Charging guests for a wedding after party

[amberpi]

After both my weddings (because obviously, its easy to fall in love with me, but not stay that way...lol), my folks hosted a nice brunch the morning after for out of towners at the hotel everyone was staying at, everyone knew we wouldn't be there, and no was charged for the brunch, champagne, bloody marys, etc. just like they weren't charged for anything else. I've been to a few brunches like this as well, but never a next day party...I've also only been to one Friday evening wedding ever.

 

[bcla]

Don't know about an after party. I've been to several weddings where the soon to be married were unapologetically requesting cash. I actually worked at one place where I was invited to a coworker's wedding party and when I asked what the typically gift was (he was originally from Vietnam) and he said cash. His sister in law also worked there and she was saying that all the money they collected from her wedding basically paid for the wedding and party, with some left over. I specifically asked if I could go to the actual wedding ceremony. He came by my desk once, handed me the invitation, and asked me to keep quiet about it. I attended the ceremony and only one other coworker was there. It wasn't a huge space, so I think I understood the issue. However, there were about 25 coworker's at the reception. My gift was $100.

Not sure about essentially asking for guests to attend a casual after party to finance the bigger party. If they didn't specifically come to people to try and keep it quiet, they're going to find out.

I know in some cultures a wedding ceremony is typically a low key affair, but where the emphasis is on having a big party where lots of guests are invited. That was the basic premise of Ang Lee's The Wedding Banquet.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Nope, nope, nope. No way I would be paying to attend the after party when I wasn't deemed good enough for the actual wedding.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I just don't understand the way things are anymore. I would have walked away. No way am I paying to attend your after party and giving you a gift to boot. How entitled and spoiled some people have become.

A co-worker was invited to her old neighbors son's wedding. For the wedding they created a website where you got to choose where your gift of money went -
1. their new house they bought
2. their honeymoon
3. their wedding costs.
There were preset amounts of money to give as well.

I am sorry but if you can't afford the house you are buying without my gift, don't buy it. If you can't afford your honeymoon - change where you go so you can afford it or don't go on one. If you can't afford to pay for your wedding then have a civil ceremony and a back yard bbq. What the heck is wrong with people? I would not have gone to that wedding on principal alone. BTW these were folks in their 30's and had already lived together and were moving into a new house they just bought........ smh........

It's just greedy.

 

[wenrob]

Pay to be sloppy seconds? I would laugh in their face and walk away.

100% this. I imagine I'd have been all dressed up so I'm thinking head to a nice restaurant and snap chat them from there.

 

[aprilgail]

wow that is as tacky as those Stag and Doe parties that I read about on the Dis!!! I would have turned around and left.

 

[belleatdisney]

I would have left. I really don't like like when weddings have A and B guest lists. This sounds like a cash grab to me.

 

[Albort]

Ive always thought people attending the wedding "paid" via wedding gifts and such...

 

[Pooh2]

Tacky!!

But... we were overdue for a wedding thread!

 

[arminnie]

I was once invited to a bridal shower given by the mother and sister of the bride at a Mexican restaurant. At the end of the evening they divided up the bill and told each one of us what we owed. I had never heard of such a thing. It wasn't very much per person, but the mother and sister were very well off financially (sister was a practicing doctor). I could not believe how cheap they were.

Another time I was invited to someone's home for a dinner in honor of some mutual friends who were getting married. There were about 30 people there. Again at the end of the evening we were each told what our share of the dinner was. Now we had all gone to college together, and that would have been okay while in college. But this was 20 years out - and the people who set up the dinner had made a fortune in Silicon valley and were living in a million dollar home. We were invited to dinner not to co-host a dinner.

 

[bcla]

Another time I was invited to someone's home for a dinner in honor of some mutual friends who were getting married. There were about 30 people there. Again at the end of the evening we were each told what our share of the dinner was. Now we had all gone to college together, and that would have been okay while in college. But this was 20 years out - and the people who set up the dinner had made a fortune in Silicon valley and were living in a million dollar home. We were invited to dinner not to co-host a dinner.

A million dollar home in Silicon Valley isn't much these days. That might get you a 2 bedroom house in Sunnyvale.

 

[arminnie]

A million dollar home in Silicon Valley isn't much these days. That might get you a 2 bedroom house in Sunnyvale.

This was in the 90s. Still not a mansion - but as the host had just made over $2,000,000 on stock options I think he could have paid for the dinner in his home that he invited people to.

 

[mummabear]

We do an "after party" the next day but it's more of a "cure the hangover" get together. lol The in laws host since there are usually out of town guests. They do a big pot of soup that is supposed to cure the hangover and then they start drinking some more. Sometimes that after party is better than the reception! But they don't charge!

This is really common here and has been for 20 years or more.
Just a brunch or BBQ the next morning usually hosted by one of the parents and its family and bridal party.

their honeymoon

I personally don't have a problem with the honeymoon registries, they seem pretty common these days, the people that I know who have had them had all lived together a long time and didn't need stuff.

I was once invited to a bridal shower given by the mother and sister of the bride at a Mexican restaurant. At the end of the evening they divided up the bill and told each one of us what we owed. I had never heard of such a thing. It wasn't very much per person, but the mother and sister were very well off financially (sister was a practicing doctor). I could not believe how cheap they were.

I would expect to pay at a shower in a restaurant, but as with any event being clear up front makes everyone happier.

 

[bcla]

This was in the 90s. Still not a mansion - but as the host had just made over $2,000,000 on stock options I think he could have paid for the dinner in his home that he invited people to.

Yeah - I can't really see that. However, I have heard of events hosted by someone in a nice house, but where there was a share that everyone paid. But that was upfront and not sprung once everyone got there.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I have never heard of anyone charging for that. I would have not attended anything. I would wish the couple well and leave it at that. That is my HO

 

[Westcoastwild]

http://www.thehits.co.nz/random-stu...ng-request-has-sparked-a-major-debate-online/

It's no secret that weddings can be extremely expensive. More and more couples are looking for ways to have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank.

But we're not sure we agree with this couple's method.

Taking to Mumsnet to vent her frustration, one disgruntled guest explained how she was charged to attend the wedding reception of one of her old friends.

She wrote:

"I recently received a wedding invitation to the afters/evening do of an old college friend’s wedding.

I thought it might be nice to see all the old faces and catch up.

However I had lunch with a mutual acquaintance who insisted that the wedding was on Friday but mine had Saturday on it so naturally I was confused and double checked – it had Saturday so I just thought the other person must be wrong.

Anyway it got to the day and myself and partner went along (it had a plus one so was not gate crashing) when we got there it became clear that the wedding was the day before and we had been invited to the after party. Then the real clincher I was informed (not asked) that the COST was €50pp (NZ$104) to cover the BBQ and and drinks from the beer fridge.

So I paid but was silently raging, didn't want to cause a fuss.

No where on the invite did it say the wedding was the day before or that there would be a charge. I was driving and couldn't drink and my partner doesn't drink beer (he is a celiac).

So what do ya'll think am I being unreasonable to be really annoyed by this? Or should I of sucked it up."

Mumsnet users were quick to throw their two cents in on the situation, with one person fuming:

"Charging admission to a reception? I've heard it all now."

While another said:

"The after party guests have paid for the wedding. If it wasn't so appalling it would be genius."
Others said that they would leave the event if similar happened them, adding: “I’d have turned on my heel and gone to the pub. The cheek of it!”

Another agreed: “I probably would have made a statement about not budgeting for this and left. That is so rude!”

I'm really wondering if the person was just clueless. I mean it sounds like they knew they were attending the after party. If they knew the bride/groom, they would have shown up for the wedding to begin with. So they were showing up for the party, (probably one the few that were there for social reasons and not the food and booze) and my guess is that they just missed a memo about the charge...and again, if they were there for the couple, they would know about the set up going in.

But even given that, I'm just not even seeing why you'd whip your credit card out at the door for something like that. Like why even pay it. Turn around and go home. I don't think you even need to bother to be annoyed. Unless maybe if you were genuinely there FOR THE COUPLE, and then I'd still not pay and explain to my friend (bride or groom) afterward why that policy cost them my presence.

But my guess is that "old college friend" had not been part of their lives in quite sometime, so in my case, that invite is going into the trash to begin with.

 

[fly girl]

Nope.

I've never been invited to a party and then greeted at the door by making me pay to enter. What the ...

And then to find out you weren't even on the wedding day list? Adios, cheapos.

Who does this? Seriously, have you ever heard of etiquette? Did your families nod in compliance thinking this was a great idea? At the very least put something on invite warning people they're shelling out money for YOUR party! Oh, is that tacky? Yeah, so is your plan. Duh!

 

[Hikergirl]

I would expect to pay at a shower in a restaurant, but as with any event being clear up front makes everyone happier.

Not me, a guest shouldn't be asked to pay anything at a Bridal Shower.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Not me, a guest shouldn't be asked to pay anything at a Bridal Shower.

Exactly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ingenious! B List invitees, more gifts, AND you pay for the party to boot.