lot of fuss.

My view on grandparents is that you can't control them and if you try there will just be friction. At home it may be worth trying to set strict boundaries but on a disney vacation - which is all indulgence and overload anyway - it is easier to just go with the flow.

The funny thing is my kids ask for less stuff at disney than anywhere else. There's so much going on around them them they're just not so interested in a stuffed animal display. So maybe you'll get lucky!

The best thing you can do is have a conversation with them all before hand explaining your thoughts, concerns and expectations. Make sure they are all on the same page. Some things to think about include:

1. Are you all going to be together all of the time? Or are you planning to just meet up for meals or even just get together for certain parks?

2. Let them know concerns you have about spending. Are you worried that they will try to outdo each other? Or are you concerned about your kids coming home with too much stuff?

3. Does a spending limit also include snacks? Face it, grandparents (and greats too) love to spoil the little ones in their lives...and those amazing Disney snacks sprinkled throughout the parks will be perfect temptations

4. If you are planning on trading off who gets the kids at various times, are the kids comfortable with all parties? i.e. my family is doing a big get together at WDW in 2017. Unfortunately, we only see my parents and siblings once or twice a year. Knowing this, we are bringing my sister-in-law to help with the four kids we will have by then (one on the way!) because we don't know that our kids are going to be comfortable sitting with virtual strangers in a strange and busy place while mom and dad (and maybe the two oldest who may be big enough to ride some things) go on various rides.

If you decide to limit how much they buy, consider "tickets' for them. Maybe each grandparent gets a "ticket" for each child on each day/park/whatever. When they buy something for that child, they redeem the ticket. Make sure ALL agree to this before handing out tickets.

Also, if they just want to spoil them, why not let them? How many times will this opportunity be presented? I only ever got one trip with my grandmother. I'm sure my kids will only get one with their grandparents. I mean they are both pushing 80 now...so who knows?

We went last year with one set of grandparents and this was tough at first on the trip until we set up some rules. The first two days had some pretty bad moments honestly.

So hopefully I can pass on insights. I would set up rules prior and fully go over them with everyone in the most friendly way . Also go over a schedule with everyone if you have set plans. Like certain park days, meals, etc.

Rules could be this is the plan, if you choose not to follow the plan. We set up a time and place to meet that is best to those following the plan.

We are leaving the room at X time. If you want to go with us, meet us at time or you can call to meet up later.

Stay with us. If you want to go off somewhere else and shop, spend more time somewhere else they will have to meet up later.

These may sound simple, but from experience with even one set of grandparents who said they were ok with anything and just wanted to do what we do then once the trip came their expectations were so different.

They wanted so many more breaks then even my young children, they didn't understand why we couldn't hang out in a shop all morning (prime time to ride rides and plus well remember the children want to ride rides), they would wander off, took a million bathroom breaks. Truly I am not a crazy planner either it was just they were actually harder to corral then my kids. My kids know to stay with me or were in a stroller. Grandparents have a complete different mindset.

Not to scare anyone, after these first two days we talked about the trip going forward and I think everyone was on the same page and things turned out so much better. Just be aware it's best to talk about all this prior to the trip to keep everyone happy.

We are actually planning to all go back this year. Once we were all on the same page things were great. They did some things separate. Took some breaks at different times. Even watched the kids one night because they wanted to go back while we got a couple more hours in at the park.

I thought you meant that you didn't want the kids to have too much stuff (and didn't want a million Disney animals in your house). But then the part about your mom getting jealous...

I guess just sit down with your mom (and maybe all the grandparents individually) and explain that you will do the best that you can with sharing grandkid time, etc. I'm hopeful that as adults they will focus on the kids having the best time possible and not so much on their own feelings (maybe you can remind them of this).

If you are paying for this trip for your own family - YOUR decision rules and the kids having fun out-weigh any time of jealousy or 'she got to spend 2 hours more or ride 2 rides more' type of feelings .

Of course, if the grandparent is paying, then they should get 'more' time if they want it.

Interesting posts. OP, only you know the dynamics within your family and how they might play out. I would agree to setting up some ground rules before the trip in terms of what time you are leaving hotel, what parks you'll be visiting, etc. I too have been the victim of a family member who "just wanted to do whatever we did." I told her we were to meet at the bus stop (breakfast finished) at 8:15 am to make rope drop. They showed up running at 8:25. We were still waiting for the bus to arrive, so I didn't say anything. On the bus her kids starting complaining about being hungry. When we got to Magic Kingdom, she said they had to stop for breakfast. We told her to call when they wanted to meet up. She was pissed that we weren't willing to wait for them and it was an awkward day. We were able to talk about it later that evening. She admitted that although she intended to follow the schedule, the reality was that she and her family just can't make themselves get out of bed in the morning. I told her it was fine and to just call me when they arrived at the parks. Every night they swore they would meet us on time the next morning....but they never did. It got to be a running joke. However, my family was back at the resort by 10pm every night while they stayed later. No right or wrong way, just different.

About gifts. We have a rule that you can only look at souvenirs until the last two days of the trip. We do all our shopping at the end of the trip.

I let my ILs buy them whatever they wanted. It doesn't matter overall. Birthdays and holidays you can't stop it. They kept it pretty reasonable. If it gets out of hand just say "There's no room for that in the stroller."

The poster above is right. My kids didn't ask for hardly anything. My middle was in the POTC gift shop with Dad while oldest and baby and I were stuck on the ride for 20 minutes and he begged for a sword and used his own money to buy it. Then the oldest wanted to get one, too and the ILs bought it. Same thing...middle was with Grammy while we were all on Test Track and got a car. That was about it.

I planned two days before they arrived and one day in the middle where we didn't see them at all. So out of 8 days only 5 were with them and we had connecting rooms. We went off alone without the kids one night and left a couple mornings without them. It was nice to have that built in away time from them. I told them beforehand that we were all having a separate day so they weren't blindsided.

I don't get along great with my ILs and it went really well. The ride situation didn't turn out to be that big of a deal. The kids picked who they wanted and I would casually suggest an adult to be with sometimes. I still got plenty of time with all three of them(something I was worried about) and the trip was pure fun! My FIL annoyed me one time and that's a record! And my MIL felt so bad about having to get a wheelchair a few days in and us having to push her and she and I kind of bonded over it all because she in no way was a hindrance even with changing plans and I wanted to make sure she knew that. Plus, we got wheelchair access on TSMM and it's a button and not a pull string and my son loved that Grammy got him "the good car".

My kids loved having Grammy and Pop there. My SIL and BIL would have been but due to family issues they didn't make it and I regret the drama the caused them to miss out because my kids would have loved that memory.

You can't tell your parents not to buy your child something.

I'm a Nana, so let me chime in. On the "FIRST KADY TRIP" my DD and DSIL included my DH and me, as well as DD's aunt from my first marriage. My DS and DDIL joined us for some of the trip. Kady was 4, and we all were going to experience her first trip...talk about pressure for a little one. LOL!

Anyway, there was some friction at first, not with us, but with the aunt. She wanted what she wanted, right from the get go, insisting we change our resort, etc. DD was getting pretty peeved, so I stepped in, told her that she was welcome to make any plans she wanted, but if she was staying with us, she was along for the ride. Period. I made it clear that we were guests, and while we were entitled to give feedback, this was really not our deal...it was DD and DSIL.

So we arrive, and life Is pretty good, but it is not always easy to control people, and their "enthusiasm". (I confess I was one of the problems in the MK) So DH, our voice of reason put up with it for all of 5 minutes, and then put a stop right quick to shenanigans.

Sis IL really was jealous of my husband, and the relationship he had fostered with my granddaughter.

Well, with all that back story, here is my suggestion. Make it clear to both set of parents that this is YOUR trip, they are welcomed and cherished, but that your prime concern is going to be the kids. If they want to buy things, it may be hard to stop that, and honestly, I would not, unless there is a clear financial divide between what your Mom can afford to do and your IL's can afford to do. If this is the case, I would have you DH have a chat with his parents, and come up with a plan. If your Mom is just jealous of the other set of Grands, I would tell her to either put that aside for the trip or stay home. It really is awkward when someone is jealous, and from experience, the kids are the ones who feel it the most. They never should need to be responsible for an adults perception of a loving relationship.

If you want time with your nuclear family, be honest and make that a priority. Our DD and DSIL really did not care about that, but we made sure they knew it would be fine. I would also discuss that with the Grands. Maybe they will want to have time apart from the whole group as well. One thing I would not do is try to make arrangements that have the kids needing to go with one set or the other. That can be problematic, especially if they don't want to go.


Experiencing WDW through the eyes of the child of your child is an experience that I can never describe adequately, so I generally encourage families to do this if it is feasible. But as a parent, I know it is possible to overstep my DD and her DH. That is never acceptable, nor is competition with your child's IL's. So I really think that it is very important to set those expectations ahead of time. I have been invited on every trip but one with my DD family. There is a reason they welcome me and my DH time and again, and avoid including others.

I give you major props. We made it clear when we were booking this trip that it will just be our family and no grandparents are coming. There is major friction between my parents and my ILs. My ILs live about an hour away and my parents are right in town. So my parents see the kids more. Because of this, my ILs think that when they finally decide to grace us with their presence, that they get to do everything with the kids. This always then pits me in the middle and I just can't handle that additional stress while we are on vacation.

Like other's have said, I would just set down some ground rules and give them a set amount of what they can spend on the kids in regards to presents and treats. And it's the kids trip. If they don't want to ride rides with certain grandparents, then the grandparents will have to get over it. You can't force them to do it. Just my 2 cents.

We're going in November with both sets of Grandparents but also my SIL and niece. Last time we went, we went with both sets of Grandparents, but we were in the parks for 1 day and then went on a Disney cruise. Both grandparents know that we take our kids to Disney to experience things with them. It took us a long time to have the, so while it would stress me out to make the grandparents upset, I go for my girls and no one else. We took the girls in 2012 by ourselves and it was wonderful. My mom asked that she get to rid the teacups with the girls this trip and that's fine. But they don't go with the expectation that they GET to ride with the girls. I know this trip, my ILs won't be purchasing lots of things for our girls because they are paying for SIL/niece to go. My parents probably will because the girls are their only grandchildren. Grandparenting shouldn't be a competition.

Set some expectations before you get there. We are giving the girls a spending limit to use at the gift shop. Give the grandparents a limit, because you are the one that has to travel with all the stuff

You are brave...I would never agree to such a trip!

We've only met my ILs at Disney once, for one day at Epcot (they're snowbirds and drove to Orlando for the day to spend some time with the grandkids on our last trip). I let MIL spoil my kids rotten. It's really insulting, IMO, to try to tell another adult how to spend their money. She dropped literally hundreds of dollars on Duffy + outfits for each of the kids. Fine by me. It wasn't my money that I knew was going to go to a waste, since I knew neither kid would be at all interested in Duffy or his wardrobe once we got home. But it made her happy, and it made the kids happy at the time. And now one Duffy lives happily naked in our house, despite his wardrobe, and the other sits perpetually in his PJs on a shelf. LOL!

We've done a few trips with the extended family and it's never been a problem. I think setting expectations beforehand is a good idea. I did/do ALL the trip planning: airfare, resorts, dining, park days/times, rides, etc. I verify with everyone prior that this is what I will be doing, but if they're more comfortable booking on their own, then that's great (no one does). I also remind everyone daily of the next day's activities. If my dad doesn't want to leave that early he will meet us later; if my mom gets tired and wants to go back early, she will. The one thing I do ask is that if you planned to eat a table service with us, then show up I remind my mom and dad that it gets hot, and there's a lot of walking. They've never been uncomfortable with saying they had to leave park early or sleep in a bit.
We've had times where my son only wanted to ride with his cousin, or poor grandpa was always stuck with me If that's the case we all do a "partner switch" on one ride at end of day (ride with someone you haven't yet). I like to get pictures of everyone with their ride partners, too, and everyone seems to enjoy that (especially if it's one with 3D glasses).
With grandparents buying things we've never had a problem. My kids are a little older, so not sure if this will work on yours, but from the time my kids were little I talked to them before we left (and reminded them in our room at night), that they don't NEED to get something every time a grandparent offers. Think about it and decide if that's what they really want. OR, just tell your parents/in-laws to wait until the very last day and then go ahead and buy (chances are if it's in one park, it's in every park). Generally my dad will give the older kids money to buy what they want and he'll give me the money for the little ones to pick out what they want.
I'm not sure what you mean about your mom being jealous, but I can tell you I've had a "complainer" on our vacations before and it can really, really bum me out. I don't like that feeling. If you know your mom will get like that can you talk to her before you leave? I tell everyone WDW is the happiest place on earth and I don't want to hear complaining or negativity while we're there. 99.9% of the time it works.

thehappyhours said:

Grandparenting shouldn't be a competition

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One would only hope. But the competition is alive and well in our family. I guess just like parents judge other parents, grandparents judge other grandparents. Especially when they are ILs. And heaven forbid the kids want to spend more time with one grandma then the other. geez. It can get to be WWIII in our family. Which is rediculous in my opinion.

After 5 trips with at least one set of grandparents with us.... We are going alone this time! And I couldn't be more excited! Not that we had bad experiences with them tagging along... Quite the opposite but I am very excited to have a trip with just us!

klo1335 said:

One would only hope. But the competition is alive and well in our family. I guess just like parents judge other parents, grandparents judge other grandparents. Especially when they are ILs. And heaven forbid the kids want to spend more time with one grandma then the other. geez. It can get to be WWIII in our family. Which is rediculous in my opinion.

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It would not fly with me, my mil was like that but she knew better than to let me hear it after a while, and she was never included on a family trip