unbelievable invite - asked to fund a Disney trip for a relative

[moongirl]

Just wanted to vent and see if you all think this is as greedy as it felt to me. My cousin, who is turning 37, is having a birthday party for herself and her mother at a local chain restaurant. Her mother lives out of town so it would be nice to see her. This is a pay-for-your-own-meal situation where they are reserving a portion of the restaurant for the party. I am perfectly okay with that. However, the invitation says "gifts are not necessary. (cousin's name) would like to go to Disney again so (cousin's name) would like to have Disney or Universal gift cards. What?! Did I read that right?.....Yes, I did read that right! Okay. Seriously, my reactions were:
1) You are turning 37, not 9.
2) I am paying for my own meal and to see my family and aunt. What are you paying for?
3) Because of #2, you are not paying for anything and asking me to give you money so you can go to Disney. How about I keep my money and buy myself a Disney gift card?

Am I overreacting? I may go and bring birthday cards for my aunt and cousin but that's it.

 

[*BTMRR*]

I'm as crazy about Disney trips as the next person here on the DIS...but
That is beyond tacky! Especially since you are paying for your own meal!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Unbelievable is right.

 

[ziggystardust]

we do the "pay your own way" for birthday dinners with my group of friends. And really that is considered the present, with the exception of very close friends or family that get you something anyway.

I don't mind so much the idea of asking for something specific, but in that situation, i wouldn't really ask for anything. And if i did, it wouldn't be printed on an invitation. That puts pressure on everyone to purchase a gift.

 

[eliza61]

LOL as many of you know, the last 2 years I have been the Queen of getting tacky request.

Last month, my good friend turned 50 and his wife had a bday party where she requested all monetary gifts be enough to cover dinner AND had a sign up sheet for food donations.

Last summer my niece had a bridal shower and sent me an invitation with my gift picked out. My SIL was mortified, when I told my niece what I thought of this she said she had each guest assigned to a room (mine was kitchen) and knew specifically what she wanted. She tried to match gift to income level of guest.

Op, go and bring a card. Period

 

[Pigeon]

Beyond tacky, all the way around.

 

[NYCDiane]

OP, seems you have only 2 choices here:

1. Attend, wish her a very happy b'day, bring a card (w/NO gift card!)

2. Gracefully bow out. Can you say you have to work OT or something? Or someone got sick? Or a flat tire? Or an alien invasion?

 

[Taja]

Just a wee bit tacky!

 

[rebeccalb10]

That is unbelievable... you have a birthday party because you want a party -- not because you want gifts.

I just had a party for my daughter who is turning 8. I had it at a restaurant that charged 10.95 per kid, included lunch, cake, balloon animal, $2 in arcade tokens and facepainting for my daughter. This doesn't include the goodie bags I put together - probably worth more than $5 each and I gave each kid extra tokens.

I'm lazy and didn't want to have to deal with cleaning up after a party so the price wasn't bad.

She had 4 kids show up -- 2 gave her $10 each, 1 gave her a cute, cheap pillow, and 1 gave her a nice gift.

As you can see for the most part the gifts didn't even cover the cost of the food but the point of the party was to have a party to celebrate not to make money..

Give her a homemade card -- use copy paper and crayons --- since she's acting 9 treat her like a 9 yr old. At 9 homemade cards are all the rage.

 

[BlakeNJ]

My poor mother, who pretty much has nothing, was in the same/similar situation. She was invited to her niece's baby shower--at Golden Corral and each guest had to pay for their own meal. My mom brought a gift. I don't think she expected to pay for her own meal since her brother invited her out to celebrate their daughter.

Some people are just plain, old rude! The same girl mentioned above, never even sent out thank you notes for her baby gifts. Even more rude!

I suggest just skipping all together. Save your money.

 

[Mickey1Fan]

Send a card and stay home. Save for your own trip

 

[hffmnheidi]

-Last summer my niece had a bridal shower and sent me an invitation with my gift picked out. My SIL was mortified, when I told my niece what I thought of this she said she had each guest assigned to a room (mine was kitchen)-


**Picking out the gift for you to buy was beyond RUDE!!! I think the idea of choosing a room isn't that bad because I've been to bridal showers and baby showers in this vein and when it's done right, it can be a nice idea. If she wanted specific things, she should have registered for those things, but when you have a shower you know that not everyone is going to use the list.

And asking for money for Disney is ridiculous. I go to Disney every year, except last year and this year, and I'm 33. My close family and friends know this and I have never asked for Disney funds, even though I do get things to help me on my vacation. One year, my sister in law gave me a Vera Bradley wallet to use as my fanny pack.

Go to the party, smile, and wish her a happy birthday. If you really want to give her a card, go to the dollar store and get one from there.

 

[reagan75]

ITA this it so tacky! Maybe if she were buying you dinner you could buy a gift card.

 

[cheshireqt]

Wow! Once DS turned 10 birthday invitations included this line: No gifts please. He was fine with that. DD turns 10 this year and knows that there will be the no gifts clause added to her birthday invites. She also gets it. Having a party and being with her friends IS the gift and inviting someone to a party means that you are hosting, which means you are paying! Unless it is a grownups potluck get-together.
I can't imagine a 37 year old woman expecting paying guests to also bring gifts
I do have a tacky party story though. Friends of our had a big bash at their house to celebrate the husband making colonel and taking command of a group. As it turned out, their military friends were invited to the ceremony and to the party at their home. Neighborhood friends (I believe 12 couples) were invited to the party and asked to sign up for a food item such as dessert, pasta salad etc. We were told to arrange for babysitters and to leave all food items when we left as she would happily bring our dishes back to us the next day. We were also asked to arrive early and help with setting up chairs and tables etc. She purchased pulled bbq and buns and drinks. We were all okay with this until at the party her military friends arrived empty handed with the exception of kids. They all brought their kids (who were about the same age as all of ours) and they raved and raved about how much work she put into the food and preparations for the party. That was when we (the neighbors and I) realized that we had not been invited to a party but asked to quietly co-host the party! Of course we had all brought wine and other gifts, and those were also used at the party. Sorta left a bad taste in everyone's mouths, literally

 

[annsteere]

It specifically says "gifts are not necessary." That's the instruction for you.

I have sometimes gone to a celebration where the guideline was "gifts are not necessary" but where I WANTED to give a gift. I appreciated any clues as to what type of gift I could buy that would be a winner.

You don't want to buy a gift. Gifts aren't necessary. No problem.

Don't let help for those who WANT to bring a gift make you crazy.

 

[kathie859]

OP, your cousin sounds like a piece of work

If you really want to see your aunt, I suggest showing up for dessert and coffee and bringing cards (just to make sure your cousin realizes that you didn't "forget") for the birthday girls.

A Disney gift card???? Nah, I don't think so.

 

[msmayor]

I think what I find more offensive is being invited to a party and having to pay for my own food.

You want to have a party for a birthday but don't have money for a restaurant? Then don't plan it there. Don't want to have dinner at home? Fine...then just invite people over for coffee and cake.

 

[Kelrykengab]

oh my...I don't even know what to say to this.

 

[SandrA9810]

there's gotta be a way to put in there that you would prefer a gift card or monetary gift without sounding tacky.
Having a dinner party without paying for it is a little tacky. But sometimes people just don't want more stuff.

 

[Spacepest]

This would be my "tactful" way of handling it:

Get your relative a Birthday card with Mickey or a Disney character on it. Inside, wish her a Happy Birthday and also write in the card, "You can reuse this card to decorate your hotel room at Disney!" or something to that effect. And do not include a gift.

(But then again, I'm snarky like that. I just sent a relative who invited me to her SECOND baby shower for her second child a card, without gift, that said, "Congratulations of the birth of your second child!")