OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[crazyme5kids]

Well said truelygoofy! That would be the reason I wouldn't let my 9 year old son go by himself. It is very easy to get lost at a concert. If it wasn't crowded in the corridor I would let him use the bathroom by himself and if the bathroom didn't seem too crowded. I would want him to be able to get in and out as fast as possible. Otherwise, yep, he'd be hitting the ladies room with me.

I would suggest to anyone who might not want to take a child under the age of 10 into the ladies room, to get to the venue a little early and make him/her use the bathroom before it gets crowded. If they need to go during the show go before the band is done playing. If there is an opening act the same rule applies.

 

[Mkrop]

.

Your child may be killed at school. Do you attend with him?
Your child may die in a car accident. Are you the only one who can drive him?
Your child may die in his sleep. Do you use a baby monitor when he is 15?
Your child may die of an allergic reaction. Does he not eat without you?
Your child may die during baseball/football. Is he not allowed to play sports?

/QUOTE]

These are just ridculous examples IMHO bc in all of these most parents take necessary precautions so there child is safe why would the bathroom be different.

Your child may be killed at school. Do you attend with him? No but have your ever heard of fire drills, lockdown drills, school security, buzzing visitors in,nurses being on staff all precautions taken so my kid is safe at school.

Your child may die in a car accident? Are you the only one that can drive him? No isnt this why we have things like air bags, seat belts and car seats. Are you also the aprent that lets your child drive with an inexperience driver or do you wait and only allow your 16 yr old in a car with someone with more exp.

Your child may die in his sleep? Well I do at 9 still check on my kids before I go to bed and when I wake up if they are still asleep. And I dont think the children that do unfortuantely die in their sleep usually cry out first.

Your child may die of an allergic reaction? This may happen but most things have been tried by my kids when they were young and in my presence. Ie PB, seafood etc. Running joke is our house is to not try new foods on weekends when Drs cant be reached.

Your child may die during football/baseball? Once again why they wear helemts and pads and cups and mouthpieces etc. and the caoches go over and stress safety issues of playing these sports

We do all these safety precautions to protect are kids in hopes that they are not seriously injured or even killed yet no one is critcized or called a helicopter parent for these yet try to keep our kids safe in public restrooms and some people want to tear our parenting down and tell us our male children will be scarred for life, get real!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't care who is in there. Just don;t pee on the seat and hurry up so I can go!!!!!!

 

[wvjules]

Why don't you go into the men's restroom with him?

 

[Whosemom]

Well said truelygoofy! That would be the reason I wouldn't let my 9 year old son go by himself. It is very easy to get lost at a concert. If it wasn't crowded in the corridor I would let him use the bathroom by himself and if the bathroom didn't seem too crowded. I would want him to be able to get in and out as fast as possible. Otherwise, yep, he'd be hitting the ladies room with me.

I would suggest to anyone who might not want to take a child under the age of 10 into the ladies room, to get to the venue a little early and make him/her use the bathroom before it gets crowded. If they need to go during the show go before the band is done playing. If there is an opening act the same rule applies.

Chiming back in to totally disagree. I want numbers, by golly.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Why don't you go into the men's restroom with him?

Good idea. I promise I won't peek !

 

[hammie59]

"These are just ridculous examples IMHO bc in all of these most parents take necessary precautions so there child is safe why would the bathroom be different.

Your child may be killed at school. Do you attend with him? No but have your ever heard of fire drills, lockdown drills, school security, buzzing visitors in,nurses being on staff all precautions taken so my kid is safe at school.

Your child may die in a car accident? Are you the only one that can drive him? No isnt this why we have things like air bags, seat belts and car seats. Are you also the aprent that lets your child drive with an inexperience driver or do you wait and only allow your 16 yr old in a car with someone with more exp.

Your child may die in his sleep? Well I do at 9 still check on my kids before I go to bed and when I wake up if they are still asleep. And I dont think the children that do unfortuantely die in their sleep usually cry out first.

Your child may die of an allergic reaction? This may happen but most things have been tried by my kids when they were young and in my presence. Ie PB, seafood etc. Running joke is our house is to not try new foods on weekends when Drs cant be reached.

Your child may die during football/baseball? Once again why they wear helemts and pads and cups and mouthpieces etc. and the caoches go over and stress safety issues of playing these sports

We do all these safety precautions to protect are kids in hopes that they are not seriously injured or even killed yet no one is critcized or called a helicopter parent for these yet try to keep our kids safe in public restrooms and some people want to tear our parenting down and tell us our male children will be scarred for life, get real!"

AMEN!

 

[Andy B]

Key word....Majority

So there is a minor chance of pedophiles and perves that you don't know that would prey on a child....Exactly why not to take any chances in any setting!

Thousands of children are injured in car accidens but I bet you take a chance there.

 

[Laura]

Well since you quoted me, quite frankly I really don't care if you gave me a 2nd look or not.

Because as I stated in the last thread of this same content. My DS's safety is number one.I could care less about someone who is hung up about a 9 yo boy who can't see anything going on in the restroom anyhow.


Selfish maybe, but again don't care because my son is my priority not your hangups.

Yep another helicopter parent checking in.

Hey, all I meant was that you'd get a second look from me. I don't have hang-ups about 3rd and 4th grade boys in women's restrooms, particularly in the sense that I think they're up to something or my privacy is at risk. Surely, some women might think so, but unless the kid's being unruly, that's just paranoia. I simply think it's a weird enough situation that I'd do a double take. It's like sweet angel stated here:

Fifth, if I was in the ladies room when a mom and 9yo boy came in, I'd wonder if the boy was developmentally delayed and if he didn't seem so, I'd be embarrassed for him.

Having been raised by a very overprotective mother, I don't think that kind of parenting does kids any favors. I wish I were a more independent person, for example. And while my mom was certainly a great mother and really loved us children, I don't wish to repeat those kinds of mistakes. The media really feeds into our fears more now than when I was growing up, and creates a false sense of insecurity. Meandtheguys2 said it all very well, I thought.

 

[Mkrop]

Thousands of children are injured in car accidens but I bet you take a chance there.

No see my other post, I buy cars with airbags, I use carseats, seat belts, when I shop for a car I take into consideration the safety rating. I obey traffic laws, all things that I HOPE will PREVENT an accident. I am taking the same safety precautions in public bathrooms in my opinion.

 

[Mkrop]

Having been raised by a very overprotective mother, I don't think that kind of parenting does kids any favors. I wish I were a more independent person, for example. And while my mom was certainly a great mother and really loved us children, I don't wish to repeat those kinds of mistakes. The media really feeds into our fears more now than when I was growing up, and creates a false sense of insecurity. Meandtheguys2 said it all very well, I thought.

And see to me it is all in your perspective bc although I had the over protective mom, I had the push for independence dad and until he died that parenting philosphy was dominant in my house growing up. My dad made me pay for EVERYTHING, except for food and shelter, anything I wanted I had to pay for, going to the movies with friends, new clothes etc. I couldnt join after school activities bc I needed a job. In college he didnt care if I worked in a REALLy bad neighborhood close to school, he let me drive a car that literally fell apart to my finals that people were yelling on the road about, and told me to take the bus. I offered to pay for a rental so I could drive his car. Nope. Ok 3hour bus trip, getting up at 5 to get there. I resented my dad big time for all this bc I saw all around me my friends parents helping their kids, protecting them, not having them work bc school was more important. Dont get me wrong I learned a lot of responsibility but my memories of my dad are dominated by that push for independence man.

Then my dad dies and my brothers who were 10 and 14 years younger were left to be raise by overprotective mom. Did she make mistakes along the way, did she shelter too much at times, probably. But like I mentioned to you before they are happy, well adjusted men raised by a single overprotective mom.

I think both of my parents did a good job and I certainly dont think sheltering my kids and protecting them from some of the dangers in this world is a bad thing. I think they have plenty of time to deal with the real world, then at 8, 9, or 10.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I personally think that 9 is too old to use the ladies bathroom. I know, you want him to be safe and that should come first, by all means. But, I would make sure to be considerate of the ladies that are there. Meaning, make sure he goes before you even go to the concert. If he needs to go during the concert, DON'T go during intermission when everyone else needs to do their business as well. Just try to go when it will be least crowded. My major concern with a big concert and children isn't the potty situation as much as the exodus of bodies leaving at the same time AFTER the concert. If you can, leave before the rush. It would be so easy to lose a young one in the mass wave of bodies bolting for the exit!

 

[surfgirl]

Parenting is a continuum. We all are at different points on that continuum. Parenting (like life) is all about balancing risk vs. reward. In this case, she may get some strange looks, but IN HER OPINION, the risk of the 9yo going alone in the men's bathroom isn't worth it. There are many who disagree but they aren't wrong or bad because they have a different opinion.

where do I stand ? While I understand all the reasons given, I also believe we can't protect our children 100% against life. Hopefully, we will give them the life skills that they use their brains and can figure out what to do. I would think that a 9yo would be smart enough to say, 'something isn't right. I'm leaving.' If this child can't manage to go to the bathroom alone, how does he go to school ? Manage homework ? He must have SOME critical thinking skills ? If something seems 'off', you can always walk down the concourse and find another bathroom. Other solutions: Find another dad and kid going in and ask them to have your son tag along. Go find the disabled bathrooms (they have to make accommodations). Don't drink before hand and avoid the need. There are other answers than, "men's room alone OR women's room with me". Use this as a 'touchpoint' and teach your kid that there are strange people out there and you need to use your smarts and make wise decisions.

This is coming from an extremely overprotective parent. But I don't want my kids to grow up in a vacuum. I believe that our job is to teach them to make wise decisions and critical thinking skills.

imho, I think the op had her mind made up before she ever opened this thread. All of her posts have been defending herself. She is looking for confirmation that she isn't a bad parent by doing this and arguing against the people who disagree.

ymmv....

 

[sskem96]

When I take my girls to a concert, I usually let them buy their concert t-shirts before the show and change in the restroom. There's not room to change in a stall, and we've never been concerned about changing out in the open area of the restroom because we would never expect a male to be in there. (Under 5 or so I can understand because they might not be real independent using the washroom yet.) My girls (10 and almost 8) would be horrified if a 9yo boy walked into the womens' room at all, let alone while they were changing clothes! My girls had to use the men's room with their dad at times until they were big enough to reach the sink in the womens' room, but I certainly wouldn't let them go in the men's room at this age!

 

[mickeylove2]

I know you arent taking your girls to a rock concert but let me ask you this since you said they would throw a fit, have you talked to them and explain that the mom is doing this bc she wants her child to be safe!

The reason I say this is recently DS4 and I have been doing swim lessons at the Y. They do not have family bathrooms/locker rooms. So I have to take him into the ladies room to get changed. Unfortunately we are in there the same time as some of their campers around the 6 to 8 age. Well these girls did nothing but squeal and freak out. I turned to the counselor for some help and she just laughed. I told the girls "cmom he is 4, we will be out soon" he was getting upset bc they kept squealing. So I had to drag him into the stalls that we could barely fit into and try to change him. I couldnt wait until the girls were done either bc I had to get my other son at camp and I didnt have time to wait.

I dont know why the counselor couldnt have explained to them that my son was too young to be in a bathroom on his own and that not to get all worked up about it.

I have 3 nephews- 6, 4, 2.5, and 6 months- and it is not ok for them to see me girls naked and it is not ok for my girls to see them naked. So if I were at the Y with you and my girls were changing I would have asked you to take your son elsewhere until they were done!

 

[Rapunzel]

I havn't read the whole thread yet, but I wanted to comment that I've been to a TON of concerts and most of the time there are port-a-potties.

Is this an inside or outside venue? If it's outside, I'd stand next to the port-a-potty and let him go. If it's inside and you're uncomforatable with him going in the mens room then by all means take him with you. Its not like there are going to be open stalls where he'd be able to see women sitting/squatting. The most he'd see is women washing their hands.

 

[Andy B]

I have 3 nephews- 6, 4, 2.5, and 6 months- and it is not ok for them to see me girls naked and it is not ok for my girls to see them naked. So if I were at the Y with you and my girls were changing I would have asked you to take your son elsewhere until they were done!

I am one of those who think that 9 is too old for a boy to be in the ladies room however It seems over the top that you feel there is something wrong about these very young boys seeing a naked girl or the girl seeing a naked baby

 

[Andy B]

I havn't read the whole thread yet, but I wanted to comment that I've been to a TON of concerts and most of the time there are port-a-potties.

Is this an inside or outside venue? If it's outside, I'd stand next to the port-a-potty and let him go. If it's inside and you're uncomforatable with him going in the mens room then by all means take him with you. Its not like there are going to be open stalls where he'd be able to see women sitting/squatting. The most he'd see is women washing their hands.

on this basis we could all go into the ladies bathroom. Surely there comes a time when these things just do not happen however they are justified.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I have 3 nephews- 6, 4, 2.5, and 6 months- and it is not ok for them to see me girls naked and it is not ok for my girls to see them naked. So if I were at the Y with you and my girls were changing I would have asked you to take your son elsewhere until they were done!

Give me a break her DS is 4. Talk about paranoid.

Where did you want her to go? Its the Y's fault for not having a family place that her and her son could go to privately. Its not like a 4 yo could change his own clothes in the mens dressing room by himself, even if that was her only other option. He's still in pre-school. Gees!

And I also have taken my DS at a younger age (not 9) to the womans bathroom at the local waterpark to change. Like I said above, even if I wanted another option there wasn't one. And if you would have confronted me, I would have told you exactly that.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Why don't you go into the men's restroom with him?

I stand by my original post to take him with you but thought you all might like this story. A few years ago I walk into the ladies restroom at Wal-mart to find a 50ish year old man standing in front of an open stall. It seemed he was on his first alone outing with his toddler grandaughter and was not sure which bathroom to take her into so he took her into the womens. Now i do admit I gasped when I saw him ,then looked around to be sure I was in the right place, but in no way did i freak out. He was just trying to protect his little girl. I went in my stall and took care of my business and left. Just kind of funny how over the top we sometimes get over little things.

Also it is so important to not lump all situations together. DS was about 8 or9 when he started going alone most of the time but there continued to be places he would not go alone. He went alone at WDW at 9 for the first time. However a few years ago , my sis and I were travling with our 12 year old boys and had to stop at a rest stop late in the day. NO WAY were we letting those boys go into that dark mens room. What we did was check the ladies and when it was empty, send them in and we waited at the door to let any women know they were in there and they could wait or go on in. Two ladies came and one said no problem and went on in the other said she would give them a few minutes so she would not embarrass THEM. Most people do care and understand.