I need help making a Kindergarten decision

[Leajess99]

If I wanted my K kid to do first grade work I would send him to first...I'm sending him to K and expect him to be with the rest of the kids.
If you feel your child is effected then you should do something about that. That's your right as a parent. It's my right to decide when my kid is ready to start school...so I will.
I'm still curious where you live that has 4yo going to K and allows 7yos to start K?

I NEVER said the child started K at 7. He turned 7 in Kindergarten and the state is Ky where the law states a child must be enrolled in school at 6 years of age. Kids HAVE to be 5 by 1 October to attend Kindergaten in my state. One child we have known for years started at 4 as his birthday is in September.

 

[deerhart]

If he was 16 at the end of 8th grade he would be 20 graduating HS... that seems crazy. All 3 of my kids, 2 WITH retention will graduate HS at 18, completely within the norm.

No, around here you usually take driver's ed right after you turn 15 so that you have the appropriate stuff done to have your driver's permit 6 months before you turn 16 so you can get your behind the wheel hours in. So my April baby would be scheduled (depending on how many kids per session etc) to take drivers ed either in the summer immediately after 8th grade (as he would turn 16 in the spring of his freshman year) or 1st semester freshman year. He would turn 18 in April of his Junior year. So he would turn 15 in 8th grade, 16th in 9th grade, 17 in 10th, 18th in 11th and would graduate at 19. Whereas he would have classmates that would just be turning 18 when they graduate and some even still 17 (as they have summer b-days).

We do have this issue with my youngest child due to his Oct b-day but again, the state forces us into it He will turn 15 7 weeks into 9th grade and will be doing drivers ed his freshman year versus his sophomore year.

But, even with my oldest son's disabilities, we would never even consider holding him back. Kindy was already boring for him when he was on time let alone putting him through ANOTHER year of preschool (and the preschool teaching him the kindy/1st grade curriculum)

 

[dizneechic]

So something interesting I've noticed throughout this thread...
Cut offs vary by state. Some are as early as July, some as late as December. So in theory a child in a state with an Oct cut off might be eligible to start K there, but in a state with a Sept cut off that child would have to wait another year before they could begin (assuming a Sept birthday). I can play out a lot of scenarios but national testing curves were thrown out as a reason not to retain, yet there is no national standard as to when kids should start, only the fact that they begin by age 6 while the cut off month that must occur in varies quite a bit from state to state.

Kids "starting" at age 4 are really kids CLOSE to age 5, not kids who have just turned 4 as it could easily be perceived. Same holds true with the kids who are 7 in K, they aren't starting at age 7 (as it is very much made to sound) but simply turning 7 during the year (and more likely than not, towards the very end of the year - around this time frame or later). Let's also remember "start dates" for schools range from July to mid Sept, and some schools are even year round. All of those factors play a part in childrens ages when starting and ages of the children in the grades, we're not comparing apples to apples.

Given the variances in start dates my child may naturally have started when WE chose to start him had we lived in a different state. Because we live in a state with a Sept cut off and have an Aug birthday the guideline for here would have had him starting before he may have elsewhere. Unless the cut off dates are nationalized vs discretionary by state there will be a diverse array of ages in any given grade looking at it from a national standpoint.

And back to the OP, I agree with your route of discussing with his teachers, and looking for input. Ultimately you will do what you feel is best for you child, and maybe that decision will change over the course of the next year or few years. keep the lines of communication open with the school no matter what choice you make and never be afraid to trust your instinct.

 

[imthatgirl]

I NEVER said the child started K at 7. He turned 7 in Kindergarten and the state is Ky where the law states a child must be enrolled in school at 6 years of age. Kids HAVE to be 5 by 1 October to attend Kindergaten in my state. One child we have known for years started at 4 as his birthday is in September.

I have a hard time believing your kids go to a school that allows 4yos and 6yos to all start at the same time. but whatever.
Red shirting is the practice of kids with late birthdays starting the next year...not kids who are kept back for 2 years because they're parents are crazy. Regardless of what one child in ky has done...thats not what we are talking about here.

 

[LuLuO]

But your child fits into the natural curve as you are NOT redshirting her. Your child would legitimately be one of the older kids. We are talking about people holding kids who are supposed to start school by that cutoff that choose to keep their child out of school. It kills me that people can choose to keep their kids from starting on time but those who have kids ready that miss the cutoff cannot choose to send them early without a waiver IF a school even offers that.

I get what you are saying but I still don't see why it is a big deal. If my daughter's birthday was in July and I wanted to hold her back a year what difference does it really make? I'm not trying to be snarky. I swear. Is it because the older child is seen as taking teacher's time away from the other kids? Is it that test scores are thrown off because of the older child? What if the older child is truly on the same learning level as the younger ones? Why does the age matter so much?

 

[tartemis]

I have a hard time believing your kids go to a school that allows 4yos and 6yos to all start at the same time. but whatever.
Red shirting is the practice of kids with late birthdays starting the next year...not kids who are kept back for 2 years because they're parents are crazy. Regardless of what one child in ky has done...thats not what we are talking about here.

Since you seem to need it to be spelled out:

Cut off is 5 by October 1, but school starts in August 1.

Kid #1 turns 5 Sept. 15, thus they make the cutoff but would start K at 4.
Kid #2 turns 5 July 30, parent chooses to redshirt, thus, their kid is 6 when it starts school.

Thus, you have two kids entering K -- one at age 4 and one at age 6.

Kid #2 has a a late summer b-day (the "typical" kid being held back) so the hypothetical isn't even far-fetched.

(Sorry, this conversation has just been driving me crazy)

 

[lilybrooke14]

So, here's my 2 cents.

I have a June birthday, and started on time and within my state's cutoff. I was always one of the youngest in the class, and did well academically and socially for the most part. I could have benefited greatly by being redshirted. 17 was, for me, too young to finish high school. I struggled with math after 1st grade and had to have a lot of tutoring just to keep up. My English scores soared, but that was because I was naturally predisposed to excel in reading and comprehension (not bragging, I just did well). If I had a child, boy or girl, with a summer birthday, I would base my decision on that child, and not the fairness to the rest of the children in the class. I would only redshirt if I truly felt that the child needed the extra year to mature, not just for an academic or sports edge. My brother and nephew both started on time, and both had to be held back to mature a bit.

Now, my husband has a March birthday and was redshirted. He turned 7 in Kindergarten. He was also our valedictorian. Yes, we graduated together, and he's a full two years older than me. His father (our high school principal) is of the opinion that no children should start kindergarten before turning 6 because they need the extra year to learn basics before being thrust into academia, and the older children, in his opinion, make better decisions upon graduation.

I neither agree nor disagree with his opinion, however I do take it into consideration as we are making the decision about when to enroll our DD4 in kindergarten. She also has a March birthday, and if redshirted would turn 7 during kindergarten. My husband is determined to hold her out because of his experience, and I'm not sure that's the right decision. I think that, although she's too young now at 4 (and well behind the cutoff anyway, so we're in keeping with the school district's rules) next year she would probably be fine. My husband has agreed to have her evaluated as we get closer to enrollment, and take into consideration whatever comes of that. I'm confident that she'll have the skills to enter kindergarten on time, so I imagine that's what will happen.

I think children who are like me, and could benefit from an extra year before starting kindergarten should be given that chance. If they truly need the extra year to mature, then it won't matter if they turn 7 during the year, because they'll still be on par with the rest of the students. I certainly wouldn't appreciate the school district stepping in and telling me that my child who's birthday was a week before the cutoff was just too old. That's silly.

Oh, and frankly, I'm of the opinion that 4 is too young to start kindergarten. You may not agree with me, and I'm cool with that, but it's my opinion and I get one.

One last thing, I hit puberty rather earlier than many of my peers, and as I mentioned, I was one of the youngest. I was teased about it (although I survived, thank you, and those same boys were singing a different tune a few years later). Anyway, had I been held back, that could have been more of an issue. It's one thing to have to start wearing a bra in the 4th grade, it's quite another in the 3rd. So, as you see I'm still conflicted on this issue, even in my own case.

ETA: It should be noted that I don't contribute my husband's success in academics solely to his being a year older. I'm sure it didn't hurt, but he's a smart guy, and he's got this amazing work ethic that had a lot to do with it. While we were out at the movies or the burger joint, he was home studying. That's a big part of why he ran circles around the rest of us.

 

[tartemis]

My mom, a teacher, hates the trend of "red-shirting" and thinks 99% of the time parents that do so are doing their child a disservice. Keeping that background in mind, here are a few thoughts:

-- my brother and I are both summer b-days and, thus, were always the youngest in the class. We both graduated high school at 17. We were also both valedictorians and captains of our respective sports teams.

-- if you are going to let kids "red-shirt," you should let parents who think their kid is ready start K "early" (i.e., those that miss the cut-off). I am so peeved that I can't get my 2 year-old (who has the intellect and size of a 4 year old and will be 3 in early September) into preschool in the fall because she misses the cutoff by 10 days. Also, my girls who are 23 months apart, will be only 1 "school year" apart because they fall on opposite-sides of the cut-off.

-- people always think short-term. What about highschool when you have some MEN that will be in classrooms with girls almost 2 years younger than them. It is a recipe for disaster. (Especially since boys are the ones typically held back, and girls are usually sent on time -- it creates a larger gender-gap. And like men don't have enough advantages in society.)

-- kids rise to the challenge. Most of our problems in society can be traced back to having too low of standards. I'm sure that almost all of the kids that are held back would have thrived had they just be given the chance.

In the end, of course, it is an individual decision. But somebody has to be the youngest. If we all held the view that we didn't want our kid to be the youngest in the class we would all leapfrog each other until kids were starting K at 18.

 

[dizneechic]

Cut off is 5 by October 1, but school starts in August 1.

Kid #1 turns 5 Sept. 15, thus they make the cutoff but would start K at 4.
Kid #2 turns 5 July 30, parent chooses to redshirt, thus, their kid is 6 when it starts school.

Thus, you have two kids entering K -- one at age 4 and one at age 6.

Kid #2 has a a late summer b-day (the "typical" kid being held back) so the hypothetical isn't even far-fetched.

And this is the tragedy of the late year cut off which yes can cause such extremes. The cut off should be as close to the start of the school year as possible potentially avoiding that situation.

The typical person who "redshirts" only does it when the birthday is within a month or so of the cut off, especially if that cut off is before the school year. The scenario plays out to a larger age differential when the age cut off occurs after a month or so of the start of school.

 

[Schmeck]

I was 4 when I started Kindergarten - and my birthday is the end of November. I had great success, graduated top 10% of my class, even though I moved 3 times. Kids do learn to adapt.

My oldest daughter was one of the youngest in her class, graduated valedictorian, was president of her math honor society, captain of the math team, etc. Younger students can be leaders.

Younger daughter is one of the oldest in her class (birthday day before mine, she started K at age 5), has no desire or drive to be a leader, etc. Being older than everyone else does not make a leader out of you.

My point - some parts of the OP's info makes it sound like the only reason her son is not going to kindergarten on schedule is that she feels being older is somehow an advantage, and will make him be a leader in his class. May not happen that way, and could possibly backfire as he will be 'degraded' by being with children who are pretty much a year behind him developmentally.

As I stated before, it's a tough choice to make - push to see if he can rise to the challenge, or spread that safety net so that he doesn't have the chance of failure.

 

[lilybrooke14]

-- people always think short-term. What about highschool when you have some MEN that will be in classrooms with girls almost 2 years younger than them. It is a recipe for disaster. (Especially since boys are the ones typically held back, and girls are usually sent on time -- it creates a larger gender-gap. And like men don't have enough advantages in society.)

My husband turned 19 the March before we graduated, and I was only 17. "Man" isn't a word I would use to describe him at that time.

 

[princessmom29]

Since when shoudl most kids be 5 most of the year? You said yourself that your daughter is 61/2 in K. My middle son has a September bday....neither my son nor your daughter were 5 most of the year. Most kids are 6 for most of the year in K.
the cut off is designed to keep kids that are too young out of K. Not to make sure the kids thata re going are younger then a certain age. Just because you want it to be so...doesn;t make it. Again...there are no rules as to when you have to start K other then 6...so I too am "following the rules". I don;t know why you keep saying 7yos...no one starts their kid in K at 7. that honey, would be against the law.
I don't know where you live...but here we don't do standardized testing in K.
I live in an area that has the best schools in the country. So I take advantage of them...like every parent should.

My DD has an october birthday. She started K at 5 and turned 6 in Ooctober. She SHOULD have been one of the oldest in her class. I would have started her at 4 turnig 5 if it were allowed, but it is not.There was one little girl who startedat 4 and turned 5 right at the end of August. 2 boys in her class turned 7 in October and November respectively, so they were 7 for most of the year. So a they had everything from 4 alomst 5 to 6 almost 7, a 2 year span.

As an involved parent you should not need to have your child tested...these are things we know as parents. What state is this child in that started K at almost 7 years of age? That is hardly what the op is talking about...or me for that mater. That's not red shirting and shouldn't be used as an example of such.
A child at any age can be bored. My neighbors kid has an October birthday and was always bored in school...he now goes to a gifted school.
Like I have said over and over...age has nothing to do with it. People need to stop putting all kids in these neat little boxes and expecting them to perform. Kids are individuals, and should be treated as such.

Readiness testing here is not standardized testing, but things like cna they recognize all letters, numbers to 20 ect. as well as an observation in a group setting to look at social interaction. We only had 2 kids out of 60 tested who met the cutoff not test ready, and one of those was Downs.

I have a hard time believing your kids go to a school that allows 4yos and 6yos to all start at the same time. but whatever.
Red shirting is the practice of kids with late birthdays starting the next year...not kids who are kept back for 2 years because they're parents are crazy. Regardless of what one child in ky has done...thats not what we are talking about here.

I don't it happens ALLLLL the time, and is what redshirting eventually leads to. It is not just one or even two children. It is happening all over the place. You said the everyone in your child's school is 6 starting K. If that is the case them some of those kids have got to be turning 7 during the year, some earlier than others. Do the kids who have september and October birthdays wait until they are 6 to start? If so they will be 7 for most of that year. If they don't then they would have to be doing what DD did and starting at 5, which is on time by the cutoffs.

 

[princessmom29]

My husband turned 19 the March before we graduated, and I was only 17. "Man" isn't a word I would use to describe him at that time.

It put him in an awkward legal position though. Another thing to consider, especially for moms of boys. A 19 year old senior with a 17 year old senior or 16 year old junior girlfriend is legally at risk especially in the case of the 16 year old. That is a legal adult with a child 3 years younger. That is the definition of statutory in almost every state. That girl's parents could make his life very difficult, even if nothing is going on. I have seen it happen.

 

[imthatgirl]

My DD has an october birthday. She started K at 5 and turned 6 in Ooctober. She SHOULD have been one of the oldest in her class. I would have started her at 4 turnig 5 if it were allowed, but it is not.There was one little girl who startedat 4 and turned 5 right at the end of August. 2 boys in her class turned 7 in October and November respectively, so they were 7 for most of the year. So a they had everything from 4 alomst 5 to 6 almost 7, a 2 year span.

Readiness testing here is not standardized testing, but things like cna they recognize all letters, numbers to 20 ect. as well as an observation in a group setting to look at social interaction. We only had 2 kids out of 60 tested who met the cutoff not test ready, and one of those was Downs.


I don't it happens ALLLLL the time, and is what redshirting eventually leads to. It is not just one or even two children. It is happening all over the place. You said the everyone in your child's school is 6 starting K. If that is the case them some of those kids have got to be turning 7 during the year, some earlier than others. Do the kids who have september and October birthdays wait until they are 6 to start? If so they will be 7 for most of that year. If they don't then they would have to be doing what DD did and starting at 5, which is on time by the cutoffs.

So I'm confused...in your own words you said kids should be 5 for most of K....so this doesn't apply to your daughter...why? Because you want her to be the oldest? You seem very disapponted that she isn't.
We don;t do testing in K here. It's pointless and outdated.
where did I say everyone was 6? All the kids are either just turned 6 when they start or 5 almost 6. I have never seen a 7yo in K. I have never seen a child who has a fall birthday red shirted. Thats not the practice here. But redshirting spring bdays is very much the norm.

 

[LuvBug1977]

Sorry, I didn't read all 8 pages of posts. But just want you to know that whatever you decide will be best for your child is what is best for your child. My son was socially awkward and you could just tell he wasn't ready for kindergarten (his birthday is Sept 1, and Sept 2 was our cut-off date.) So, holding him back was not a choice, but a necessity! Now he is in first grade, and is still a little immature, but he is thriving academically! Our school offered a transition kindergarten that helped him prepare for kindergarten. It is a wonderful program and I wish more schools would add it!! Hope no one has offended you with their numerous opinions! However I'm sure you know only 3 opinions matter... yours, your husband's and your son's!

 

[DVC mom]

K teacher's advice...
Stay in the preschool IF and only IF they are preparing your child for K. If they are more about playing in the sand and watching videos, I'd move him. Visit the school's website or your state department of education's site and print out the objectives that your child must meet in K. Work a little (15 minutes top) each night to improve his skills. Also, read to your child and discuss the book to improve comprehension. Kids who are truly ready enjoy school and succeed. Those (for whatever reasons) who weren't ready struggle and dislike school. It would be an easy choice if I thought my child wasn't ready.

 

[Leajess99]

I have a hard time believing your kids go to a school that allows 4yos and 6yos to all start at the same time. but whatever.
Red shirting is the practice of kids with late birthdays starting the next year...not kids who are kept back for 2 years because they're parents are crazy. Regardless of what one child in ky has done...thats not what we are talking about here.

Umm, maybe it has something to do with you being in the Northeast but if you have that much difficulty comprehending the law that I have stated and the fact that a child that is age 5 prior to 1 October of that school year is eligible and in fact recommended to start school than there is no help for you. You choose NOT to understand the simple facts placed out there. It is NOT just 1 kid in Kentucky that was held from starting on time that turned 7 in Kindergarten either. Just like has been commented on here about a child at 7 going into 1st grade. He should have started on time but yet the parents did the same thing by redshirting him (unless said child was held back) .

 

[lilybrooke14]

It put him in an awkward legal position though. Another thing to consider, especially for moms of boys. A 19 year old senior with a 17 year old senior or 16 year old junior girlfriend is legally at risk especially in the case of the 16 year old. That is a legal adult with a child 3 years younger. That is the definition of statutory in almost every state. That girl's parents could make his life very difficult, even if nothing is going on. I have seen it happen.

It could have, and I see your point. (Although I feel the need to say that we waited until I was all legal and such).

 

[princessmom29]

So I'm confused...in your own words you said kids should be 5 for most of K....so this doesn't apply to your daughter...why? Because you want her to be the oldest? You seem very disapponted that she isn't.
We don;t do testing in K here. It's pointless and outdated.
where did I say everyone was 6? All the kids are either just turned 6 when they start or 5 almost 6. I have never seen a 7yo in K. I have never seen a child who has a fall birthday red shirted. Thats not the practice here. But redshirting spring bdays is very much the norm.

You are confsued. I wante to send her LAST year./ She would have been 4 turning 5 and the youngest in the class not the oldest. Her b'day is Oct 25th and the cutoff is Sept 1. We didn't meet the age requirments for K and had to wait a year, so she was 5 turning 6 which should have made her one of the oldest in her class; NOT something I wanted. So many parents held back that she was actually somewhere in the middle. If you adhere to the cutoff kids like DD who turn six early on in K would be in the minority and most kids would be 5 for a good portion of the year.

Here is where you said everyone was 6. This is what I was going on. If everyone is six to start, then SOMEONE has to turn 7 beofre the end of the year. Mabye I read it wrong and most are 5 turning 6, which agian would make your son one of the oldest, but you said he wasn't???:

I certainly am not inventing red shirting, it's very common here. There will also be kids who have to stay back, just like there are every year in all schools. My child would hardly be the oldest, lol.
My child will be 6 in K....just like ALL the other kids, if started this september he would not turn six in K unlike all the rest of the kids.
so we are choosing to keep him with his age group. He will be 7 in 1st...just like all the other kids in his class. Weird how that works huh?

Bottom line is that ther should only be a 12 month span in a classroom. Wether they start at 5 or 6, no one should be allowed to be two years older. That is what the current laws do. As long as you are 5 on the first day of K you can wait another year, and there is nothing the school can do about it. They have to take your 6 almost 7 year old the next year. As long as it is on the books this way there will be parents who abuse it to give thier kid an unfair advantage, wether you want to believe it happens not the fact is that it happens fairly often. The range needs to be tightened so that everyone except special needs has to adhere to a 12 month window. Otherwise there are those out there who are always going to abuse any loophold they can find "in the best interest of their child".

 

[pmaurer74]

One thing I haven't seen on here is when the preschool is pushing to hold back. DD is 4 days from the cut off and though I think she is fine academically she is socially not ready. Does not play in groups and is clingy. I have had a tough time deciding what to do. I could not send her at 3 to preschool because she was not potty trained. The PK director said to stop comparing my child with others. She said the requirements for kindergarten are so high in the area that the local schools are advising late spring and summer birthdays to be held back. I don't want DD to be the oldest or the youngest.. if only she was born 4 days later! the curriculum is too behind her for 3's and too advanced for 4's. I had a summer birthday as did DH, we did fine academically and I graduated college at 20. (I did 4 years in 3). I am getting my master's this weekend and have had the top grade in all my classes but I did not excel that way in school and was a B+ student. I have been thinking lately that had I been held back would I have done better in school and not been so scared of social situations? I had no self confidence in school and hated walking across the cafeteria by myself.

I am in the same position as PP and will have to go through it with DD #2 who has a June birthday. It's really difficult.