How much would you lie for your kids?

[mommasita]

This makes me so glad we don't have these rules..

My son wanted to go to HS in the next city over and we are simply just allowed to do that.. No breaking of rules, no lying.. Plenty do it all over the island of Montreal for various reasons... The rule is they do take the children living in that city first, but I have never heard of anyone refused..

 

[luvsJack]

We homeschool. All your scenarios won't work for me. And yes, I know single moms and widowers who homeschool while pinching pennies as they opt not to partake of public schools and private schools are not an option.

My husband was also bussed to an inner city school. I attended 10 different schools.

I'm still not lying. Don't think it makes me better. But there are options that are legal. Crafting scenarios does not change my opinion. I have been the student attending a school illegally. I hated that. I will never put my children through that while teaching them that the only way to resolve a problem is to lie about it.

The unapologetic attitude about it, I find disturbing. Explaining it doesn't make it right as stated and thus I still don't think it right. Again -- more proud of my mom for remedying the issue than I would have been if she "did what she had to do". What she had to do was help us not have to lie. She really didn't have money, but she still broke a lease and found a different rental that was in area. Double checking the address was within boundaries this time.

We all have to make the best choice we can make at the time with the information we have and the choices laid out for us. Sometimes that choice includes doing something that someone else would not do.

I don't normally condone lying but I do accept that there are some circumstances where a person may feel its the best choice at the time especially if it is done to protect their children.

Its great that your mom had another choice, but you can't assume that everyone does.

My mother made her choice after my father had to call an ambulance for a little girl that had been stabbed at recess at the school I was supposed to attend (he worked across the road). The child was on the edge of the playground and another student stabbed her. The teacher was actually closer to where my dad was than the building and when she screamed he ran over. He then ran inside and called the ambulance. These kids were in 3rd grade. That day my mom and dad made the decision that I would not be attending that school.

She didn't think I was "too good" to go to that school. We owned a business in that area, I would be at the store sometimes and area kids would stay and play in the back of the store with me. She wanted her child to be safe.

Would you find it less disturbing if I said "I am sorry, but I would do the same for my own kids if necessary?" Because right or wrong, I would have made the same choice my mom did in the same circumstances.

 

[Christine]

Well...no one is saying this because they'd be accused of being elitist, but let me ask this- Why don't these parents want their kids to go to these "bad" schools they are districted for? It's usually not the teachers, the building, the administration, the curriculum, etc, it's the demographic of the student body. The parents lying to get their kids in the school they don't belong also seem to think they are above such "riff-raff" or they'd keep their kids in their community schools.

Totally agree. Yes, they think they are above it and, in many cases they are. I mean, in my own instance, I am in an area that has "high income" earner homes on one side of a major road and on the other side it is all low income or impoverished people. Just about 8 miles apart. It's not just small pockets of wealth or poverty either. In this particular school zone, you've got about half of the population as solidly upper middle class and the other half barely able to make ends meet. There's a lot of problems at these particular schools. One, I think many of the poorer kids also come from homes lacking even one parent and then you have kids who are from solid backgrounds. It's hard not to blame the disruptive kids but there's also the aspect of throwing kids together from radically different backgrounds. So much friction overall.

I know that from the 70s. I was always in a school that had bussing. If you think the kids bussed in were happy or did better, you would be wrong. They were angry and resentful and held themselves away from the other kids. It's never a good feeling for anyone. I think this is also true when you have major differences in economic diversity at these various school systems.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This makes me so glad we don't have these rules..

My son wanted to go to HS in the next city over and we are simply just allowed to do that.. No breaking of rules, no lying.. Plenty do it all over the island of Montreal for various reasons... The rule is they do take the children living in that city first, but I have never heard of anyone refused..

I prefer this approach.

I think in the US, because of segregation laws we used to have that such a large scale set up as is in your area would lead to that (segregation) and be subject to much scrutiny. As it is our schools are choice are lottery based to ensure that no one demographic has any kind of advantage over another. There are some academic admissions magnet schools in some areas.

My husband was bussed in order to bring diversity to the school. He was a smart student and be and others were accommodated. But the school was not the one he should have been zoned for if it was all about proximity to schools. I believe his travel time doubled. And it is because the govt tries to prevent segregation that occurs based on where people choose to live.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We all have to make the best choice we can make at the time with the information we have and the choices laid out for us. Sometimes that choice includes doing something that someone else would not do.

I don't normally condone lying but I do accept that there are some circumstances where a person may feel its the best choice at the time especially if it is done to protect their children.

Its great that your mom had another choice, but you can't assume that everyone does.

My mother made her choice after my father had to call an ambulance for a little girl that had been stabbed at recess at the school I was supposed to attend (he worked across the road). The child was on the edge of the playground and another student stabbed her. The teacher was actually closer to where my dad was than the building and when she screamed he ran over. He then ran inside and called the ambulance. These kids were in 3rd grade. That day my mom and dad made the decision that I would not be attending that school.

She didn't think I was "too good" to go to that school. We owned a business in that area, I would be at the store sometimes and area kids would stay and play in the back of the store with me. She wanted her child to be safe.

Would you find it less disturbing if I said "I am sorry, but I would do the same for my own kids if necessary?" Because right or wrong, I would have made the same choice my mom did in the same circumstances.

Assuming that I assume everyone has the ability to just move as what is not an assumption I would make. Staying is still a choice.

I would not send a child to a school where I feared an attack such as that. It doesn't mean that I would make the choices to lie to enable my decision as you would have made either.

You seem to not require or need my validation. I cannot be persuaded that lying is the ONLY option as you present. We will have to agree to disagree.

 

[U2_rocks!]

This makes me so glad we don't have these rules..

My son wanted to go to HS in the next city over and we are simply just allowed to do that.. No breaking of rules, no lying.. Plenty do it all over the island of Montreal for various reasons... The rule is they do take the children living in that city first, but I have never heard of anyone refused..

You are lucky there is space. What if a school was full and could only take 10 more students but 100 wanted to go there, what would the school do? How would the decision be made about the allocation of those places? It's a big problem where I live - so many kids want to go to the 3 best schools, but there are far too few places for them.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

This is easy to do. My mom lives a block from the school my kids go to. I would have had to take over her water or electric bill with my name on it to show proof of address and say we were living with her. But I was able to opt my kids in legally by doing the paperwork and we are very happy. It does not take much these days to get what you want whether is be right or wrong.

Short of signing over guardianship to my parents or paying tuition, there was no legal way to do this when we tried "here".

 

[frndshpcptn]

Back in the early 90's we had kids sneak into my high school from a neighboring town. We all knew who they were but no one ratted them out because the high school they should have gone to was unsafe and we all knew it.

Think the high school from Lean on Me...that unsafe.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I am not going to condone lying to go to a better school, but will also not say it makes a person dishonest for doing it. What I find sad is that this country has set up a system that makes it hard for parents who can not afford a nice house to be dealt with facing the decision of having to lie. A child has the right to a great education no matter what their parents can or can not afford. If we ever want to end poverty or get close to it in this country, we need to quit having that attitude that my child gets a better education because I sacrificed to buy a better house. Just my opinion.

I don't disagree. But I also don't know the answers. One of the surest ways for a school to fail is having all the best students flee the district. The more who leave, the worse it gets. And the worse it gets, the more who flee.

Without good students, how does one "fix" a bad school?

 

[TAX GUY]

Good grief!

I'm very glad we have school choice here. Not that it matters.

We elected to send our son to a private school, in the next town over! We pay his tuition so its OK. Now, we still pay our real estate taxes of which goes towards the local public schools. So, if someone wants to lie and sneak their kid in to that school, they can have OUR allocation of the resources. There, now its even.

I'm with those that said they did or would, for the benefit of their children. I was taught and will also pass down that we will always want and do better for our children. If that means sacrifices and stretching the truth so they have the best opportunity, then so be it. If I also know another family was doing it, for the better of their kids, I'd say "not my monkeys, not my circus" (not really because I hate that saying but you get the point). If no one is being turned away, then why would you care? Is the school a first come, first served basis? Are local kids denied entrance? I doubt it. If its not having a direct impact on you, then why get your undies in a twist about it?

 

[JanaDee]

I have no shame that I can afford to buy a nice house in a nice district. I have worked long and smart to get here. What I find disturbing is finical success is demonized.

Ah yes, the ever popular school of thought that those that make more money work harder or are somehow smarter than those dumb lazy poor people.

 

[mjkacmom]

Good grief!
If no one is being turned away, then why would you care? Is the school a first come, first served basis? Are local kids denied entrance? I doubt it. If its not having a direct impact on you, then why get your undies in a twist about it?

Because it increases class sizes. Some of our elementary schools have trailers, and the JH and HS are already over capacity. There is no money in the budget for new builds. It effects everyone.

 

[mom2rtk]

Good grief!

I'm very glad we have school choice here. Not that it matters.

We elected to send our son to a private school, in the next town over! We pay his tuition so its OK. Now, we still pay our real estate taxes of which goes towards the local public schools. So, if someone wants to lie and sneak their kid in to that school, they can have OUR allocation of the resources. There, now its even.

I'm with those that said they did or would, for the benefit of their children. I was taught and will also pass down that we will always want and do better for our children. If that means sacrifices and stretching the truth so they have the best opportunity, then so be it. If I also know another family was doing it, for the better of their kids, I'd say "not my monkeys, not my circus" (not really because I hate that saying but you get the point). If no one is being turned away, then why would you care? Is the school a first come, first served basis? Are local kids denied entrance? I doubt it. If its not having a direct impact on you, then why get your undies in a twist about it?

Because resources are finite. And they should go to the families who paid the taxes to provide those resources.

Last year in middle school my daughter had over 30 kids in at least a couple of her core classes. The experience changes when classes get overcrowded.

My house was more expensive because we made sure we were within the boundaries of the district we wanted to live in. My taxes every year are higher because of it. You want in this district? Pay the taxes and move here.

 

[daughtersrus]

I'm surprised that the school district doesn't require proof of residency. Our district requires parents/guardians to provide a current lease or current mortgage statement/ property tax bill as well as a current utility bill every year. The bills must be addressed to the parent/guardian at the address in the district.

We have had a lot of problems in the past so our district now has a residency officer on the payroll. When they catch out of district students enrolled, the will require tuition reimbursement going back as far as they can.

The majority of my property tax bill is for our local school district. The amount is based on "fair market value" of the property.

 

[TAX GUY]

Good grief!

I'm very glad we have school choice here. Not that it matters.

Because it increases class sizes. Some of our elementary schools have trailers, and the JH and HS are already over capacity. There is no money in the budget for new builds. It effects everyone.

Because resources are finite. And they should go to the families who paid the taxes to provide those resources.

Last year in middle school my daughter had over 30 kids in at least a couple of her core classes. The experience changes when classes get overcrowded.

My house was more expensive because we made sure we were within the boundaries of the district we wanted to live in. My taxes every year are higher because of it. You want in this district? Pay the taxes and move here.

I bolded part of my original in case it was missed.

Class size....... my son's class (6th grade) was and has been 31 since 1st grade. Largest class in the entire school. Its not a problem there...

Now, the question turns IF its a matter of over crowding and now the education is compromised..... do you now seek alternate options since its no longer "cream of the crop"?

 

[mom2rtk]

I bolded part of my original in case it was missed.

Class size....... my son's class (6th grade) was and has been 31 since 1st grade. Largest class in the entire school. Its not a problem there...

Now, the question turns IF its a matter of over crowding and now the education is compromised..... do you now seek alternate options since its no longer "cream of the crop"?

So I should go seek out an alternative to our local district because so many others have lied to get into it?

I hope that's not what you're saying.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm surprised that the school district doesn't require proof of residency. Our district requires parents/guardians to provide a current lease or current mortgage statement/ property tax bill as well as a current utility bill every year. The bills must be addressed to the parent/guardian at the address in the district.

We have had a lot of problems in the past so our district now has a residency officer on the payroll. When they catch out of district students enrolled, the will require tuition reimbursement going back as far as they can.

The majority of my property tax bill is for our local school district. The amount is based on "fair market value" of the property.

I know more than one person who has just forged a rental agreement to get into our district. You no longer need a utility bill if you are "renting" an apartment in the home of someone else.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Here's the problem though: if a school is so bad that it's unsafe, who wants to go to it? But someone has to. So the ones who get stuck there are:
- the parents who really don't care one way or the other about their kids' safety (for whatever reason)
- the parents who haven't figured out how to game the system, or have tried and didn't succeed
- the super honest families who suffer through

Everyone else is doing whatever they can to get into another school district.

If another school district can absorb them without compromising the standard of the school or turning away kids who more legitimately should be there then I guess it doesn't matter all that much. But is this really the norm? Can the better schools in the area really absorb all the kids that are trying to get away from the other schools? Certainly our better schools are bursting at the seams.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

When we moved to our current district we had to supply a tax bill, a mortgage statement and either a water or electric bill to the school. They also let us know they would make a home visit at some point (And yes they did!)

Considering I pay 11k in taxes, almost 7k which goes to the schools, I have no issues with them requiring as much proof as they deem necessary in order to reduce the number of people trying to steal from our town.

 

[mom2rtk]

They also let us know they would make a home visit at some point (And yes they did!)

I love that they are serious about it and followed through. I wish ours would do that.