Would you want to know?

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think I would wait for the child to seek me out. If they know they're adopted a time will come when they either want or don't want to meet your husband. If they don't know(even if I think they have the right to) it's not your husband's place to bring it to them.

But best of luck in any situation.

For what it's worth... I don't know my bio-dad. I finally got his name a few years ago and looked him up on FB but he has his own life with other, younger children, a wife, and I had an amazing father growing up. I always wanted to find him, but once I kind of did, the need to meet him wasn't there.

 

[littlejimmy]

everybody says its a bad idea. you keep coming on here to try to get us to say yes, but adding in what you feel are tidbits that will help us to come around. news flash: it isn't working. you came on here to find out what we think. we all pretty much think it would suck and is a bad idea. hope this helps to sum it up for you.

 

[gwynne]

No more like kids have a baby in high school. Grandparents pressure guy to sign over rights at a very young age. They take the child and raise it as their own and cut all forms of communication with father.

Let it go. This isn't your issue. You could be the cause of permanent irreparable harm while trying to "help".

 

[Miskey]

No more like kids have a baby in high school. Grandparents pressure guy to sign over rights at a very young age. They take the child and raise it as their own and cut all forms of communication with father.

You posted he was 16, at the same time I asked the question. But my original answer is the same, I just don't think it would be fair to the child.
Just for curiosity sakes, I'm assuming she was raised by the maternal grandparents, so does she think her biological mother is her sister?

 

[BigAlsGal]

everybody says its a bad idea. you keep coming on here to try to get us to say yes, but adding in what you feel are tidbits that will help us to come around. news flash: it isn't working. you came on here to find out what we think. we all pretty much think it would suck and is a bad idea. hope this helps to sum it up for you.

No I got it. Thanks.

 

[BigAlsGal]

You posted he was 16, at the same time I asked the question. But my original answer is the same, I just don't think it would be fair to the child.
Just for curiosity sakes, I'm assuming she was raised by the maternal grandparents, so does she think her biological mother is her sister?

Not sure. It's a fear.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Let it go. This isn't your issue. You could be the cause of permanent irreparable harm while trying to "help".

Got it. Thanks.

 

[gotomu212]

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

This just reads so selfish that you would considering traumatizing a person and destroying their relationship with their adoptive parents because you want to try and have a relationship now.

 

[HarleenQ]

The unselfish thing to do is to leave this child alone. Do not be selfish here. Do not potentially ruin someone's life for your own gain.

Being unselfish sometimes you have to be unhappy. That's how your husbands life choices have played out. That's life.

 

[BigAlsGal]

The unselfish thing to do is to leave this child alone. Do not be selfish here. Do not potentially ruin someone's life for your own gain.

Being unselfish sometimes you have to be unhappy. That's how your husbands life choices have played out. That's life.

Nobody is unhappy. I was just asking if people would want to know who their biological family was. Everyone is telling me what we should do and no one is answering the question. Everyone spends money on ancestry kits and DNA swabs yet they don't want to know who they share 50% of their DNA with. It's cool really. I know the Dis pretty well.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

Your husband was 16 when he spermed a baby. If he signed away his rights at 16 then that is another choice he made which may have been the best choice for that child. I can imagine he is regretful now but turning that child's life upside-down for his own selfish reasons would be the biggest mistake he can make for that girl. Your husband should let the girl be and he should learn to live with the regret by knowing that he is doing the best for her. If you have children together, I hope this intensifies his love for his (your?) known children and he is able to be the best dad possible for them.

 

[Allison]

I'm answering the question-No, not under the circumstances you describe and if I had no idea this was a possibility.

Choices were made in the past that now have to be lived with.

 

[phorsenuf]

Your biological parents? Even if it meant your whole life was built on a lie? We're dealing with something like that. Want to reach out to a biological child after many years but fear it could ruin their lives. Would you do it? Have you done it?

Oh. For info sale this "child" is 20.

Tsk, tsk. Nobody quoted the original post.

 

[Barbara76]

I would not, I think that if there is a reunion it should be initiated by the child, or be mutual. I would especially not if the child does not know that they are adopted.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Your husband was 16 when he spermed a baby. If he signed away his rights at 16 then that is another choice he made which may have been the best choice for that child. I can imagine he is regretful now but turning that child's life upside-down for his own selfish reasons would be the biggest mistake he can make for that girl. Your husband should let the girl be and he should learn to live with the regret by knowing that he is doing the best for her. If you have children together, I hope this intensifies his love for his (your?) known children and he is able to be the best dad possible for them.

He is. He's a great dad and a great husband. He's a great person which is why I wish she could know him. I feel like she would benefit from having him in her life.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

... I was just asking if people would want to know who their biological family was ...

Nope. I love my parents and would be devastated at my age to learn that they were not my bio-parents. I would likely be shocked, pissed, and would probably do 2 things. First, I would be upset with the parents who raised me for not telling me which would cause a rift that may never go away. Second, I would be really upset with the bio-dad and would probably want nothing to do with him once the curiosity factor wore off.

What do you think would happen? Do you think that everyone will get together on holidays and birthdays and be one big happy family? Or are you trying to cause an irrevocable rift between the girl and the parents she knows just to watch the drama play out? I don't think the outcome would be loving-family type stuff that your husband might be fantasizing about. It would be drama and heartache.

Let it be.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I'm kind of surprised by the really negative reactions here. I agree that it may be a shock for the child, but I do think most people would like to know the truth about their background. I think the suggestion to meet with a social worker is a good one - he or she might be able to help you plan a way to manage this. Could you contact the grandparents? That way you could find out what they have told the young woman. She might know she has a father out there somewhere but believe he has no interest in seeing her. Or she might not.

 

[Miskey]

Tsk, tsk. Nobody quoted the original post.

I think everyone was just too stunned at what was being suggested to follow protocol

 

[scrapquitler]

Hope to gain? A relationship with a biological child. Also this isn't my child. It's my husbands.

It's not your child, and therefore it's not your place to get involved. If your husband wants to get involved, then that's up to him, and perhaps the best way if HE chooses would be for him (and only him) to contact the child's adoptive parents and give his contact information to THEM and let them present it to the 20 year old. Anything else would be stepping out of bounds and really disruptive and should NOT happen.

 

[King Schultz]

Nobody is unhappy. I was just asking if people would want to know who their biological family was. Everyone is telling me what we should do and no one is answering the question. Everyone spends money on ancestry kits and DNA swabs yet they don't want to know who they share 50% of their DNA with. It's cool really. I know the Dis pretty well.

If I were 20 and someone I'd never met before came to me and said the people I thought were my parents weren't and they were, I would have been traumatized- I would not see it as doing me a favor.

So no, I wouldn't want to find out that way.